Normally, I keep my head down in fandom, do my own thing, and steer clear of wank, but I can’t continue to keep quiet when the label “rape apologists” is being hurled at myself and the other mods of @tsukikaneweek.
So @biomechas has done a great job at laying out the dramarama surrounding @sweetshuu and their shady ways, but since they STILL can’t quite grasp the reality around the situation and continue to try to spin it so they look good and morally superior while basically calling me and the other mods of @tsukikaneweek rape apologists, here’s my bit. I thought the chatlog between myself and @sweetshuu (formerly @sadgourmet and @transvonrosewald and now also known as @matsumaemae) would have been pretty self-evident, but I guess that’s not the case.
Back when we were trying to put an end to the whole fiasco, @sweetshuu asked me why I released our conversation, which I had initially requested to keep private. Here is our correspondence:
[CUT for length, in which I explain how @sweetshuu is a manipulative liar, hypocrite, and purveyor of general bullshit.]
Note that @sweetshuu never responded to that message to even try to defend themself. Nope, they just blocked me instead! For having the audacity to try to have a real conversation with them!
Now. We didn’t have a problem with their week, despite them trying to usurp it from the original owners. Whatever. Run it. What our problem was their naming it “consensual,” as though our week actively promoted rape, when our guidelines clearly indicate that while we allow it, we don’t allow its fetishization/glorification. There are still ways to address and explore things like rape in a serious, responsible, and sensitive manner, and fiction is a safe space for that. (Also, having consent present during sexual situations doesn’t mean the relationship or situation at large is healthy or good, but that’s another discussion for another day). No matter how many times we tried to convey this to them, they ignored it.
“Think of the children!” seems to be @sweetshuu’s battle cry, yet funny how THEY ran (the now deleted) @shuunekismutweek when they were only 17 (not even old enough to legally buy porn!). Funny how one of the mods of @consensualtsukikaneweek is only 17. Funny how @sweetshuu openly talks about explicit sex acts publicly on their blog, when they know they have a young and impressionable fan base. Hypocritical much? You bet.
Adding to @sweetshuu’s transgressions is their alleged claim that they don’t want receipts on others’ personal histories (information which NO ONE is entitled to), yet pretty much expects them if anyone dares to want to explore sensitive/problematic subjects - and then dismisses those receipts when they get them! (See @suzuyajesus). They also completely dismissed @saulenamu’s very real commentary about the Asian/POC experience and context of rape culture, because they seem chronically unable to step outside of their white culture box - do you need further reminding of anime/manga’s Asian origins? (And here is the only receipt you’ll get from me: I’m Asian).
So, @sweetshuu. Get your facts straight. You tried to steal an event week which you had participated in previously, then whined when asked to move it to a non-conflicting date. Then you started a smear campaign out of self-professed spite/extreme sour grapes to try to sabotage the original event. You were two-faced during our discussions and openly lied. You chose to weaponize rape and rape trauma for your own personal gain, to look morally superior to anyone else who disagrees with you. Call your actions for what they are: a bullshit fandom power play to try to control the image and direction of the ship you like.
And we’re sick of it. We’re sick of your false allegations, especially the whole “rape apologists” deal. Your twisted logic doesn’t work in the real world, because then every author/artist who explores problematic aspects of life is then an apologist for serial killings, rape, child abuse, etc. By your own logic, Ishida Sui himself is these things! How fucked up is that?
Frankly, I don’t understand why you’re into a dark series like Tokyo Ghoul or are enamored by one of the most problematic characters/ships. If you wanted something pure and vanilla, then find another series or ship - there are plenty out there. But don’t try to hassle the people who enjoy exploring complex dynamics, just because YOU don’t like it.
I will reiterate again, fandom is supposed to be FUN. Fiction is a safe space to EXPLORE all the messy aspects of life. The internet is only as safe as YOU can make it for yourself. That’s why tags and warnings exist. If anyone clicks on something they’ve been forewarned about, it’s not the creator’s fault for the person’s choice to engage.
In which the wealthy Tsukiyama Shuu falls for an experiment.
Side note: This is based off of Swan Lake.
Read on ao3!
Act 1.
A magnificent park before a palace.
The date is March third, which means that it is Shuu’s birthday.
Tsukiyama Shuu, the heir of one of the wealthiest ghoul families in Japan. Ghouls and humans, rich and all the like, have come to tonight’s soiree to celebrate the birthday of the newly twenty-one year old. They’ve come with money, and presents, and simply added fame by their own attending of the noble family. There’s music and dancing, a buffet of many, many different versions of foods for those humans, and the finest of meat for the ghouls in a separate room in the back of the mansion. There are festivities and alcohol, and everyone, while still partially reserved, is having the most splendid of times.
Shuu is quite into celebrating. He loves the dances and the jokes he can make while he’s standing off to the side, talking to his friends, drinking the fermented blood disguised as a thick, red wine. He loves being able to watch as the crowd enjoys themselves, and loves hearing the streaks of music flooding viciously through the room from the small orchestra that is stationed in the back of the ballroom. The lights shine bright, reflecting off of his lavender-blue hair most marvelously, creating a façade of charm and coyness.
Everything, in Shuu’s eyes, is going just the way he wanted it to be tonight. While he may be sick of the business parties in the middle of the year, or the events that he and his family must attend which require going to an entirely other country (or continent, for that matter), his birthday is always the one day that he loves to celebrate. No, not because it involves him directly-well, technically, it does-but because he loves seeing the people enjoy themselves. He loves watching them being absolutely carefree, enjoying their lives that could be snatched at any moment. He loves watching the people in their full personality, not those personas that they have been taught their entire lives.
It’s a night that brings immense joy to him.
It’s ten at night and the party is still going strong. Some of the older members of the families have retired for bed, or left the estate completely, but many of the younger members are still having a wonderful time. He’s currently sitting at one of the tables with a few of his friends, three of which are flat out drunk, spilling their alcohol everywhere and laughing to themselves over nothing. Shuu, of course, must be responsible; though, given the choice at the moment, he’d rather enjoy himself and get drunk than continue to sit here, acting like a parent watching over children. He’s been slowly sipping on his ‘wine’ all night, but he’s only on his second glass, and as he’s learned before, it takes a lot more than two glasses to get him drunk.
In fact, it takes about six, and another half bottle.
It’s at this time, he sees through a warm buzz, that his father approaches him. Tsukiyama Mirumo is a man that he respects. He’s a man that he respects with all of his heart, and is actually quite close to. His father is always concerned for him; yet, if he’s not, he’s going around, especially tonight, practically bragging of his son’s achievements, beaming with pride as he drags along the young male to new families in some hope of establishing new company ties.
This, however, looks different. His father, or papa, is approaching him while he is in the middle of a conversation, alone, and with a concerned expression donning his face. Shuu knows his father well enough that he wants him alone.
Thus, Shuu stands, placing the glass down on the covered table, and walks over to his father.
“Shuu,” his father says, and he bows in respect as he’s addressed.
“Yes, Papa?” The blue-haired ghoul asks.
His father sighs, a sign that something is not right. “I am concerned for your wellbeing.”
This causes Shuu to raise an eyebrow. “But why?”
“I’m afraid that you’re getting too carried away, with all of your adventures and outings. You’re twenty-one years old now, aren’t you?”
Shuu nods slowly, unknowing of where exactly this conversation is going. “Why, yes,” he starts slowly, “I am twenty-one, but that’s just it. I’m still young. If it’s the company you want me to take over, at this stage, I really don’t think I’m-“
“Shuu, this isn’t about the company.” His father cuts him off. “No, I’m worried that you won’t be able to find someone.”
Oh, Shuu thinks.
“Papa, what do you mean?” Shuu asks.
“I want you to be able to thrive. I want you to be able to be happy, with a partner.” His father tells him.
“…So, you want me to just, find someone?”
“I’m not asking that of you, my son.” His father replies hastily.
“So you’re asking me to mature faster? To grow up faster?”
“To be quite frank with you, Shuu, yes. I believe it’s time that you start behaving like the adult you are. I do not want you to be alone, or die young. I want you to be able to say that you accomplished a fulfilling life, with your partner and children and thrive of the company.”
Shuu huffs out a breath of air. “Papa,” he says, “But I do not think I am ready to find love.”
“Then don’t do it for love.”
There’s an air of silence between the two.
“What exactly are you proposing?”
“I won’t be proposing, you will,” his father jokes. “If, you could, I’d like you to find a lady of your own at our next ball.”
“Papa, that’s not fair.”
