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Send ☄ for one random headcanon I have for my muse!
vernon may count on his fingers and look at his daughter’s algebra homework like it’s in hieroglyphics, but he’s good at math where it counts. he has a good memory for numbers. he’s fast with figuring out measurements and conversions, is smart when it comes to probability, and contrary to popular belief, knows, to some extent, what he’s doing with finances. it’s just a hell of a lot easier to act incompetent. he’s a big fan of playing dumb. you can get away with a lot like that.
he sleeps with this ridiculous pink satin eye mask on with ‘do not disturb’ embroidered on it. the guy needs his beauty sleep, okay.
he was pretty young when he noticed that sometimes, if you want something, you just have to waltz in looking like you belong there and go get it. he’s never had it in him to straight-up rob somebody, strut into a liquor store and get all ‘put the money in the bag’ like the guys he used to roll with. not his style. and he’d feel a lot of guilt. he doesn’t believe in motivating people with fear. at least when he’s ripping old money folks off with some elaborate scheme or stealing designer suitcases from the airport back in the day, there’s a comfortable degree of separation in his brain. he just doesn’t consider it stealing if somebody willingly gave it to him under false pretenses, or if people take a while to notice it’s missing.
