My second illustration for the @bg3-winter-big-bang, based on a scene from @ofsilentthings' submission "And Tomorrow I Shall Again Wear Diamonds And Dance". There's so many little details about this picture that I can talk about endlessly, but I'll spare you guys. 😉
Ascended Astarion x Female Durge vampire spawn/consort (Named Lilah)
"This was the best choice, you made the right choice. You repeat those lines in your mind several times. You do not regret this… do you?"
New Series! From Astarion and Lilah's (named F!Durge) perspective
(her previous name was Nyx but I wasn't vibing with it so I am changing it to Lilah)
Ao3 if you prefer
Notes on this series before you start: I explore Ascended Astarion. In this world, I have chosen to have him find himself again as the series progresses. Now I know there are heated discussions that Ascended Astarion is bad so please think of this as a re-imagining of his story where yes, he has a lapse in judgment out of fear and ascends. However, I think it would be beautiful to have him redeem himself, defying what it is to be a vampire lord. Eventually, breaking the cycle of abuse. There will also be some moments in this series with Lilah (tav) and Halsin as the story plays out. I won't say too much.
Series Summary/where we start:
It happened, Astarion’s ascension. The man you once loved is no longer present, instead, in his place looms a darker, dominant remnant of him. You foolishly accepted his offer of being his consort, believing that he would turn you into a true vampire, much like him. It has been one week since your turn, and as each day passes you start to doubt that promise. There are moments where you see flickers of his old self, however, they are small moments that do not last long.
Warnings: Ascended Astarion, Dom vibes, jealousy, possessiveness, Consort Tav, Dark urge tav, PiV, Sex, let me know if i miss anything
MINORS DNI
Lilah
Thrust. “Hmph.” Thrust. “Gods, you’re perfect.” Thrust. Sweat drips down the side of your face as his grip tightens on your hips, gliding one hand up your spine he snakes it around and pulls you up by the base of your neck. The sweat that has settled on his chest feels cold against your back that is now pressed against him and you rock your body up and down his manhood. It is in these moments where you feel the most connected to him, you can close your eyes and pretend he is still the same man he was before his ascension.
“Hmph. So eager, my pet.” The curls of his hair tickle your face as he drops his head down nudging yours to the side, exposing your neck. As he clamps down to drink an orgasm ripples through your body and you feel his hand gently squeeze the base of your neck near your collarbone. He releases his bite and pushes you back face down on the bed. Firm hands once again grip your hips as his thrusts slam into you and you feel the pace quicken.
Thrust.
Thrust.
Thrust.
You feel his body stiffen behind you as he takes one last plunge deep into your core and ecstasy rips through his body sending waves of small spasms jolting through him. He pauses a moment, making sure all his spend has been emptied and he flips you over onto your back his crimson eyes are ablaze as he stares at you.
“My most beloved, spawn, my dark consort. How delicious you look, covered in sweat and breathing heavily for me.” His hand runs up your stomach as he catches your chin between his thumb and index finger. Releasing his grip he brings his hand to his mouth, punctures an opening on his middle finger and brings it down slowly pushing it to your mouth. Eagerly you drink the small amount he is willing to offer you as part of your hopes that this is the moment he allows you true vampirism. But this feels the same as any other time, the only intention he has is to show you he is in control and only he decides when it’s your turn.
Tears sting your eyes and your vision becomes blurry, how long would you subject yourself to these games? You could run away, you still have the tadpole but it won’t be forever. Even if you ran away, once the tadpole was gone, you were still under his control. What a fool you were in allowing him to ascend, at the time, you thought supporting what he wanted was the right thing to do. You knew what it was like to live in fear, Bhaal had the same effect on you. If you could take it all back you would. You now know that fear isn’t a bad thing, not if you have support around you. But what’s done is done, you cannot take any of it back and these are the consequences you now live with.
“Little love, whatever could be the matter?” He cocks his head to the side and for a moment you thought you caught a glimpse of genuine concern in his eyes.
“Astarion, it’s been a week… I’m starting to believe that maybe you have no intention of turning me into a true vampire.” There is a slight wobble to your voice, you are nervous. Bringing this up always ends with him angered and asserting his power over you.
“How many times do we have to have this discussion? It will happen when I am ready for it to happen. If you keep bringing it up I’ll make you wait longer. Do not test my patience.” He moves off the bed to dress himself for the day and you watch him move around the room, your heart aches for the loss of the man you loved.
Without a word, you clean yourself up, get dressed and move to the door to leave your private quarters.
“And where do you think you’re going?” His voice is cold and commanding, if it weren’t for the tadpole you assumed you wouldn’t be able to move in this moment. Instead, utilising the temporary freedom you have, you exit the room. Not a single acknowledgment comes from you at his question.
Before you know it you have found yourself standing in front of Halsin, as he is lost in whittling yet another duck for his collection. You softly clear your throat which grabs his attention.
