#concept farmer

[catgirl-kaiju]

Spare concept, ma'am? It's a long and dusty road and my horse needs sustenance.

Oh ho ho, we have plenty of tasty farm fresh concepts to nourish your starving steed!

Here's one that should pep your horse right up:

"You're a big kid now ( just turned 9) so you shouldn't be afraid of the basement, right? Only little kids are afraid of the basement; that's what you tell yourself.

And yet.

You could swear you've heard things moving down there, in the inky blackness. Shadows that clatter and creep on the edge of your vision. When you open the door and gaze down into that darkness your chest tightens and your stomach swims. Something is down there. You just know it.

Your parents don't believe you, of course. 'We go down there all the time and there's nothing scary down there. Just a bunch of old junk.' They're amused by your fear, but they don't exactly make you go down there. Often times they even keep the door locked. Are they hiding something?

'It's just so you don't accidentally hurt yourself. Those stairs are pretty rickety, you know?'

Makes sense, but it's still suspicious.

You have to know.

Today's the day. They left the door unlocked.

You're going down there.

Now.

Your chest is tight. You feel queasy.

Right foot first. You climb slowly, carefully down the stairs. They were rickety at that. The boards creak under the lightest step.

You take extra care to step lightly. Your chest tightens more and your eyes feel like they’re going to pop out of their sockets as you descend cautiously into the darkness.

At first you can only make out vague shapes in varying degrees of blackness, but soon your eyes begin to adjust to the darkness and things start to come into focus. You see a pull chain hanging from a small light fixture on the ceiling. 

Ah, finally some proper light.

You pull it. Around you are boxes, storage bins, shelves and general clutter. Some old christmas decorations, dusty books and antique toys in various states of uncleanliness. It feels like a weight has been taken off of you and you exhale a sigh of relief. It really was just a bunch of old junk down here, like your parents had said. How silly you’d been for thinking otherwise.

As you turn to start walking back up the stairs, you hear something rustle around somewhere in the basement behind all of the clutter. Your hear skips a beat. You can vaguely make out shapes shifting through gaps in the shelves and boxes as you snap your head about to the source of the sound.

Then, your hair stands on end as a low moan emanates from the moving masses beyond your view. At first you can’t move, but slowly, you begin to walk towards the moaning. You’re shaking and there is an immense weight in your chest, but you just have to know.

You have to know what’s been down here this whole time, tormenting you with the mere impression of its presence.

As you creep around the shelves, you see them.

Your parents. It’s definitely them, but they’re skin is taught on there bones and they’re pale as chalk and they’re...

Oh my god.

They’re partially engulfed by some sort of fleshy mass. It’s largely inscrutable, however you can make out large tubes pulsating and tendrils writhing.

“We told you it wasn’t safe down here.”

You turn to see your mother and father standing there, just as you know them.

“If only you’d listened. We really thought we could leave you out of this.”

Your father’s head opens like a flower and your mother’s stomach rips open. A mass of eyes and human teeth pour out, attached almost haphazardly to limbs and sacks of unknown function. As your parents peel apart before you, you look back to see who you now realize are your real parents gasping like beached fish, unaware of what was happening in front of them. Arms, which should not be arms, grab you and you are engulfed again in darkness.

You’re a big kid now, and you’re not at all afraid of the basement.

Your parents have even let you go down to feed the creatures they keep down there. They warn you to never tell others about them; you never know how they’ll react.

You look at the creature whose face you took and a shiver comes over you, but you think nothing of it.”

Ho ho ho, I do hope your horse enjoyed that concept, and I wish you good travels. I hear the roads you’re traveling are quite tricky. I wouldn’t trust them, if I were you.

[catgirl-kaiju]

Howdy, stranger! I’m just passing through these parts, and heard this might be the place to get a hearty concept to sustain me on the road ahead.

Oh ho ho, you've heard right, traveller! These are the freshest concepts this side of the north! Here's your juicy, savory concept just for you:

"A strange plant has started growing in your lawn. It is almost conical and a dark, almost black, brown in color. You've tried to identify it, but it doesn't properly resemble any plant you can find information on; it certainly isn't a common weed. Perhaps it is a rare form of succulent? You decide to try safely uprooting it to care for it in a pot. Perhaps some local botanists would find interest in your succulent specimen?

You pull and pull on the plant but cannot uproot it easily. Fortunately, you have some gardening tools. Using a small spade, you dig around the strange succulent; looking for its roots. It seems to go down deeper than you had thought, but you can't see any roots. Finally, you hit a layer of... something? Far too soft to be rock, far to firm to be clay. The succulent protrudes from this bizarre geological layer right under the dirt of the lawn.

