masterlist ⁞⁞ bold is 18+/nsfw ; posts are otherwise tagged
↳ tate langdon ; phantom gunmetal ⸝⸝ constellate ⸝⸝ leavings ⸝⸝ bitten ⸝⸝ praise ⸝⸝ use once and destroy ⸝⸝ overstimulation ⸝⸝ near shore
↳ kit walker ; holy rider ⸝⸝ virgin white ⸝⸝ daybreak ⸝⸝ atonement ⸝⸝ spring to come ⸝⸝ blessings (i just wanna love you) ⸝⸝ cloudburst ⸝⸝ doves ⸝⸝ morning after/night before ⸝⸝ baby, baby ⸝⸝ a purifying love ⸝⸝ lay all your love on me ⸝⸝ lunchbreak ⸝⸝ car sex
↳ kyle spencer ; similarities ⸝⸝ myths ⸝⸝ hold me without hurting me ⸝⸝ calculations ⸝⸝ show me love ⸝⸝ ragdolls
↳ jimmy darling ; caretaking
↳ james p. march ; centennial ⸝⸝ halo full of fire (i'm rising up)
↳ kai anderson ; martyr me pt. 1 ⸝⸝ pt. 2 ⸝⸝ lead me to war / false prophet
↳ colin zabel ; swing ⸝⸝ nights / mornings ⸝⸝ period hcs ⸝⸝ nightmare ⸝⸝ mistletoe ⸝⸝ baby ⸝⸝ better with you ⸝⸝ say it like this ⸝⸝ by firelight ⸝⸝ honey ⸝⸝ what i want ⸝⸝ close to me ⸝⸝ hand me downs ⸝⸝ just a little while, babe ⸝⸝ blue seasons ⸝⸝ playground talk ⸝⸝ flutter ⸝⸝ after hours ⸝⸝ incandescent ⸝⸝ miles away ⸝⸝ sunrise ⸝⸝ anamnesis ⸝⸝ [ event - cosmo's 15 ways ]
↳ julian dillinger ; sextape ⸝⸝ necklace ⸝⸝ scold ⸝⸝ ecstasy ⸝⸝ montblanc ⸝⸝ executive ⸝⸝ dynastic ⸝⸝ guests ⸝⸝ floors ⸝⸝ heir ⸝⸝ convergence ⸝⸝ paramount ⸝⸝ you get me so high [+ warren]
↳ warren lipka ; flamingo ⸝⸝ you get me so high [+ julian] ⸝⸝ prince
↳ peter maximoff ; mr. & mrs. ⸝⸝ reflexes ⸝⸝ ready, set, go! ⸝⸝ restless ⸝⸝ condom ⸝⸝ pocketed ⸝⸝ climb in bed with heaven ⸝⸝ game on!
↳ cooper madsen ; casual ⸝⸝ oral sex ⸝⸝ up & down ⸝⸝ get even
Bestie hehe whose pullout game is worst and whose is best out of the characters Evan plays???
the evans + their pullout game !
ft. tate langdon ‧ kit walker ‧ kyle spencer ‧ jimmy darling ‧ james patrick march ‧ kai anderson ‧ peter maximoff ‧ colin zabel — nsfw ; MDNI 18+
a/n: hey bestie i love your mind
TATE LANGDON . (3/10)
his intentions are good. his execution? terrible. pull-out game is WEAK purely due to incompetence.
“fuck—wait, wait.. shit, i was supposed to-”
feels guilty as hell afterward. “you don’t think i did it on purpose, right? you believe me, don’t you?”
KIT WALKER . (2/10)
kit TRIES to be responsible. really, he does. but he’s also a man who fucks deep and loves even deeper.
a very passionate lover and in the heat of the moment, he forgets everything else.
honestly, he doesn’t even try that hard.
if you reminded him, he’d listen. but if you didn’t? yeah, he’s finishing inside.
if you got pregnant, he’d step up immediately. pullout game is terrible but he’s a great dad.
pre death .ᐟ KYLE SPENCER . (10/10)
doesn’t take risks; he’s got a good head on his shoulders.
his timing and self control are actually great. the pull-out game is strong with this one.
even before he met you, kyle doesn’t sleep around like most of his frat brothers, even though he totally could.
