WELL. My adviser who is like kind of the head of the TRF department...he's the chair...told me to not even worry that I haven't had an internship, and to not even bother getting one before/besides LA. What??? He basically played them down as usually being a waste of time, and totally not worth it if you're paying for school credit in the summertime. He said that during the LA semester you will have the best internship you could get, and that they don't accept you based on other internships you've had, it's just off of good academic standing, and not being a delinquent, and seniors have priority. He really kept harping on not being worried, and that the other things you do in life say more about who you are than an internship. The fact that I work at OTN and have been promoted, and my classwork, and even having a job at the dining hall are also important and he wouldn't put those aside to get an internship. He made the point that "if you build houses for Habitat for Humanity over the summer then that looks just as good or even says more than if you got an internship" (except I don't do some amazing volunteering, Schoony, but okay...)
WELL. Now I'm just really confused, because I always feel like I know so much less and am so much less talented than everyone else around here. And I've felt really paranoid and anxious about trying to find an internship or two before next fall. And I've been purposely arranging my spring schedule a certain way, so I don't know if I now want to look at different classes/times. Or, I could still try to apply for a bunch of internships? I mean just because it's not necessary and not for sure helping, it also couldn't hurt to have one? And what about the summer? I'm really 50-50. If I got something super cool in NYC like something at MTV (I do know one person who hopefully still works in the Casting dept) then it could be cool. I could maybe live with my close friend, Hollie. And I'd be able to see what living in NYC is like, and then go to LA in the fall, and decide which I like better. I've been a little pumped on this idea since I thought of it last spring. But then this semester I've been so like...weird and home and friend sick, and just the other day I was imagining summer NOT in Milford, and not being able to be by my pool or go bike riding or see my friends all the time, and the image and feeling sucked. And I hated the idea. Which then, I do have a connection and had an offer to intern at the Marlborough TV station, BUT I haven't stayed in contact with the guy. But it is an option to have an internship AND stay at home, if I can rekindle that relationship. BUT, if no one else will be at home, I don't want to be there either. Like if Steve will be taking summer classes and living in Michigan or Emily/Sam/Dev/Andrea decide to live in Boston or another state, I don't see the point of being at home. Which sounds pathetic and dependent, but I really want to be home if they are, and I really don't want to be home if they aren't. Which like, is both lame -- but also...caring? I don't know. Home isn't really the place, it's the people. And I can deal with living in NYC or wherever if I know Steve is in Michigan, but I can't really if I know he's home. And it's like, I'm only 20 and in college and I can't base my maybe LIFE decisions off of friends and a boyfriend that's not necessarily a forever boyfriend, so that really really sucks, but I really do think and plan around him, and them, all the time.
SO. Basically now that I've learned internships are optional, and that the choice is all mine, I am utterly, 100%, completely confused about what I want to do, and where I want to be, and what will be best for me. MEH.
