Bestie hehe whose pullout game is worst and whose is best out of the characters Evan plays???
the evans + their pullout game !
ft. tate langdon ‧ kit walker ‧ kyle spencer ‧ jimmy darling ‧ james patrick march ‧ kai anderson ‧ peter maximoff ‧ colin zabel — nsfw ; MDNI 18+
a/n: hey bestie i love your mind
TATE LANGDON . (3/10)
his intentions are good. his execution? terrible. pull-out game is WEAK purely due to incompetence.
“fuck—wait, wait.. shit, i was supposed to-”
feels guilty as hell afterward. “you don’t think i did it on purpose, right? you believe me, don’t you?”
KIT WALKER . (2/10)
kit TRIES to be responsible. really, he does. but he’s also a man who fucks deep and loves even deeper.
a very passionate lover and in the heat of the moment, he forgets everything else.
honestly, he doesn’t even try that hard.
if you reminded him, he’d listen. but if you didn’t? yeah, he’s finishing inside.
if you got pregnant, he’d step up immediately. pullout game is terrible but he’s a great dad.
pre death .ᐟ KYLE SPENCER . (10/10)
doesn’t take risks; he’s got a good head on his shoulders.
his timing and self control are actually great. the pull-out game is strong with this one.
even before he met you, kyle doesn’t sleep around like most of his frat brothers, even though he totally could.
JIMMY DARLING . (6/10)
jimmy knows he can’t afford to be reckless. he’s working in a freak show—not exactly the best place to raise a kid.
he also worries about passing on his ectrodactyly. even though you tell him constantly that it doesn’t matter.
most of the time, he cums on your tits or ass.
but when he’s drunk, he’s super impulsive, emotional. all self control flies out the window.
if you got knocked up, he’d have a mini breakdown and go on a two day bender but would also step up.
he will also propose immediately (after he gets his shit together)
JAMES PATRICK MARCH . (10/10)
he is nothing if not disciplined.
if james ever decided to give you an heir, that decision was made long before the act.
lowkey has reservations because of bartholomew.
⟢ cult leader .ᐟ KAI ANDERSON . (0/10)
kai never pulls out. he never intended to in the first place.
at first, he’ll act like it was an accident—for the purpose of plausible deniability. he’ll moan about how tight you are, how good you feel, and then when it happens:
“fuck—couldn’t help it. you feel too good, baby.” he’s fake guilty, kissing your shoulder, murmuring “next time i’ll pull out, promise.”
next time never came. (but he did. inside you) at some point, he just stopped pretending.
“this is how it’s supposed to be. why would i waste it anywhere but inside you?”
if you tell him you’re not ready for kids, he’ll say “women are biologically wired to want children. you’re just brainwashed by feminism.” (i hate this guy)
0/10 cos he’s actively TRYING to fail.
if you got pregnant? he’d be ecstatic.
PETER MAXIMOFF . (5/10)
thinks he has great control, but he really, really doesn’t.
he’ll pull out last second. but he cuts it close EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
sometimes he miscalculates timing.
“uh. okay, okay—don’t freak out, but I MAY have just—wait, are you on the pill?”
COLIN ZABEL . (9/10)
very responsible. colin respects boundaries and never pressures you into risky sex. always wears condoms unless you explicitly ask not to.
“you sure? ‘cause, uh, i got condoms—like, a lot. not a weird amount, just… y’know, normal.”
lowkey wants to have kids with you… but suppresses the “selfish” fantasy.
his one weakness? when he’s tipsy.
the one time you were both drunk, making out on the couch, which led to hot and sloppy sex. you felt so good and he was so lost in it, and then—
“oh, shit.”
immediate panic. full-body guilt. buys you plan b, also flowers and coffee because he feels guilty.
overall he’s very reliable, just that one slip-up.
Characters : Tate Langdon ★ Kit Walker ★ Kyle Spencer (frat! & franken!) ★ Jimmy Darling ★ James Patrick March ★ Kai Anderson ★ Austin Sommers ★ Warren Lipka ★ Peter Maximoff ★ Colin Zabel ★ Cooper Day ★ Julian Dillinger
CW : mentions/allusions to sex but nothing descriptive, mentions of smoking & marijuana
A/N : English isn't my first language, feel free to correct any errors although this has been proofread. Feel free to suggest characters to add and I might edit them in. This one was fun to write despite the amount of characters. Enjoy!
★··»—›Tate Langdon
technically he doesn’t sleep, or need to
but he’ll still pretend he can if you wanna sleep with him
even if it’s him essentially lying there with his eyes closed and trying to keep his mind blank
there’s a good chance that the second you’re asleep he’ll just open his eyes and watch you though, thinking about you keeps the visions away
in terms of position, I think it’s needless to say he’d rather be held
whether you’re spooning him or holding him against you with his head on your chest, he’s happy
Tate seems like one of those people who sleep fully clothed, jeans on and all, biggest favor he’ll do you is take his shoes off if you ask
since he isn’t really asleep you don’t need to worry about noises or him moving, apparently with being dead you learn to stay still for long amounts of time
good chance he’ll pretend to still be asleep when you wake up and then coincidentally open his eyes within a couple of minutes and stir as if he needs a good stretch
if he does “wake up” first, he’ll be staring at you and smiling, and honestly it looks too sweet to be creepy (even if it slightly is), he might even say he dreamed about you just for the hell of it because he would if he could.