JIMMY DARLING . (6/10)
jimmy knows he can’t afford to be reckless. he’s working in a freak show—not exactly the best place to raise a kid.
he also worries about passing on his ectrodactyly. even though you tell him constantly that it doesn’t matter.
most of the time, he cums on your tits or ass.
but when he’s drunk, he’s super impulsive, emotional. all self control flies out the window.
if you got knocked up, he’d have a mini breakdown and go on a two day bender but would also step up.
he will also propose immediately (after he gets his shit together)
JAMES PATRICK MARCH . (10/10)
he is nothing if not disciplined.
if james ever decided to give you an heir, that decision was made long before the act.
lowkey has reservations because of bartholomew.
⟢ cult leader .ᐟ KAI ANDERSON . (0/10)
kai never pulls out. he never intended to in the first place.
at first, he’ll act like it was an accident—for the purpose of plausible deniability. he’ll moan about how tight you are, how good you feel, and then when it happens:
“fuck—couldn’t help it. you feel too good, baby.” he’s fake guilty, kissing your shoulder, murmuring “next time i’ll pull out, promise.”
next time never came. (but he did. inside you) at some point, he just stopped pretending.
“this is how it’s supposed to be. why would i waste it anywhere but inside you?”
if you tell him you’re not ready for kids, he’ll say “women are biologically wired to want children. you’re just brainwashed by feminism.” (i hate this guy)
0/10 cos he’s actively TRYING to fail.
if you got pregnant? he’d be ecstatic.
PETER MAXIMOFF . (5/10)
thinks he has great control, but he really, really doesn’t.
he’ll pull out last second. but he cuts it close EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
sometimes he miscalculates timing.
“uh. okay, okay—don’t freak out, but I MAY have just—wait, are you on the pill?”
COLIN ZABEL . (9/10)
very responsible. colin respects boundaries and never pressures you into risky sex. always wears condoms unless you explicitly ask not to.
“you sure? ‘cause, uh, i got condoms—like, a lot. not a weird amount, just… y’know, normal.”
lowkey wants to have kids with you… but suppresses the “selfish” fantasy.
his one weakness? when he’s tipsy.
the one time you were both drunk, making out on the couch, which led to hot and sloppy sex. you felt so good and he was so lost in it, and then—
“oh, shit.”
immediate panic. full-body guilt. buys you plan b, also flowers and coffee because he feels guilty.
overall he’s very reliable, just that one slip-up.
SUMMARY: you and evan decided to take on the hot ones spicy wings challenge.
REMINDERS: please be reminded that this is a work of fiction. meaning that all events and occurrences in this story are all fictional and all are part of my imagination. any resemblance to actual life events and people, living or dead, are all purely coincidence.
WARNINGS: no use of y/n, wedding talks, established relationship, reader is an 'unofficially retired' actress, fluff attempt, and minor typographical errors.
WORD COUNT: 1.6k
AUTHOR'S NOTE: this has been written more as a self-indulgent fic lol. my requests for evan fics are open, so if you have any, just send me an ask. hope you'll enjoy this one! :)
You and Evan are inside a sleek, industrial-chic studio of Hot Ones, and sitting across from Sean Evans with a row of perfectly arranged and intimidating glazed wings between you and Evan. The set’s familiar aesthetic—black brick backdrop and neon accents, brings a grin to your face. You have seen countless celebrities get wrecked by these fiery wings. Now, it’s your turn.
“You sure you wanna do this, babe?” his eyes glinting with playful concern. “I know how you feel about spicy food.”
“I’ve survived worse,” you quipped, but your grin falters slightly when you glance at the perfectly arranged wings. “Besides, I couldn't let you have all the fun.”
“You’ve got a very loose definition of fun,” he chuckled, corners of his mouth twitching with amusement.
Evan’s hand finds yours beneath the table, fingers intertwining together like second nature. Sean smiled with the kind of enthusiasm that comes from years of watching people suffer through the gauntlet, and clasped his hands together.
“Welcome to Hot Ones, the show with hot questions and even hotter wings. Today, we’ve got a special couple’s episode with none other than one of Hollywood’s most beloved couples!”
“Beloved,” you repeat with a laugh, leaning into Evan’s shoulder. “I like the sound of that.”