His father furrows his eyebrows, the wrinkles in his face scrunching up at the edges of his eyes and forehead. “Shuu, it’s a simple request. You’ll be able to do it.”
“And if I don’t?” Shuu asks in a high pitched tone.
“Then I will simply make arrangements myself.” And with that, his papa walks away, unperturbed by the conversation that has just occurred.
This isn’t fair. He doesn’t want to just marry off for money. He doesn’t want to marry just to have his partner carry on the family name with a child. Hell, his genetics are so messed up, he’s not even sure he can conceive a child. He doesn’t want to simply find someone to mature.
He wants to marry his partner for how they truly are, and how he truly feels about them.
He returns to the table, his eyes stern. His friend, Hori Chie, has picked up that something has gone wrong, as well as his teacher, Matsumae, who stands behind them.
“Shuu,” Hori says, “Is everything alright?”
“Not quite, Little Mouse.” He says.
“May I ask what’s wrong?”
Shuu sighs. “My papa wants me to marry off to someone. Not anyone of my favor, no, just someone who will look good next to me and bore the next heir and gain us more wealth.”
Hori nods. “Can’t really say I understand. But that’s really horrible, to be quite honest.”
“He’s pretty much given me the option to find someone by the end of the next ball, which is in two weeks’ time, or he’s going to arrange a marriage for me.”
“Either way, that’s harsh.”
“It’s just the way things are,” Matsumae cuts in.
“It’s the way things shouldn’t be.” Shuu mumbles under his breath.
Hori pats his shoulder. “Well, look on the bright side. Maybe you really will find someone, at that next ball. You never know!”
“I suppose you’re right, but the problem is I don’t feel ready.”
“Shuu-kun, you’re lucky that you’re still a bachelor.” Matsumae tells him. “Your father was married off when he was eighteen. Most people of high status are betrothed before they even enter high school. You still have a slim chance of true love.”
He supposes that what Matsumae tells him is true.
Hori giggles to the side. “Now, come on, why don’t we go out? I think you need some fresh air, I know I definitely do. This dress is extremely uncomfortable.”
Shuu smiles at that. “Alright, then. A little time outside wouldn’t be too much trouble. They won’t even notice we’re gone.”
“Would it be too much to ask if I accompany you and Miss Chie?” Matsumae asks.
“Why, of course not.”
“Alright then,” Matsumae says. “Let’s head out.”
Act 2.
A lakeside clearing in the forest by the ruins of a chapel. A moonlit night.
Shuu finds that they split up after walking through the woods.
It was more on purpose than on accident. Shuu finds that he needs more time to think just what his father has asked of him.
He doesn’t feel as though he wants to grow up fast. He wants to stay young, or at least, make it last as long as possible. Matsumae had a point; he’s lucky that he’s still able to do what he pleases. But in the same hand, the times have changed. He’s in college, as of now, and is going for his degree in business and everything else that comes along with it. He won’t even graduate until next summer, and yet, his father wants him to marry.
Why did he think that it would be such a good idea to have Shuu just…marry off? What good would it do for him? It would only add more stress on to him; the pressure of starting a completely new life, while still trying to get it together. The pressure of having a family, weighted on top of his school work and personal relationships. He’s simply not fit for a position like this yet.
Slinking out of his thoughts, he looks around. The area’s density has lightened up, and up ahead, he sees a glistening lake, that he can see drops off at the edge. The moonlight’s rays reflect off of its sparkling pool, lying as still as glass. Not a breeze passes through the area. There is nothing to disturb the beautiful sight of the nature in front of him.
Shuu marvels at the lake. He sees how it reflects a tinted blue color onto his white suit, shining off of his black satin tie, blending in with his soft, swept hair. Everything is clearing and refreshing.
Until he hears a rustling from behind him.
The wealthy ghoul whips around, scanning the area for danger. There’s something here-he can smell it. Something has come through the area.
He sees something reflect in a bush. He flashes his kakugan, his kagune itching underneath the skin of his back. He takes a few steps closer to see what it is-
“Don’t hurt me, please.”
It’s a voice.
The voice is coming from the ruins of the chapel. He doesn’t know who or what it is. The scent, he senses, is incredulous. It’s a blend, a blend of human and ghoul, sweet smelling with the faint hints of fear and anxiety.
“Who might you be?” Shuu calls out to the chapel.
“I…” the voice begins. He sees a figure begin to peak out from behind the unhinged door, and he nearly gasps at the beauty of what stands before him.
There’s another ghoul, standing in front of him. His white hair is shadowed underneath the trees, his body suit, armor, perhaps, glistening in the rays of the moon. His mouth is small and his lips are thin, his showing eye grey and struck with fear, and his other covered over with a medical eyepatch.
“I won’t tell you.” The odd stranger says in a refusing tone. “How do I not know that you won’t hurt me? I…I can’t trust you.”
Shuu is puzzled. He blinks, feeling his eyes return to normal. He takes a gentle step forth, and holds out a greeting hand to the white haired…human?
“I promise that I mean no harm. I’m simply curious as to why a creature like yourself is doing out here in the first place,” he says.
The white haired being in front of him sighs. “I’m, Kaneki. Kaneki Ken,” the ghoul introduces himself.
“Tsukiyama Shuu,” Shuu says. “But that still doesn’t explain why you’re out here.”
“I…me, and the others, we’re experiments.” Kaneki Ken tells him. “We…we’re controlled. We’re set out during the daytime. As killers. As…as beings that I don’t even know what to call.”
“What do you mean?”
“We lose control. We transform. The daylight comes, and it’s like…hunger. Hunger, derangement.”
Shuu nods. “Perhaps, a kakuja?”
“…so that’s what Kanou calls it.”
Kanou. The name sounds familiar. Shuu thinks for a moment where’s he heard the name. He remembers hearing his father mentioning the name. He’s heard it around Anteiku, within the ghoul community. He’s aforementioned on the news-
He’s the doctor.
“Doctor Kanou did this to you?”
Kaneki hides his face. “It was an accident, and he turned me into this!” He exclaims. “He turned me into this foul being, he…he had me sent to ‘become stronger’, for his own good...I shouldn’t be a ghoul. I was human. I want revenge, but there’s no way I can ever get it-”
“Kaneki? Who are you talking to?”
Shuu turns around in defense. Out of nowhere, Kanou has appeared. He sees the small shadows of those others who are hiding, nearly invisible. Kanou is smirking.
“Oh? A Tsukiyama?” He answers for himself. Shuu flashes his kakugan again.
“What are you doing here? Why have you done this?”
“For my own research, of course. I want to know the effects that my transplants can have-what they can do.”
“There’s no reason for it though.”
“Tsukiyama Shuu,” Doctor Kanou announces, “of course there is a reason. The world is a cage, you see. And maybe, there’s a slim chance that these one-eyed ghouls,” he refers to those around him, “will create a shining light on this world. An escape. I want the world to evolve. I want humanity to evolve.”
“Now, Doctor Kanou,” Shuu starts threateningly, “There’s no reason for humanity to evolve. I can easily stop this from happening, you know. I could rip you to shreds this instant, and feast on you. And you, you wouldn’t even feel it.”
The doctor laughs. “I doubt you’d want to do that. You see, I’ve injected evolved-infected- RC cells into these experiments. They activate, thanks to my own trials and improvements, in the daytime. It’s what makes them ruthless. It’s what makes them my prized kakujas, you see. If you were to kill me, you would never be able to get to the antidote. I would send a distress call. I would simply have my lab blown up. And after that, there’d be nothing left to change them, unless you change their behaviors, or their RC levels, which is impossible without a chemical imbalance within them.
Go on. Try and kill me then.”
Shuu shakes his head in disbelief. What sick, twisted person would do this? This is beyond the extent that even he goes, with the ghoul restaurant. This is inhumane. They were humans. They were used for experimentation. Not that Shuu pities humans-he can only do that for his Little Mouse. He pities their transformation, no matter how exquisite they may smell, how simply appetizing they may be.
This is wrong.
The professor simply laughs. “That’s what I thought. I’d recommend you leave now. After all-
The sun is rising.”
Kanou leaves. He simply walks out and away, quite dramatically, into the distance. Kaneki watches him leave too.
“He’s…right. You will want to leave. It’s not safe.”
“No, I’m not going to just leave.”
“Shuu-san, please, I insist-“
He drops to the ground, sputtering out coughs and air, clenching at his chest. A black, tar-like mass is forming against his face, surrounding the eye that was covered, the medical eyepatch having fallen to the ground. The shifting of the kagune underneath his skin is strained, the two large ‘wings’ wanting to fly out.
