I wrote this little thing in my cloneshipping server like 2 years ago and I wanted to share it because everyone deserves more Cody/Kix. I might flesh it out one day, but for now you lot can have my ramblings.
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Kix drinks himself under the table alone in the medbay, chest heavy enough to cry, but he has nothing left. He's had multiple hookups with Cody, and he thought it was more. He thought Cody might love him because it doesn't feel like just sex.
But Cody tells him they can't do this anymore. It isn't right. He's Kix's commanding officer, and he can turn a blind eye to others, but he can't do it himself. And Kix is heartbroken. He should have known better, but he can't just forget how Cody kissed him, how they smiled and talked about the future and how they made love on Coruscant.
Fast forward a few campaigns (after Jesse and Hardcase found Kix absolutely blasted in the training room aimlessly shooting and crying with his *actual* blaster) and Torrent and Ghost are teamed up for a mission. Kix is the lead medic, and he's working on one of Cody's boys. He's in bad shape, but Kix has it under control.
Cody comes in to check on his men (because morale!) and starts trying to make small talk with Kix. Kix ignores him unless it's a medical question.
Cody sighs, "Kix, please, talk to me."
"Unless you're injured, *Commander*, I don't have anything to say to you," Kix spits without looking up from his datapad.
"...Please, Kix, you have to understand...I have a responsibility to my men--"
"And what happens to them when you can't protect them? Hm? *I* have to fix *your* mistakes!" Kix yells, and that gets some eyes turned to them.
Rex comes in quietly, hearing the commotion, but stands and watches. This has been a long time coming.
"Kix, it isn't like that--"
"Then what is it like, Cody?! You let these men give you everything, and you tell them they're important to you. You hold their hands while you're there, but then you move on as quick as you come! And who is left to pick up the pieces?! I am!! I have to fix it and sometimes I can't but I have to tell them it's okay!! And it's your fault!!" Kix screams, slamming his hands on the table next to him. His whole body shakes, and he bites his lip to keep from wobbling.
Cody is stunned. He shouldn't be, but his heart aches, and he just wants to tell Kix he's sorry because he is, and he meant everything, every night, every kiss...
"Kix...I--"
"Get out of my medical tent," Kix seethes.
Cody doesn't move.
"GET OUT, MARSHAL COMMANDER CODY! THATS AN ORDER!"
Cody looks to the front of the tent and sees Rex. "Rex?"
Rex sighs and shakes his head. "Not this time, Cody. You heard my medic. Don't make him repeat himself."
Cody knows when he's overstayed his welcome. He leaves the tent without another word. He knows there's nothing he can do or say. He broke Kix's heart, but he doesn't need to know he broke his own, too.
He gets about 20 feet from the tent to see a group of troopers he recognizes talking in hushed tones. Waxer and Jesse are deep in conversation, while Boil, Fives, Wooley, and Hardcase nod along and chime in.
"Boys," he greets half-heartedly. Wooley is the only one that straightens to attention. Cody isn't surprised. Half the camp probably heard Kix yelling at him.
He gets a few steps away before someone calls after him.
"Commander, hold up a second!"
Waxer. Cody hears him jump down from the low hanging branch he was perched on beside Boil and takes a few steps away from the group.
"Permission to speak freely, sir?" He asks.
Cody hears someone, probably Jesse, by the scowl on his face, scoff, but nods to Waxer. "Go on."
"Sir, Cody, there's been a lot of chatter about what happened between you and Kix," Waxer says cautiously.
Cody scoffs as well. "What else is new. The troopers love to gossip, and I'm often the subject."
Waxer shifts nervously, then sighs. "Cody, what they're saying...it isn't good. It's the kind of chatter that gets a lower-ranked clone investigated."
Cody's blood freezes. "What?"
"They don't see your breakup with Kix as honorable, Cody. I know that was your intention and you just wanted to set an example, but I don't think this is the kind of example you had in mind," Waxer explains.
"Well, what are they saying?" Cody presses.
