#crackz

[fuzzyghost]

[shitdemons]

mr4tune of cia via  www.roysac.com

[darthemed]

Dracula 2000 (2000)

[lbasaba]

Crackz @ Sadler's Wells Review

Crackz @ Sadler’s Wells Review

Sadler’s Wells welcomes Bruno Beltrão and Grupo de Rua with their show Crackz, part of this year’s LIFT festivalthat aims to gather globally unique artistic experiences in London. Crackz definitely fits in this category of unique experiences. What was created on stage can classify as a new genre for this Brazilian dance group, who specialise in combining hip-hop and breakdance with influences of…

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[aro-smythe]

The Cracks In the Crystal Ball

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Epilogue

Sebastian rolled over, his mind still dazzled by the sleep he’d just had. He sighed when his eyes met Jesse’s body. “Normal people smoke a cigarette after sex, my boyfriend reads a book.” Jesse huffed and let one hand stroke about Sebastian’s chest. “You love that about me.” "Yeah, I do.", Sebastian smiled and leaned over to kiss Jesse’s lips. His whole body rolled over when Jesse put his book aside and placed his hands on Sebastian’s hips. "I love—", Sebastian started but was interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. "It’s 4am, fucking hell.", Jesse groaned and let off Sebastian. The younger boy rolled over again and reached out for his pants. Pulling out his phone, he saw the blue sign of Skype. “My mum.” "Bas, your hair totally gives away that you’ve just had sex; you’re not gonna—" Sebastian didn’t let him finish and clicked an the accept button.

The pretty face of his mum grinned at him. “Bonjour, Sebastian, did I wake you up?”, she asked. "No, you didn’t. I was…", Sebastian replied with a sidelook at Jesse who took his book again. "Still awake." "It’s late, isn’t it?", his mother raised an eyebrow. "Uh… Yeah, but nevermind. What’s up?" "I wanted to tell you something.", his mum explained. Sebastian grinned. “Oh, me too!” Jesse looked at him with a questioning expression on his face. “What?”, he mouthed, no sound leaving his mouth. "Oh, well, I guess you should start then.", Sebastian’s mother said and nodded at him. "Um… Yeah. I— I wanted that you meet someone.", Sebastian explained and shortly looked down at the bed sheet under him. "My… boyfriend." He watched the eyes of his mother widen in shock, a smile adorning her face. “Your what?”, she squeaked. "… Boyfriend." Jesse shot a warning look at him. “No.”, he whispered but Sebastian already turned his phone to Jesse. "Uh… Hi." "Oh, a pretty boy you got there, Sebastian!" Jesse’s mouth opened and he leaned towards Sebastian. “How come you’re all so… direct?” Sebastian shrugged. “So, um… Mum, that’s my boyfriend Jesse.” It felt good to finally introduce Jesse with confidence about what to say; Sebastian smiled. "Ahh! You’re the one Nel wrote about!", Sebastian’s mum laughed. "I’m Beatrice by the way." "… May I ask what exactly Nel wrote?", Sebastian wanted to know. "Oh, just that you got yourself a really nice and handsome boyfriend. Though I have to say, my dear son, I feel betrayed. You only introduce him when you’re already together for half a year?!" Sebastian blushed and felt Jesse shifting around uncomfortably next to him. "Um…", Sebastian began. "Actually we’re not together for that long.", Jesse explained. "About a month." "huh?", Sebastian’s mum raised an eyebrow. "Then Nel must have gotten something wrong, I guess… Anyway, I don’t have to give you the Hurt-my-son-and-I-hurt-you-talk, do I?" Jesse cleared his throat. “No, ma’am.” Beatrice laughed. “That’s great, I’m bad at things like that. I’m happy for you.” ”Merci beaucoup, mum.”, Sebastian smiled. “And what are your news?” "We got a date for our wedding!" "Yes?!", Sebastian cried out. "That’s— wonderful! When?" "During your summer holidays.", his mum said with a smile. "If you can manage, Jesse, you are welcomed to accompany my son." "I’m— thanks.", Jesse breathed, obviously still baffed by the whole situation. "I’m very happy that it’s finally happening.", Sebastian stated. "Me too! Anyway, I’ll let you two sleep… Or whatever you were planning to do then. Oh and— by the way, can I tell Frederic or do you want to do it yourself?" Sebastian looked at Jesse. “Um… I—” "I don’t have a problem with that.", Jesse said and shrugged. In his eyes Sebastian saw that the older boy actually was aroused by that. He couldn’t blame him, felt a tension rushing through his body himself. Still it was different in Jesse’s case. His own parents didn’t know he had a boyfriend, didn’t even know he was interested in men, but here he sat and said he was fine with a stranger knowing all that. Sebastian smiled at him. "Yeah, you can tell him.", he told his mum. ”Terrifiant!”, she replied. “Then I’ll leave you alone now. Sleep well.” She disconnected and Sebastian shot his phone aside. "You could have warned me.", Jesse poured and lay down again. Sebastian bent down on him. “Ahh, you managed. I’m proud of you, darling.” Their lips met shortly and Sebastian’s hands stroked over the older boy’s chest. Every now and then he stopped at his nipples. "May I ask why?", Jesse grinned in a free moment. Sebastian snorted. “You know exactly why.” "Probably." Jesse’s hand wandered down the Warbler’s body and rested on his hips. Sebastian broke off the next kiss to let out a yawn. "Oh well, I think it’s sleeping time.", Jesse murmured and pulled Sebastian down onto the mattress. Sebastian followed the lead and found himself in a comfortable position, nestled against Jesse’s body, the boy’s arm around him. He snuggled deeper into this corner and was about to drift off into sleep, when he recognised the singing of Jesse’s voice. ”Have I told you lately, that I love you?” Sebastian yawned again. “I love you too, Jesse St James.”