“Sorry, I was distracted, you know what I’m like when I whittle.” He stands up and his brow furrows as he looks at you. “You have been crying. You have done that a lot recently. What can I do to make it better?” He pulls you into a soft hug and you let him, you know you shouldn’t but you and Halsin have had special arrangements previously. You weren’t sure where they stood now, but you didn’t care to ask Astarion. Not when he is the way he is and Halsin would gladly be whatever you needed him to be.
“Things are different with him, Halsin. He’s changed for the worse. I don’t know what to do, I feel like a fool.” You whisper into his chest unable to control the soft sobs that leave your lips.
“You did the best you could do, your choices were made in love. Do not fault yourself for loving someone the way you love him.” He bends his head and softly places a kiss on your forehead. A rush of shame fills you, you do not wish to lead him on, however, his warmth is welcoming.
“Halsin, I… I do not wish to lead you on. I love him… I just don’t know what to do.” You tilt your head to meet his soft eyes as he holds you.
“Lilah, I will be whatever you need me to be. The time we spent together intimately will be etched into my memory for as long as I live. If that is where our intimate connection stops, I will hold it dearly. If you require a friend, I will be just that.” He strokes his hand down the side of your face, his smile is earnest, and he means every word he says.
“Well, what do we have here?” A voice cuts through the air, you can almost taste the venom laced in each word. As you turn to face him, Halsin has respectfully let you go and stands at your side with his jaw clenched. “I leave my consort alone for five minutes and the animals descend. Have you no shame, Halsin? Or do you prefer indulging in my leftovers?” The words cut through your heart like a blade.
“Leftovers? LEFTOVERS?” You have never heard Halsin raise his voice and the entire camp stops. “If you dare speak that way of her again Astarion I will do what I must to protect her honour.” Halsin places a protective step between you and Astarion, you watch as delight spreads across his face at the challenge laid before him.
“Hah! You can try. She belongs to me and only me. I know we had our past arrangements but your… services are no longer needed, Halsin.” Astarion’s face is smug as he watches Halsin wince at the words. Your heart hurts for the druid and you wish you could do something to ease his shame. Rage floods your veins, it has been a while since your past affected you and you know you will never fully get rid of it.
“Astarion. That is enough. Halsin is my friend and I am entitled to spend my time however I please.” You watch as his crimson eyes glow with anger at your disrespect. “So long as I have this tadpole in my head, I have free will and I will enjoy every. Single. Moment of it.” You take Halsin by the hand and exit the shared quarters leaving Astarion speechless and seething behind you.
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Astarion:
As you walk into the shared quarters you find her in the arms of the druid and you watch him run his hand softly down the side of her cheek. Something drops in the pit of your stomach, it feels like, pain. Nonsense. You are the Vampire Ascendant, you do not feel emotional pain, you do not feel jealousy and you certainly do not allow another man to run his hands over what belongs to you. A powerful being such as yourself does not need lovers’ quarrels and matters of the heart. You are no longer a weakling. Let her have her time with Halsin, you know that she would not dare be physical with him, no, your consort is infatuated with you.
However, you find yourself with some free time today, perhaps you could indulge with some good old-fashioned stalking. Put your pet to the test and see what she does with her delusion of freedom. While you are watching her you could think of a plan to reel her back in line, maybe dangle some warmth her way… tell her you love her, tell her she is the best thing that has happened to you and make her feel special. It would be easy, you know how she waits to be commanded. You hear it in the way her breath stills when you speak and see it in her eyes as they stay glued to your every move.
Keeping track of them isn’t hard, even in a crowd of people Halsin sticks out like a sore thumb. You can say what you want about the druid but the one thing he has going for himself is the sheer size of him. No one would want to mess with that. You carefully watch as they walk the streets and it doesn’t escape your attention that his hand brushes against hers now and then. You feel a twitch of something in your chest every time his hand touches hers. A feeling you should not be experiencing, is that… jealousy? It couldn’t be, no, you are merely annoyed that someone else is touching something that belongs to you. Simple.
You follow them through Balder’s Gate as they make their way toward Rivington. What is your plan druid? You think to yourself watching them descend the hill towards a secluded beach. You notice that just above the shoreline where they sit is a cliff that has many bushes surrounding it. As you stealthily make your way, you slip into the shadows of the shrubbery and listen.
“Are you alright, my heart?” The druid places his hand atop hers and you see her face flush as she turns to him.
“I am as good as I can be. Halsin, I… I am so sorry for the way he spoke to you. You did not deserve that.” She places her free hand on his cheek and you feel a deep rage settle in your chest.
“You’re apologising? You need not apologise to me. The way he spoke of you… as if you meant nothing more than scraps. It enraged me.” Halsin’s voice hardens at the memory and part of you regrets your choice of words when it came to her. She is not your leftovers… why you chose those words, you will never understand. The pain on her face when those words hit her left you feeling… ashamed. You will not dwell on it, that is yet another sign of weakness and you were past that. She should know better.
“Perhaps he is right, maybe I am not worth more than that. Look what I have done to myself… all for him. Have I no self-respect?” You hear the quiver in her voice it cracks and gives way to her sobs and a familiar feeling settles in the pit of your stomach.