“Right?” Evan grins, giving your hand a soft squeeze. “We must be doing something right.”
You and Evan turned towards the camera, with Evan giving a little wave to the camera, while you offered a sheepish smile.
“So,” Sean continues, “before we get into the heat, I gotta ask, how did you both end up agreeing to this? I know, from what I’ve heard, you’re not exactly a fan of spicy food.”
You laughed, already feeling your nerves dissipating. “Well yeah, I’m definitely not a fan. But I thought it would be a fun experience. Plus, Evan wanted to do it, and I couldn't let him suffer alone.”
Evan chuckles, squeezing your hand gently. “She’s braver than she thinks. I’m just here to make sure she doesn't regret it halfway through.”
“That’s true love right there,” Sean grins. “Alright, let’s start with the first wing.”
You and Evan each take a wing. It’s barely spicy, just a hint of heat, and you manage it with ease, earning an approving nod from Evan.
“That’s not bad,” you say, a bit more confident. “Famous last words.”
The three of you let out a laugh. Sean glances at his cue cards. “So, let’s kick things off. You two have been together for six years and recently got engaged. Congratulations!”
“Thank you,” you and Evan said in unison, making Sean laugh.
“Was the proposal a surprise?” Sean asked.
You glanced at Evan, a fond smile appearing on your lips. “Completely. We were on a trip to Japan for my birthday, and I thought that it was just a celebration for that occasion, but it turns out that Evan had this whole plan. I was completely caught off guard.”
Evan grins, remembering the memory. “She kept saying, ‘are you serious?’ like five times before actually saying yes.”
You nudged him lightly, laughing. “It was just a lot to process! I wasn't really expecting it.”
Sean leans forward, intrigued. “Was it nerve-wracking, Evan?”
“Oh absolutely,” Evan admits. “I was more nervous than when I go on set. But when she smiled, I knew that it was the right moment, and she did say yes, eventually.”
You roll your eyes playfully. “Yeah, eventually.”
The next wing has a bit more kick to it, and you’re starting to feel a tingle on your lips. Evan had noticed immediately, and turned towards you.
“Doing okay?” he asked softly.
You nod, breathing out a little. “Still manageable.”
“You’re doing great,” Sean coaxed. “Since we're on the topic, you have any wedding plans set?”
You had exchanged a look with Evan, both of you smiling. “We’re keeping it small and intimate,” Evan says. “Close family and friends. We’re still working out the details, but we know it’ll be somewhere meaningful to us.”
“Can I expect an invitation?” Sean jokes.
You laughed softly, surprising yourself. “Sure, why not. We’ll make sure you get one.”
“Oh really? Thank you!” Sean smiled. “Okay, before we dive into the next wing, I have to ask, who’s the better cook between you two?”
Evan chuckled before you even got the chance to respond. “She is, hands down.”
You smiled. “You cook fine, babe. When you’re not burning grilled cheese.”
“Which happens?” Sean prompted, eyes gleaming with interest.
“Often enough that the smoke detector hates him,” you said with a laugh.
Evan raised his hands in surrender. “Okay, true. But her cooking is on a whole other level.”
Sean laughs. “I’d love to see you two do a cooking show together in the future. Maybe some spicy dishes next time?”
You groaned playfully, eyeing the next wing on the table. “I think after today, I’m going to avoid spice for a good while.”
“Speaking of the future,” Sean says, reaching for another cue card. “Since you’ve taken a step back from acting, and Evan’s still heavily involved, has that changed anything for you two? I mean, with you being away from the industry and all.”
You glanced at Evan and smiled softly. “I thought it would be difficult at first. But Evan’s always been supportive, and I decided to step back because I wanted to focus on other things. It’s given me time to explore other passions.”
“She still visits me on set, though,” Evan adds, eyes softening. “And everyone always loves having her around. I think the crew likes her more than me.”
You smiled softly. “They just like the cookies and muffins that I bring.”
Sean chuckles. “Seems like you two have a pretty solid dynamic. Which brings me to my next question, what’s the secret to making it work for so long? Six years is impressive in Hollywood years, it’s hard to reach that kind of longevity, especially that you both are in the industry.”
Evan turns to you, eyebrows raised as if the answer is pretty obvious. “We just get each other, and honestly, I think being best friends at first really helped. We’re ridiculously comfortable around each other.”