“G-go, now,” Ken pleads, and with a final look, Shuu runs off back to the mansion, the rising golden rays reflecting off of his pure white suit as he looks back and watches as the maniacal creature take over the white haired ghoul, his laughs echoing throughout the forest.
Act 3.
An opulent hall in the palace.
It’s been two months since he witnessed what life existed a few miles out at the broken chapel.
Hori and Matsumae had wondered where he’d gone. He told them that he must have strayed in a tired daze. Matsumae, of course, was suspicious, but did not press him further. Hori, however, decides to act upon it before the ball begins.
“Okay, Shuu, stop playing games. I know you’ve been hiding something.” She states. “Tell me what’s going on.”
In truth, he hasn’t stopped thinking about the ghoul in the forest. In fact, he’s visited him multiple times. He’s spent time with him, making him feel better as he observes the twins he now knows to be Kurona and Nashiro. They’re gentle, inseperable from each other, he’s come to see.
He knows about Kaneki’s past. He knows that the only reason he ended up in this unfortunate state, stuck here in this forest in hiding was because of an accident involved with Shuu’s friend. Ex-friend, Rize Kamishiro. After their fallout, he didn’t talk to her again. A few weeks later, the accident was reported, involving Kaneki and his friend.
He simply did not know that it had been Kaneki whose organs had been replaced for Rize’s, without the consent of his family.
Ken told Shuu that the doctor did it to ‘save’ him. Ken was thrown into this entirely new world, and was captured by Aogiri Tree. He was tortured. He was given to Doctor Kanou.
He had been placed here, after Doctor Kanou did another surgery on him and the others. It was painful. It was completely painful, feeling every ounce of those cells invade his body, flood through his brain, making him not who he was. Making him into someone he isn’t.
Out of the blue, his cells began to abnormally develop. Whatever Kanou had done had placed him into this cycle of constant transformation and constant pain. Constant hunger.
Kanou took parts of his cells and made his other experiments just the same as Ken. They all suffered the same amount of pain as Ken did. He wanted to witness them evolve. He wanted to see them evolve. He wanted to see them take over humanity, one at a time, with each experiment.
Akihiro Kanou was the reason that these young ones were like this. The reason they were kakujas, doomed to forever feast on whoever in sight.
Kaneki Ken had been through hell and back.
After getting to know Kaneki, he’s come to realize that he’s harboring unnatural feelings for him. Not sexual, not as an item such as a meal. No, it’s something of pity; something of friendship. More than friendship.
Love.
Yet he can’t tell if Kaneki fully trusts him.
That’s where his current problem lies. He wants to proclaim these quickly developed feelings for Kaneki, but he’s not sure that Ken feels the same, even after sharing their lives together, trying to make their long nights everything they can. Even after the affection shown in those private moonlit nights, Shuu doesn’t know how Ken feels.
He’s sure, however, that this isn’t a mere crush. He feels more complete with Kaneki. He wants to love Kaneki.
He loves Kaneki Ken.
“Shuu?” Hori asks him, snapping her fingers in front of his face to cath his attention. “I’m trying to talk to you.”
“I apologize, Little Mouse,” he says quickly. “It’s nothing.”
“Shuu! Tell me what’s going on, please? I’ll…I’ll make a deal with you if you tell me!” Hori pleads.
Shuu chuckles. “Little Mouse, there’s no need. I simply feel as though…I found someone.”
Hori gasps, a smile widening across her face. “No way! Tsukiyama Shuu, who is she? What’s she like? Where did you meet her?”
“Well, ‘she’ is a ‘he,’ for one thing.” Shuu declares. “And he’s simply wonderful. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone as interesting as him. I didn’t know it was possible for me to have these feelings for someone. It…It feels like a tremolo in my chest, just at the sight of him. He’s magnifique, Hori.
I’m in love with him.”
Hori, with her camera pointed at him, quickly snaps a photo. “I’m sorry, but…you just look so genuinely happy. What’s his name?”
“Kaneki Ken,” he says with a smile.
“Ah. It’s a very nice name,” She admires.
“Indeed.”
There is a rapping at the door, and Shuu tells whoever is there to come in. It’s Kanae Von Rosewald, his cousin, who is only fifteen and works for the family.
“Shuu-sama?” The boy’s high pitched voice asks. “The ball is going to begin in about fifteen minutes. Mirumo-san wants you to make a formal introduction. I have your mask prepared, and the…Miss Chie’s.” He says begrudgingly, glaring at Hori.
“Kanae, there’s no need for that hostility.”
“I’m sorry, Shuu-sama,” Kanae apologizes.
Shuu takes the masks from Kanae‘s hands, and places his moon-shaped mask on his face, handing Hori her own.
“I’ve never been to a costume ball before.” Hori says.
“It’s called a masquerade.” Kanae practically snarls.
“It’s a fancy costume ball.”
Shuu watches as Kanae rolls his eyes. “Well, in any case, we’d better get going. Kanae, will you please present the Little Mouse to the ball?”
“Why, of course.” He says, and stiffly takes Hori’s arm as a ‘complimentary’ gesture. “Come on, Blödmann.”
Shuu takes a deep breath as the two walk out. He doesn’t quite understand why Kanae is so jealous of his friend. He knows that he’s just called her a dumbass, much to his dislike, but by the time he goes to scold his cousin, they have already left.
He looks in the mirror one more time. There’s not a hair out of place, nor a wrinkle in his fine red suit. The red on his mask matches perfectly to the shade of his suit. Everything is perfectly coordinated.
He checks the gold watch that he’s chosen for this night’s occasion. The time is five fifty. He notices, with the spring approaching, that the sunset is becoming later. The sun hasn’t quite set yet, but it is getting dimmer outside, the sky changing from a blue and starting to edge on to a faint pink color.
He shuts his light on the way out of his large room, and closes the doors. He begins down the brightly lit hallway, heading down the large marble stairs to the second floor of the mansion, and to the glorious doors etched with gold, shining magnificently underneath the crystal chandeliers that hang above.
Two of the servants are standing at each door. One of them checks her watch. “We will be opening the doors in two minutes.”
Shuu nods. “Thank you,” he says to her. “I appreciate it.”
From behind, he hears footsteps behind him. His father is approaching him, swift, a kind expression lying across his aged face.
“Shuu,” he starts, “there is a man here with six of his children. He goes by the name of Kenji Kamishiro. I’m…I’m hoping that tonight, you’ll be able to choose someone.”
“Father, I-“
“Ladies and gentleman,” says a voice from the inside, “it is now the time that I present our hosts for tonight-Master Tsukiyama Mirumo and his heir, Tsukiyama Shuu.”
There is an applause, and the double doors open to reveal the large ballroom. They step out onto a large balcony, encased in pure marble all around, the largest of the chandeliers remaining in here. Windows, each up to three fourths of the way to the ceiling, sit against the two walls, a set of grand doors exiting to the gardens on the right side. An identical balcony presents itself across the ballroom, with the same matching double staircases, and a set of doors underneath lead to the first floor of the mansion.
Shuu looks around at the crowd below him. He sees that even the ghoul’s masks are changed, in fear of being identified as a ghoul. The human’s masks are all rather simple, yet elegant. The outfits are extravagant, all brightly colored, and certainly not modest in the slightest.
The children of the man known as Kenji Kamishiro all stand in reds, blacks and whites. Their arms are covered, and they look extremely uncomfortable, their masks very realistic and of matching colors to their outfits.
It’s there, then, that he recognizes the one he’s been thinking about for a very long time.
At least, he thinks it’s who he’s been looking for. The white hair cascades down the side of his face. The black nails that grace his pale, thin hands are apparent.
It’s Kaneki.
His heart flutters in surprise. He starts to walk down the stairs, and, as he’s approaching the one who he knows he wants to be with, the dances pick up, and one of the other ‘children’ pick him up in the dance. He’s swooped away, and as he looks close at the person who has picked him up, he notices the twitching of their awkward grins, and the closeness of the masks to the skin. He feels the shaking of the hands as they set on his back.
There’s a transition in the song, and everyone moves partners. He sees that Kaneki is only two people away now. The song is almost over, and he can smell the aroma from here, he just needs to get over to where Ken is…
The song ends and those who are dancing scramble for another partner. He quickly claims Kaneki, greeting him with a smile.
“Hello, Ken.”
There’s a giggle, high pitched, from Ken. “Hello there, Shuu.”
“Why are you here? I wouldn’t have expected you to be here.”
“Why wouldn’t I be? I thought it would be a fantastic idea,” Kaneki says with a grin.
