I’m the Imposter...
Fake it till you make it.
I made it.
I didn’t fake it.
I have NO idea what I’m doing here. My anxiety makes me feel like an imposter… It has for the past three years. I didn’t feel intelligent enough to go to grad school because of my ADHD. I graduated with a 3.1.
During this time I learned two things about myself…
Trauma has negative effects on your cognitive abilities…
Oh yeah, they can drop…SIGNIFICANTLY!
I had issues remembering dates, research results, theories, people who came up with the theories, people who proved or disproved them through research, etc. My one classmate openly laughed at me for forgetting or getting confused. I didn’t bother to even try to explain what was wrong with my brain. He was the biggest sexist pig that I had met in years! Talking to a wall would have been better…
The other thing I learned is that there is something called the imposter syndrome…where you REALLY feel like you don’t belong because you can’t compare. You feel like everyone else is more competent, knowledgeable, intelligent, etc. You don’t belong at work or at school. It is hard for me to overcome…
I work fulltime in my field but I am older and ‘green’. There are older people who have been at this job for years. There are younger people who have more experience. I feel so incompetent compared to them. I hope that as I gain more knowledge and insight, this feeling goes away soon…