And then it hits you: these must be the roots! A massive root structure to support this single plant! But why? Does it really require that much nutrients? Could this be a network of plants? You remembered learning about an ancient grove of trees in... somewhere... that was actually all one tree! This must be something lime that? But where were the other shoots, then?

You scour your yard and sure enough, there were more shoots that you had carelessly mistaken for dog droppings rudely left by your neighbors. This was a botanical wonder, and clearly needed to be preserved! Around the shoots, you tear up the grass, lay fresh soil, mulch, and metal edging. Your neighbors have noticed your smart new succulents and become enamored with them.

As they grow, they begin to lean over with gravity. They now resemble huge tapered trees, but lack any leaves or branches. What looks like bark, twisted in cracking rings around the bizarre trees, still the same near-black brown. You take photos and invite members of a local botanical society to come investigate these rare flora. Their reply was a polite appeal to please refrain from contacting them with jokes and hoaxes.

After a few months, they tower above your house. Your neighbors have also started reporting that these strange tree-like succulents are also growing in their yards. The trees keep growing they are becoming taller than any tree you have ever seen However, they keep leaning more and more you are worried the trees might damage your roof.

One day you are awoken by a violent earthquake. As you run out of the house, you see the whole neighborhood falling apart as a forest of trees grows violently through concrete, asphalt, and housing foundations. You feel a brief sensation of weighlessness before you are pulled violently towards the ground. Houses crumble and the ground cracks apart. The roots! They're rising up through the ground!

Wait, no. Not roots. You were wrong.

It was skin. These were...

My god, they were hairs.

The earth flakes of of the massive entity's skinand you slide helplessly with it, as you fall; catch glimpses of what might have been a face. Its massive eyes look straight past you. As you grasp the reality of this creature which destroyed your entire world by simply sitting up, you land with thud, a crunch and a crack. You no long have any worries."

Hoho, I do hope you enjoyed that one! Quite a flavorful concept!

[catgirl-kaiju]

For those who’ve requested Concepts from The Concept Farmer, I’m sorry y’all haven’t heard from them in a while. I hope I- I mean... they can pump out some fresh tasty concepts to y’all soon! Just hasn’t been that much energy for Concepts recently, unfortunately 😔

[catgirl-kaiju]

Yes! I’d love a concept please!

Hoho hehehe Well, here's a special concept just for you; plucked delicately from or finest concept trees.

A television flickers to life and on the screen is a middle aged man in a blue polo shirt with some sort of company logo. He's standing behind the island of an idyllic house kitchen. He looks out at you through the jittering light of the screen and begins gesticulating wildly while walking through the kitchen set. "Have you ever had this problem?" He points at a clean, empty counter. "Well have we got the product for you!" He shouts,"Introducing the--" the screen shakes in static and his words are scrambled and distorted. 

You look away from the screen. You're somewhere dark. All you can see is pitch blackness and the light of the television set. You try to get up but you find your arms and legs are bound to the cheap plastic chair you sit on. You look back at the screen. 

The static has cleared and now you see the same man holding some kind of plastic tool. It's composed of many moving parts and blinking lights. It strikes you as dangerous, yet domestic. "It'll turn boring old countertops…" He points the device at the counter and presses a button. Blinding white light explodes out of the tiny machine and the counter begins to wobble and distort in space. A ripple in reality scutters up the counter and cabinets as if the thing shuttered. The whole thing bubbled into a facsimile of the original counter constructed entirely of living tissue. The man walked over to the flesh cabinetry and stroked the hair that covered the imitation of a countertop as it breathed through its cabinet doors. "Finally: soft, warm countertops nice enough to lounge on!" He knelt down and patted the cabinets. "And, as an added bonus, you get a brand new friend for the whole family to enjoy! No more crumbs or spills…" He tosses some bread crumbs on the ground in front of the counter-thing. The bottom of the thing opened slightly, revealing a dark fleshy orifice out of which slithered a pink veiny tongue that licked up all the crumbs before retracting back into the creature. "Your new friend will clean it for you!" 

You struggle to escape the chair. In a desperate bid, you start rocking the chair back and forth until you fall to one side, the blue light of the television flickering across your face. Your fall made a loud bang and soon after, you hear the shuffling of footsteps. 

You're sweating, panting, but you can't scream. My god, why can't you scream? You can't even speak!Where the fuck are you?

A figure emerges from the shadows, and steps toward you. It's a different man in the same uniform worn by the man in the commercial. His face was dominated by a haunting smile.

He points the same device at you.

"I hope you understand now."

He presses the button.

You are alive, but everything is dark. You can hear voices and the shuffling of feet.

"And there you are, Mr and Ms Robinson! A brand new premium counter!"

"Oh, wow honey! Isn't it wonderful!"

