#cooper rants

[torglives]

there's something in the fact that lizzie's death can never be uniquely hers. she is always stuck between two violent forces, never the reason for her own demise, and never going out on her own terms. always, always the middle-man.

first, it was for bdubs—for etho, too. for a promise made that she had nothing to do with. she died in a heartbeat—a confusing blur of screams and colour. she died so that bdubs could live, and her death was not hers, but his. it was his victory, his way out, and she got lost somewhere in the middle.

second, it was for joel—for his god-given task, and for his rivalry. she died alone, forever falling, carrying out a mission that she had nothing to do with. she died and jimmy lived, and once more her death was not her own. not hers, but his— his victory and his celebration, all while she continued to fall.

most recently, it was for jimmy— a mission, and a promise that he would be "taken out by [grian's] own hand," that she had nothing to do with. she died voiceless, unable to utter a final word, and grian cheered. not for her elimination, but for his. it had nothing to do with her, she just happened to be there.

forever cursed to die shouldering a burden that is not her own, always overshadowed by something greater.

[fonsecaism]

like it's DIFFERENT if it's very clearly a joke and you're just exaggerating your disdain. saying like "im throwing rocks at (name)" or "i hope (name) has sand in their bed Forever and gets chased by bears" is funny and normal and fine. saying I hope this guy gets genuinely jumped and beat up and injured In Real Life is. Insane!!!!!!! to me at least!!!!!

[torglives]

edit to this post: don't reblog this with hate on tr!ros i love her and she is my everything. this post was written with purposeful bias of perspective

can i stand up and say that ros AND yellow are completely irredeemable from lukeys pov or will the audience not like that one. because it’s honestly just been something that’s been bothering me a little bit. the way they talk about him like he’s less than human gets under my skin. can i just rant for a minute. is this okay with everyone.

like imagine you’re thrown into this new world and someone you’ve never met hates you for hearing your voice in a pocket dimension. and then murders you for it like an hour into your life. and then everyone acts like it’s okay because she’s going through a real rough time. and yeah she is, but how does that make it okay? they defend it, because she was scared, but you were scared too. what about your fear? you didn’t even do anything. she keeps threatening to kill you, and you can’t do anything, and you’re powerless. and then you join the opposing faction, because why wouldn’t you. and then her factionmate kills you a few days later. and it’s all one big joke. the entire faction hates you and they believe you’re evil, because they have to justify themselves somehow. no enemy of the kingdom can be innocent, so you must be evil, but you don’t even know who you are yet. and the king takes responsibility for all of it, willingly.

and you’re not perfect, but you try to remain kind. you ask her if she’s comfortable with you attending her event, and as you’re leaving, she calls you back and tries to murder you. again. and she’s friends with the guy you’ve sworn your life to, who’s likewise sworn to keep you safe. and she tells him it was just a little tap, like it was nothing. later, you try to stick up for yourself, defend your innocence, and she tells you that she doesn’t view you as an equal, much less a human being. your death does not matter to her because she doesn’t believe you deserve to live. she doesn’t believe you’re anything at all. "you’re nothing to me, lukey," and everyone lets it happen.

she continues to berate and belittle you, and threaten your life, and so does everyone else, because they’ve decided you’re evil. and it’s funny. and you’re weak. sneeg, and ros, and tina, and zam—and foolish lets them. and then ros dies. and she comes back weird and wrong, and people say to you try to start over, so you try, bitterly. but you’re evil. she calls you a dog. a pet. mocks you. says you make her want to be violent.

"like, i hardly touched lukey, and he hasn’t stopped whining about it."

and something’s got to give. someone has to take responsibility, so,

"i didn’t plan this, foolish. but i’m letting it happen. much like you did."

and everyone screams, see! we knew he was evil all along! we were right! — but this was never your decision to begin with. it’s never mattered what you truly are, because they’d already decided for you.

[torglives]

i can't stop thinking about honey badgers right now. or ever. like i can't stop thinking about pangi joining yellow with clown and then switching to green with bad because he was by himself and pangi thought that was unfair. and how that completely changed the course of the entire server. i rewatched the vod, and he stands there quietly while everyone else boos bad, and hesitates for a minute before he goes up on stage and switches factions. bad is still calling him pangee, but pangi says "badboyhalo, we can do this together." and they do it together, alone, for a really long time. but they do it together. in that first stream pangi says "i didn't expect to do this," but it's the first of many things that he'll do for bad.

[torglives]

nothing haunts me quite like the "red faction was introduced to unite the other factions against a common enemy" idea because. wow. does anyone have any idea what this means for me. does anyone have any idea what this means for tr pili (mocha) and pangi.

i think someone made a post about this ages ago. like, how their friendship was directly tied to how the keepers treated them. they were the main reason why it, the red faction event, didn’t go as planned. it got so out of hand they had to be nerfed admin style. it’s a bit difficult not to consider the meta when talking about this, but even exclusively in lore it’s like… these two fucked your world-saving plans over. you underestimated that freaky little thing called love and friendship. you deal with that by ostracizing them, letting pili stew in his lonely red misery as his factionmates are allowed to switch teams. turning a cold shoulder to pangi, having it out for him. because they bridged that gap that was supposed to stay closed, and burned the ones you were trying to build. and at the time, that shit would happen, and you’d see scott switch to blue, or the keepers help other players, and be so fucking confused. and in retrospect, i think it was a very real frustration with the two of them. they were never supposed to be friends. does anyone else ever think about that. just. oh my freaking wow. so much of the awful shit that happened to them can be EQUALLY traced back to their own rash actions AND the mistreatment from the keepers

and. no other event you create to bring the server together will ever work, because the first one had such an adverse effect. like you will never be able to re-create that. you had one chance and you blew it. THEY blew it. to indulge in meta, it’s a real annoyance with an oversight in your idea. entirely storyline scrapped because these two guys just had to be friends with eachother really bad. oh my lord. their relationship with the keepers, their relationship period, set the stage for so many plot lines and sentiments down the line. the keepers have power, and they don’t always use it for good. that starts with them, that’s the first tick on the board. no relationship has shaped the realm quite like pili/pangi has. like if you really think about it. <- says the pangili guy