Halsin pulls her into his arms, lifts her face to his and you watch as he brings his lips to hers. I am going to make him bleed for that. Your thoughts are full of anger and disbelief as you see for a moment she leans into him and suddenly releases the kiss.
“I still love him… I’m so sorry. I wish I could turn it off but I can’t, I’m pathetic.” Her voice sounds small, defeated and you are not sure how to feel about this. On the one side, this gives you the upper hand and you realise how much power you hold over her. On the other side, there is a small desire to show her that as your consort she is certainly not pathetic, you would never allow your consort to be anything but perfect.
“Love makes fools of us all, Lilah. Perhaps in time, you will learn how to move on from the man he once was and if you were to open yourself to another, I would be there. But if that doesn’t happen I am here all the same as your friend.” He wraps his arm around her shoulder.
“And you would be happy? Just as my friend?” She asks quietly.
“As long as I am in your life in some capacity, I will be happy.” He replies.
“Halsin? If that day ever came, if I was ever able to stop loving him… I would come to find you and if you weren’t committed to another maybe we could be together then.” Her voice is soft as she places her hand on his shoulder.
“I would not settle down, perhaps take lovers, but settle down? I have only ever wanted that from you. I do not imagine it would change.” The druid smiles at her and looks out onto the ocean.
You do not wish to hear any more of this conversation and as you quietly make your way back up the hill you find yourself thinking of what you would do if she left you. If she were to move on to love another. Your stomach twists and you become nauseous at the thought. You would not allow that to happen. She is yours… she could never be anyone else’s.
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Lilah:
After spending the day with Halsin you feel better. This morning’s drama rattled you and that word still lingers in your mind… leftovers… is that what he truly thinks of you? If that was the case, then perhaps it was time for you to rethink your relationship with him. You can’t spend your eternity like this, under his torment.
As you and Halsin enter the Elfsong Tavern and head upstairs to the shared quarters you notice the door to your private room is open. You glance at Halsin who gives you a small nod followed by an understanding smile. He places a soft kiss on your cheek and enters the shared room.
Sighing to yourself you slowly enter your private quarters and find Astarion sitting on the chair in the corner of the room.
“Did you enjoy yourself? You caused quite the scene this morning.” His voice is cool and unbothered, his ruby eyes glisten watching you, waiting for your response.
“It was not I who caused a scene this morning, master.” You spit out the last word at him and you see a quick wince from him, you would have missed it had you blinked.
“Now my darling consort… you need not address me as master, but you know that don’t you?” He rises from his chair and crosses the room. Gently he cups your face and leans in to kiss you tenderly. The softness of the kiss surprises you, he has not kissed you like this since his ascension. Maybe you have finally gotten through to him. He pulls back and holds your gaze while his thumb lazily runs along your jaw.
“I do rather like that, you know?” His voice is soft, and sweet and sounds almost vulnerable.
“Oh, you do? I would have thought you would have been disgusted since I am nothing but leftovers.” Your voice cracks and tears sting your eyes once more as you glare at him.
“My love, I didn’t mean it. I was caught up in the heat of the moment. You should know that you are much more than that. You are my consort, I would never think so little of you.” He trails kisses along your jawline and down your neck. Your head becomes dizzy at his soft touch. “You are my most beloved spawn.” As soon as the words leave his mouth you are snapped back into reality.
“That is all I will ever be to you, won’t it? Your spawn? You never intend for me to become a true vampire.” Your voice is soft as you whisper out the realisation.
“Darling, I’m hurt. You think so little of me… I simply want to get used to this power before we take the next step… after all, we have all eternity, what is the rush?” His words flow through you like honey and you cannot find the words to argue with him. “I don’t wish to fight with you, can’t we just forget what happened this morning?” He kisses you down your neck once again.
“Do you love me?” The question spills out from your lips and you feel him freeze.
“Of course I love you. Why would you ever doubt that, my love?” He turns you to face him and yet again for a moment, you see a small flicker of genuine concern that is soon masked by his newfound confidence. You pray to whatever gods are listening that he means it because you cannot let him go. Not yet.
“Little love, let me show you just how much you mean to me?” His breath is hot in your ear as he leads you to the bed.
“Do you think… we could just lay together? Like we used to?” You watch his face as he contemplates your request.
“If that will make my consort happy, then that is what we shall do.” There is a calculated look in his smile but you push it aside for this moment of intimacy. You have not held each other like this since his ascension and as you lay there in his arms you close your eyes for a moment, sleep finds you quickly.
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Astarion:
As you lay there with her on your chest, memories fill your mind. Memories of nights when the two of you lay cuddled together sharing laughs, secrets and dreams. A small twang of emotion shoots itself across your chest and you shove it down, you were pathetic then and you will never be ever again. If she loved you then surely she would love you now, especially when you can offer her power beyond measure. She would never have to feel afraid again, and neither would you. This was the best choice, you made the right choice. You repeat those lines in your mind several times. You do not regret this… do you?
No. You can’t and won’t regret this. She will learn to appreciate the powerful vampire you have become and once she realises your power she will understand why this was the right decision. You will enjoy this and you will build yourself an empire. For the both of you. No one could stop you.