Something is off about his mannerisms. Ken is different, for some reason though he can’t understand why. He feels as though he’s forgetting something.
The song ends, and Shuu taps the shoulder of Ken. “I have something to tell you.”
“Then, tell me.”
“I’d rather do it in private.” Shuu admits.
There’s a glimpse of surprise that passes across his face, and then, a sly grin, worthy of a villain. “Alright.”
Shuu takes his hand and leads him across the ballroom, to the main entryway. They exit and travel down a hallway and into a private room.
Ken closes the door behind him. Shuu notices that his hand is shaking, and he’s cracking the fingers on his other hand, so hard it sounds as though the bones are breaking. It’s disturbing.
“What is it that you want?”
“I…” Shuu starts. “Kaneki, I’m in love with you. It feels as though time has not passed at all, but, I can’t help but feel as though this isn’t just a small admiration. It’s become progressive. I want to care for you and make everything better. I swear that I’ll get rid of Kanou. I promise-“
He stops. He stops because Kaneki is laughing. It’s quiet, at first but it gains momentum, until he’s laughing absolutely maniacally, loudly, in hysterics.
It’s at that moment when Shuu realizes his mistake.
It’s still daytime.
Kaneki is absent at this moment.
He now sees that the mask is the black mass that’s formed into a beak on his face. His left eye is a kakugan and he is some mutated kakuja tonight.
“You fool,” the kakuja says, “you fool! You really thought that Kaneki was here?” He laughs again. “You are an idiot, Shuu Tsukiyama. You are an absolute fool. Kaneki isn’t here. And now?
You’re going to die.”
It’s when the kakugan releases from his body, spirals exiting his back with such force that it jolts the body of the half ghoul, and crashes into the furniture and everything around. It destroys the room, trying to come for him, and Shuu prepares his own, but he knows that even if he tries, he will most likely not survive…
And then there is a screaming.
There is a scream coming from Kaneki. He is on his hands and knees, letting out a deafening scream as his kagune retracts and the kakuja on his face disintegrates off his face in a mass. The cry is out of pure pain, as his skin is ripped off of his face with the mass, and Shuu, Shuu can only stare, for outdoors, the sun has begun to set.
Kaneki runs out of the room, weak, his hands hiding the left side of his face. Shuu chases him, calling out his name, realizing the mistake he has made as he sees Kaneki join his ‘members’ outside, watching as they disappear into a car.
Shuu doesn’t know what he’s done.
Act 4.
By the lakeside.
Shuu is out of breath by the time he reaches Kaneki.
Kaneki is completely distraught. He sits up against the tree, his face still continuing to heal. He’s shaking with sadness. He’s overwhelmed, Shuu can see.
“Kaneki…” Shuu says, his voice lilting with a sadness to it.
“Don’t come near me!” Kaneki screams at him. “Don’t you dare step near me!”
Shuu freezes. He doesn’t understand why Kaneki is like this. Why he’s suddenly turned.
“Kaneki, please, please I can help you.”
“No, Shuu, you-you can’t.” He sobs. “Shuu, you can’t help me, how dare you even try to come here. I never wanted you to see me like this.”
“Ken, I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to apologize for,” the half ghoul snarls at him. “It’s my fault. He tried to kill you. He-he injected us with a new f-form of the RC cells, Shuu, it was so painful, he wished that you be d-dead because of your threat…”
Shuu knows. Shuu knows that Kanou was disguised as Kenji Kamishiro in that ball. That was the only reason he came to the ball, was to kill Shuu.
Shuu walks over to Kaneki, in hopes that maybe, maybe a simple embrace will help his Kaneki.
“Don’t touch me.” Ken says. Shuu kneels. Shuu does not touch Kaneki.
“It’s okay. I will destroy Kanou for what he’s done to you. I vow to. Kaneki, you are my love. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you, Kaneki Ken, you are my world, my star in the night sky. You are my everything. I want you to be safe. I want you to be just as normal as any other ghoul. I want you to be mine, Kaneki Ken.”
Shuu reaches into his inside pocket. He tries to find the box that belongs to the ring he bought for his proposal.
“Shuu.”
He freezes.
“I’m sorry. But, there’s no point. He, Kanou, he…he’s made us all permanent kakuja. He told us. That’s what you saw at you mansion. That’s his new trial. By morning I will never be the same, and it can’t be reverted, not even with an antidote. Not with the one he’s already created, that’ll make our RC cells ‘normal.’ I can’t live this life, Shuu.”
Shuu feels his heart starting to pound in his chest. “My love, please, what do you mean-“
Kaneki stands and walks to the edge of the lake.
“Kaneki, please, don’t do this.”
Kaneki Ken turns and smiles at Shuu. His face is nearly healed, and his eyes are red from crying.
“I don’t want to be like this anymore. I’m sorry.”
“Please,” Shuu pleads, “Ken, you can’t.”
Kaneki shakes his head for a final time. “It’s a good thing I can’t swim.”
The body of Kaneki Ken plunges into the lake. Shuu runs to the edge, hopelessly trying to find his hand underneath the water, unable to locate anything. Tears sting at his eyes. “Kaneki!”
He watches as the bubbles from his air supply stop.
Shuu cries. He cries, anger arising as he hears the footsteps and laughter coming from behind him.
“How tragic,” he hears the voice of Professor Kanou behind him say. “How…typical.”
Shuu paces forth the doctor, shaking with pure anger. His swirled kagune comes out of his shoulder, his kakugan appear, and, with one final slice, one final moment of revenge, he swipes through the human body, splitting it in half. Blood splatters all across the front of him, and all over the ground, soaking into and around the now dead doctor.
He tastes the blood of the doctor in his mouth.
Shuu doesn’t choose to eat the doctor, however much he may want to. He’s too heartbroken at this moment to do anything. His breath is heavy, chest heaving, his mind racing, hyperventilating.
It’s gone. The love of his life is gone.
He has nothing to live for. After all, his father just wanted him to marry. His father just wanted him to be happy, and he can never be happy again. He won’t even give it a chance.
Shuu walks towards the lake himself, and takes off his coat, a sign of which he will leave for anyone who tries to find him.
With one shaky breath, the heir plunges into the deep lake, sinking to the bottom, until Tsukiyama Shuu is nothing but a body at the bottom of a lake, and a soul to follow his love to the heavens.
In which Tsukiyama Shuu and Kaneki Ken invite the small family for dinner, and a small bit of chaos ensues.
Read on ao3!
Shuu and Kaneki have been married for a few months now.
Life has been wonderful, in their own little household. They live in a large two-story apartment tucked away on the outskirts of Tokyo, with just enough room to fit the two and Hinami. The house is an organized mess, with too little bookshelves to fit all of their books (so they are stacked in piles in different rooms) and little knickknacks that they’ve collected on their adventures (which dot the mantle pieces and windowsills alike.)
The living room is a comfortable space that they enter into every day, with tatami mats that are perfectly preserved. A couch sits against the wall that can be seen whilst walking in, a television placed on an entertainment center that sits against the opposite wall. There’s a coffee table that is placed in between the two. Picture frames and traditional art are nailed to the white walls, brightening the minimalistic room. There’s a wall that is placed in the center of the open room, where the entertainment is pushed up against, that hides the spiral staircase that leads up to the second floor, which can be seen from the area as a loft with high ceilings.
It was one of the first things Shuu admired about the house. He loved and still loves the layout, and how greeting it is. He loves how the tatami mats blend into the dining room on the same side of the wall the spiral staircase is on, and how much natural light is let in because of the wall-sized window panes that cover the entire living room space. Currently, the traditional screens he and Kaneki purchased are covering the windows, the setting light in the winter months early; the white room is turning yellow and pink as it seeps through the screens and over.
Kaneki is in the kitchen with Hinami, and they are making dinner. The kitchen is set to the right of the living room, and the tatami is cut off., replaced with nicely laid tiles. The two rooms share a bar area in between the wall. It’s perfect, for when Shuu wants to observe what the two are up to in the kitchen, which is every single time they cook something for dinner. It’s where he’s sitting now, on the cushioned stool that allows him to see just what they are cooking.
It looks to him as though they’re putting spices on the round piece of muscle. He thinks that it is part of the arm, but he isn’t too sure. Hinami is having a blast, and Ken laughs, telling her she’s put too much on, and she shrugs.
It’s perfect.
Tonight, however, is an important night for Shuu. His father, Matsumae, and Kanae are all joining the small family for a dinner. It’s the first time that they will step into their humble abode; maybe even one of the first times since the wedding ceremony that they’ve all sat together.