[torglives]

oh boy. like. after months of feeling as though, deep down, you’ll never truly belong because you’re built fundamentally different than the rest of your servermates—you finally say the quiet part out loud—you miss home. you want to go home. you aren’t built for a life like this. you’re too different. you feel stuck. ("it’s not that i miss killing, or any of that… i just feel trapped." / "pipebomb behind bars… that’s how i feel." / "i won’t always be around to help you. not in a bad way, but, one day i’ll be gone.")

and you think you finally have the chance to go home. this world has not been kind to you, or your friends, why should you love it enough to stay? what reason has it given you to love it enough to give up the place that’s made you, for better or worse. this is what you’ve been waiting for, hoping for. finally, this is freedom.

this world has not been kind to you, the keepers have not been kind to you… but the people. that’s always what it comes back to, isn’t it? the people tell you things like "i’m glad i have you," and "you’re my ride or die," and "you became beautiful." — there’s no happy ending for you here, but there’s people who love you enough to try and give you one. they love you, and you love them, but the love doesn’t matter; the love can’t make them understand. the love can’t take them with you. there’s no reality where you don’t feel trapped here. they can hold you with gentle hands while you long to be embraced by rough ones. it won’t change anything. you were always going to leave.

[torglives]

the parallels between ros and pangi make me want to chew off my own arm. like what do you mean they both lost the person they loved the most. what do you mean they're both under the wing of their faction leader, essentially the "apprentices" (for lack of a better word) of people who will find eachother in every life. what do you mean they're on opposing factions. what do you mean they started off kind and have slowly been hardened by the world around them. what do you mean ros has gotten a chance at redemption and pangi has been scorned. what do you mean ros has been favoured by the keepers while pangi has been discarded. what do you mean pangi has a few people who are all dear to him, and ros has many people who refuse to understand her. what do you mean their factions have opposite values. what do you mean they're both everything the other could've been. what do you mean they turned out the same either way--alone, suffering. what do you mean none of it mattered in the end. like what do you mean. what do y

[torglives]

this is in no way an official (tm) analysis post, but a ramble of my thoughts… i saw someone awhile ago say that the corruption can be a metaphor for some sort of dissociative disorder as a trauma response and i really. am just trapped in that house right now.

like pangi is the most recent and most peculiar case because he didn’t go through any full reset. and yet he experienced all of the symptoms. he did not “start over,” or go onto a second life, or become a new person, but his symptoms happened to him as he was, with all of his personal lived experiences. does what i’m trying to say make sense? and his memory loss wasn’t gradual, either. that’s something really interesting that we don’t really talk about. he more or less knew when he was going to lose his memories, but it was completely sudden. after the death of pedro, if we want to get really specific with it. it was a sudden blockage in his brain, and the memories were almost……. compartmentalized.???

they were not eaten completely, because he gained them back the other day, but just kind of… blocked from his consciousness.

the personality changes. the heightened aggression, the extreme paranoia, “regressing” to who he was “before.” does anyone understand me. acting out, unsure sense of self — in a personal case: not wanting to seem weak or vulnerable. the lingering effects of this on post-corruption pangi, who’s every version of himself he’s ever been. who’s been hit with all of these memories at once.

he had nightmares about the corruption. when he was balancing his options, cure or no cure, he was having actual, violent nightmares. he told aimsey he was scared, and it’s clear that he wasn’t only scared of the corruption but also the cure!!!!!!

one of his main hold-ups about being cured was regaining his previous memories too. can we talk about that also. the corruption was protecting him from his painful, heavy, memories. and he was scared of getting those bad ones back, even if they came with the good ones. he wasn’t sure if he wanted those memories, but knew that the people he cared about wanted him to have them. which is fair to them, because pre-corruption pangi did think that the bad and good memories were in equal parts important.

to go on a tangent: im sure everyone here already knows all of this. but i saw a lot of people be really strange about his behaviour after he was cured and it confused me, because he obviously can’t immediately go back to who he was before. not theories, but just like… frustration that he wasn’t what they wanted him to be. tr/ls pangi didn’t up and dissapear, it’s him who regained all of those memories at once. i’ve seen a couple of people say that he was a dick to lukey for heading off and speaking with pili soon after, but genuinely like. is pili not the only person who gave him a genuine option. despite having his own motives, he did not let them entirely dictate his conversations with pangi. he didn’t approach him with a “it’s what you would’ve wanted,” and i don’t think it’s crazy at all for him to really appreciate that kindness. pangi gets hit with all of these memories at once, and everyone is like "yay, you’re back to normal now!", but "normal" is months of traumatic memories that you were scared to get back. is it not okay to have a complicated relationship with that? or what?