i know i've talked about not being used to family here before. the only 2 people in my bio family i'm in contact with are my bio dad and his sister. they weren't in my life during the abuse that happened to me and we reconnected when i was 18/19. i still hold them at arm's length mostly because i don't know how else to Be. i don't know what's normal to do or how to behave around family. i'm trying to be more open, but it feels very unnatural and strange to me. my dad is also a nurse that works 16+ hour days and my aunt is immunocompromised. my aunt is sick and tested negative today after waiting a week on results, which is good. i know everyone is afraid for at-risk loved ones and for themselves. i'm not really afraid but it...is weird to think about the only nonabusive biological family i know to be at high risk of being Gone after only knowing them for a few years. i think it's triggering for death-related parts that believe we are the reason people die