He plans on the evening to be relaxing. He plans on everyone getting along just fine They had done so before, and Mirumo, his father, has said that he quite admires Kaneki. He’s intelligent, kind, caring, everything Shuu needs. Everything Shuu loves. Matsumae is happy for Shuu, and has expressed it so before.
What worries Shuu is Kanae.
He’s heard less from Kanae over the few months that he’s been in this heavenly ‘honeymoon’ state. He doesn’t dare to mention Ken if he’s visiting the mansion on his own. When he and Ken visit together, Kanae simply shies away, and doesn’t speak a single word. Shuu has even caught Kanae glaring at Ken, as if he’s done something absolutely unspeakable. Ken has noticed this too, and asked Shuu once if Kanae didn’t like him.
Shuu still can’t answer that. Ken has done nothing wrong, in his eyes, that could possibly upset Kanae. Ken likes Kanae, at least, he shows some sort of friendliness towards him. Never has he shown hostility towards Kanae, or the slightest bit of rudeness.
Shuu simply hopes that he will be alright tonight.
Shuu leans his elbow against the counter, propping his chin up on the marble surface of the bar. “And what are my lovelies making tonight?”
Hinami giggles. “We’re making a seasoned loin!”
Kaneki smiles. “That’s right! I also dug out the bottle of fermented blood from the back of the cabinet that’s been sitting there for ages, we added a little of that for some flavor.”
“Ah, Kaneki, it’ll be très bien. Is it older? The flavor will be much more prominent, if the blood is stronger and aged.”
Ken makes a small noise, and lifts the bottle to check it. “I’m unsure, it’s really not all that fancy…it says two years.”
“Hmm,” Shuu hums. “That may just be enough. Do you want to put it in the fridge so we have it for tonight?”
“Sure.” Ken says warmly.
“Shuu-san, can you help me put dinner in the oven?” Hinami asks Shuu, and with delight he stands and nods.
“Of course, my young lady. We wouldn’t want you to burn yourself, after all.” Shuu says, giving the young ghoul a small pat on the head. Hinami giggles again, and takes the oven mitts from the counter and hands them to Shuu.
The doorbell rings as Shuu is placing the meat into the oven.
“I’ll get it!” Hinami shouts, and rushes to put her slippers on to walk across the tatami. Shuu watches as she stands on her tiptoes at the entrance, looking through the peeping hole.
She opens the door and Shuu sees his father enter first. The lines on his face show how he has aged well. He smiles as he takes off his outdoor shoes and puts on his own slippers, which are a simple grey color.
Kaneki and Shuu stand at the entrance of the kitchen and bow as he enters. “Welcome, papa,” Shuu says.
“Hello, Shuu!” Mirumo greets his son, stepping into the large living area and wrapping an arm around his son in a hug. “And, Kaneki-kun, it is a pleasure to see you as well!”
Shuu can see Matsumae entering through the door over his father’s shoulder, and Kanae following her. Both are dressed very casually, Matusmae in a simple dark green dress with a little sweater, and Kanae in a loose grey top with floral pants.
Mirumo gives a little pat on top of Hinami’s head. “And how are you doing, mon petit?”
Hinami smiles cheekily, her cheeks blushing a bright pink. “I’m doing well, Mirumo-san, how are you?”
“Please, please, call me Ojichan.”
“Oh, er, okay, Ojichan.”
The man simply laughs and walks further into the room. “Mirumo-san,” Kaneki addresses, “it’s a pleasure to have you all here, thank you for coming all of this way to visit.”
“It was not a problem,” Matsumae butts in, “we’re more than happy to come and visit. It’s nice to leave and see an unfamiliar place sometimes.”
Shuu smiles in agreement. “Of course. Please, come in, there’s no need to stand there. Make yourselves at home.”
Matsumae gives a little bow as she walks in, which makes Shuu flush in color. “Please, Matsumae, there’s no need for that, you’re family,” Kaneki adds for Shuu, seeing how he is internally suffering slight embarrassment and the need to decline everything.
Shuu’s eyes flick over to Kanae, who looks almost displeased at the idea of stepping into the house. He’s hesitant to step in any further, Shuu can sense, yet he does so out of the compliance of the couple.
Plus, Kanae would simply hate to stand there and look awkward.
Kanae almost immediately makes a beeline for the farthest couch as soon as he enters, curling up and looking expectantly at his manicured nails.
Shuu shrugs. “Well, Ken and Hinami-chan have just put dinner in the oven. We all ended up getting home a few minutes late, so…”
“Oh, Shuu, it’s perfectly fine.” Mirumo reassures. “It’s not as though we haven’t eaten.”
Which is a very true statement. Since Shuu and Kaneki have lived together, they eat a full meal at least once a week, sometimes two weeks, and if they musts, four. Not that they need the extra food. If anything, they’re doing it for Hinami, who is still growing, and needs to develop healthily.
“Well, while we’re waiting, we could always play cards.” Kaneki suggests.
Shuu claps his hands together in excitement. “That’s a marvelous idea! Would you be so kind and please get the cards?”
“Of course,” Ken says playfully. The white haired ghoul walks over to the small side table on Kanae’s side of the couch-to which he shifts uncomfortably-and looks for the cards in the drawer.
“They aren’t in here.” Ken states. “Er, Kanae, could you please look in the other drawer for me…?”
With the hint of a glare, the teen mumbles a strained “Ja” and scoots across the couch to retrieve the cards in the drawer. “Fang.”
Ken looks a bit confused, but gets what he’s said as soon as the deck smacks him in the chin and lands in his hands. “Thanks…”
Shuu has to be honest. He’s never quite seen Kanae this hostile. From what Shuu knows, there really shouldn’t be that much dislike or tension between the two. Ken has never had a problem, no, it’s always been the opposite way around. So what, what if Kaneki had once been a dangerous being. Shuu had been, too. Yet here he is, perfectly safe and trustworthy with Kaneki. He’s changed from being immoral and ravaging to his lighter side of kind hearted and protective. There is never harm to him.
There is never harm to Kaneki.
“Right, then.” Shuu says out of the blue. “How about Butta no shippo?”
“That sounds wonderful.” Mirumo asserts.
“Alright, so everyone’s in the game?”
“Es tut mir leid, kein Interesse.“ Comes a sigh from the couch.
Shuu looks over Matsumae’s shoulder, at the purple-haired boy, who had taken out his phone and is scrolling down on something. “Okay, then. Everyone but Kanae, then.”
The card game goes well. Everyone is having a good time, simply enjoying themselves, even breaking their modesty as they lighten up the air with laughter and groans of losing and cheers of pride and winning. It’s something that Shuu wishes he could have more of. Times like these, where everyone in his family is completely carefree, where Kaneki is actually laughing with his father and Matsumae is whispering motives for the game into Hinami’s ear with all reserves broken. Where Shuu is smiling at every chance he gets, and can’t help but laugh when the others laugh, even if it’s at nothing. It’s times like these that sometimes he wishes could last forever, in which he didn’t have to worry about all of the negative things that come about with managing their secluded lives.
It’s like a high, a lasting euphoria of happiness that engulfs the air, which comes with the scent of dinner drifting from the corners of the western-style oven where the loin, marinated in blood, is nearly finished baking.
“Ah!” Ken exclaims. “I know we were saving it for dinner, but we still have an entire bottle. Do you want to break out the blood sake?”
“Well,” Mirumo says just as Shuu is about to speak, “Personally, I think we should definitely have something to refresh our throats from all this laughter. Except for Hinami-chan, of course.”
“Papa, I could’ve sworn you were a drunk in your younger ages.” Shuu chuckles as he stands, making his way to the open kitchen.
There’s a small stirring noise, perhaps a snort of some sorts, from Kanae on the couch. “Betrunkene auf Partys gehen. Dieses geht bis treffen. Er ist Alkoholier, Shuu.“
“Kanae!” Shuu shouts, laughing so hard he nearly drops the green bottle of fermented blood.
“I am not an alcoholic, Kanae.” Mirumo’s smile is wide, and jokingly, he smacks Kanae on the leg.
“Aber Sie sagen, dass Sie waren? Wo ist die Verleugnung, Mirumo-san.“ Quiet laughter erupts from the couch.
“Oh, boy. Well, in any case, here’s the bottle, and dinner is going to be finished.” Shuu insists that they take the bottle, which Matsumae does.
“Hinami, will you show them the dining room?” Kaneki asks.
