Covenants NOT Contracts 2
My first faced extreme karma after what he’d done, his pill addiction worsened he started being in and out of rehab, he’d actually had CPR to bring him back at one point from taking an addy w/ a meth pill.
He never recovered and unfortunately till this day he still is an addict..
So after I cut my first off for good, I was still officially with rebound. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the baby wasn’t his I aborted cause truthfully I was still dealing with the fact I didn’t have my baby.
This was a MAJOR THING in my world because it’s just not how I saw my life going at the time. I always pictured me being joyfully pregnant not rushing to get rid of it cause the bigger the seed the more I’d feel like I was committing murder. I’m a good girl at heart so some views I can’t escape but I’m harder on myself than others. So I don’t judge.
Eventually as I start getting back to myself around April the abortion happened in October. I tell rebound it wasn’t his, I believe in an argument cause he was such a little gremlin just TERRIBLE but I’m sweet.
He didn’t really react, and I mean I told him everything. Even how my first did it on purpose. Still no real reaction outside of him saying his mama shouldn’t have paid for it. Even though technically she didn’t cause my mama paid and I pocketed that $500😂
So really I didn’t think anything of it, AT ALL.
So as our relationship progressed I started to see more of what I didn’t like and what I didn’t want.
Honestly though my life was on the up & UP, school was good, I moved into a nicer apt, I got a raise at work… I was living good
I noticed oddly I was eating more than usual and spending a lot of time around the males in my family. So you guessed it, I bought a pregnancy test. Now the sex was never spectacular with rebound, the endowment wasn’t really that well. His mouth made up for it slightly when ONLY he used it in the bedroom.
So really I didn’t think I was pregnant but I followed my spirit even though it was just six months since my abortion. So you guessed it again…
I’m pregnant AGAIN..
This time I am really ashamed, not even six months later, I’m experienced so I hopped on the phone and made my appt but this time my mother was TOO overwhelmed cause one baby is something but TWO in six months time?
She was disappointed but didn’t tell me because she knew I was already hurting and that would just be an unnecessary blow. Plus I didn’t hesitate to set an appt because even though I had improved my stability, my relationship stability had declined.
Rebound WAS NOT my child’s father. I just KNEW.
He wasn’t right for the job and I refused to give my baby ANYTHING less than they deserved. He was cruel to me because my light over-shined him and I didn’t want him projecting that on my child. Competing with them at a young age or blocking blessings for them out of jealousy.
I made the appt before I even told him! Now check out how God works.. he tells his mom cause he’s an EXTREME MAMA’s BOY like she IS HIM type stuff.
Again she pays cause my mom wasn’t doing it and she tells me that I can’t keep getting pregnant to get abortions and I need to consider birth control. Hold that thought..
So rebound and I go to the clinic cause my mom not supporting me at this time. This is the first visit and he is acting a MONKEY otw back, idk why🤷🏽♀️
I mean I had to pull MY car over at the time we’re 45 mins outside of Birmingham just to stop him from hitting my car and screaming. Even when he gets out he kicks my car, HE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A CAR!
So finally I convince him to get back in and I RACE back home, drop his a** off and go home. I went to my second appt ALONE. I got my pill, took it and this time actually EASY PEASY! I took the medicine right, and I even felt it drop out in to toilet. -possible tmi
I can remember being relieved and praying for forgiveness once again consistently this time thinking my inequity was TOO great. Two blessings I discarded? I thought God would see me as someone not raised in connection to him. So I kept praying. Around the time of my birthday if you read my original exes post, the gremlin started getting BOLD.
He tells me in an argument about my first he that. “I know you don’t love me more than your ex cause I got you pregnant and you didn’t keep it either.”
There it was.. God’s revelation reaching me once AGAIN.. I couldn’t believe that slime piece of s*** did that to me after I expressed my heartbreak over the first abortion. Plus in MANY arguments he brought up how I was really a s*** mother for aborting my babies anyway. Attempting to project a false narrative on me to lower my self esteem to HIS level.
Well I understood the game at the point, and I saw how CLEARLY God had protected me in my mistakes. In both pregnancies I wasn’t any further than 5 weeks, the size of a Lima bean. Each abortion God had prepared me with all the tools I needed even if it was just EXPERIENCE. I actively repented and showed remorse along with accountability then God still provided me the TRUTH.
