September 10, 1608: John Smith is elected council president of Jamestown.
WHERE: A council meeting in the English settlement of Jamestown, located in present-day Virginia.
Several colonists and John Smith stand around as a vote concludes.
COLONIST 1: So, with a nearly unanimous vote, except for Douglas...
DOUGLAS: SORRY, I HAVE MY DOUBTS.
COLONIST 1: John Smith, you have hereby been elected to be president of this brand new colony!
Everyone claps and cheers (even Douglas).
JOHN SMITH: Thank you, everyone. I am honored to be able to serve this brand new settlement in this brand new world. I will serve this settlement with striking commitment and full dedication. Almost nothing will be able to stop our development as a strong new society here in this strange and wonderful land!
Everyone cheers. Douglas gets up.
DOUGLAS: Wait a minute....
COLONIST 1: UGH DOUGLAS LEAVE HIM ALONE.
DOUGLAS: No no no, I have a concern.
JOHN SMITH: What is it, Douglas?
DOUGLAS: Almost nothing.
JOHN SMITH: Excuse me?
DOUGLAS: You said almost nothing will be able to stand in my way.
JOHN SMITH: That's correct.
DOUGLAS: So something could stand in your way?
COLONIST 1: Douglas--
DOUGLAS: LET HIM ANSWER THE QUESTION.
JOHN SMITH: I assure! There is almost absolutely no way I'll fail in any of my duties!
DOUGLAS: What is it??? What can stand in your way?
JOHN SMITH: Why true love of course.
There is a pause. Then confusion. Then some applause. Then some questioning.
COLONIST 1: Excuse me?
DOUGLAS: True love?
JOHN SMITH: You know, if true love comes in and sweeps me off my feet. There's really nothing I can do.
COLONIST 1: Mr. Smith, you are one of the fiercest leaders here.
JOHN SMITH: That's nice of you to say.
COLONIST 2: One of the reasons I voted for you was because I know how good you are at killing savages.
JOHN SMITH: I'll kill all the savages I can that I'm not in love with!
DOUGLAS: WHAT? In love with savages???
JOHN SMITH: I'm a leader, I'm not a fortune teller, Douglas.
COLONIST 3: So you're saying you could fall in love?
JOHN SMITH: Well who couldn't fall in love? Of course I can.
COLONIST 4: Do you intend to fall in love with a savage?
JOHN SMITH: I don't intend to, no.
COLONIST 4: Then DON'T.
JOHN SMITH: I'M GOING TO TRY NOT TO. I PROMISE. BELIEVE ME, I HATE IT WHEN MY HEART TELLS ME WHAT TO DO. IT MAKES THE REST OF MY BODY JEALOUS.
DOUGLAS: So you're not going to run off on us?
JOHN SMITH: Not if I'm not in love!
DOUGLAS: Then don't fall in love.
JOHN SMITH: That's like asking the wind not to blow!
COLONIST 6: Would you ever consider dating a woman colonist here, John?
JOHN SMITH: As nice as you are, Regina, that's a big no.
COLONIST 1: Oh my God you're totally going to fall in love with an Indian!
JOHN SMITH: Look, I'm going to be here for a long time. This is a big time. Who knows what's gonna happen! But do you know what I do know? I know that I will make sure we continue to put food on the table. I know that I will ensure safe homes for all that live here. And I know that we will get along with those who live in our surroundings. I know those are a fact.
DOUGLAS: That's good to hear. Thank you.
JOHN SMITH: I also know that I have a heart that wants some lovin'. And I know that I love free spirits who run around and have fun and jump off of waterfalls.
DOUGLAS: Johhhhhnnnnnn.
JOHN SMITH: Hey! There's nothing more important than this town!
DOUGLAS: That's right.
JOHN SMITH: Except for love!
DOUGLAS: Ah crap. He's already a goner.
AND THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.