★··»—›Kit Walker
it’s not like you need to ask, if you’re with him you most likely already are married (or he plans to marry you if not) and live in his house
sleeping next to you is about as natural as breathing to him
such a large bed just so you can both be stuck to each other in the middle
unless you like your space or are the type to move a lot, he’ll usually sling an arm around your torso and pull you against him, head against his chest and all
it feels like a protective position and he likes that
he’s definitely sleeping in his white briefs and wifebeater, at most if it’s cold he might wear one of those classic flannel pants and button up PJs
besides you keep each other warm enough usually
he doesn’t move too much except on the rare occasion he’s getting a nightmare about briarcliff or the aliens
those nightmares usually wake him up anyway and he’ll get up to have a smoke outside the house before coming back to sleep and hold you a little tighter
if he wakes up before you (probably for work) he’ll kiss your forehead and reluctantly let go of you to start his day (with an effort to be extra quiet)
when he leaves early, if anything needs to be reminded for the day he’ll leave a note on the fridge with quick love you and a hastily drawn heart
on weekend mornings if you sleep in, the kids might join you and slide between you while trying to keep their giggles quiet
which delays getting up even more
he keeps telling them they gotta grow out of that but makes absolutely no effort to put it in practice
they probably will someday but for now just let them be kids and sleep in a little longer
★··»—›Frat!Kyle Spencer
you’ll probably be the one asking the first time and it would preferably be at your place because he isn’t so comfortable even having you over at his mother’s house or the frathouse
but it’ll be a very enthusiastic (secretly apprehensive) yes like a kid having their first sleepover
he was actually so nervous he didn’t sleep very well the first time but pretended like it was just the new environment—which is half correct and dismiss it as fine
at first he was a little hesitant with physical contact but eased into it over the nights (process is sped up if you initiated)
in fact now the default position is kind of all over each other, mutual holding
it’s not a very specific position, he doesn’t care
but he has a particularly soft spot for having you on his chest with one hand cradling your head and the other on your lower back while you have your arms around his back or neck
it’s comfortable, it’s safe, you’re real close and he can nuzzle his face into your hair and smell it (it’s just comforting don’t judge him), not to mention you can feel his heartbeat
I don’t think he puts too much thought into his jammies, probably sleeps in an old t-shirt and sweatpants, if it’s real hot he’ll sleep in his boxers and if it’s cold he’ll throw on an old hoodie with the graphic most likely faded and washed out
he doesn’t snore or move too much but he does get nightmares about his homelife and unknowingly starts making noise in his sleep
if it wakes you up and you wake him up in concern, he’ll apologize despite it not being his fault and might need a few minutes or maybe some light conversation before he goes back to sleep
if there’s nothing urgent in the morning like a lecture he might allow himself some laziness and stay in bed until one of you decides to be responsible and pull both of you out of bed
If he has plans or class and you don’t, he won’t wake you up and will instead kiss the nearest part of you before slowly sliding out of bed and tucking you in properly. If he has the time to make himself some breakfast, he’ll leave you some with a little post-it note and if he has to rush, he’ll leave a text for you to read when you wake up
★··»—›Franken!Kyle Spencer
A lot of similarities with his pre-death self
except that there is no asking phase, if you’re around, he’ll probably join you when you’re asleep like a scared child
he can’t exactly be on his own very much at the beginning even with just sleeping since his nightmares have gotten worse with his increased trauma
like they actually make him move around a lot before he eventually wakes up and loudly groans in anguish
He’ll need comforting for that because self soothing is a little complicated when the few memories you have of your life are the worst ones and your mind is all fragmented and foggy.
If you can’t read minds you probably won’t know what exactly you have to comfort him for since he can’t (and probably wouldn’t) communicate what exactly happened but as long as you’re there and seem calm or reassuring, it should be good enough; he tends to try and mimic your emotions, so just stay calm
Kyle still has a soft spot for the position previously mentioned because he’s particularly protective of the few things he holds dear in this world (i.e. you) however he does grow a certain kind of appreciation for reversing the roles and being held now
You’re essentially a teddy bear even if neither of you realize it in the sense that he’s purposely difficult if he has to sleep without you and you reassure him through nightmares and night terrors. Oh and you get squeezed just as much as a real one.
No, really, he can’t measure his strength and you woke up on a few occasions being suffocated or smothered while he was blissfully unaware.
He cares even less about sleepwear now since he’d sleep in whatever he’s given and probably would sleep in his day clothes if he wasn’t reminded to change.
He only gets up when you do, I mean he could wake up hours before you and wouldn’t budge unless he needed the bathroom or the world collapsed.
It’s essentially because his day depends on yours and until he gets better he’s not exactly trusted to roam around unsupervised anyway.
When you do get up, it’ll be a bit before he actually lets you go
I mean you’ll be standing and walking and he’ll still be holding you from behind and shadowing you despite how impractical it is until you tell him to let go.
★··»—›Jimmy Darling
He would invite you to sleep over a little jokingly, mostly an innuendo to sleep together but he does actually hope you’ll stay the night since people rarely do. His trailer gets a little lonely.
He also wouldn’t be opposed to sleeping at your place either.
A warm bed and you ? He’s convinced he couldn’t sleep better any other way.
After he’s done showing you how skillful he is with his hands, he just kinda lies there with you until one of you mentions you might as well sleep now which prompts you both to change and get into proper positions
Since his bed is a rather tight space, Jimmy is used to sleeping in a sort of fetal position to not use up much room.
With you in the equation, he sleeps in a similar sort of position facing you and tangling his legs with yours while giving you a little grin. He’ll hold your hand while he’s at it. Or sometimes he’ll reach out and trace his fingers down your spine while making light conversation or pillow talk.
There’s a chance the position might not stick since he moves a bit in his sleep and might turn around entirely but besides that his sleep is mostly untroubled
unless he’s been drinking, then it’s terrible and he’s slurring words in his sleep
Jimmy wouldn’t mind sleeping naked—and he has, but for actual sleepwear, he’s usually down to his briefs and maybe throws his wifebeater on if he feels like it. He’ll make the effort of throwing on the first pair of pants he can reach if he needs to go outside.
Jimmy usually wakes up at the same time everyday since the camp works on schedule and he is not missing breakfast, unless you make it worth his while. He’d let you sleep and try to casually bring a plate back to his trailer for you. If he’s at your place, he’d still wake up early out of habit and then get up to try and figure out how to make you something edible while you’re barely processing his absence in your bed.
