An interesting thread on comments and comment culture passed by on my dash, and for some reason it hooked me in. As usual, I started off wanting to say one thing and next thing I know, I'm 4k in with thoughts that everyone wants to hear. Right?
I left most of it on the post, talking about how comments used to be conversations, and how it never feels like people address the vulnerability of leaving a comment when they try and encourage more feedback.
I don't have answers. It's a cultural shift and how do things end up shifting again? Something big like a new platform or a radical change will probably have to appear before things go in a different direction, whatever it may be.
So no, I don't have an answer. I can say what helps me out, personally, when trying to remember why I want to go through the work of leaving a comment:
I write. I know from the other side what comments feel like. I remind myself of the excitement of seeing a notification pop up. (Obviously if you don't write, this doesn't help that much lol.)
Whatever I fear them judging me for, I can almost guarantee someone else has already judged me for something much worse. I mean, come on. I know the sort of things I write or rec.
I've done it enough I have a template in my head of how to write a comment. There are a few resources for that floating around that are good for getting started. Practice makes perfect.
Applying techniques from therapy. I'm not great at it, or have really internalized it, but at least aware that my fears are being egged on by anxiety, by past bad experiences, by the special hell of rejection sensitive dysphoria.
Easier said than done, especially on certain days, but just... running out of fucks to give. Like, oh my god self, so what if some author thinks I was too enthusiastic about their fic? What does it matter? They're just another random person on the internet, what are they going to do? Laugh at me? Then they're the one being a jackass, AND they don't get any more comments. Whatever.
And on that last one, if it's feeling impossible, like it'll never happen... holy shit this is going to sound condescending, but give it some time. Me from 10 years ago would have laughed at the idea of not caring what someone else thought. At some point, without me really noticing, I just could not care what some rando on the internet thought. It wasn't an active 'no I'm not going to care', it was 'wow I cannot find the energy to give a shit about you'. (But I can still find it to be mad when someone is Wrong on the Internet, so.)
I bring that up because every time I find out someone's age lately, I'm like, Jesus Christ. I forget how young fandom - esp tumblr - skews. Cause of course, I'm still young! It's not like I'm old, it's just that everyone is... younger... than... me. Wait. But for real, being in your late teens SUCKS. (Maybe you're lucky and they don't, but I doubt.) Being in your early 20's somehow sucks even more??? Being in your 20's period sucks. You couldn't pay me to be 20-anything again.
(Thinking of all the fandom people on here 20, 30 years older than me being like lol, you're still so freaking young :D )
Every comment I get these days I hoard like a dragon, and anytime I'm feeling crappy about writing or about some new thing being a bomb, I pull those suckers out and reread them for ages. I've got a whole doc just of tumblr comments, cause there's no other good way to find them again. if I'm really desperate, I go poke to see if there's any new bookmarks on my fic, in case they dropped a tag or put in a collection of favs or left a note of some sort (ya'll know authors can see those right?).
And I'd say I'm a pretty confident writer. I know I write a lot of niche stuff in tiny fandoms, so comparatively, I probably get a lot of comments. I have a moderately high opinion of my writing skills, so I'm mostly not sitting there going 'oh god I'm the worst writer ever', whereas I know that's the case for a LOT of fic writers. I'm mostly just sitting there like 'why didn't it hit the spot? why won't anyone say anything? I am so desperate to talk shop please anyone give me an excuse!!'.
So just... yeah. Throw an emoji at me. Throw a gif at me. Throw a novel that takes six comment boxes at me. Throw the exact same comment at fifteen different chapters/fics. I love it all.
(And hey. If you just lurk and read, it's okay. I get it. I still love you too.)
hi! i'm a. on ao3, and i've been reading you for a year now. i saw your post about feedback and i wanted you to know whar your writing has done for me. this isn't a pity thing-you've made a shitty year more enjoyable for me. i'll come back and reread your stuff when i'm frustrated or angry. i had someone close to me get sick and pass away when you were posting your kinktober fic, and it's why i was able to get through that period. rn fluffuary is helping me thru med school finals!
Aw man anon, it took me a while to answer this but this seriously means so much to me. This totally made my week!
I always say I write for myself, because I love whatever it is I’m writing - and this is true! But I post for other people, and that - that is about 50% hoping people will like the fic for *me*, 50% hoping that people will enjoy it for *them*. I have so many fics I go back and read that make me feel all kinds of things and I’m so glad those authors posted them. If I can be that author for anyone else, that’s one of the absolute best things.
Which is a really long winded way of saying that you telling me that reading my work has helped you get through things is like, the highest possible compliment and I have no words for how thrilled it makes me!
I really hope things improve for you (and you survive med school yikes!) and thank you so much for telling me this. <3
Hello, will you spend most of your life writing love stories about Tom holland and jake Gyllenhaal, and Peter parker and Quentin beck?
(This is an ask I’m answering without the sender’s name attached, because I don’t want anyone to possibly bother them because of anything I say.)
Hi!
First off, your enthusiasm for this ship is great! It's so small and seeing people excited about it is always a boost. I'm really glad that you want people to keep writing for it.
However, I think your approach to discussing this ship with others could use a little readjusting. You see, at this point I have now received this question, and very slight variations on it, 12 times across four different platforms. Friend, I'm very happy that you're enjoying this fandom, but that is excessive.
Especially since I have answered you twice before this. We even had a conversation that perhaps has slipped your mind.
I've gathered from several others that I am not the only person you are repeatedly contacting, and I'd strongly suggest you to back off a little. With the repetition and frequency, it comes off very bot like and rather pushy. It seems you also have very specific ideas of the fics you would like to see; we've all been there, trust me! But when someone is not interested in writing that, continuing to ask them is kind of rude. You might have a better go of it if you find someone willing to take commissions.
The other thing is – the best, the absolute best ways to support and encourage creators, to keep them creating, is to interact with their work. To comment and kudo and like and reblog their works – nothing is better than that. If I have two fics I'm thinking about writing, one that is wanted by a person who's left a lot of comments and reblogged, the other wanted by someone who has sent a nonspecific ask... the first one is going to win.
I don't say this to be unkind or pressure you, but as far as I can tell, you have never reblogged anything I've done, never kudo'd anything I've written, and the two comments you left said absolutely nothing about the fic they were left on. This seems true of other creators as well. That is very discouraging.
I hope you don't take this as an attack, because this ship can always use some more cheerleaders. But if your end goal is to keep spiderio writers writing for the rest of their lives, your approach could use some adjustment.
