#comp.co

[abuzd]

idk how to just... come back. idk who i even am. dav drove in such harsh stakes at us. after, we thought, was 2 years of helping him. to use all that fucking info on us so fucking specifically, while we are dissociatively so dissociatively dissected and i had to function SO HARD just to SURVIVE that fucking onslaught of hyper-specific personal attacks he KNEW would get to our jugulars.

it's not like i didn't collectively know dav was absolutely off his rails, and it wasn't necessarily about me, but fuck if his @'s me werent @ me so goddamn directly. like jfc he even sent maeve texts that he knew i'd read and hate specifically because he knows i have a fucking vagina and was raped 400+ times in my CHILDHOOD ALONE. amd he KNEW THAT!!!! he knew that and he Used It against me. against mae. to hurt mae & me. he used me to hurt maeve.

why do people use me to hurt the people inlove most :( why is nothing i do Enough to stop it from happening? even when we didn't do anything wrong this time. even though we didn't do anything to deserve it. still Used. still a Weapon. :(

[abuzd]

we're all here,to have a good time. and honestly i'm not relaxed right now. please talk to me. but like i'm 5. more like 10. word it like im 10. ?

we all have autism Here (dissociatively fragged, but still we all Got It in here). so talk to me@MySelf like weBi am 10 yrs old. bc a lot of Me is under 10 (neaurologically, developmental-wise). so it's not Patronising. it's Efficient. it's the easiest way to get your point accross 2 me.

ROOK

playing!!,!:// RunApp>

> VAs>//visual + vocal aids in teaching/learning

mrs wolf? misses Puff{{DW//Ref//cb//}add to comms} ROOC🗝️⏏️

>OVERRIDE//body//vessel{DaddyRobot}//E.bluey!}}

>END TASK

[abuzd]

push my face into a puddle of my own words on the ground and rub my nose in them. tell me what i said wrong. punish me. but tell me what i did wrong. i'll lick my words up off the ground willingly and re-swallow. eating my own words never tastes good but i'll eat them off the ground if you tell me to. if i make a mess of my words, i've learned to rub my own nose in it. there's no way to punish me that i don't already punish myself. but i'll learn better when someone else does it. i need the perspective of the ones holding me by the back of my neck. tell me what words to lick back up, and i'll swallow. i'll swallow every word i'm told, and i'll swallow every word I want to speak, if all i make is a mess. a disorganised shitty puddle of communication. i'll rub my own face in it.