The Curious Case of Jared Smith
so, @completelyunabashed and I just were discussing this tweet and came to a startling, inevitable conclusion:
Darren Criss is Jared Smith
Poor Chuck was living an introverted, shy life in an extroverted demanding house and just needed someone else to take the pressure off. His parents wanted a lot more from him, he just wanted to listen to music. One day he was at the neighborhood park when he spotted another little boy who looked just enough like him playing alone near the monkey bars. He was one of the Smith kids.
The Smiths lived in the same cul-de-sac as the Crisses and had seven children. Two sets of twins, one teenage daughter, a brand new baby boy, and Jared.
Chuck knew Jared from the neighborhood, small and curious, a wanderer who spent most of the day outside playing with another neighbor girl who had a soccer ball and used him as a goalie.
Chuck brought Jared home to his parents - kidnapped, really - but what does that mean to a little kid? His parents were naturally aghast at the sudden appearance of new little boy who did actually look a bit like them. But he wasn’t their son and really did need to go back to his family.
But then Jared started doo-wopping across the kitchen floor, something Chuck would never do, and The Crisses decided that Jared, soon to be Darren, would do nicely. Even if his hair was curly, that wasn’t enough to throw anyone off.
Chuck signed in relief and escaped to the sanctuary of his room for the next several years while Darren took on the attention of their parents. This is, of course, why we’ve never seen any photos of Darren under the age of 6.
Of course at some point the Crisses decided that perhaps Jared - now Darren - should go back to his family (and maybe they too had grown a little exhausted of Darren, formerly Jared, who was now 8 and quite a handful). The Smiths seemed not to realize that Jared - now Darren - had been missing (3 doors down the cul-de-sac) for a number of years. Though with 6 other kids with 2 set of young twins it’s not hard to imagine how things could go unnoticed.
The Smiths took Darren - once again Jared - back until his early teenage years, but Darren missed his new family too much. Missed his new, albeit quiet brother quite a lot, and his new parents who loved his doo-wopping so much. His original parents had to divide their time and attention over quite a few kids. So the Smiths walked Darren back over to the Crisses and handed him over with a guitar and a permanent new name.
And Darren has happily lived as Darren ever since.
And the girl at Bottlerock who called Darren out as Jared Smith? That’s the girl he used to play soccer with. She never quite forgot him and has been wondering where Jared went for decades.
And that is the Curious Case of Jared Smith Darren Criss