I was being manipulated. The men that I was trusting with my body was NOT to be trusted and they would WILLINGLY sabotage my destiny or what they saw fated for me out of selfishness or maliciousness. Hence why rebound was SO upset leaving the clinic, he’d planned to do what he did to prove something to his narcissistic nature that wasn’t true.
I didn’t even react, I just left his apt. Which his MAMA paid the rent at.. but still I went repented and asked God for guidance I had NO clue what was going on but I knew I couldn’t keep doing and going through what I was. Having men trap me to coerce me into being involved with them. I’d never be happy and I told myself the next time would be THE time no matter what!
I had an epiphany, his mother told me to get on BIRTH CONTROL, now once again God will put you in the right places cause while working at Wells Fargo call center a girl I went to high school with Akila worked with me. I’m using your name kila cause you are a REAL one, you deserve this s/o for being a true girls girl.
She shared with me how she had recently gotten an iud and all the perks. Now she got the copper iud which lasts for 10 years, no weight gain, no sliding around in your arm, and you can reach in and feel the strings if it’s still in place properly. So when I had the epiphany I immediately called the gynecologist and set up an appt.
My father worked for Birmingham city so I’ve always had GREAT health benefits up until 27 so I knew only thing I needed was a co-pay. NO I didn’t tell rebound ANYTHING about the appt, he was on his way OUT the door. I’m very strategic at times too, I know how to pay my cards.
So I had two appts the original checkup and the insertion because it had to be down on my cycle. Now it really wasn’t that bad but my gynecologist would NOT give me the copper iud paragard. Instead she gave me Kyleena non-copper low hormone dosage IUD.
Still the same effectiveness just for 5 years not 10. Apparently she advised me that the copper could cause an infection or make you sick over time and that kyleena was a safer, better option. I trusted her, she was the doctor and pregnant at the time getting ready to deliver so I felt as if my womb was safe because I was still prioritizing my ability to bear children.
So once everything was done I left without having to pay a dime, not even a copay. I CLEARLY saw God hadn’t removed my favor and that he was still walking with me. Protecting me. For the first time within those months of EVERYTHING happening I felt like I finally did something proactive for me and my future children.
I put myself first and corrected a pattern that I saw wasn’t productive for me. Of course rebound was pissed especially when I told him his mother told me to get on BC cause he couldn’t plan to do it again and get away with it.
So I did away with him… I saw who was CLEARLY a bad person and even though we kept a friendly relationship until God fully severed that cord. He still takes the cake as one of the WORST men I’ve dealt with. Just by fair ranking honestly.
The main point to sharing this testimony is to showcase how God’s calling over your life will ALWAYS prevail. I am almost 30 w/no kids because God has had a plan over my life including my children. That is why he covered my mistakes in those seasons. Even so much so for any women that had or have the paraguard iud their is an active compensation claim going around for a settlement if it broke and caused any serious injury to your uterus.
Do you see how through EVERYTHING God still led me, protected me, and loved me. I learned valuable lessons during those trials regarding my self worth and protecting not only my future but my children’s. As women we have a choice and if we say NO in any way that’s just what it is.
We don’t have to be stuck in limited situations giving our children less than they deserve because of someone else and what they dictate. We have every RIGHT to dictate what we will and WON’T accept.
So because I said NO because I stood firm on my standards during a rather difficult time not only did I secure what I desire but also what my child truly REQUIRED. I was raised in a two parent household my children will NOT accept less than that. So much so
GOD HAD ALREADY SOLIDIFIED IT FOR ME.
Not with a contract because contracts expire but with a COVENANT. The prayers of those in my bloodline before me, had been PROMISED by God to be answered in divine time. The rewards of all the positivity they put out, God made a promise he intended to keep NO MATTER WHAT. Even if that meant I had to learn my WORTH the hard way to get here.
Image if I let those men win, image if I would’ve let them dictate the life I’d live? I would’ve missed out on everything God had for me and not only that, ALL that he promised my ancestors..
Plus all that was promised to my children.
It just wasn’t a fair trade, so I sit humbly, and extremely grateful for all I went through with my pregnancies. I pray that if ANY of you who read this take anything from this, it’s to choose YOU first in situations where it arises because most likely you’ll always be choosing God.
As far as strength, faith, & trust goes, remember it’s ALWAYS in you, not on you💯
🧚🏽♀️💕✨