I accept that I was born asexual, aromantic. There are driving factors that made me think that I was forced into those identities for years…
My Possible PTSD Causes List:
1. 7-years-old: I was in first grade when a boy grabbed my hand and forced me to rub his penis.
a. It was gross. I told my parents and they did nothing about it because I didn’t seem to be affected by it.
2. 11-13-years-old: I would sleep over at my only friend’s house. She wanted to play ‘mommies and daddies’. So she’d get on top of me and shove her tongue down my throat while fingering my vagina.
a. I never told a soul… Why would I want to lose my only friend?! Well, she later abandoned me so it hardly mattered. She even spread rumors about me that I was calling another friends’ mother all kinds of horrible things. I honestly can’t remember if I was or not…
3. 15-years-old: A special needs boy shoved his hands down my shirt and squeezed my breasts. This was my first day of high school, by the way, what a horrible welcome.
a. I told the principal. The boy was suspended but not expelled. He couldn’t be, not legally. I used to see him in the hallway and he’d try to talk to me. His new paraprofessional wouldn’t let him.
4. 20-25-years-old: Forcing myself to want sex. After a while it began to feel more and more like rape. Like I was the condom that he would tie off and throw away. It did little to prepare me when I finally told him no and I was actually beaten, raped, and strangled until I blacked out by my ex-fiance.
a. He was drunk. I was in denial. I stayed with him for five-and-a-half mostly miserable years…
5. 32-years-old: I thought I made a new friend! I did not. He was 86 years old and he went on and on about how his dick didn’t work properly because of an operation. His seamen went right into his bladder instead of into a woman.
a. He walked me to my car and kissed me against my will…
6. 33-years-old: I move to DE but get into a car accident. I took a turn too sharp and wound up in a field. A man helped me out and offered to fix my car at his place of business.
a. Then he told me that he had just gotten out of a 10-year long prison sentence under false rape charges… I never spoke to him or saw him again.
7. 34-years-old: I was horsing around with a friend… We were on our way to a restaurant with his husband. I thought that I’d be safe with a gay couple. I only kind of was because looking back on it; his husband was under the impression that I was their new fuck toy.
a. My friend grabbed me from behind… It triggered nightmares, panic attacks, and lots and lots of tears. We are no longer friends.
How the hell did I forget the ADHD?!
4. Lack of self-discipline.
7. Can’t always retain what I read.
a. This only pertains to important information, texts that are VERY dry and boring. If it’s interesting yet not important…I can keep in my brain and easily recall it quite a while.
prguitarman
amandla
blakekathryn
gracieabrams
romaincrisis
jacobvanloon
ellievsbear