#collababortion

[quay-writes-poetry]

I was either lost trying to find you, or trying to find the reason I lost you in the first place. Nostalgia convinces me you were better than you were and everytime I have to allow you to disappoint me to remember the reason I left.

It is not that I dont love you, but isn’t it during the New Year where we promise to give up bad habits that we will typically come back to? So let’s play a game of hide and seek and I will pretend that you no longer have a place in my heart until nostalgia makes me stumble upon you once more.

Happy New Year,.. but let’s not pretend we magically became more than what we were because of it.

You are the words I have been searching for, the stairway that unwraps each breath with another muffled wish. There are many ways to leave someone, many ways to promise your heart it’ll wear a new that doesn’t cut through its tongue on its walls again.

I fall in love with people who are all the universes I don’t know how to be, and though I don’t mind the passing of time, I mind it passing without you.

Somewhere along the way I became good at holding things without touching them, and when you start to miss me, just remember, I’m only as far away as you pushed me. I survived you, even though I wasn’t planning on it.

Collaboration with Myself (Normal) and @teacup13 (italics)

[quay-writes-poetry]

Excuse me, but I think I forgot my name somewhere in your smile. You see, I’ve spent days rehearsing the words I would say to you but I can’t seem to find any of them in your presence.

Spring makes promises of forever that don’t hold up in autumn. So forgive me if my words come out a little more slowly as we talk; I’m just doing my best to make promises that will last through the winter.

I’m sorry if my hands shake, I’m just scared of dropping things that matter and for some reason I’m not sure if I should be trying to carry your heart. So ask me my secrets and see how I read them to you like a book. Tell me yours and watch how they’re never spoken about like a trap door that leads to treasure. Tell me you love me and I will anchor my loyalty to you but please, do your best not to hurt me.

- And I’d rather you tell me you don’t feel the same way than to act as if you do. Because the truth will come eventually won’t it?

They say life is one long survivors guilt, but I’ve been sentenced to erasing every vowel that doesn’t fit inside of your name. I’m not magic. I can’t fix what has cut you into a sleepless sunset, but I can hold you against me and listen. And though spring is just the death of my heart, it’s not that you’re further away, I just need you closer today.

Every time I find myself, the search begins again, yet you still know how to make it quieter inside my head, and louder inside my chest. I live in what you'll never hear.

I live in what I'll love you with. My dreams have all turned into you. I won’t promise I’m worth it, but I am hopeful.

We’re all just moments in time trying to be infinite

Collaboration between myself (normal font) and @teaspirationss (italics)

[quay-writes-poetry]

And these squeaky floorboards do nothing but remind me of where you once placed your feet on your way to find me.

Why do these mirrors only give me flashbacks of our reflection in them? The shower still has your conditioner sitting beside the handle, I still don’t have the heart to throw it away.

I leave memories of you scattered across the house and I’m not sure if it helps me feel less lonely or only reminds me how alone I have truly been since you left me.

I sometimes find my voice in the middle of the day, but what good is it if it isn’t followed by your laughter? If I can’t see how it makes you smile?

I know that you have probably moved on, that you have probably found someone else that makes your heart skip like my touch once did, I just hope that he knows your favorite songs, I still find myself humming them when I think of you.

I hope he knows that you bite your nails when you get nervous, that sometimes you forget to eat when you’ve had a bad day.

That you love to watch love stories but hate how you feel like you’ll never have one, I guess I let you down with that too.

I miss you,

And I know you won’t respond, but I needed to let you know that I haven’t forgotten you like you thought I would.

I don’t regret loving you,.. but sometimes I wonder if I would have been better off never knowing you.

- And I don’t know if I mean that... it’s just everything we did together feels a lot less lifelike without you.

—

You know I can’t respond, but that doesn’t mean I have forsaken all of the nights that perch my soul whenever I stray too far away from myself.

I still visit those senseless conversations that you and I had whenever I’d awake to the faint whispers of the stars. Your eyes would glint with happiness so pure, I’d forget what a midnight sky looked like.

I’ve struggled to find a touch that jolts my heart quite as sweetly as yours once did.

I’ve drifted off into arms so foreign just to find a place that feels like home.

And I guess that’s the hardest thing I’ve tried to do, finding home.

A place to rest my heart after a long day, a smile to place my kiss upon every time love consumes me.

Although I’ve gotten over you, I can’t help but wonder about what could’ve been.

You’ll always be a part of me, how could you not when a piece of my soul is still cradled in your mind.

Collab with @unliquified (Italics) and Myself (Normal)

[quay-writes-poetry]

Hold my love in your shaking hands and tell me that it will all be ok in the end. Whisper courage into my ear like it’s our little secret that you don’t want any else to overhear.

Tell me how reckless I have become while fixing everything I’ve broken in myself. I don’t know how long it takes for waves to reach the shore but I imagine It might feel just as nice whenever you reach out for me.

The sea never wonders if the shore will remain. It is simply drawn to it over and over again. Always pulling sand back into it but never taking it all, and isn’t that what we have become?

Just as the shore does not lay claim to the ocean I do not deluded myself with thoughts of possessing you, but one thing I do ask.

If you care for me, tell me because Im afraid the waves aren’t always going to bring you back to me.

To be fair, I’ve never thought of courage as something we should whisper about. Courage is the fear inside of itself when loving each other seems too hard to grasp, so lets yell.

And to think,

Was I ever yours in the first place? Was I something of possession - property of your love that contained shaking hands and water and sand and recklessness?

Let’s determine how long it takes the moon to give up his breath for the sun, how long it takes sunflowers to determine which way the sun sits, how long it will take for you to come back to me, If I was ever yours.

We have both made mistakes in this lifetime and I wish I had the courage to apologize - maybe someday this will make up for it. But until then, let's whisper the love that we don’t want anyone else to hear. Just love.

- So if I matter to you in any way, tell me because i’m terrified that one day i won’t have you.

Collaboration with @lounsbury (italics) and myself (normal)

[king-in-yellow]

@collababortion replied to your post: i provide no warning other than screening for cat...

BRING YOUR GOBLIN CHILD NEXT TIME YOU VISIT. I love him and I will scream a LOT

IT IS A DATE but then you have to commit to carrying him around all day and doing his dark bidding (unfortunately he hates cars and presumably planes)

[tehnakki]

collababortion replied to your post “re: the starfleet deltas, they look like they might be...”

Have you considered making a tiling pattern and printing it via spoonflower? You can get it on spandex even

from spponflower website “We do not have metallic ink, so you will need to simulate that look with your colors.” Hmmmm..... I guess I could try to fake a gold colour. I don’t think it will look great though :-/

[redwrensailing]

@collababortion it’s called serial reader and you choose a book to subscribe to (they have lots of classics, pretty much everything is in the public domain) and every day at a specific time they send you a short chunk that will take 10-15 minutes to read - if you pay for the app, you can read ahead and do a couple other things. it’s really cool and i like it a lot, i’m hoping that once i get back to work and stuff it will at least force me to read for a little bit when i get home in the afternoons rather than just staring at my computer.