I wish I could stop caring, I wish I could just stop thinking about you, but the more I try to remove you, the more you appear on my thoughts.
I never thought what started out to be a random friend request could just change everything in my life. My meeting with you changed who I am. I used to think about suicide and self-pity. But you made me try to appreciate myself more and more. You showed me a wonderful world where the sky is blue and smiling is more than common. You helped me smile. Bit by bit, I could socialize.
I want to try and reach you. But I suppose I can never do that. You're like a star. So far out of my reach. I always ended up worrying whether I was good enough to even be your friend.
I taught you new things, and you did the same thing.
A year ago, I would never even thought of dating anyone. Because I was heartbroken. My first love was one-sided.
When my second love ended, you're still by my side, comforting me.
I trusted you. I feel like I could talk about everything with you.
In the end-- I fell for you.
But then I remembered about my last friendship. For me, it's rare for friendships to last over a year, because after that, everyone just leaves me. Slowly, bit by bit, everything just fades away from me, and before I know it, I can no longer connect with my friends. I know it's not their fault, I realize I'm just the odd one here. They're off with better friends and here I am, always starting over and try looking for new friends.
A part of me thought we're actually close to each other, but another part of me shows that we are much, much far away from each other.
Now it has come to this. We can't connect anymore. And I know I'm the one to blame.
If you don't care about me-- Please leave. I can't bear seeing you. Because I know you're happy without my presence. I know it's a selfish thought. My chest hurts every time I see or hear something that made me think of you.
Please stop torturing me. I can't sleep at night properly. I can't concentrate properly.
Because I keep on thinking about you.
#project hail mary
#photography
#heated rivalry