★··»—›James Patrick March
once again, as a ghost, he doesn’t exactly need to sleep and once again, I’m not sure he even can
I don’t think he’d pretend to sleep either
but if you ask to “sleep” with him, he’ll happily oblige regardless
he’s a little thrown off at first since he isn’t used to sharing a bed (let’s be honest the countess did not share his bed after the wedding night)
And by that I mean he’ll probably lie on his side of the bed and call it a night until you tug him closer
you essentially have to move him in the position you want since it’s been a while since he last slept and once you’re comfortable he won’t move until you’re asleep
despite not needing any for a while, he probably has one of those classic silk pajama sets in black with initials embroidered on one side or pocket, with the robe and slippers to go with it once he’s up, please and thank you
so he won’t pretend he’s sleeping but he’ll still play his part in lying by your side (probably stare at you for a while) and pretending like he’s going through a morning routine once you’re up
whether he actually stayed the whole night is unsure, possibility is he got up to murder somebody and/or pour himself some absinthe but he’ll come right back anyway, so you’ll never know regardless
once you wake up he greets you good morning with whatever creative pet name he came up with during his hours of alone thinking and ask how you slept while moving your hair out of your face
★··»—›Kai Anderson
once you’re moved in with him, you’re sleeping in the same bed no questions asked
it’s called sharing a bed because it’s essentially how it is for a long while
you each have your sides and occasionally snap at each other over the blanket or room being taken up but that’s it
the only contact you’re having in it for a while is not sleeping iykwim
after a while and maybe after sex, you just might get the exclusive luxury of physical contact to sleep
this is Kai we’re talking about, don’t expect anything overly affectionate, the most you’d get is being pulled against his side like a stuffed animal and you aren’t expected to move or you’re losing that privilege for the night
for the most part if you want any kind of contact you’ll have to be the one to pull him back against you since he usually sleeps facing away from you
if he’s spooning you before you’re both asleep or once you’re awake ? Do not be fooled. He isn’t being sweet, he has other intentions in mind
not that the illusion would last very long anyway
he’s probably sleeping in a worn out hoodie or a long sleeved sweater and some loose comfortable pants, shirtless if it’s especially warm. He went to bed fully dressed on multiple occasions though
as for sleeping troubles, I don’t think he sleeps very long, be it adderall or insomnia, you’ll never know because he would dismiss the issue since he has better to do than sleeping anyway
so he’ll definitely wake up in the middle of the night and go do something else under the guise of being productive, 50/50 chance he’ll come back to crash in bed after a couple of hours
on the exceptional occasion that he wakes up at a decent morning hour (meaning 5-6AM), you’ll be waking up whether you like it or not because he makes no effort to be quiet or careful while he’s getting out of bed, it’s worth questioning whether he doesn’t shove you on purpose
either way your sleeping schedule will be forced to slowly mold into his because he’ll be pissy if you somehow come to bed after him and he’ll also be pissy if you “sleep in” (wake up after 6AM)
most of the time when you wake up he doesn’t even say good morning, no, it’s just “morning” and he already sounds grumpy. If you get more than that he’s pulling a whole quote, possibly from theater and he just might be mocking you, same treatment for good night. (think of the whole “good night sweet prince” shakespeare quote scene)
★··»—›Austin Sommers
He was quick to invite you over for a little “adult sleepover” as he called it, you’re still not sure if it was meant to come off as an innuendo or not, but with him it’s always fair to assume so
in fact he’s probably in bed before you are, lying on his back in the very middle with his arms behind his head while making it clear he’s been waiting for you
You can safely assume there’s a decent time gap between the moment you get on the bed and the moment you both actually tuck in to sleep, what else could you expect ?
That being said he can be surprisingly cuddly for sleeping, and a little childish about it too. Don’t turn away from him, he’ll just grab you and pull you back.
So in terms of position he likes being a little messy and essentially all over you — you aren’t getting up without waking him up which he will be very difficult about. As for the specifics, when he isn’t purposely trying to trample you he likes having his face in your neck, which always ends up with you teasing him for being a stereotypical vampire and being lightly bitten over it.
I can’t explain it but that man is a sleeptalker. Hell, he probably moans in his sleep, now whether what he’s dreaming about is related to the things he says is unknown since on the occasion he wakes up from a dream to jot down the idea, there’s a good chance he’ll scrap it by morning or rework it to oblivion and then it’s not even the same thing at all.
For sleepwear, the PJs from Charvet in Paris, they’re literally canon. Fancy, expensive, silk and dark in color, what more could you expect from him ?
The man is not a particularly heavy or light sleeper but he’s a big dreamer and since he works in a creative field, he does not like being woken up in the middle of a dream. That’s idea fuel, come on.
Also probably sleeps in particularly late just because he can. The deadlines are met so who’s gonna bother him about sleeping in until 12 ? Besides you, of course. Best of luck if you actually need to be up, he has no plans of making it easy for you.
★··»—›Peter Maximoff
He’d probably ask you to crash at his place (mom’s basement) first, in fact he probably did before you were even together but I digress
you still had to be the one to tug him to bed because unless he’s crashing after consuming too much sugar and caffeine, he’ll still be pumped for hours
honestly he strikes me as the type to dramatically throw himself onto the bed and accept whatever position he landed in as his fate, good luck molding yourself with that
it’s a bit of a pain in the ass to sleep with him because just like at any other point in his life; he can’t stay still
always gotta move a limb or two and within ten minutes, he’s in a drastically different position
either put some distance or put your whole weight onto him
if you chose to move aside, he’ll take that as a sign to relax and quit moving and will try to focus on that while pulling you back towards him like a petulant kid who’s plushie fell off the bed (which you probably did at least once because of him)
if you decided to use your weight on him ? also a good way to ground him although he might still be squirmy if you’re light enough, but ultimately he doesn’t want to accidentally push you away so he tries to hold you close
once he’s finally done wriggling like a worm ? Success, mission accomplished, Peter fell asleep. The world can finally be at peace (for now)
Besides his incessant moving pre-sleeping, he doesn’t have much trouble sleeping but he doesn’t exactly sleep as much as the average individual. But don’t think that hinders him, he’s already a menace by dawn.