Before Waxer can reply, Jesse and Fives step closer wearing matching snarls.
"They say you used Kix and put your hands on him," Fives growls.
Cody blanches. No. Nononono. He loves Kix. He would never. How was that even remotely a conclusion that was drawn?
"No," Cody answers coldly. "I never put my hands where he didn't want them. Everything was consensual."
"It better have been," Jesse cracks his knuckles, "because if I find out otherwise, being decommissioned will be well worth what I'll do to you."
Cody could pull rank. He should. But his heart...how had this gotten so out of hand? Nothing he did seemed right, and the only thing that felt better was having Kix at his side.
This wasn't supposed to happen. It was supposed to be a fling, just acting on a crush to get it out and move on. But once turned to twice, than three, four, five...Cody can recall every single one, from the first drunken rendezvous in the back of 79s, to the passionate love making in the hotel room that overlooked the Coruscant skyline. He remembers how Kix tastes of sweet fuzzy fruits and something spicy that makes him gasp when it hits his tongue. He remembers the way Kix would laugh and lean into him when be felt shy and fucking Force he's so beautiful when he smiles.
Cody is an idiot.
They allow him to leave without any further altercation, but the rumors don't stop, even after the campaign. Cody doesn't understand how it's come to this.
He's only mildly shocked to be called in by General Kenobi, and less shocked to see General Skywalker with him.
But so is Kix.
"I've already heard Kix's side," General Skywalker says, "but I'd like to hear yours ass well."
Cody doesn't need to be told what he's referring to. He doesn't fight him, just sighs heavily, defeated.
He tells his side and adds, "I didn't want to call things off. I thought it would look bad. I'm Kix's superior officer and I knew that I had reached a point where I would put him above all others. That is something I can't afford to do. I am...I am supposed to be someone people respect and look up to..."
Cody feels broken. He realizes he hasn't shaved in weeks, and he's maybe gotten only a handful of sleep in that time.
But he can't look at Kix. He'll lose what composure he's managed to maintain. Kix didn't deserve this. They hadn't spoken since their fight in the medical tent.
The Generals exchange glances. "Yes, that's about what Kix had told us as well."
Cody sags, somewhat relieved. He's glad that Kix isn't perpetuating the rumors and is actively trying to strike them out.
"For what it's worth, Generals, I apologize for having to drag you into this, but I felt that the air needed to be cleared. Commander Cody did what he thought was best for his men, and I respect that. And he was respectful of me." Kix explains. His voice sounds tired and meek, and Cody shatters for him.
They're dismissed, but Cody waits for Kix to leave first to give him a head start. Surely he doesn't want to talk, or be followed.
As he waits he feels Kenobi and Skywalker's eyes on him, and he dances from foot to foot, anxious.
"Something you'd like to add, Sirs?" He asks simply because he can't stand the heavy silence.
"Do you actually love him?" Skywalker questions. It isn't accusatory per se, but there's an edge to his tone that makes Cody's skin prick with fire.
"Anakin, that's hardly an appropriate question. What Commander Cody does while he is off-duty is none of our business," Kenobi defends, exasperated.
"It's okay," Cody sighs. Besides, he really has nothing to hide. "I...did. I do. I love Kix. If that makes me an ineffective Commander I understand."
To his surprise, Kenobi laughs.
"Cody, loving someone, especially in these times, isn't wrong," Kenobi explains. "On the contrary, if it keeps the fire to fight lit, and it won't hinder your effectiveness in battle, why should we intervene?"
Cody is gobsmacked. He picks his jaw up from the floor, but he still flounders. "I am Kix's commanding officer. There is a large power dynamic that lies between us."
Skywalker smirks. "I dunno, Cody. Seems like he was the one calling the shots in the tent that night."
Maybe Cody is overthinking this.
After he'd excused himself from his meeting with the Generals, he stalked back to his quarters. He should check on his men, but he doesn't have it in him to put a smile on for them when he feels like he's been repeatedly punched in the gut.