Enthusiastically, Hinami nods, the shuffling of feet across the wood mats into the next room, the shutting of long shades being pulled across one of the entrances to the room. Shuu follows Ken to the kitchen, who is acting much more hastily than expected, tinged with annoyance. The two proceed to have a very quiet conversation in the open kitchen.
“Is everything alright?” Shuu mumbles, leaning his back against the counter as he watches Ken take his oven mitts and pull out the tender loin.
Ken sighs. “I’m not sure,” he replies quietly.
Ken takes two forks and lifts the meat from the pan and onto a serving board. He takes out a sharp knife from the rack behind him and starts to slice the meat with a great amount of force.
“Well why is that, my love?”
“I’m afraid that you’re family doesn’t like me.”
Which explains why Ken has been acting the way he has since his family arrived. He’s been much more distant during this time, and overly kind, with that introductory, awkward voice he once had when he’d first met Shuu. He’s trying his absolute hardest to impress them-at least, trying to achieve the right impression.
But what isn’t there to like about Kaneki? He’s kind as can be, and Shuu knows that Ken still does have insecurities, but there’s no reason for him to think that Matsumae and his father do not like him.
“Of course they like you.” Shuu guarantees Ken. “They’ve even said so before, at our wedding.”
“Mm.” Ken responds. “I’m sure that your father likes me, and Matsumae no disclosed opinion, but it’s Kanae that gets to me.”
“Well, he likes you too, I’m sure.”
Ken releases a scoff from his lips. “Yeah.”
“I can promise you he does,” Shuu tries to tell Ken.
“Don’t make promises you can break.”
Ouch.
Shuu walks towards Ken and snakes his arms around his waist. “I’m sorry. I’m just trying to make you feel better. I can assure you that Kanae…he, he likes you, at least a little.”
“If that’s the case, then why has he been speaking German since he arrived here and has been sending me death looks for the past forty five minutes?”
There’s a break between the two.
“If you want, I can speak to him. But only if you want me to.” Shuu mumbles into his white hair.
“It’s okay, I’ll…do it on my own, I guess.”
“Are you sure?” Shuu asks. “I can do it.”
“I’d rather approach him about this than you. It’s obvious he hates me and I’d like to know why.”
“Okay, then.”
Ken puts down the knife, having finished cutting the meat. He turns around in Shuu’s embrace and sets a gentle and soft kiss upon his husband’s lips. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Shuu says back to him.
“I, er, kind of need to get out and bring this to the table. Sorry to break the moment,” Ken laughs.
“Non, non. We need to eat, after all.” Shuu releases Ken from his arms, the warmth of his body pressed against him leaving subtly.
Shuu remembers that he never even set the wine glasses out on the table. He walks across the kitchen and grabs five glasses, and two tall ones for water for Hinami and Kanae. He walks out into the dining room following that, and everyone is kneeling on their cushions at the small traditional table, preparing themselves for the meal.
He sets a glass down in front of everyone and pours the fermented blood to be hospitable, and a pitcher of water that’s already at the table for the two underage ghouls.
For the most part, everyone eats in silence. The clattering of knives and forks echo against the dimly lit room.
The dinner plates are left after they are done eating. They take the bottle of fermented blood and bring it into the living room.
The conversation has somehow come to awkward stories about mistakes they’ve made in the past. While they are a good laugh (and Mirumo is a very, very good story teller), Shuu’s attention is focused mainly on Kaneki. His eyes are almost always looking at him when he speaks and moves. He can tell that Ken is anxious, and can tell that he lies with some comments when he touches his chin. Ken’s eyes keep looking up at Kanae, who has pretty much been forced into spending time with them since his phone died.
Apparently, Kanae has noticed this, as during the end of one of Mirumo’s fantastic stories (in which he somehow ended up buying four hundred pieces of clothing when he meant to buy only forty for a small group of his), he asks a question in a harsh tone.
“What?”
It’s directed towards Kaneki.
“Nothing,” Kaneki says, and lifts a hand to his cheek.
“Ja, right, you keep staring at me. Do you need something?”
Ken’s expression changes several times in the span of three seconds, from shock to questioning to confusion. “No, I don’t, but can I ask why you have a problem with me?”
The room goes silent.
Shuu tries to break the silence with a small laugh. “I’m sure that everything is perfectly fine.”
Ken shakes his head. “Kanae, if you want to talk this out, let’s just go in the other room.” He tries.
Kanae scowls. “Nein. If you want to talk this out, let’s just do it here and now.”
“Kanae, I really insist that you two go into the other room.” Shuu says.
With a glare, Kanae stands. “Fine. Come on, Ken.”
Ken stands as well, and leads the two outdoors.
Shuu groans as soon as the two exit. “I really don’t know what to do about this situation, papa.”
“Well,” Mirumo asks, “What’s taking place to begin with?”
“Kanae doesn’t like Kaneki at all, and I really don’t get why. Do you think it’s because I left him?” A feeling of guilt develops in the pit of his stomach. “I, I really hope it isn’t. It’s not as though Kaneki has done anything to me, it’s not like…he took me from Kanae…”
Mirumo places a finger to his temple in a thinking manner. “I think Kanae feels as though what he really cares about has been dragged away from him. He’s been more distant since you left, Shuu. It’s understandable why he would be upset about Kaneki-kun. After all, if you were raised with someone beside you, looking up to them, and suddenly they were simply gone-how would you feel, Shuu?”
There’s a pang that erupts through his chest. “I suppose lonely. I would want revenge. I’d want them back at all costs.”
That’s why Kanae doesn’t like Ken.
There’s a loud stomping noise from outside. Shuu can see it through the shade a little bit, and it looks at those Kanae is yelling. No, he is yelling; he can hear the loud, muffled screaming at Ken, harsh tones being thrown his way-
“You took him away from me! He was the only one I cared for! He was the only one I loved!”
The door swings open and Kanae storms in, his fist clenched and his other arm covering his eyes.
He’s crying.
Ken walks in slowly after him, shutting the door to the balcony slowly. Kanae has walked out of the apartment.
Ken tries to follow him, but Shuu has stopped him from going any further. Matsumae has instead followed after the purple-haired teen.
Mirumo stands as well, and brushes himself off with his hands. “I suppose that’s our cue to leave, then. Thank you very much for dinner, Shuu, it was very pleasant. I’m proud of the two of you. I wish you good luck, boys, and you too, petite chérie.” Mirumo says to Hinami, who smiles at him.
“Goodbye, for now. Perhaps we could do this again.”
“That would be lovely,” Shuu replies, walking his father out the door.
“Shuu?”
“Yes?”
“Please make sure that Kanae is okay.”
Shuu nods. “Of course.”
With that, his papa walks out the door, and he shuts it.
-
Kaneki and Shuu find themselves on the couch later that night.
“I’m sorry about tonight,” Ken says to him.
Shuu shakes his head. “Ken, there is no need to be sorry for that.”
“No, but it is my fault. He probably hates me even more now.”
Shuu sighs. “Unfortunately so. I didn’t know that he really cared for me that much.”
Ken nods against his chest. “I feel horrible about it. I want to apologize.”
“It’s alright, we can call him tomorrow. I feel just as bad.”
Ken nods again. “Yes.”
“I think it’s time we retire for bed now, however. It’s been quite the day.”
Ken smiles. “Yes, it definitely has.”
Silently, the two curl up next to each other on the small couch, and drift into dream-filled sleeps.
I know you thought you’d seen the last of me since you preemptively blocked me on your main, @sweetshuu , after I pointed out your racism (so much for being sorry? Homes, the fuck did I ever do aside from point out the fact that you were being a racist fuckwit?) but since you asked so nicely for me to point out what inappropriate stuff you’ve pulled! I’m back!
But anyway, I digress.
My issue with you isn’t so much the fact that you’re against rape fetishisation. In fact, that’s something I personally happen to agree with you on.
My issue, specifically, is that you saw that @tsukikaneweek had no rule explicitly banning noncon, and INSTEAD of taking it up with the creators or even VOICING your concerns, you saw fit to create an entirely new event during the exact same dates – if that doesn’t reek of petty sabotage, I don’t know what does.
My issue with you is that you would use something as traumatic as rape as leverage for legitimacy within fandom, and that you would attack CSA survivors for another notch on your I’m So Good And Golden And Concerned With JUSTICE!! belt, and that you would lie, and spread rumors/misinformation about survivors of sexual assault being rape apologists (??? WHAT THE FUCK) because they don’t somehow measure up to your arbitrary standards of morality.
