Like a creepy stalker... I've seen this man since I was perhaps four years old, running up or down this same street/ hill. So he's been doing this at least twenty years. I've talked about him on my Tumblr before, but as a kid I almost sort of idolized him, or admired him in some way. I think it was because I could relate to him. I remember being in a car seat and me and Gramm would see him. She'd say something like "You know he has a problem. He has a compulsion. Something is wrong with him. He has to do that." And I definitely could see it. I remember looking at him from my seat, and the energy and look that seemed to drive him forward wasn't the perhaps usual sort of pain of exhertion, but that of anxiety. That of being fearful you can't, but have to and can't get it done quick enough or right for fear of what happens next. I reflect often about how I could be like him. And for a while, have been in some ways. People on the street or in the store recognize me from seeing me run everywhere. One time a guy said the ones he sees all the time are me and this guy. I half joke with Gramm, like I'd want to invite him to my birthday party or wait up on the hill for him to pass so I can stop and talk to him, or wait for him to finally collapse and take him in our car to recover...probably have to have him in restraints to stop, but. Yeah. I wish I could talk to him. Maybe one day I will. When I saw him earlier I had to stop my self from running up next to him. In some way I so badly want to know what he's thinking, how he got where he is...how he's done this for so long. Part of me is jealous of him and has that admiration...at once it is because it definitely takes courage to keep going on like that, but also quite sad. I wish I could help him... I've seen him my whole life. Part of me wonders if there's some little kid that's seen me then. It's not something to particularly admire, and I'd hope not, but... yeah. Idk. Something. Ironically I was going to go to the mall but it was way to crowded when I drove this way, saw him, parked in the parking lot before walking out almost hoping maybe to say hello.... something #thoughts #ActuallyED #OCD #compulsiveexercise