“Ridiculously is right,” you agree, smiling. “We’ve been through everything together. The good, bad, utterly chaotic, you name it. But we always talk things through.”
Sean nods thoughtfully. “Communication. A classic, but always true.”
The next wing awaits, and you hesitate before taking a bite of it. Evan watches you carefully, waiting to see how you would react.
When the heat hits you immediately, your eyes widen. “Oh, my god.”
Evan laughs, though he’s wincing through his own bite. “That’s…oof, wow.”
You reached for your water, but Evan already has the glass of milk ready for you. “No baby, drink this instead. The water makes it worse.”
You took the glass of milk gracefully, fingers brushing as you sip. “You’re the best.
“Always,” he replies, gaze lingering on you.
Sean smirks, taking in the moment. “Alright, I think we need to dig into something else before you both pass out from the heat.”
You can’t help but laugh, even as your eyes begin to water. “Yes, please.”
“Evan, you’ve been killing it in all these dramatic roles. But do you ever see yourself doing something lighter? Maybe a rom-com?” Sean asks.
Evan shrugs, wiping his lips with a napkin. “Honestly? Maybe. I think it would be fun, why not. Especially if I could work with her again.”
You raised your brows in surprise. “Really?”
“Absolutely. I mean, you’re an amazing actress, and I do miss working with you.”
The sincerity in his voice leaves you momentarily speechless. Sean seems to pick up on it, leaning forward with a mischievous grin. “So, any chance we’ll see you back on screen soon?”
You laughed nervously. “Maybe. I mean, I’ve been tempted, especially with Evan constantly trying to rope me back in.”
Evan smiled brightly. “We’ve joked about it a couple of times. But she’s hard to convince.”
“More like you haven't pitched me anything compelling enough,” you teased, taking a sip of the water. “You’d have to really sell it.”
“Oh, I can sell it,” Evan laughs. “Just wait, one of these days.”
The last wing was brutal. The second that you bite into it, your entire mouth feels like it’s on fire. You clutch Evan’s arm, face scrunching in pain as you try not to let the heat overwhelm you.
“Oh my god,” you gasp, chugging the milk Evan hands you. “Why did I agree to this?”
Evan is faring only slightly better, tears pooling in his eyes. “Because you love me?”
“I might reconsider that after this,” you joked, voice a little hoarse.
Sean was laughing, clearly entertained by the chaos. “You guys survived!”
“I’m just glad I did this with you,” Evan says, rubbing your back gently as you recover. “Even if you hate me for it now.”
You glanced up at him, slight tears streaming down your face but still managing a smile. “Could never hate you.”
Once the video had wrapped up, you and Evan found yourselves hanging out backstage of the Hot Ones studio. You collapsed onto a couch with a tub of ice cream between you, as Evan watches you like you’re the only person in the world.
“I’m so proud of you,” he says, voice low and sincere.
“I did it,” you say, mostly to yourself than anyone else. “I actually did it.”
Evan leaned in, pressing a kiss to your temple. “You did, and you were amazing.”
“Guess we have to cancel our sushi dinner, because I’ll be feeling these spicy wings on my mouth for a good couple of hours,” Evan laughed as you rested your head on his shoulder, still working through the lingering heat. “Next time, let’s just do a cooking show.”
Evan laughed again, wrapping an arm around you. “Deal.”
pairing : colin zabel x gf!reader info : vignette, fluff word count : 1.4k
It was a Friday night (pasta night, specifically) after one too many glasses of wine when you decided to pose the question to your poor boyfriend. It wasn’t a drunk question either, just a spur of the moment softened around the edges, relaxed in the comfortable intimacy that had settled into your relationship over the past few months. The spaghetti dishes had long since been abandoned in the sink, music playing low from your speakers while the two of you lounged across the couch, Colin’s arm stretched behind you.
You were curled against his side, lazily scrolling through your phone when you suddenly laughed, piquing Colin’s interest as he set down the remote control, gaze drifting from the late night cooking show he was previously paying attention to.
“What?” he asked, already smiling just because you were.
You turned the screen toward him. “Somebody online asked their boyfriend: ‘Boobs, ass, or thighs?’ and apparently it started a war in the comments.”