He might’ve snored like twice in his life, second was with you and after you compared it to cartoon snoring (honk shoo mimimi, you see the vision), he swore to never sleep in whatever position that turned him into a cartoon character and internally doesn’t live it down
Oh the jammies are rad. Those kind of pjs with big franchise logos on the shirt and prints of that character all over the pants, you got him one of those sets with with Roadrunner from Looney Tunes and it’s his favorite, he treasures it like it’s worth gold (and he’s actively hunting for some matching Wile E Coyote ones to steal for you). That’s what he wears to bed, usually with socks. Oh and he always makes the roadrunner noise once he’s put them on as some kind of announcement he’s in PJs.
While he does wake up early, he knows better than to wake you up unless you specifically asked him to, so he tries his best to be discreet and move the covers back on you, he might snap a picture on occasion either to make fun of you if you’re drooling or just for safekeeping if it’s cute
but then again, you’re in the basement where all his cool stuff is, so you might eventually get woken up by sounds from a videogame console or arcade machine and he’ll snap his head around like he didn’t realize noise could reach your ears. Half assed apology.
In truth he’s glad you’re awake again because he was, expectedly, getting bored, as per usual.
for someone who has nothing to do all day, he doesn't spend much time sleeping, says it’s boring and thinks of it as a waste of time. He used to pull all nighters back in his high school days and would end up snoozing in class.
★··»—›Colin Zabel
Before you guys moved in together, it wasn’t exactly some sort of planned “wanna sleep over at my place ?” kinda thing but rather if you go on a date and end up in bed together, you spontaneously decide to spend the night together too. All with due agreement because he would never impose himself, he’d rather walk home in the middle of the night than inconvenience you.
Once you do share the same place, it’s just classic couple routine
he does his best to keep a consistent sleeping schedule despite his rather demanding job so he can spend the third of his day where he’s unconscious with you
I mean he genuinely set himself some kind of bedtime, you once saw a reminder on his phone pop up to go join you in bed, the notification seems to be set daily.
once you’re both done with your side by side night routine, he’s immediately in bed with his arm stretched out for you
you both don’t always sleep immediately, sometimes you’re reading next to each other (because he’ll keep reminding you phone before sleeping is bad) or sometimes you’re spending any leftover energy on each other
he’s more of a stomach sleeper so any position is a little difficult but he always keeps an arm out in your direction so you’re free to mold yourself as you please with that
if you do manage to get him on his side (too sleepy to move or already dozed off), then you have more freedom
the position is essentially whatever you want as long as you can work with that since he’s essentially dead weight once he’s sleeping
he’s also a particularly heavy sleeper and hence has multiple consecutive alarms since he doesn’t wanna be late to work (in which case he tries to make up for it by staying later and buying coffee for his colleagues)
Colin actually has specific clothes selected as sleepwear, not even like proper pj sets but a specific plain tshirt he decided was sleepwear and same for a pair of simple sweatpants. Oh and he sleeps like that no matter the weather or season. Although he does get particularly cold in winter so on occasion you’ll catch him throwing a sweatshirt on like he’s admitting defeat to the cold.
As previously stated, he has multiple alarms so more often than not, you wake up with him despite him not meaning to force you to do so. Half of the time you open your eyes before he does since his hand mechanically moves to the button to turn off the alarm like a teenage boy asking for five more minutes in bed before school.
Just nudge him awake and it should work out fine, he’ll encourage you to go back to sleep if you don’t need to be up early and kiss your forehead. Otherwise, you both get up and start your morning routines side by side.
★··»—›Cooper Day
Ideally he’d rather you ask, he’s considered the idea plenty of times but wasn’t sure how to ask without being awkward about it. Or without it coming off as a massive innuendo.
But hey, his place, yours, doesn’t matter, he's just curious and wants to know what it’s like. He hasn’t been to a lot of sleepovers in his life and especially not with his significant other.
Out of laziness and love for his comfort zone, he’d be slightly more inclined for his house but hey.
Once you’re done properly hanging out and doing your routines, you’re both kinda giggly and awkward when you get in bed—the same one. Totally novel concept.
For a while you’re both lying a little awkwardly side by side like you’re afraid of getting comfortable or even making any kind of contact. Contest of who’s the bravest.
If you don’t make any move he’ll make a very dramatic huff before rolling over on his side facing you and throwing his arm over your middle.
He’s hiding his eyes under his bangs while he’s asking you if you mind because ultimately, he doesn’t wanna make you uncomfortable.
Once you finally get more comfortable in whatever position you like he’ll slowly (and totally smoothly) tug you closer little by little. It feels like he’s waiting to see when you’re gonna scold him, pushing the boundaries a little.
Being a teenage boy and all, he tends to sleep late and sleep in an be particularly cranky when woken up if it’s not a school day (on school days too actually)
He intends on sleeping all 8-10 hours he needs. He’s got a creative brain to fuel.
Cooper once mentioned he used to sleepwalk as a kid to tell you a funny story but was apparently unaware he didn’t fully stop when one time you found him ominously standing in the corner of your room, mumbling something about the door ‘not being placed right’ (which would be fitting since it’s not his room). Better take a picture or grab a camcorder if you want him to believe you in the morning.
His sleepwear is pretty much what you’d expect from him; old band tee, socks and some random loose pants that already have a few holes from being worn down. You also have to remind him to take his jewelry off half the time besides his rings.
As previously mentioned, if it's a weekend morning he’s waking up late no matter what and he’d preferably keep you there to be lazy with him. If it’s a school day or you both have plans early you have to physically pull him out of bed or he’s not moving. He doesn’t even wake up from his own alarm clock.
