#cr3e86

[teaweltzer]

"I really missed you"

[twinklestarss]

Campaign 3 Episode 86: Doorways to Darker Depths

[revvethasmythh]

Liam’s ability to keep the Dorym flame alive since episode FOURTEEN is so, so commendable. Genuinely impressive and appreciated (by me)

[cassafrasscr]

Because I'm having a bad fucking chronic pain day, and feeling some type of way about it, I'm gonna rant more about Ashton.

Can we talk about how Ashton talks about their pain? Or rather, how he doesn't?

I think Ashton's actually mentioned actively being in pain, like... 3 times in the 86 episodes they've filmed so far? The first time that I can remember is during/immediately after Imogen and FCG delved into their mind and actually experienced what it's like to live in their body.

The second time was in the second episode of the Issylra arc, when the group is packing up to move towards Hearthdell, and Ashton mentions off-hand that he was in pain the night before.

And then the third time was e86. When Ashton collapses after dropping his Titan form, and Orym asks if they're okay, Ashton’s response is along the lines of "I'm fine, it just hurts."

You know what Ashton says a lot more often?

I'm so tired. I'm exhausted. We should really take a rest first. Can we please take a fucking rest now?

It seems subtle at first, but as someone who has chronic pain it hits hard. 'Cause most of the time that's exactly what I say.

Because when you're in pain all the time, the healthy/abled/non-chronic-pain-havers around you don't want to hear about it. It makes them uncomfortable.

Being in constant pain and giving voice to it makes you a whiner. A complainer. A wuss. A flake.

Have you tried yoga? Or drinking more water? Or the current fad diet?

So instead, you learn to allude to it in ways that won’t make the ableds uncomfortable. For me, a lot of the time, that takes the form of:

"I'm just really tired."

So, seeing Ashton pushing themself well past their limits to keep up with their friends and doing what the other Hells want - only to end up completely nerfing themself with 2 points of exhaustion... hits very close to home. Especially seeing most of their friends completely disregard their pain until they couldn't anymore.

Orym is really the only one who consistently shows any consideration for their chronic pain - and the boundaries and limitations that go with it. I only had a handful of friends like that when I was younger, and I treasured every single one of them.

As the kid who always got left behind to walk with a chaperone on field trips because I couldn't keep up with the other kids... it brings back a lot of that frustration and hurt to see it playing out like this for Ashton, but also validates it in a way I'm profoundly grateful for.

Anyway. That's all I have to say about that at the moment. I'll climb down off my soapbox now.

(Really slowly though, 'cause my knees are fucking killing me.)

[nottanothercritter]

It might be Dorian. The thought—cold and bright—drives him to his feet. It might be Dorian. Suddenly, the world grows muted, everything distant except that thought. It might be Dorian. Dorian, with his special brand of optimism. Dorian, with his awkward chuckle, his warm smile, his ability to comfort Orym with just his presence, his music a soft-swirling breeze that feels like home. Dorian. Dorian. He might be right outside. He didn’t answer the sending because he might be outside. Imogen’s hands slip from his arm, her voice becomes a memory. Somewhere, he thinks she might be talking to him, saying his name, asking him where he’s going. Something wraps around his wrist, but the door is right there and it might be Dorian. It’s cold, and he can barely see anything. The dark feels like a blanket, covering the empty town in fog and night. Something isn’t right. Orym needs to make sure Dorian is safe, wandering through the fog out here. He just needs to find him.

-

He falls asleep with the memory of freezing water and a distinct absence where the hope of seeing Dorian had violently made a space for itself in his heart. He didn't answer. He hadn't been out here in this awful town, and he hadn't answered.

Orym's fingers ache around the stone. He only tightens them in response. Just in case.

[onplanetmars]

this episode has everything.

[thenatezone]

"He didn't answer...." Orym went right from drowning to pining. The reverse Ophelia.

[dnd-shows-have-my-soul]

Calling it now.

Sam’s shirt for episode 86