He enters his room code and stops in the doorway. There, on his bed, is a pile of white and blue armor with a distinctive red cross on the shoulder paldron. Next to it, Kix is sitting in his blacks, knees curled up to his chest and forehead resting against them.
Quietly, Cody closes the door and puts his bucket down. He doesn't want to spook Kix, but he doesn't want to pry either. He kneels in front of him, and silently waits.
"I don't know why I came here," Kix sniffs. "I guess...I wanted your name to be cleared. You're a bastard and an asshole and you broke my heart but you're a good man. I never questioned that."
Cody frowns, but keeps his silence.
"I don't know how the rumors started but I didn't want your name to be dragged through the mud like that when...it wasn't like that. At least it didn't feel like that." Kix's voice breaks on a small sob.
"...No, it wasn't like that," Cody confirms. "Every night we were together was...it was special, Kix."
Tears brim Kix's gorgeous hazel eyes. Cody would swear on the nights that spent together that there were gold flecks in them, and too many times Cody has been entranced getting lost in their depths.
"I don't deserve your tears," Cody murmurs and catches the tears on the pads of his thumbs.
"You're right about that," Kix clips, but he doesn't shy away from Cody's touch. Instead he's fighting to lean into the hands that had once cradled him so tenderly.
Silence falls for a beat, and then it's too much. Suddenly Kix is holding onto Cody's hands and the tears spill anyway.
"Take it back," he cries, lip wobbling and face pulling in anguish. "Take back that night and tell me it was a lie. Because it hurts, Cody. I've been shot, burned, and beaten, but nothing compares to this pain, and nothing I do helps. What kind of medic am I if I can't heal my own heart?"
Kix falls into Cody's arms with a pathetic wail, and Cody lets him, holds him the way he's wanted to since the day he sent Kix away and told him it was over. He curls his fingers into the nape of his neck and steadies him, rocking him gently.
"I take it back," Cody declares softly and kisses his temple. "I should have told you the truth that night, but I... was scared of my own feelings, and I hurt you."
Cody sits back enough to look Kix in his eyes, damp, swollen from tears, but stars he's still so fucking beautiful.
"I love you, Kix."
Cody expects a reaction. A kiss, more crying, a particularly hard shove...he's prepared for that.
He is not prepared for a Kix to stew, reel back, and clip him square in the cheek with a hard fist. Cody falls onto his back with a shocked gasp and stares up at Kix as he slides from the bed to loom over him.
"You asshole! You have the audacity to say that?! After everything you put me through?! I've cried for you! I've tried to move on! And at the end of the day, I still see your stupid face everywhere!"
Cody refrains from pointing out that their faces are very nearly identical in favor of rubbing his jaw.
"Okay, I deserve that," Cody admits.
"You're damn right you do, and a dozen more," Kix huffs above him.
But then Kix's weight is on him, and Kix is kissing him like he needs it to breathe.
Cody slides his hands over the short buzz of Kix's hair and absently traces the lightning bolts carefully razored in. His jaw is in agony and he can feel the tightness already pulling from the swelling, but it's worth it to have that sweet taste filling his mouth again, dancing on his tongue like he's being welcomed home.
When they part, Kix is flush, and Cody let's his hands rest on his cheeks. "I'm getting mixed signals here."
Kix barks out a laugh and kisses him again. "I love you, too, but you're still an asshole."
"Mm. That's fair," Cody grins. "I am sorry, Kix. I put you through hell when I should have been honest with you. I want to keep you, Kix. I want you all to myself like the selfish man I am. I want to hide you away because sometimes I think you're the only good thing left in the galaxy."
Kix feels his heart flutter in his chest. To be honest, he isn't surprised. Cody has always found ways to sweep him off his feet, and this time is no exception. A beautiful flush spread over his cheeks and he nuzzles Cody's cheek.
"Be honest with me from now on," Kix pleads. "I can't do this again, Cody."
"You'll never have to," Cody hums and kisses the tip of his nose, making Kix scrunch it cutely. "Never again. I promise."