★··»—›Warren Lipka
He barely thought about it when he invited you to sleep over at his because it didn’t feel like a big deal. You both passed out on his couch a few times before after all.
If anything a bed felt like luxury after so many instances of waking up with sore joints and backs.
You both just kinda plop down in bed and talk while he rolls a joint (and offer to share it if you want)
It keeps going like that or you might put a movie on before you get sleepy.
There is no specific position, whatever position you were in before is the position you’ll sleep in—even if he’s lying perpendicular to you with his head on your stomach and his legs halfway off the bed. It’s fascinating the positions and places he can sleep in.
He supposedly used to sleeptalk especially when he’s dreaming but rarely does anymore since weed decreases REM sleep
His pajamas consist of… taking his pants off. Yeah that’s about it. Whatever top he had on, boxers and socks off. Cannot be bothered. He might sleep fully clothed if his pants aren’t too uncomfortable.
He’s the type of person to wake up ages before he actually gets up and might influence you with that bad habit if you’re not busy. Especially if he can get busy with you in the morning. But mostly he’ll stretch out all his sore limbs and ask how you slept before quickly moving to hunt for the closest edible thing.
★··»—›Julian Dillinger
You’re probably already living together by the time you can comfortably sleep together. He made a point to never stay the night at your place before then so if you did share a bed it would be his.
And the few times where you did sleep over were simply because you were thoroughly exhausted—his fault, really.
But once it becomes more of an established thing, you’ll probably be in bed before him thanks to his very busy job
but he does make a point to come to bed at a decent hour since he absolutely needs a minimum amount of hours of sleep to be efficient—and also to have a little time just the two of you.
he usually doesn’t do anything before bed since usually he is tired by the time he gets there (or if he isn’t, he’ll tire himself out with you) and just drops on the mattress like dead weight
he pretends to be annoyed when you pull the covers over him like you’re tucking him in but he secretly does like it and only then does he move into a proper sleeping position : the soldier
you genuinely make fun of him for it because why does he sleep like that ?
he’ll vehemently defend it despite the fact he looks like he’s ready for the casket
he doesn’t move, like, at all. You’re free to cling to him but he generally will just stay still, maybe unconsciously roll his head to the side to face you. Over time he might make the very generous effort of bracing his arm under your head but he’s not gonna cling to you.
you’re getting some of the best sleep of your life by the way, memory foam mattress and all, ridiculously expensive stuff even in his bedroom just for the sake of putting unnecessary tech everywhere.
because of his back sleeping position he tends to breathe a little loudly, not snoring but nearing that line. He refuses to believe you or listen when you mention his back sleeping could give him sleep apnea.
As for sleepwear, he’s not exactly a fan of sleepwear that looks like, well, sleepwear, as in the classic ensemble of matching button up and pants. Think more like form fitting shirt—long sleeved and thermal in the winter specifically, for bottoms either shorts or longer normal pants but from luxury brands like Ralph Lauren or something with a brand logo on them. Probably all black or in some muted color.
The process of Julian waking up is very… military style. The alarm sound goes off three times, no more no less and he sits up and stretches before getting up to start his day. But not before a very groggy good morning and a lazy kiss to your hand as he debates whether he should try to get you up too. If he does, it’s usually by trying to lure you to the shower or with some good pastries for breakfast.
Whatever this is but I'm not telling you who I thought of when I was thinking about it.
(tagging it as the characters I write for so take a guess at who I thought of)
18+! MINORS DNI!
⊹˚.⋆ ₊꒷ᘏᘏ︶ଓ︶꒷꒦⊹˚ᗢ₊꒷︶ଓ︶꒷
Your lips fell in a silent gasp, head tilting back silently. Fuck...you were currently the hottest thing on the planet to him. Here he was, holding the backs of your thighs as he kept them split, filling you up with every inch of him slowly. He had to supress a loud groan that bubbled through his lips as a quiet whimper.
No one outside that room knew you were gripping the edge of the desk, back arched up slightly as you painstakingly silently enjoyed yourself. The fact your legs were split open only brought him further pleasure. Fuck, he'd definitely press his thumb to your clit if he wasn't holding up your legs.
Trembling with every thrust, you were in pain from not being able to moan out his name. Letting the world know who was making you feel this good. "So good...god.." he mumbled out, letting out a quiet breath after as he only picked up the pace.
Oh, if only the people outside the room knew. How badly you needed his cock, and how willing you were to let him defile you on the desk right then and there. No condom either. How brave.
Summery: As ghosts, seeing your estranged lover is hard to do. Especially when your 'final resting spot' isn't the Cortez.
Themes: Fluff -> Smut -> Fluff, Cameo/Foreshadowing, Dead Dove Don't Eat, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Blood, Cussing, Devil's Night Shenanigans, Hotel Shenanigans, Lovey Dovey James, Murder, Pet Names (Darling, Dear, my Love, etc), Sassy!Reader (I've missed them), Sloppy Kissing/Sex, Stupid!Silly!James, Unprotected Sex (They're ghosts...),
Word Count:
Once a year, only once, does he get to see you. It's and unfortunate arrangement, but there's not much to do about it. You died outside the Hotel, which he didn't learn about till the next Devil's Night.
"Oh, dear, you must be more smart next time," He chimed in that annoyingly sweet accent of his. It would drip with condensation each time he would lecture you, and now you're forced to only imagine it until October 30th each year.
The vinyl spins as the man paces, knowing you'll be the first to arrive, even before John Lowe of all people. The door opens and we swings his head around, eyes wide as he spots you. Three long strides and he's at you, arm around your waist as he sinks his nose into your neck.
People say that March is a loving man, but they don't know the half of it. He's possessive, especially when it comes to his lovers, which he's had and has many of. James is nothing more than a growl-y mess when he's without a partner, and being unable to hear your voice, see your face, touch you... he's pent up.
