Another prompt completed. Was a bit nervous to post this one but a friend of mine talked to me about it.
Hope you enjoy and apologies for any grammar mistakes.
WARNING: Mental health elements is in this
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It was dark Dogma figured as he sat there staring at the wall. That’s how he would describe it if anyone asked him how he felt.
He was tired, numb, he wasn’t sure what he was feeling but dark seemed accurate. He couldn’t put a name on what he was going through, he was sure Kix could but he didn’t want a name on it. If he labeled it then he would have to acknowledge it and have to do something about it.
Being numb was better than being scared, lost and angry. He didn’t talk about, not with anyone even Tup. He knew Tup would worry but he could see Tup walking on that fine line of being okay and not being okay. He couldn’t bring him down along with him, he wouldn’t allow himself to.
So instead he stays quiet, clings onto that reg manual because it was the one thing he could do without feeling like a failure. He wanted to cry but he couldn’t motivate himself to bring the tears, he cried enough, it was time to be a kriffing soldier and suck it up.
“I love you,” Tup would whisper to him when they curled up on the bunk at night, holding each other tightly and Dogma would swallow back a sob everytime he told Tup he loved him back.
He would do anything for Tup, anything to make him happy and just be okay. He didn’t want Tup to feel the way he did. Tup was too precious to everyone for them to lose him, he was too kind and out of this world for this darkness to wrap around him and pull him down.
There were moments where he was curled up in that darkness, having it whisper it’s words into his ears and it was so easy to believe those words. Then when everything would feel like it’s too much, like the darkness really would swallow him up, Tup would reach out a hand to pull him out.
Tup was the light and he wanted to cling onto it selfishly. Tup was a light that deserved to shine brightly without him dimming his glow.
He wanted to help himself, to get better for Tup. He didn’t want to hurt him, he wanted to love him, hold him when he was fighting with his own darkness and be his light like Tup was his. He didn’t know how to help himself. He didn’t know how to go for help, to ask others if they could help him when it was easier to hide it.
Dogma sighed as he felt Tup sit down beside him as he turned to look at him. Tup was smiling ever so softly at him, his hair down normally for Dogma to play with since it calms his mind, it shuts down those thoughts and he wondered if Tup could tell when he was having a bad day.
Dogma smiled as he leaned into him, “Yeah, I’m okay.”
Lies, he wasn’t okay. He didn’t know what it was like to be okay.
“You would tell me if you are not okay right? I am here for you Dogma.”
Dogma nodded as he smiled, “Of course.”