[CONTENT WARNING for others reading: rape mention, pedophilia mention, discussion of trivialisation/exploitation of trauma]
Anyway, what happened next was a bit baffling to me, because as evident through the chat logs (I mean, they’re literally your own words) you were pretty amenable to moving your week, and even went as far as to delete it yourself. None of this would have been an issue if you and your lackeys didn’t suddenly revive kanetsuki week under the new name @consensualtsukikaneweek (out of petty spite, once again, your own words) to spin some false narrative and frame it in such a way that implies tsukikaneweek actively encourages fetishised noncon content, when it’s clear that not only are they, too, against said content, but the only reason it’s allowed is because censorship would remove a valuable platform for discourse.
The fact of the matter is that the reason noncon was never explicitly banned was because it literally never an issue – tsukikaneweek 2014 received no noncon submissions, and one dubcon submission that was properly tagged as such, and under a read more. The reality of fanworks is that they can be created and used as tools of coping; fics that address traumatic subject matter can become powerful tools of catharsis, which is precisely why tsukikaneweek mods didn’t want to impose an outright ban. Since it was brought up as a concern, however, the mods put in place tagging policies and extensive guidelines, one of which specifically disallows glorification/fetishisation of sexual violence/mental illness/suicide, as well as a script on desktop that automatically redirects viewers to only sfw posts.
Despite this, you and your buddy @attackonhunter continued to slander tsukikaneweek, and endlessly subpost them, because what? Some petty vendetta? Some imagined slight? Out of spite? Out of the principle of the thing? As you said yourself, you created it because the original allegedly not only allowed, but outright encouraged noncon works, but not only were your accusations were proven false, but duly addressed. I know you put work into your week, but justifying its existence after the sole reason for it’s existence (built on lies and false accusations) by lying about people being rape apologists isn’t exactly an ethical way of going about doing it. Funnily enough, ya pal attackonhunter also deleted after bullshit was called on their claims, which like, not incriminating at all!
All this aside, the principle of the thing, like you put it, is that you are taking trauma that is not yours and weaponising it in order to support and justify your own event born of spite. The fact that you would take something as traumatic as sexual violence and rape, and use it as fodder for your own personal agenda is absolutely despicable, and I honestly? Want you to address this and answer for it? You keep deflecting and trying to make this about whether noncon is allowed or not in a ship week as though it’s purely black and white, with no consideration for those who have experienced sexual assault, and use certain works as a coping mechanism. You keep saying things like “fandom doesn’t exist in a vacuum” and like, dude, we know. The message of tsukikaneweek’s guidelines are essentially, “fandom doesn’t exist in a vacuum, so no glorification of this shit, but if it’s within parameters that explore issues/act as catharsis, then we’ll allow it.”
The crux of the issue is you quite literally accusing people of rape apologism based on nothing but false assumptions and lies, and using it to your own advantage. I don’t know where you get off on using other people’s trauma to attack people, but it’s fucked up, it’s disgusting, and I am literally just? Baffled? That you assume that none of the tsukikaneweek mods, or anyone criticising you, have ever experienced sexual harassment, and you keep talking over us. Not only that, you just keep lying, and lying, and lying through your fucking teeth, and being two faced as hell. It’s hilarious, because I’d think that the person in the chat logs released and replying to me are entirely different people from the person viciously subposting tsukikaneweek, lmao.
On the topic of morally dubious, though, something that rings my alarm bells is the fact that the focus of consensualtsukikaneweek seems to be consensual sex, which is all well and good, except for the fact that one of your mods (@eating-out-tsukiyama-shuu) is quite literally underage! Isn’t that hella sus? What happened to protecting underage kids and being mindful of what you expose them to? Didn’t another one of the mods (@attackonhunter) participate in shuuneki smut week, which was run by yourself while you were underage? Yikes.
Back to the topic of exploiting trauma that isn’t yours; another thing that I take issue with is your overt and public namedropping of Amanda @suzuyajesus along with vagueposting a lot of shit that’s frankly disgusting? I’m assuming that this is in relation to her art that sexualises Juuzou because it’s ““““CP””””(when he’s like, 19 in the original manga and 22 in :re so ??? Dunno where the child part of the pornography is) when she herself has made it clear that she is a CSA survivor. So, I guess my question is, who the hell are you to not only lump Amanda together with people who produce harmful content directly relating to her trauma, but also dictate and police how survivors cope with their trauma?
You are well aware of your follower base and the sphere of influence that you hold, yet instead of being mindful, you actively namedrop people, whether it be directly, or heavily implied in your posts (in Amanda’s case it was directly). You should know the sway you have over your followers, yet you still namedrop and direct them to attack the people you mention, which frankly, is disgusting? Given the average age of your followers? But back to my main point; why do you hate CSA survivors so much? Why do you think it’s okay to use your fanbase to harass people you don’t like? Furthermore, why do you expect everyone with kinks that are “dubious” by your standards to come out about their own trauma to you in order to justify them? It’s nobody’s business, especially not yours. CSA survivors don’t owe you shit, and they don’t have to prove anything to you in order to earn your gold seal of approval.
Last question though, why did you pre-emptively block everyone vaguely related to tsukikaneweek? What’d they ever do to you? Also, more hilariously, why did you pre-emptively block me? Like damn, all I did was call you out on your racism, which you were allegedly so sorry for, but then you deleted your blog, made yourself out to be the victim (as you always do) and? Blocked me? So much for being repentant lmao, all this reeks of is that you care more about being potentially labelled as a racist than examining your own actions and taking responsibility for the harm you caused.
Whatever though, I’m used to fake progressive leftists like you, it ain’t no big deal. I don’t really expect you to address this post in any way that’s near adequate, given past history, but it’s off my chest at least.
In the emergency room, sometimes it’s a car accident. Sometimes, a kid will get a plastic shoe stuck up their nose. It could be symptoms of a severe disease, or maybe an allergic reaction. Maybe the man who lives down the street accidentally cut his thumb off while trying to weed-whack the bushes.
Tsukiyama Shuu has seen all of this and more. He’s seen horrific and grotesque scenes, and has treated them according to what needed to be done. He’s saved people’s lives countless times. Most of the time, he is in the operating room, specializing as a neurologist and performing brain surgeries that always lead to the patient’s full recovery. Other times, he’s up in the children’s ward of the hospital, visiting those he’s previously operated on, wishing them full recovery while presenting them with small “Get Well Soon!” bears and lots of balloons.
When he’s not at the hospital, though, he’s at home. He’s at home with the love of his life, making sure he is well. Making dinner, watching movies, cuddling up next to Kaneki Ken, whispering sweet nothings into his ear. He’s living in the sweet embrace of his one and only, the one who works down the street from his work in a publishing company building.
He’s so happy that he has him.
It’s another relatively normal morning. The alarm clock goes off, at seven o’clock in the morning, waking the couple from their slumber. Shuu turns to shut the annoying beeping off.
“Morning, Shuu…” the muffled voice of his fiancé greets him. Shuu opens his eyes to see the rising sun reflecting off of the white head of hair that belongs to Kaneki, bright oranges reflecting off of each strand like snow in the early morning.
“Morning, mon chéri.” Shuu smiles and plants a small, resting kiss on the soft cheek of Kaneki, who is still wrapped tightly underneath the large comforter, almost refusing to leave the bed.
Shuu, however, can’t stay in bed all day. He has to work. He has two scheduled minor surgeries, one for a patient who suffers severe epilepsy, and another who needs a small, newly discovered tumor removed from his brain. These, of course, he’s dealt with before. While life threatening, he knows how to handle these things. He knows the exact procedures he must perform. He must help these people.
Ken wraps his arms around his waist as he attempts to leave the bed. Shuu lets out a tired laugh, and takes the clasped hands apart in the front of him. “Love, I have to go.”
“No you don’t,” the muffled voice comes again.
“Yes, I do, mio amour.”
A low groan comes from the publisher. Shuu pulls him up by his arms and kisses him again. “I won’t be long, okay? Maybe I’ll be able to leave early, if I get all of my patients in on time.”
“Mhm.”
“Come on, you’re going to be late.” Shuu tells him.
“No…”
“Yes.” Shuu stands from the bed and grabs Kaneki underneath the legs, and under his arms, carrying him bridal style out of their small bedroom and down the hallway. He places the sleepy Kaneki down on the cushion where their traditional table lies, and he rubs at his eyes as the sun from the glass door to the balcony shines in and hits him in the eyes.
“I’m going to go take a shower.”
“Okay,” Shuu replies, watching as Kaneki leaves the room to grab his clothes and go to the bathroom.