"Darling, how I've missed you." He purrs, lips pressed against your pulse point, despite there not being a single beat in your chest. He nips slightly, pouting as you pull away.
"You're too much already, my love." You murmur. Something about James changes you, the way you think, the way you speak. If your heart were beating, it'd be racing.
The two of you are time capsules of two different eras, but when together, you intertwine like fibers of yarn. Two sides of the same coin, if you will.
"Can't a man hunger for a beautiful thing such as you?" He hums softly, his forehead against yours as he hums and chuckles, clearly excited to see you but trying to play it cool.
Your hand comes up to his face, "Yes, but I barely took two steps into the room, dear." You smile, watching him take your hand and twirl you around before pulling you against his chest, chin resting upon your shoulder. "James!"
"Ah, ah, my darling... Shut up a moment and let me enjoy your company before anyone else gets here." He says, a slight growl in his chest.
"Ridiculous..." You murmur, but don't move. His hands wrap tightening around your waist, a hand over your stomach and another rubbing up and down your arm.
"You adore it, however..." He whispers in your ear, a few soft kisses pressing against your temple. His arms constrict around you tighter, making you tense and arch your back and gasp out his name again.
Before you can say anything more, he presses his nose into the nape of your neck. You feel that his lips slightly parted, as if ready to sink teeth into you given the command. You stay in this position, not sound but your soft yet sharp breathe and his small chuckle.
"James..." You murmur, only to me met back with your name in a loving, singalong tone, lips moving against your skin as he speaks.
"You look ravishing, my love... Why, I could just... eat you up." He whispers, leaving small bites along the side of your neck.
You groan, your eyes rolling back as you relax in his arms, "I hate you." You whisper.
"On the contrary. I believe you're just as fascinated in me as I am you."
"Mayhaps, but only if you let me turn around and kiss you silly, dear."
With that you're turned around and pressed against the door, wet sounds of lips and teeth clashing filling the space between you both. His hands cup your face and holds it in place as he explores your mouth with his tongue, reminding himself of the shape and taste after a year of not having you.
You're still pinned against the wood as he pulls away, teeth clamped down on your lip. When your lip snaps back to your faces, it's bleeding. However, you're still smiling. He grins back at you, licking your blood off his lips.
"I've missed you more than life itself." He pants out, his hand around his ascot, loosening it.
"And I the same, dear." You murmur, your hands helping him get as little undressed as he needs. You're palming him through his briefs, his eyes rolling back.
"You are bewitching." He growls, taking his cock out before quickly moving to undo your own zipper. "I can't handle it any longer, you're intoxicating. As soon as you walked in-"
"Shut up, your dirty talk is a turn off." You hiss out before kissing him roughly. He gasps, kissing back and pulling you into his surprisingly strong arms.
"You'll regret saying that." He purrs, lining up with your hole. Before you can snap back, he pushes in. You gasp, your eyes rolling shut.
James pushes deeper, eyes boring down at you as he grunts out, smiling sadistically wide. You moan out, your eyes opening slightly to see him looking down before they roll shut again.
You moan out his name with each inch he pushes in and he responds in a grunt each time, his cock twitching. "You still wish for me to be silent?"
"No- maybe- fuck shut up-" You moan out, your back arching off the door. Something snaps inside of James and he pulls out, holding you in his arms before spreading you out on the closest surface.
"No, I don't think I will. I'm going to fill you up and make you walk around like that all night, love." He growls out, spitting into his hand before stroking it onto his cock. "You're mine, you know this?"
"Y-Yours..." You repeat, gasping as he enters you again.
"Exactly, darling. Mine." He growls out, leaning over you and biting your neck again, harder this time.
You moan out, the pleasure already too much. You know he can go for hours, but he's on a time crunch. He's faster, making your body tremble. He pumps in and out of you, filling the need you both had for the past 365 days.
"James- James, slow down-" You cry out, but he doesn't. He speed up, growling and grunting with each trust inside you. "James!" You cry out, your back and ass arching completely off whatever surface he placed you on.
"That's it, love. Scream for me." He says with a sadistic purr. "Let the whole floor know you're mine." He whispers into your ear, sending goosebumps down your entire body.
"James- Fuck, James I'm gonna-"
"Don't you dare..." He growls out, pounding harder. "You're not allowed release. Not after being such a rude little thing to me earlier. You're getting exactly what you deserve, darling.
"You can't cum, you can't even clean up before the rest of my lovely guests arrive. You'll be dripping all night. Is that what you want?"
You nod, biting your lip and whimpering as he speed up even more. His hips meet yours, the wet sound of skin slapping filling the room.
"If you cum, I'll have to punish you, you know this, yes?" He murmurs, panting as he looks down at you with wide, feral eyes, like a predator. You nod quickly, making him grin wider. "Good." He whispers in your ear before biting at your lope teasingly.
"I'm going to fill you up. You're such a good little toy. Darling, I'm going to- agh, you devil-" He groans, cock throbbing before you fill his release paint your insides.
You moan out sharply, eyes rolling shut. The both of you are frozen in time for a long moment, one that feels like it lasts forever. You finally feel him move, opening your eyes slowly to watch as he wipes himself before tucking himself away.
"Up. You must help me fix the decorations, dear. It is your fault they're ruined now." He mumbles, rolling his eyes as if he hadn't just fucked your brain out.
You stand up and he helps, gentle, unlike earlier. He pulls you into his arms for a brief moment, nipping your ear before whispering, "Mine" one last time.
As ordered, you realign the decorations, noticing the poker chips on the table in front of each seat. "Darling, what are these for?" You ask, holding one up and looking at it.
"These are vintage chips, my love. From the year I finished the hotel, to be exact. We'll have a game with those late." James grins,taking the chip back and placing it perfectly in it's spot.
