seen from Germany
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seen from United States
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seen from United States
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Oogh. I’m realizing it would fuck severely to get that picture I’m missing from, take the outline of where I’m supposed to be, and fill it with “proof of my unworthiness to be a part of this family”. Do I necessarily want to post my family of origin’s faces on the internet like that? No. But it would be pretty fucking cool
ohhhh I need to do a collage with "I'm not a good person" over Helena and "I'm barely a person at all" over Helly
“The monster— the freak is leaving. You’re safe.” Is prime collage material. And it’s from The Birdcage.
Back on my Grinch v (AOTM!)Alastor bullshit: “Nice kid. Bad judge of character” is EXACTLY the kind of thing (AOTM!)Alastor would say about Charlie and I may in fact have to put it in the Charlie collage
Okay, so I’m thinking of rolling person suit and scar tissue into one collage
I’m probably going to have to make multiple out of some of the really really big collections if I want to use all/almost all of the material
I think I’m splitting the animal one into animal and gender
I think I’m making a mom one where I contrast Alastor’s recollections of his mom with my experience of my mother, probably with “I Endured Childhood Trauma and All I Got Was This Shitty Internal Monologue” (I’m so selfish/it’s always about me/I’m a fucking monster/and I’m so greedy/I won’t dare cry I know I’m a manipulative bitch//I can try to defend myself from all the shit you say/but it feels so goddamn true/it’s gotten in my mind/it’s hard-wired in my brain/and now my thoughts just echo you)
Im not doing a specific You are Umasou and Land Before Time collage. That can go in different theme works (the cannibalism ones)
I might make a specific Charlie, Alastor and narcissism one with the “mirror traps” poem: “there is something wrong with me./there is something wrong with me that is also wrong with you” because I’m rotating that dynamic my fucking mind.
I’m thinking of making one called “you also do that” that highlight the similarity he has with each of the characters (what he describes as narcissism with Charlie, his and Vaggie’s disregard for rapists and people who commit murder out of bigotry, his and Cherri’s boredom, his and Husk’s “fucked up sort of friends[hip]” and the suicidality, Rosie also having ASPD and basically teaching him how to person… that could be one or separate ones for each. I could do a Niffty one too because their relationship is also precious. The way he describes trying to get it right to hug her. My heart is going to explode. That’s his family!!! Ohhhh maybe his and Niffty’s similarity is rage.)
I have more ideas but don’t feel like writing them out here
I need to put some “Bittersweet” in the collages…
“I’m not trying to hurt you; I just love to speak!” Needs to go on the volume control one
“I don’t think I can take the way you make me out to be” is going on the “dog” and/or “Alastor and Vaggie” and/or “narcissistic sociopath” collage
Hmmmgh I am going to explode with ideas and feelings
Oh I DEFINITELY need to go to sleep because some part of my brain was fixing to write back “do you know which one grandma threatened to kill me with?” 1 no she doesn’t, she wasn’t there 2 mom isn’t going to take that seriously
Also the whole knife rack makes me want to pair the whole picture with “I come with knives” (I never promised you an open heart or a charity!) the way the big knife on the left looks so opalescent is so pretty
I’ll just pick one and crop it for the. I think “wish fulfillment of being treated like a person” collage. Actually fucking bonkers that my grandma pulled a knife on me while I was backed in against a wall and like, seven year old autistic me was like oh wow, I might die here??? Or she might be joking??? (I did not know the word hyperbolic yet; I was too little)
Oh I definitely need to add “for me it was something that fundamentally changed my neurochemistry for you it was a Tuesday” C-PTSD quote to the “wish fulfillment of being treated like a person” collage. If anyone has it handy send it my way or I will find it when I wake up. Thanks
I hope I tagged this comprehensively enough, sorry if I made anyone uncomfortable
