When you get this, reply with five things that make you happy, and send to the last ten people in your notes 💖
Ahh~! Five things? Okay,
(just a warning tht i get SUPER GAY at the end of this)
((ofc when AREN’T i super gay lbr))
Cats and their soft fur and their little faces and when they purr and their eyes squint halfway shut??? I love it i love them cats are so sOFT and CUTE but also ferocious and my cat once sat directly on my face to let me know tht she was out of food i love her sfm
lipstick and heels, gender-fucked i may be, but goddamn, i’m in love with things that make me both taller and more ... Refined? I think is the word. I’m in love with the persona I put on at work sometimes is basically what I’m saying. When my persona is less worried, less giggly, less “school girl” and more “cocky manager” more black leather and high heels. more “Of course,” and less, “I think”. more confident. less hesitant.
on the other hand, i do so love to shed that persona the minute i walk in my door. my tight jeans and business casual has to go, but the first thing i kick off is my heels. i love them, gods do i love them, but they make my feet ache, and when i’m out of them i feel looser. the tight pants are replaced with sweats and the loose Adidas pants i stole from an ex about a million years ago. (not because i still like the person, but more because they’re comfy. the same reason i sleep in an over-sized t shirt i stole from my first ex) the shirt, the rings, the necklaces and earrings all get tossed somewhere on my bed. i just feel less ... restrained. when i’m in my work clothes, i have to be the person the public wants to see. Confident, casual, polite and bubbly. When i’m home, i can be myself. (less Sales Associate, and more Trash Panda)
poetry, and halloween, (somehow they go together. i don’t know how)
for the last one, i could mention any one of my numerous fandoms. shadowhunters makes me happy bcos magnus bane exists, but i can’t forget who created him. check please is a gorgeous comic that hits home HARD with me for the same reasons The Foxhole Court does. Teen Wolf has spiraled the same way supernatural did, even if the fanfic still makes me happy. but none of those compare tbh. My best friend, my fiance, my - wiol pömnuria ilian, I am learning to be a whole person again, and the parts of me that aren’t intertwined with my mental illnesses are intertwined with her. On my breaks, I’ll walk to her store, and I know I light up when I see her. I can’t help it, no matter how shitty the day, seeing her swarmy little face just makes it better. Not that she’s usually swarmy, just sometimes. like when she makes a pun that makes me groan and debate stabbing myself in the eye. or when i do something stupid that she told me not to do. and she looks at me with this cocked eyebrow and with this pinched look on her face and smug smile, and i, again, have to fight back the urge to stab myself in the eye. or her. either/or. i mean i love her to death but there’s only so much gloating one can take. back to my point. it’s almost like - for years we orbited around each other. even today, she moves and i follow without thinking about it, the tiniest movement is an entire conversation between us. i track her movements absentmindedly out of the corner of my eye and make sure to bump against her with every other step to make her smile. ive leaned for years without toppling, and the only reason was because of a promise i made to her years ago. i worry about her constantly. i know when she’s had a bad day because of the set of her mouth, and the the downcast of her eyes. i don’t know he favourite book, or song, or food. (strawberries, and bland things on a bad day. That one panera bread sandwich and bubble tea every other?) because i forget things so easily, i have the world’s shittiest memory, and i’m trying, i’m TRYING to do better, to be better. not just for myself, but because someone needs to love this girl the way she deserves to be loved. i still can’t fathom why she would want the broken pieces of me, but i’ve long since stopped trying to push her away. i still think that one day she’ll realize that i’m a hassle, and a burden, and she’ll leave because she deserves the world, and all i can offer is ... well, this. But until that day comes I will love her with every broken, shattered piece of me. She has been my Northern Star for years now, pointing me towards home when I’ve forgotten the way. She is summer storms, thunder and lightning and rain that causes you to shiver. She is a December midnight, shining, and breathtakingly cold and so beautiful it almost hurts to look. She is ... Tired. Tired in a way I understand to my bones. Because I feel it too. I only hope I make her feel half as human as she makes me.