Colin immediately looked wary, as if he could tell he sealed his fate by asking the question. “Okay…”
You grinned slowly, leaning on his shoulder and looking up at him like a sly cat. “So… Colin Zabel.”
“Oh no.”
“Boobs, ass, or thighs?”
He stared at you like you’d just placed him under interrogation, nervous chuckle let out with his dimples as he looked down to shake his head. For a moment, he genuinely tried to dodge it. “I feel like there’s no right answer here.”
“There isn’t,” you said cheerfully. “It’s a matter of opinion.”
He rubbed a hand over his face, already blushing. “Can I plead the fifth?”
“Nope.”
You shifted so you could see him better, chin propped on your hand, thoroughly entertained now. Colin groaned quietly, head tipping back against the couch as his girlfriend indulged in his dilemma.
“This feels like a trap, babe,” he muttered.
“It’s not a trap,” you said. “I’m literally just asking your preference.”
You laughed and he looked at you for a second too long, fond despite himself and completely doomed. He knew you weren’t actually judging him, which almost made it harder. There was no escape hatch of irony or embarrassment to hide behind.
“Okay,” he said finally, sitting up a little straighter like he was preparing to testify in court. “Can I explain my answer first?”
Your eyes widened in delight. “Oh my god, yes.”
He pointed at you accusingly, already melting under your watchful gaze. “See? This is exactly why I’m nervous.”
“You’re adorable. Continue.”
Colin exhaled deeply, visibly gathering courage for what was objectively a harmless conversation but somehow felt monumental anyway. “I feel like… okay… uhm… personality matters, definitely.”
This makes you burst out laughing, lightly hitting his shoulder. “Colin!”
“No, I’m serious!” he insisted, flushed already. “I’m saying context matters. It’s not like I’m walking around categorizing women based on their body-”
“Detective,” you interrupted gently, holding his chin, “...answer the question.”
He looked at the ceiling briefly, then back at you with the expression of a man accepting his fate.
“…Boobs. Uhm, yours, specifically.”
The word came out quiet and respectful, somehow… like he was trying not to offend the concept of breasts, even taking the time to correct himself and defend that yours were the only pair he ever would revere. You stared at him for half a second before laughing so hard you nearly slid off the couch. This makes Colin immediately defensive.
“Why are you laughing?!”
“Because you said it like you were embarrassed of it!”
“I kind of feel like I am!”
Still laughing, you grabbed his arm and leaned against him again. He was red all the way up to his ears now, but smiling too, unable to help it when you looked this entertained.
“So… you’re a boobs guy.” you teased.
He groaned softly into his hand. “Please never say it like that again.”
“I will.”
Colin shook his head, but after a moment his arm tightened around your waist, pulling you closer almost unconsciously. His voice dropped quieter then, sincerity slipping back in despite the embarrassment.
“I just think they’re…” He paused, immediately regretting continuing when you catch his gaze drift down to your chest.
You looked up at him expectantly. “They’re what?”
He glanced at you, then away again with a shy smile. “Nice.” That only made you laugh harder.
But a few minutes later, when the teasing had died down and the room had settled soft and warm around you again, Colin leaned down to kiss you with lingering affection, and you noticed the faint, stubborn flush still coloring his cheeks the entire time.
“You know,” you said after the laughter finally settled, “that answer actually raises more questions.”
Colin immediately narrowed his eyes, not wanting to add to his embarrassment. “No.”
“Oh, absolutely yes.”
He was already smiling despite himself, slouched deeper into the couch while you turned toward him fully now, knees tucked under you. The wine had left him warm and loose enough to stay instead of retreating, even though he could already tell where this was going.
“You can’t just say ‘boobs’ in the shyest voice imaginable and then leave it there.”
“I think I can.”
“Nope.” You poked his side lightly. “Explain yourself.”
Colin covered part of his face with one hand, groaning softly. “Why are you interrogating me like this?”
“Because you’re cute when you’re embarrassed.”
You were smiling too brightly for him to have any real defense against it. He looked at you for a long moment, clearly debating whether he could survive refusing, then he sighed the sigh of a man accepting inevitable defeat.
“Okay, but you’re making this weird.”
“I haven’t even started making it weird.”
“That sentence alone made it weird.”