You raise and eyebrow, looking at the time. You realize that no one has come in and the party is supposed to start soon. He pulls you aside and presses his face into your neck once more, kissing softly. "I'm sure I wasn't too rough, was I, dear?"
His voice is soft, almost sorry, but that isn't the kind of word you'd use to describe James often. You shake your head, pressing a small kiss to his forehead. "Course not, sweetheart."
That's when you hear a cough behind you, both you and your lover jumping slightly and looking towards the door. That's when you see him.
John Lowe stand in the door way, dead eyed smiling at both you. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"
summary: After being betrayed by her husband and thrown out of the house, she stays at the only place she can afford: the Hotel Cortez. There she gets into trouble, but narrowly escapes with the help of James Patrick March.
genre: fluff, light angst
warnings: harassment and attempted sexual abuse, murder, drug use, suicidal thoughts, low self-esteem.
author's notes: honestly, Hotel isn't one of my favorite seasons, but I LOVE James and I loved writing this, and to be honest, I loved the result. I hope you guys like it as much as I do ;))
( ✧ requests open ✧ )
That place was seriously weird. The wallpaper was peeling, and the air conditioner was obnoxiously loud, but honestly, you couldn't care less. The Cortez Hotel was the cheapest place you could find to stay for the next few days—and you had nowhere else to go. Not after what happened.
You kept spinning the ring from your broken engagement around your finger. You still wore it, even after everything. After seeing Carter—your ex-husband—walking out of your apartment with another woman, someone who looked much younger and prettier than you, your world just... collapsed. When you asked for help, your mom said she had warned you. Your dad told you, “You deserved it—I told you that man wasn’t for you.” And neither of them let you come back home.
So here you were, lying on a hotel bed that looked like it belonged on a vintage movie set, dried tears on your cheeks and messy hair. You felt wrecked. But you figured lying there thinking about it would only make your headache worse, so you decided to leave the room.
The hallways were kind of creepy, like a maze, but since you had nowhere to be, you didn’t really care. You walked aimlessly, miserably, like a ghost looking for someone to haunt. Then you heard footsteps behind you—followed by a voice.
“You look like hell,” a woman said from behind. When you turned, there she was—blonde hair, heavy makeup smudged all over her face. Honestly, she looked worse than you. “Want some?” she asked, holding out a small packet. You knew what it was immediately. You were never into that kind of thing—mostly because you worried about what people would think. But now? That didn’t matter anymore. You just nodded.
The next few hours were a blur. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d felt that good. The world moved slowly, the walls seemed to close in, and the bitter taste lingered in your mouth, but somehow… you felt happy. Even if it was fake. Eventually, you said goodbye to the woman—she’d introduced herself as Sally—because you knew if you didn’t lie down, you’d probably pass out.
You stumbled through the hotel, but couldn’t remember how to get back to your room. The lights in the hallway felt like they were exploding in your eyes, and you were sure you were about to throw up. Your legs gave out, and you let yourself sink, but just before you hit the floor, a pair of arms caught you by the waist.
“Well, look who it is,” a man said behind you. “Small world, huh?”
That voice made your stomach turn. You knew it—it was your ex’s best friend. The worst possible person to run into in that state. Actually, the worst person to run into in any state.
He started kissing your neck, your face—you could smell the alcohol on him. Your first instinct was to run, but your legs were still jelly from the drugs.
“Heard you’ve hit rock bottom, sweetheart,” he whispered in your ear as you squirmed in his arms, trying to break free. “I can help you with that…”
He kept groping you, pushing you into some random room. You kept whispering for him to stop, but your voice was so faint, it barely came out. There was no one around. No one to see. No one to help. This was it. You were going to die—and no one would even notice. Not that you cared about being alive, but… you didn’t want it to end like this.
He threw you on the bed and climbed on top of you, taking off his shirt—and you felt your stomach churn.
“Please… just leave me alone…” you tried one last time, but your voice was so weak, you doubted he even heard. Not that he would’ve cared.
He slid his hand down to your jeans, trying to yank them off—but with some kind of strength you didn’t know you had, you managed to kick him back. It wasn’t enough to stop him—he came back at you, more aggressive than before.
“Stop being such a dramatic bitch! You want this just as much as I do!”
But before anything else could happen, a loud sound filled the room—and the man collapsed beside you. His blood spilled across the white sheets.
You turned your head and saw a man—impeccably dressed, elegant, composed. He placed the gun gently on a small table and walked toward you slowly, carefully, as if not to scare you.
“Apologies for the mess and the blood, darling,” his voice was smooth and polite. “But that man was ruining your night. I simply couldn’t allow that.”
You were trembling, wide-eyed, but you couldn’t look away from him. He was handsome in a terrifying kind of way. His brown eyes glinted under the dim lights. He noticed your fear and held out his hand, inviting you to stand up.
“Come now. There’s nothing to be afraid of anymore, my dear.”
You hesitated—but took his hand. After all, he’d just saved you. His smile widened as he led you out of the room. His fingers were cold, but his touch was gentle. He guided you through the halls until you reached a door—not yours, as far as you could remember—but you didn’t care. You just wanted this night to end. He walked you to the bed like a gentleman and helped you lie down.
“Let me assist you,” he said, moving to the end of the bed and carefully removing your tight sneakers.
“Who… who are you?” you managed to ask, your voice raspy. He smiled, tilting his head as he came to your side, pulling the blanket over you.
“Ah, where are my manners? James Patrick March,” he said with pride. “Owner and architect of this fine establishment.”
You blinked. That couldn’t be right. The hotel looked ancient, but James didn’t seem old at all. He seemed to catch your confusion and offered a faint smile.
“Rest now, darling. You’re exhausted. Let those thoughts wait till morning,” he said softly, brushing your hair behind your ear.
James walked to the door, paused, and looked at you one last time.
“Sleep well, my dear,” he said, switching off the light. “Welcome to the Hotel Cortez.”