Shuu starts to make him and Kaneki breakfast, meanwhile, in the connecting kitchen. He’s decided to make Okayu and Nori, and the traditional Miso soup. All is well, as everything is made in less than twenty minutes. Ken walks out right on time, dressed and prepared for work in his pinstripe suit, with a small briefcase set in his hand. Shuu is setting the breakfast for the two down on the table, and sitting down on the opposite cushion.
They mumble a small prayer together, and start eating. It’s quick, and takes almost no time to down. Shuu still has to shower quickly, and get dressed.
Once he’s finished, he shares the bathroom with Kaneki. He takes a quick shower while Ken brushes his teeth.
“Ken, would you be a dear and get me something to wear for today?” Shuu asks his love once he stops the shower.
“Of course. Would you like a blue shirt today?” Shuu can practically see the smirk through the foggy door of the shower.
Shuu rolls his eyes playfully at Ken. “Why not.”
Ken walks away and he steps out of the shower, quickly grabbing his towel and drying off. He wraps the towel around his waist and walks out to their room, putting what Ken’s selected; a blue shirt, a patterned tie, and work pants. Shuu gets dressed and grabs all of his necessities, his phone, wallet, and I.D., and walks out the door of the apartment, Ken beside him.
They enter the train. They wait to arrive to their stop, which is about twenty minutes away from their apartment. This is, perhaps, the worst part of the day for Shuu-the fact that he must leave his love for twelve hours every day at this moment is still a part of this relationship that he struggles with. Getting up in the middle of the night to leave him is as well. He hates not being able to see him, or responding to his small little texts left throughout the day whenever he takes a short break because he’s busy. Texting him on his breaks is not enough.
The train doors open, marking their stop. The two step out of the car together. Shuu’s work his closer on the street, meaning that Ken must walk alone to his work. He hates not being able to escort him there. It makes him queasy, walking across the busy road by himself, even if he does it in the crosswalk.
“I love you,” Ken tells Shuu as they stop in front of the doors of the hospital. “I’ll see you when we get home.”
“I love you too.” Shuu says in response, kissing him passionately on the lips. “Be safe.”
“I will.”
With that, Shuu walks through the automatic doors of his work. He walks up the stairs and checks in to his work, and then makes his way back down to the main offices. He does paperwork until it’s a half an hour before the appointment begins, and he puts on his coat and nametag and leaves his small office, with a clipboard in hand.
The appointment goes well. It was a simple follow up before the surgery, which he is currently preparing for. He’s washed his hands and arms, has put on his gloves and scrubs and goggles and is ready to perform the surgery.
All goes well. He’s cut open the head and his performing open brain surgery. It’s a normal looking brain, and all he’s doing is taking out a small portion of the brain that causes the poor girl’s seizures. He cuts it out very, very carefully, and places the portion in the tray. He stops any bleeding, replaces the part of the skull he’d had to take out to reach the brain, and sews everything back together. The patient is sent off to the care unit, where she will be taken care of for as long as she needs to.
It’s a surgery done well. By now, the time on the clock reads twelve thirty. The surgery only took three hours, maybe two and a half. His team are all on their breaks, and his lunch starts in a half an hour. His next surgery starts at three, and he next has a consultation at one thirty.
He goes to the breakroom and pulls out his phone. Kaneki has texted him only minutes ago.
I’m bringing lunch for us, if it’s okay. Meet me in the cafeteria. Love you. The message reads, and Shuu can feel his heart flutter. Ken has done this before. Taking his belongings, he goes down to the cafeteria, which is on the fifth floor, and takes a seat at one of the tables in the center. His stomach is churning with hunger, and he’s excited to see what Kaneki has picked up this time-
“Doctor Tsukiyama to the ER, Doctor Tsukiyama to the ER,” a voice says over the intercom, and he sighs. He messages Ken quickly to tell him he’ll be a bit late. Shuu rushes to get to the bottom floor, making long strides towards the two open doors that lead into the ER.
He can hear the sound of alarm in the other’s voices. Besides the retching of patients in other small rooms and the phones ringing, he can tell that something is definitely wrong by the way the commotion is appearing, and the patient hasn’t even arrived yet.
The automatic doors on the opposite end of the wing open. A gurney that’s surrounded by people rushes into the emergency room. It’s absolutely gruesome, what he can see on the gurney; the foot is twisted in the completely opposite direction, and blood, dark blood is encasing the suit of whoever is on the gurney…
An arm is dangling from the gurney, fingers obviously shattered beyond repair and bleeding on the pinstripe suit.
His stomach drops.
“K..Ken…”
That’s not his hand, that’s not his hand…
“Tsukiyama-san, get to the OR now!” One of the doctors commands, and as they take the gurney from the others, Shuu can see the stained, white hair of his fiancé on the gurney.
He feels like everything is over. He can’t move. He can only shake, shake where he is standing, watch as they drag his Kaneki away into the operating room…
“No, no, no, no, no…” He mumbles. “No, it’s not Ken, it can’t be Ken, Ken is alright, h-he’s at work…”
But Shuu knows he’s not at work.
Shuu collapses to the floor, tears flooding from his eyes. His world has completely shattered. He doesn’t know why Ken is on that gurney, heading to the operating room. He doesn’t know why he’s in critical condition, which requires all doctor’s to be in the same operating room.
He doesn’t understand why there is still a trail of his blood on the floor, waiting to be mopped up.
-
Shuu has to cancel the surgery for the patient. He’s shaken up completely. He knows that he can’t go into that operating room without breaking down-he’s already tried it once, and he hadn’t even stepped into the door.
He checks out of work early. He waits in the break room for hours, drinking countless cups of coffee to keep himself awake and aware. The doctors have been in the operating room with Ken for hours. Not one, not two, not even three. The time on the wall is approaching seven o’clock.
It’s been seven hours since they entered the OR. It’s been eleven since he heard his last “I love you.” It’s been twelve since they woke up that morning. The time is passing so dreadfully slow.
-
A nurse from the OR comes into the break room about a half an hour later. She tells him only of Ken’s current condition, and explains how the surgery isn’t nearly done.
She tells Shuu that he had been walking across the street. There was a man who was driving a delivery truck who wasn’t paying attention, and hit Kaneki at sixty miles an hour. He got trapped underneath one of the wheels and was lucky to even be alive. His head hit the pavement with such force that a region of his skull had been shattered, and his body was practically torn, but they were trying.
They needed another neurologist in there. Of course, they didn’t, Shuu knows that his coworker can work independently. She just wants him in the room. He refuses to go.
-
Shuu finally crashes on the table at midnight. He sleeps uncomfortably, eyes still red and stained with tears, anxiety high and causing him to wake several times throughout the night. He’s so worried that even while unconscious, he still can’t help but think what will happen to Ken.
Ken. He’s known Ken for a few years, now. They met when they were in college. They were sweethearts. It took a few times to finally get enough courage to ask the previously black haired student out on a date.
Their dates were the greatest. Shuu would always take him someplace to eat, or to a book store where there was a signing going on. Ken always listened to him read. Ken still listens to him read.
Shuu proposed last summer, the year Kaneki had graduated. Ken started crying tears of joy, his happiness the greatest thing SHuu could have been blessed with, besides Kaneki himself. He had been so excited. He was-is-still excited for the wedding to come, which they’ve been planning for months now. They plan on going away to get married. They plan on spending their honeymoon in America.
If only that would come to be.
-
It’s four in the morning when one of his coworkers taps him on the shoulder.
Shuu sits up almost immediately. He needs to hear the news.
He needs to hear what’s happened.
The solemnity on his coworker’s face is enough to say what’s happened.
“Shuu-san.”
Shuu bites his lip to make it stop quivering.
“We…we did everything we could.”
The burning sensation begins in the back of his eyes.
“Kaneki Ken has passed away. There was too much blood loss. It wouldn’t stop, even after we had reached the areas that-“
“Stop. Please.”
Shuu puts his head in his hands. His heart is breaking and aching. His eyes are dropping tears. His body shudders with sobs and whimpers that mourn the love of his life.
“I’m so sorry.”
Shuu shakes his head. He shakes his head and continues to cry. He can feel the cold metal of his ring pressed up against his temple.
It only makes him cry harder.
“P-please g-go,” He stutters out. “L-leave.”
He can hear the footsteps of his coworker leave the room, and he lets out a loud, overwhelming sob, crying, crying because this wasn’t supposed to happen; crying because he shouldn’t have let him come over across the dangerous street, crying because of all people it should’ve been him, not Kaneki, not the one he truly cared for, ached every moment for and spent so much time for.