You laughed again, and Colin felt his chest tighten with affection so sudden it nearly distracted him from his own embarrassment. God, he liked you. Too much, probably.
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “They’re just… comforting.”
You blinked, surprised into softness. “Comforting?”
“Yeah.” His voice got quieter, more thoughtful now that he was actually trying to articulate it. “Not in a creepy way, more emotionally.”
“I didn’t say creepy.”
“I know, but I needed to establish that for my own dignity.”
You grinned. “Go on, Detective.”
Colin huffed out a laugh and looked down at his hands before continuing. “I think it’s because they feel…” He paused again, searching. “Warm and safe, maybe.” He looked up at you cautiously, gauging your reaction. “Like if someone lets you be close to them like that, it’s because they trust you to be close to their heart.”
Your teasing expression softened almost immediately at the answer, just wanting to kiss his stupid again the more you listened to your man talk.
“And,” he added quickly, flustered by your sudden sincerity, “I mean, obviously they’re attractive too. I’m not pretending this is entirely philosophical.”
“Obviously.”
“But I don’t know.” He shrugged helplessly. “It’s not even really about looks half the time. It’s just intimate to be closer to them. It’s not my fault that your boobs are right in front of your heart.”
You stared at him for a second, visibly trying not to melt. “Oh my god,” you murmured. “That’s the most Colin answer you could’ve possibly given.”
His face flushed deeper. “Is that bad?”
“No,” you said immediately, moving closer until your leg draped over his. “It’s really sweet.”
He groaned quietly, dropping his head back against the couch. “I should’ve lied. I should’ve said thighs and moved on with my life.”
“But then I wouldn’t have learned you associate boobs with emotional vulnerability.”
“That is not what I said.”
“It kind of is.”
Colin laughed despite himself, shoulders shaking slightly as he looked over at you again. You were watching him with such obvious affection now that it made him bashful in a completely different way.
“You know what the worst part is?” he admitted.
“What?”
“I really thought I was going to sound suave somehow.”
You burst out laughing, leaning forward to kiss him before he could hide behind the embarrassment again. Colin kissed you back immediately, smiling into it, one hand settling warmly at your waist. When you pulled away, still grinning, you brushed your thumb against his cheek.
“For the record?”
“Mm?” his eyes were half-lidded when he gazed at you.
“I think your answer was perfect.”
a/n : i got too excited with this one lmfaoooo my baby is a boob guy and i will die on this hill. maybe this will develop into a mommy kink wink wonk
colin zabel has a special request.
colin zabel x fem!reader
!! : 18+. p in v. riding. fem orgasm.
Colin looks into your eyes with his innocent dark brown eyes while gliding his hands up and down your waist. You straddled him, gently unbuckling his belt.
"Sorry, honey. I know it’s late." He mumbled. "I’m just really tired right now but I need this. Need you." He spoke softly, his gaze roaming your face and not stopping his gentle up and down glides of his hands on your waist.
He came home feeling tired but horny. And he has a special request, he wants you to ride him until you cum. He’s craving that type of feeling after a tense overtime at work due to a big case.
"Colin, I know. I understand.." You whispered as you slowly lowered yourself onto him. As your warm walls welcomed him, you felt his body relax and damn.. It made you feel butterflies in your stomach. "Just let me do what you want, okay? You deserve this. Let me take care of you." You cooed as you finally got his full length inside of you. You made a sound of a muffled whimper while you’re trying to adjust to his size.
It didn’t have to be long for you to start slowly lifting your hips up and down until you found the right spot and the right pace. "Feels so good, baby." His voice was shaky with pleasure. "Yeah.. Just do that.. Just fuck me until you come, baby." He urged you on with a shaky voice and by giving your hips a squeeze. He really needs it badly right now. It made you let out a moan, your movements becoming a bit harder. More moans spilled out of your lips, messy ones.
Colin's mouth is now agape, he let out unsteady gasps of pleasure as a response. He felt your walls tightening around him. "Baby.." A choked whimper escaped from him that turned you on even more. You can feel both the butterflies going crazy in your stomach due to colin acting like this and the orgasm that you're about to release. Then finally came on his cock with a long moan coming out of you. He grunts softly and pulls you down hard on his cock, enjoying the feeling of his cock being soaked with your orgasm.
