#comedicmonologue

[exposingmytruth]

My best comedy cry. #thegoodplace #comedicmonologue #comedy #sitcom 🎥: @getcinematic https://www.instagram.com/p/CCcYyHQH0zg/?igshid=j6j71mskary8

[monologuesforteenagers]

Misery

When I was growing up in Bakersfield, my favourite thing in all the world was to go to the movies on Saturday afternoons for the Chapter Plays. … I know that, Mr. Man! They also called them serials. I’m not stupid ya know… Anyway, my favourite was Rocket Man and once it was a no breaks chapter. The bad guy stuck him in a car on a mountain road and knocked him out and welded the door shut and tore out the brakes and started him to his death, and he woke up and tried to steer and tried to get out but the car went off a cliff before he could escape! And it crashed and burned and I was so upset and excited, and the next week, you better believe I was first in line. And they always start with the end of the last week. And there was Rocket Man, trying to get out, and here comes the cliff, and just before the car went off the cliff, he jumped free. And all the kids cheered! But I didn’t cheer. I stood right up and started shouting. This isn’t what happened last week! Have you all got amnesia? They just cheated us! This isn’t fair! He didn’t get out of the cockadoodie car!

[monologuesforteenagers]

He Is So Cute!

Oh My God! Do you think he likes me? (shrieks) He is sooooo cute. So cute! I can’t believe he came over and started talking to me. Oh my God, do I look okay? Did I look alright when he was talking to me? Oh my God, I feel my face is red, I feel hot. Was my face red when he was talking to me? Was I blushing? Oh my God, was I BLUSHING?! No, No? I was cool? I was cool? Okay good. (laughs) I was soooo nervous. So nervous! Up close, he has these really dark blue eyes. So dreamy! So, So dreamy! (laughs)(the boy she likes happens to walk by) (to her friends) Shh! Shhh! (laughs) He is so cute!

[monologuesforteenagers]

Never Been Kissed

I want to…I do…I, I want to know what it’s like.  I’m so afraid I’ll be bad at it though.  I watch how it’s done from the movies and t.v. and stuff but I don’t know if I can kiss like that.  How do they breathe?  You have to hold your breath, right?  Unless you get air through your nose but my nose is always stuffy.  Bad allergies.  What if I can’t kiss for long?  What if I faint?  Has anyone ever fainted from kissing?  (beat) What will people think??

Well, you see, there’s this guy, Johnny.  He likes me.  I know he likes me cause he told me he likes me and I like him too.  He wants to take me to the movies and I have a feeling he wants to kiss me and I am so nervous about it.  What if people watch us instead of the movie?  What if they see how bad of a kisser I am?!

No, forget it!  Forget it, I am not going to kiss Johnny at the movies, it will have to be somewhere else.  Oh!  Maybe when he walks me to my door, maybe then I’ll let him kiss me and that would be so nice….(she goes off dreamily but then snaps back)

Okay!  So that is my game plan.  No kissing unless he walks me to my door. That’s that.  But how do I practice?  Is there a way to practice?  What should I do?  Do I move with his lips?  What if he uses his tongue?  Ill, I might freak out! Awww, this is so stressful.  No tongue, just lips and only for a few seconds and I’ll run in my house and pray that I wasn’t a bad kisser.

[monologuesforteenagers]

Apple Cider, Baby

Ooh, yes, they got the good kind here!   Crispy and tasty.  Mmm, Mmm, Mmm. Do you know what? I’m addicted to this stuff, I am head over heals addicted to APPLE CIDER. (beat)  No, it’s not the alcoholic kind, the juice kind, the healthy kind. But it’s getting out of control, I’m drinking this shit for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Joey bought it from the store around spring time, it’s winter now and I haven’t stopped! This vicious drink is pounding on the pounds!  Ha!  My mum says it’s the sugar.  I don’t know what it is but the hips aren’t getting any thinner that’s for sure. (like a commercial – holding up a container of apple cider) Apple cider, I love this shit, there’s all kinds, pomegranate apple cider, cinnamon apple cider, banana apple cider!  On those long and lonely rainy days, I sprinkle a little extra cinnamon on my cinnamon apple cider and it goes down so sweet, smooth and gentle for my tummy. Mmmmm, yummy. When I haven’t drunk enough apple cider, I get these dreams, these real bad dreams that apples are running away from me and I’m chasing them for miles, over fields, rivers, forests…I wake up EXHAUSTED, completely exhausted, but at least I’m relieved the cider is waiting, it’s always there.  Joey leaves it on my bedside before he leaves for work, first thing I wake up to. And believe me, I can’t wake up without it. I’m an absolute beast without it to start my day. I’ll give up anything but my cider, baby.

[nerdywordsmith]

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Me taking full ownership of the crowd with my stage presence lol. #ComedicMonologue #Nerdboy #MoreThanARapper #mcmeansmovethecrowd (at Wyndham Pittsburgh University Center)