"It sure is, Judy. Mighty fine piece of cabinetry!"

You're hungry, starving. You smell food. You can feel your mouth open and your tongue licks the ground. There is no taste.

"Oh, wow! Look Brad, it's already getting to work!"

You want to scream but you cannot.

"How long do these cabinets typically last?"

"Oh, they can live for hundreds of years if you treat them right! Now, I must be off! I hope you enjoy, have a great day!"

"We do, and you as well!"

You want to die, but you cannot.

There is only darkness and the cold, kitchen floor.

Wow, that sure was one tasty concept! I hope you enjoyed! Be sure to tell all your friends about my concept farm, I do enjoy the business!

[catgirl-kaiju]

I would love a nice juicy concept if you have the time for it miss!

Of course! Here is a nice juicy concept straight from roots of our juiciest concept tree:

"Horsedog"

Oh dear, that is quite a miniscule concept. Let me harvest another one for you. Ah yes, hoho, here is a sizable concept for you:

"Public Service Announcement for Brendale County:

It's Listener season, so please keep in mind these simple tips to keep yourself safe!

When you see a Listener or Listeners in the street, please make a safe detour and contact your local Lamplighter as soon as possible.

Do not come within 10 ft of the Listeners. Those who have wandered into their sphere of influence have reported an intense and disorienting silence followed sharp head pains. Witnesses have reported people in the SOI collapsing on the ground bleeding from eyes, mouth, and ears after 2 minutes

Do not look where their eyes would be if they were human. Witnesses have reported people engaging in this actvity curling their bodies backwards at extreme angles resulting in spine trauma and sometimes death.

Do not give them your name, please use a false name instead if giving them a name has become unavoidable.

Do not listen to what they say. They will promise you many things if you violate one of the above rules. They are lies. Avoid acknowledging them as much as possible.

Just follow these simple guidelines and you should have a safe few months!"

Hoho what juicy concept that was! I hope you enjoy, friend!

[catgirl-kaiju]

Thought I'd share the Saga of the Concept Farmer

So, one day on a sapphic discord server, I decided to perform an impromptu roleplay bit involving bizarre improvised flash fiction. Here is the record of the incident:

Send me asks if you want to receive a concept from the concept farmer.

[catgirl-kaiju]

Have you any concepts left? I don't have money, but I can do an honest day's labor...

Ho ho! Do not fear, friend for the concept fields are rich and plentiful! We have no need for currency here; there are plenty of concepts to go around and the cost is nothing you'll miss hehe. Here's a fresh, scrumptious concept dug from the roots of the concept tree for my poverty stricken friend:

"Oh no, you've broken your your favorite vase! As you clear away the broken shards, you see a small device that had been hidden inside. As you inspect it, you realize in dawning horror that this is some sort of listening device. Someone has bugged your home. You begin a thorough sweep of your home and begin to find more tiny listening devices and cameras. You begin to panic. Who could be watching you? And why? Suddenly, the front door busts down. You hear people yelling orders. You hide under your bed, the only place you can think to hide. A rubbery red hand grabs your arm and begins to pull you out. As you struggle you hear more barked commands and more red hands reach under to geab you. When they pull you out, you see a small group of people in red and white hazmat suits. They tie you hands and feet together with zipties and one of them slings you over their shoulder. You are carried out to a vehicle which resembled a swat truck in form, but an ambulance in color. You are thrown into the back. It's dark. You travel some great distance as your screams for help and your banging on the walls and floor of the truck are unheeded. When you arrive at their destination, they pull you violently out of the strange truck and through miles of pristine concrete hallways. Finally, they bring you to, what looks like, an operating room and strap you down on the table. You can hear voices arguing over you.

'What went wrong with this one?'

'I'm not sure. It should not have responded that way. We'll need a replacement. But, let's perform an autopsy and see if we can diagnose the malfunction.'

Oh my god. Where they talking about you? An Autopsy? But you weren't dead!

People in surgical gear loom over you. One pulls out a scalpel and begins making an incision down your stomache. You thought it should be extremely painful, but it didn't hurt at all. They opened up your abdomen witn mo pain. You saw something moving inside of you. They pull out organs that were unfamiliar to you. They were hideous squirming masses of polyps, tubes, and undulating sacks. One of the surgeons looks at your face.

'Oh god, it's still observing. Can someone deactivate it? It's giving me the creeps.'

You feel a slight tingle behind your ear and everything goes black."

Hoo hoo, I do hope you've enjoyed my farm fresh concept! Feel free to swing by the concept fields any time!

[catgirl-kaiju]

Answering last back log of Concept Farmer requests. If you'd like to ask The Concept Farmer for a tasty delicious concept, please submit an ask to my inbox and they'll answer you in due time