Just found out there's a myth about Jesus of Nazareth and Judas Iscariot recorded in the Toledot Yeshu, an ancient Jewish biographical text about Jesus, in which they both fight over the Tetragrammaton (the Ineffable Name of God), which Jesus smuggles from the Temple by cramming it into his thigh, and then Judas and Jesus fight in the sky, both powered by the name of God, and then Judas literally masturbates (or at least urinates) all over Jesus and causes him to fall to the ground like Simon Magus.
In context, there is an interesting angle where Jesus is alleged to have attained the signifiers of Messiah status through deceit or illicit means, or, like for Roman polytheist critics such as Celsus, he was essentially a magician in the classically perjorative sense; a practitioner of goeteia or mageia, acting not in the name of the "highest divine good" (God, in this case) but instead for his own self-interested goals. Apparently using the name of God to cure illness and banish demons was proof of that, at least insofar as the Toledot Yeshu takes this as being with the aim of establishing himself as the Messiah, and therefore the spiritual leader of Judaea. But of course, if the accusation is mageia or goeteia, then the only meaning this has is the moral designation of the terrain of magic in itself: in other words, it only matters insofar as someone says this brand of magic is wrong, because your goals are somehow incorrect or corrupt.
Judas' act of coitus occupies a strange dual poistion, wherein even though it aims to challenge and negate Jesus' claim to messianic power and stature, which is implied to be illegitimate and ill-gotten, it is still itself a blasphemy, a transgression, a "wrongful" intermingling of the sacred and profane - in this case, God with the activity of coitus and therefore the body at its basest. The legitimation and delegitimisation of divine authority, these are both contained within the human body and its activity in some way. The flipside of that is that from there we're to take this episode as evidence that, at least for a certain tradition of Judaism expressed within the Toledot Yeshu, the God-principle or sacredness is not supposed to merge with the "profane" world of corporeality or body, and that therefore to unite those two worlds is a sacrilege, a religious and moral transgression, and in a sense blasphemy.
There is also a strange similarity or at least a shared theme with the Orphic myth of the rebirth of Dionysus. You know the myth: Dionysus is born, he is supposed to inherit Zeus' throne, but Hera, hating this arrangement, had Dionysus killed by the Titans, and then Zeus discovers that the Titans had dismembered, cooked, and ate Dionysus' flesh and destroyed them, but, seeing that Dionysus' heart was still there, saved his heart and smuggled it in his thigh, and then Dionysus is born a second time. In Orphic terms Dionysus is frequently likened to spirit, or the spiritual nature of humans, which is tragically stuck in the corporeal form of the human body and the vice that it inherits from the Titans, whose ashes were used to make the human body. Whether tragically or blasphemously, the spirit-principle finds itself passing into the human body in a very similar way: through the thigh.
But anyway, props to Judas Isacriot, the world-class coomer whose seed caused Jesus to fall to the ground, thereby proving that cooming dispels the authority of God and is therefore based.
Catch the fever, Jesus of Nazareth!
