I'll just write into this thing like it's my journal tonight, I think. Not gonna go into my day cause fuck that, it's done now. But I'll write something. If I seem like my attention is shattered, Like I'm not always with you Please, don't think that it's you I'm drowning in a sea of tears Like Alice in the Looking Glass Complicated grief, they call it. A loss of multiple close ones In too short a space of time. Immediately; Rosemary (my Mum), Rory (my dog), Roy (my biological maternal grandfather), Dom (one of my best friends), Anthea (a good friend from uni) Lessons on self victimisation, and companionship, and breaking cycles, and compassion, and mortality. Goodbye 2014. I'm making this year about my heart and my art and my grief and my words. And love. Always love. Less recently; Ace (my cousin) John (my uncle), Aaron (an acquaintance), Dan (a close friend, an old housemate) and Lily (one of my first online friends, when I was very young). Lessons in family and it's complexities, in the effects of social pressures, stigma and prohibition. I want to let you all go but I can't. I never will and somehow perhaps through expression I will find a way to honour you all, and find some relief in that.