When you woke up, the room was still dim. The heavy curtains blocked any sign of daylight—you couldn’t tell if it was morning or night. But then you smelled something good. Looking over, you saw a tray on the table—toast, strawberries, and a full cup of tea. You got up and walked over. Next to the food was a handwritten note, in an old-fashioned but beautiful script:
“I hope your night of rest was restorative. Forgive my absence—urgent matters required my attention. However, I look forward to seeing you again soon. —JPM.”
You closed your eyes as last night came rushing back. It felt like a nightmare. So many questions filled your head, but for now, you just sat and enjoyed the breakfast slowly.
You walked down to the bar to return the tray—assuming that’s where the kitchen was, too. When you arrived, you saw the woman who’d checked you in. You vaguely remembered her name—Liz. As you approached, she looked you up and down, making you feel awkward. You weren’t planning to start a conversation, but before you could leave, she called out.
“Hey, sweetheart.” You turned—and the judgment in her eyes had melted into something softer. Almost kind. “I know what happened to you last night. The whole hotel does, actually. These walls have ears,” she chuckled. “You okay?”
“It was a… hectic night,” you admitted, looking down, trying to block out the memories. “But James showed up just in time. So, it turned out okay.”
“Of course he did…” she said with a faint, ironic smile. There was a pause, then she looked at you again—more serious now. “I’m glad he helped. But can I give you a piece of advice? No one here is what they seem. If I were you, I’d be careful. You seem like a good person.”
You smiled politely, unsure of what to say. But you could see it in her eyes—what she felt wasn’t just kindness. It was something heavier. Pity.
As you walked back to your room, you ran into James again—roaming the front lobby. He lit up the second he saw you. He approached with his usual warm smile.
“Good morning, my dear. I trust you slept well?”
“I did. The headache’s a lot better after some sleep—and the breakfast helped too. Thank you,” you said gently, still a little shy.
“Excellent! A lady must be well-nourished,” James offered his arm with a smile. “Walk with me?”
You hesitated—only for a second—before accepting. You were starting to realize there was no reason not to trust James. He had only cared for you so far. So the two of you began strolling through the Cortez’s halls. It was a quiet walk, and James didn’t seem to mind the silence—but it was eating you up inside.
“I’m sorry for all the trouble I caused last night,” you said finally, eyes downcast. “I didn’t mean to. I don’t usually do that stuff… drugs. But… I’m going through a lot.”
“Would you mind sharing, darling?” he asked gently.
So you told him everything. How you thought you were living the perfect relationship—until you were betrayed by someone younger and prettier. How your parents shut you out and told you you’d had it coming. What could you say? You’d been in love.
James was quiet for a moment, then finally spoke.
“I understand,” he said—and you could swear you heard something vulnerable in his voice. “The woman I loved more than anything… she made me feel disposable. Used me. Replaced me.”
He stopped walking, gently releasing your arm and stepping in front of you.
“That’s why I understand you, darling,” he said, brushing your hair back. “We’re so alike… That’s why I like you.”
Your heart was pounding. James made you nervous—but not in a scary way. In a way you’d never felt before. It felt good. Really good.
“Mediocre men are drawn to cheap, disposable beauty. But you, my dear—you’re not disposable. You’re rare. Beautiful. One of a kind,” he said, one hand still in your hair, the other squeezing your hand gently. “I admire that. And I’ll make sure no one ever hurts you like that again. I’ll never leave you. That’s a promise.”
His words hit hard. They made you want to cry. You knew this was insane—even ridiculous. Falling for a man you barely knew, who lived in a creepy hotel. But the connection between you two was undeniable. And besides, James was charming. No one could deny that.
With him, you felt a comfort you’d never known before.
James was never fond of the idea of religion, his father was a very cruel man, the, "meanest son of a bitch," James had ever met. This disdain for religion continued for years, until you entered the hotel, because then you became his religion. His goddess. James really wanted to make you his from the start, it was difficult for him to process the idea of himself caring about something that much. Why did it have to be over some mere human? Why were you so beautiful? your presence was like a soft jazz melody to him, so demure and gentle, so fucking weak.
No, you weren't actually weak, he just pushed the weakness that you made him feel onto you, mostly because his fantasies about you stopped his thoughts of murder and carnage, which Liz had noticed, and teased him over, he hadn't acted that way since The Countess, and he threatened her over the incessant annoyance she caused him, not like he could do much, they were both ghosts, Afterall.
James could hardly stop himself from phasing into your room at night, watching your nightly ritual, shower, TikTok scroll, facetiming friends, sleep. He was mostly investigating to see why you were staying at this hellish hotel for so long, and he overheard you say something about it being a world death destination, which had apparently fascinated you, but that fact couldn't prepare him for you lighting candles and summoning him. James March, the Ten Commandments Killer, personally.
Did you have a death wish? what was wrong with you? what was wrong with him, was the more important question, seeing as he entertained your little summoning, he appeared behind you and cleared his throat, to which you whipped your head around, and saw none other than the man you wanted so badly to see.
James Patrick March.
"Darling, what could you possibly want to converse with a gruesome murderer such as myself for?" He said with his unfamiliar 1920s accent, it was like those old timey tv shows your grandparents always had playing in the living room, but less distorted, more real.
This was really happening.
"You... You're really here? I didn't actually believe-" he interrupted you.
"You had to have believed, seeing as you went out of your way to summon a dead serial murderer. Now, what is your goal in all this?" he cocked his head to the side, as if to further question your intentions.
"Well, all things dark and macabre have always interested me, and so I started visiting the worlds death destinations, and the Hotel Cortez was on that list... but also, as a teenager, I watched a lot of Billie Dean Howards seances, including the one here, and it drove me to want to investigate," you smiled up at him, and he suddenly pulled you up and held both of your hands.
"have you ever murdered a person, dove?" he asked the question as if it was the most normal thing in the world, and when you didnt answer, he pulled you closer and whispered, "would you like to?"
