#comedy philosophy

[springthorpeman]

Norm MacDonald had a great idea (I don't remember the quote) that is the foundation of my comedy philosophy:

"Applause is voluntary, you choose to do it; laughter is involuntary, it just happens. I'd rather get laughter than applause because laughter is more real and raw that applause."

(This is why comedy is better than drama)

[joedoyleleicester]

Some random philosophy from like, 2 years ago...

THE PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE Part 1 - Birth Birth; How boring and painful. I could only imagine it being as though you were forcing your way out of a lubricated bouncy castle entrance which is far too small for you to fit through. At the time you would probably wish it to be over and done with, but it never is. Like brushing your teeth, it just lasts too long. The real annoyance in it all is when you’re finally out in the light, to look down and see yourself naked, covered in cervical mucus, and with a tiny dick! What could be more shameful than that. Well, the nurse assisting your birth could be gorgeous. That would be a real bitch, 2 seconds into your life and you’re already embarrassed, ashamed, and covered in shit! My ideal birth would be like a musical when a main character enters, everyone shuts up and cares about the one person making a huge entrance. If I had a choice, I’d leap out with a top hat and cane and start doing a stand up musical performance with some tap dancing along the side. But that, sadly, would never happen. If I was smart enough to do improvised singing and dancing at the age of zero, I would have a serious case of autism, which would probably leave me stupid, to any age, at the age of ten! But in my fair opinion it would be worth it. Along side the fact that no baby would ever be that smart, there’s also the fact that I would have no muscle and would actually just be a lump of fat, skin and weak bones. Unless I did push ups or sit ups in the womb, which would also be impossible due to the lack of space. Having a boring birth. It’s like considering Smurfs being blue, it’s inevitable and always will be. But the inevitability of the fact that Smurfs are in fact blue brings up the legendary conundrum of the what colour the skin turns when they’re being choked. Obviously with the Smurfs being extinct in 1067AD, we can’t test, but it has been questioned many a time. Along side that, how do Smurfs reproduce? Donny Darko considered they A-sexually reproduce, but my mind wondered from that thought and considered a much more realistic theory. If a Smurf A-sexually reproduces, why do they bother wearing trousers? And why would there even be a female Smurf? Maybe it’s a deformity, but if it was they seem to live with it quite well and ignorant of the fact that it is an abomination to nature. Surely there must be another explanation. There is! My theory of Smurfs history is that the female Smurf is in fact a deformity, but the male Smurfs knew this, and knew that without these deformities living among them then their race would die out, so they raped, killed, and burned all but one female Smurf, as ordered by Papa Smurf, the overlord of all Smurfs. This one female Smurf is the Smurf the society of Smurfs reproduce with. It’s a cruel theory I know, but it explains a lot. They wear the trousers because they do in fact have genitalia, they have a female Smurf so that they can reproduce, and why Papa Smurf is looked up to for all his wisdom. If they hadn’t killed off all the female Smurfs, then their berries they collected all so gaily would have gone to waste as there would be more hungry mouths to feed! After them having worked in the kitchen and in front of an iron, ironing white trousers after possibly being washed using Daz, they must be hungry. Now, with them all but one wiped out, then they only need to feed one. When we discovered them having been extinct, we did weep... For all but the female Smurf. They all worked so hard collecting the berries, now so rare they are worth millions per berry. Occasionally, I do see an honourable man showing his respects by painting his entire body blue, wearing white trousers, and marauding around killing, raping and maiming women. The Smurfs were a proud race who inspired many generations to come, one of which being the Woad warriors, who painted themselves blue, and raped any women they could, all in respect to the late Smurfs. So, childbirth, as you can see, is blatantly boring unless the child has severe Autism or has been doing push ups in the womb.