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same anon from earlier, what is it like being an avatar? just in general I guess?
I'm super new to Avatarhood, and I feel like I need to formalize it in some way and still have a lot of work to do with The Dark, so I don't have a whole lot of experience yet, but @web-wound and @tea-with-the-falling-titan can help explain this better than I can.
Whats it like having The Forever Blind as a patron?
I've always been a night person, but at the same time, I was definitely Marked by The Dark (thanks to my parents 😒) as a child, so for the majority of my childhood, I would use nighttime as a way to have a few hours of personal time, but my mind would always wander to what could possibly be hiding in the darkness, so She has been with me for quite some time. As I grew older, nighttime became more of a comfort than a source of fear, and I learned how to navigate my house without any lights on (and am very proud of the fact. Very good devotional activity if you don't already know how to do so) and that eventually helped to ease the majority of the fear, seeing as I already knew my environment.
Shortly after I discovered TMA paganism, The Dark began to reach out to me, and I accepted Her call after a confirmation reading (Thank you so much, Mike, :D) and She guided me to focus on self-reflection (which I need to get back to 😅). I've had a few bouts of staying up far later than I should, and have a much stronger urge to do so, primarily out of a sense of "ew, light/daytime" and generally prefer to do things out of the house at nighttime, and I've come to realize that Her influence has extended into my nonhuman identity as a shadow dragon. Being in The Dark's domain feels very similar to being under the perfect weighted blanket, the darkness gently pressing in and cradling you as you move throughout Her. You may know where you are, but you may not know everything's exact position, things may have shifted, so there is always a risk, and you will never know if you will run into something. She is all encompassing, and you live, breathe, and see nothing but Her. I honestly wish I could be fully nocturnal, it would be a dream come true.
Feeding usually happens with me staying in dark rooms after I've turned the lights off (usually at work) or keeping the lights off when I otherwise would have them on (showers, wandering the house, etc.) also, night walks are your friend! Just be safe, carry a self defense tool and be mindful of creeps. Everyone feels Hunger differently and has different urges and whatnot, so definitely experiment and see what works best for you!
@the-witchy-sideblog and @web-wound have some fantastic resources for altars (I have one, I just don't use it very often... I need to change that lol), epithets, associations, all the good stuff! I also have stuff reblogged tagged under #the dark 🌑 , so definitely check in there for stuff!
I'm also in a couple discord servers I can likely get you the links for! I wish you the best of luck if you decide to interact with The Dark! I hope this helps!
There is a Comfort in being Different
(based off of this post by @drawoftheeye
**Disclaimer: This post includes some of my UPG for The Fears and Avatarhood**
One of the many things I have learned on my path is that it is okay to be Different, Other, Abnormal. The realization that existence doesn't fit into neat little boxes is the most freeing thing I have ever experienced. I can be strange, weird, or try to be just plain odd, forging my way through this world regardless of what others think.
I find immense amounts of comfort in standing out, being different, weird, unconventional because being Not Normal is such a core part of my identity. I do not fit into many conventional 'boxes,' and nor do I have any desire to. I pride myself in being not normal, and seek to be the change I want to see in the world, to disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed.
I am learning to be more comfortable with the unconventional parts of life, and I couldn't be happier to explore those parts which are often overlooked. This time of my life has brought in criticisms of my appearance and way of life from those who (albeit unintentionally) tear me down when they should be building me up, and with the help of the divine, this has pushed me to be more unapologetically weird in my self-expression.
As I work to become an Avatar for the Fears I worship, I learn more and more a out what it means to embody those I wish to serve, and how this can and will change me. I look forward to who I will become, and how I will be able to more accurately express myself in a way that will likely not make sense to others. The world around us cannot be put into boxes, there will always be outliers and things that will not make sense, so why should I even attempt to be "normal," when such a thing doesn't even exist in a way that changes so often?
In a way, The Fears to me bring about self-reflection, acceptance, and immense change, and I just feel endless amounts of love for them as I grow closer to them with each passing day.
Becoming an Avatar means to become something Other. It means accepting the parts of me that make me different and letting them exist without fearing judgement from those around me. I have better things to focus on, to love and feed those which cradle me deep inside their Vast, Crawling, Ever Changing and Watching Selves.
A Cross Between Beholding and the Neverending Plane
I think there's something to be said about the Vastness of Knowledge. There is so much info out there to be learned that there's no way to go through a singular lifetime and Know Everything. Knowledge is an ever expanding thing, with new things to learn popping up every second.
The concept of Knowledge as an endless concept combines the expansive nature of The Falling Titan with the drive for Knowledge that is Beholding. Just as the universe expands ever outward, information is a constantly growing thing with no end. No matter how much Knowledge is collected inside of any creature, there is always something they do not know, and I find that absolutely fascinating.
I know that I will unfortunately never be able to know everything about Everything, and unfortunately I have to live with that fact, but that doesn't stop me from trying to learn as much as I possibly can, dipping my mind into the ever expanding pool of Knowledge, just as one steps into the ocean, ready to go deeper.
Favourite ways to connect with your Deities and/or Fears?
– @tea-with-the-falling-titan.
Thank you so much for the ask Mike! :D
I do have quite a few things I do to connect to my deities and the Fears. Along with what's listed below, there are a few songs I associate with Them, but I couldn't think of many of them off the top of my head
Eye: SCP: Find Us Alive (podcast) I'm on Observation Duty (game), reading
Vast: Derelict (podcast), Subnautica, Little Nightmares, atv riding, Project Hail Mary
Corruption: Plant care, playing with my pet rats
Stranger: ttrpgs, colored contacts, cosplay
Dark: Sitting in dark rooms/avoiding using a flashlight at night
Web: Derelict, embroidery, jewelry making
Extinction: Hymns for the Road, The Bunker (podcasts), Fallout (games and show), Project Hail Mary
Slaughter: knife collection, punk music
Buried: Plant care, sleeping in my closet, anything with dirt
Hunt: Archery, hunting/helping family with hunting, Run by Lydia the Bard
Aphrodite: self care, swimming, singing, hanging out with my partner
Ares: Punk music, physical labor via my job, archery
Hathor: listening to music/singing, wearing my perfume locket
I made a Dark-flavored devotional necklace for The Fears! In order from the center to the clasp, I have them ordered Buried, Corruption, Dark, Desolation, End, Eye, Flesh, Hunt, Lonely, Slaughter, Spiral, Stranger, Vast, Web and Extinction, and the black beads are the extra bit of Dark flavoring!
Immediately after putting it on, I got a little spike of fear and I am now extremely hungry and tired, so I think I am going to chug some water, maybe see if I'm physically hungry and then go to bed cause I now very much need sleep.
Being a security camera kin, finding comfort in being Watched by security cameras, and general Eye shenanigans is literally the perfect combination. Like, I am a camera, cameras are my friends, and one of my Patrons can watch me through my friends and See others through me!
This is the specific kind of camera I kin, but look at that and tell me it isn't Friend-shaped, I dare you
Did you feel different after you became an avatar?
I do certainly feel less human in a way, but by alterhuman standards, I am still very humanoid. I do still need to figure out if I'm overthinking certain things, but there is more of a "nonhuman but still a person" kind of thing going on
