I Have Things I Need to Confront
That will be one of my greatest struggles but there are things about myself and my past that I MUST overcome if I'm going to let go of the past.
First off--my "dark period" as I call it when I allowed the feminine energy that's been hiding away to take over. Yes, I allowed it and invited it and that was my mistake. She didn't take over. I LET her. Now that she's faded and revealed herself as one of my spirit guides, when I can enter a trance I may yet have a long conversation with her. Clear the air, if you will.
Next--my bipolar and anxiety problems and what they REALLY do to me and filter through the conjectures and excuses. Confront my true self and dispel the self-loathing that stems from it.
Thirdly--my sentimentality and clinginess to the past and nostalgia. The past is the past and I can't, contrary to Jay Gastby's belief, repeat the past no matter how pleasing the nostalgia goggles make them seem.
Fourth--and this is a really important one but feeds from the first 3--my fear of change. The fear blinds me from my own changes and anytime someone even mentions they are feeling a change come on, I'm two steps away from a panic attack. I need to confront why that happens, without any of the self-victimization and excuses. The pure reasons.
Fifth--my clinginess and dependence on others at large. I rely on others far too much and neglect my intuition and self-knowledge. I need to see for myself the reasons why I do that.
A lot of this has come from my Awakening last night. It put into perspective a lot of my issues and problems. I want to do these not for anyone but for me. For the first time, I want to do something not to please someone else, even though most of these will make me a far more attractive person in general. I need to do what *I* need to do. I need to be better at being myself.
