Since starting my new job, I have begun saying a number of new phrases. But don't be confused, these phrases aren't *because* of the new job, the timing just eerily lines up. I am literally the only person I know saying these things so it's not like I picked them up from new coworkers.
1. All inanimate objects are now addressed as "friend". Printer not working? Come friend. Computer loading slowly? Oh friend. Added bonus for a deep sigh of disappointment followed by "...friend..." as I pet whichever piece of technology is currently acting up.
2. So that I don't yell swear words at work, I now say "curses" but with the same energy as if I were actually swearing. Just. Literally that. Smash my finger? "Curses." Drop a stack of paper? "Curses." Tbf this one has more direct correlation because I work directly with children, but this happened completely unintentionally. Like. This was not a switch I attempted to make. It just kind of happened one day and hasn't stopped.
3. Apparently I say "bruh" now. I... I don't know where this came from. But this is now how I express my disappointment to the shit drivers of my city who either are going much too slowly in front of me on my way to work, are going much too quickly past me on my way to work, or who blow through? very red lights?? next to me on my way to work. Like. Bruh. Come on.
Bonus: while leaving work today, I encountered in quick succession: a car indicating a left turn at an intersection where there... was no road to the left? Where ya goin bud? And a truck just APPEARING behind me in the moments between watching traffic ahead of me and checking my mirrors. Where did you come from?? To which my brain provided: are we encountering Cotton Eyed Joe? (Because apparently I am a walking talking shitpost machine)