#cpm-poem

[cyborgpunkmonkcreations]

Sometimes I feel like I don't exist

Me with my injured wrists

They always twitch

When I feel this itch

In a core part of my soul

That I can never ditch

Calls out to me

Brings me home

But it's not a place

It's wherever I roam

Because it's inside of me

I can feel it glow

But sometimes I'm afraid to let it grow

Afraid that it might start to show

Why that is, I may never know

But maybe it has something to do with

Fear of losing it all

Fear of reaching the top

Where there's a chance I could fall

Fear of "Maybe I answered the wrong call"

Leaving the world feeling like I wasted it all

But I think true waste is spending all my time

Worrying about this till the day I die

So it's time to end this once and for all

Gonna go for these dreams

To see where it leads

Because even if it fails

It'll have been worth it, just to be free

To know I can find strength

Within my vulnerability

--

(Vulnerability)

[cyborgpunkmonkcreations]

Tho parts of these mind states linger around in much smaller layers, I've worked on it for a long time and have gotten better at catching & understanding them. Finally felt I found some words to help describe them in a creative way.

We're human and sometimes we can get lost in emotions and what we believe is right, especially when in the moment of an argument, we are hurt, or a fear response is triggered. So many of us also can feel under pressure/expectation and judgment (either by others and/or ourselves) to always be right, perfect, and that to take a step back and reflect or be open to others perspectives is to "fail" or "lose" and "lower" our value/worth. But that's not true at all. Not refusing to reflect and grow and own our own sides and responsibilities (not others for them) is a difficult but important part of being the best people we can be. And it can give us much needed clarity. Of course this isn't to say that you are always in the wrong and should assume so. Life isn't often black & white like that.

Or to let others use your ability to reflect as an advantage to manipulate & gaslight you.

It's best to learn and know your boundaries and limits to give yourself space and time to assess and reflect properly. If people can't respect this, then you may need to strengthen these boundaries or cut contact with them. Because that is not healthy or good for either of you.

Guilt and shame we feel for things we regret is not bad. Unless we allow ourselves to jump down a spiral of self destruction with it. Instead it can be used in a healthy moderation as a helpful tool to simply recognize our unhealthy habits and thought patterns so we can shift them to better ones. Or to take note of when learning the sources to certain triggers and emotions during healing. Nothing more. Nothing less.

At least these are all my current understandings and what I feel sounds right. You are free to take and leave what sounds right to you.

Thank you for taking time to read and I hope it helped in some way. Keep growing, healing, know your worth/value, and take care out there. 🤟

[cyborgpunkmonkcreations]

Not entirely sure where some parts of this one came from or who it's for. But it felt important to get out there.

Take care. 💕🤟

[cyborgpunkmonkcreations]

[cyborgpunkmonkcreations]

People Pleaser

--

I know it's ok to feel

But it hurts so much

I don't want it to be real

Give me something else

Something to conceal

This pain

I just want it to go away

Tired of putting on a mask for the play

Isn't there something else you want to say

Do you even really want to stay

Are these perceptions really reality

Or just my mind playing tricks on me

Careful not to focus too much on it

Careful what I tell myself

I might make it real

Even when it wasn't

So what if they don't care

So what if they don't see

You can't make them

So stop trying so hard to fit in

If it turns out they don't want you to thrive

They're just not meant for you

They're on their own paths

What matters is you own your own

Don't give up your authentic throne

Know your worth

It may be a little more than you pretend

Don't lie to yourself

Don't be so afraid to love yourself

Who taught you to feel otherwise

Why are you giving them so much power

No one's meant to rule over others

People will judge you left and right

No matter how hard you try to please them

Some will try to provoke a petty fight

Just to get you going around in cirlces

You know you're not meant to stay there

Ask yourself

Is this what hearts are meant to tolerate

Are we born with the purpose of self hate

So we can stay stuck crying inside

Always asking why

Why are we never good enough

You know this can't be all there is

Open your eyes, look around

There's so much magic to be found

Follow the sounds that touch your soul

Never give up on your dreams and goals

It's ok if you don't know what those are yet

Even if for now it's just finding yourself

Let it light up your heart

Follow the illuminated path

Let it dissolve away all that wrath

In this spiritual sound bath

Don't know if anyone's ever told you this before

But you're worth so much more

[cyborgpunkmonkcreations]

I don't like the way you treat people

I don't like the way you treat yourself

It's always best or worst

Black or white

Wrong or right

Above or below

Now you're finding yourself

On the flip side of the window

Or maybe it's a mirror

It finally clicks

You don't want to stay here

In this way of living, anymore

This time you're ready

To pull yourself from off the floor

And walk through that door

Finally found the fight within

Like never before

These dreams, they feel like tricks

This mindset, it needs to switch

Hating myself has become repetitive

A self-sabotaging sedative

Never believing in myself has become predictable

So maybe it's time I do the unthinkable

I'm already underground

So why not try something profound

As my shell cracks open

My roots dig down

There's no stopping me now

Because I've risen with sound

Now I'm reaching up to the sky

And I've realized

I can't truly be living my life

If I'm always saying goodbye

So here I am

To sing and give a reason why

We won't give up our fight

We won't be saying goodbye

It's time to get back up

And sing that reason why

[cyborgpunkmonkcreations]

Seems like you're with somebody else

But you keep looking at me

Don't know what you see

It's got my curiosity

You keep getting closer

Not sure how to react

Don't know you that well yet

From only 1 time we met

You've opened up & touched my heart

But I'm scared it'll be torn apart

When we're stumbling in the dark

Our souls are searching

The wheel is turning

What are you yearning

Feels like you're with someone else

Or maybe it's just loneliness

Not sure what this could be

When I see you looking at me

I feel nervous

How may I be of service

I feel so nervous

Don't really know what I want

Not sure what you need

Or if you could get that from me

But I know I can't be

The kind of person

Who gets between two people

I want to take it slow

But I think I gotta let that part go

Thank you for getting to know me

I hope you find the one & what you need

Tho I'm sure this isn't goodbye

I hope our friendship is alright

Still hoping to get to know you

You got a light that shines pretty bright

That energy and smile is definitely a blessing

But something inside is on constant flight

And I can't blame you

Hearing about the kind of mess you were in

Tho I don't know the full story

I know that wasn't right

You deserve so much better

May you find yourself

In the stream of healing light

Let it burn the past

And allow you to find something

That's worth it and lasts

[cyborgpunkmonkcreations]

(Unsung Lyrics) - Calling