[aro-smythe]

The Cracks In the Crystal Ball

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Epilogue

Sebastian was rushing around on the next Saturday. It was not good that Jesse hadn’t told him an exact time for his arrival. Not only had Sebastian overthought his choice of clothes plenty of times but he hurried from his room to the salon and back to Lith. "Waiting for your Romeo, Smythe?", Lith teased when he arrived at hers for the third time. "Oh, shut up.", Sebastian hissed and rolled his eyes. "So yeah.", Lith grinned. "And your crush is so adorable." Sebastian’s face turned red. He didn’t even bother to say anything against Lith’s accusation any more. "When does your prince arrive, though?" "No idea.", Sebastian sighed and sat down next to her. "What are you reading?", he added with a look at the book in her hands. "Uhh, Nightlight. Twilight Parody.", Lith smiled. "It’s good." "Should probably read it too some time, huh?" "If you have time for that.", Lith nodded. She handed him the book which he immediately opened at the first page. While he was reading, Lith looked out of the window. After a while she asked, “Do you want to storm outside or shall he come and get you?” Sebastian looked up. “Huh?” Lith pointed outside. Sebastian’s eyes followed her lead. Outside there was the familiar grey car. “Um… Guess I’ll head outside.” "Then have some fun.", Lith said when Sebastian handed her the book. Then she kissed his cheek. "Now go!" He did as he was told and arrived in front of Jesse’s car just when the older boy had left his seat. "Uh… Hi.", he breathed at Jesse’s astonished face. "Hello.", Jesse grinned. "Then we’ll drive right now, I suppose?" "… Yeah.", Sebastian answered and opened the door he was standing in front of. "Where are we even going?" Jesse grinned at him when they both sat on their seats. “Surprise.” Sebastian looked at him with a sniveling look. “Not again.” "The last one didn’t turn out bad.", Jesse reminded him and started the car. "No, I think you’ll like it. I thought you deserve to know more about my past as well." Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “Oh?” "Not as bad as yours. I just want to show you the place where I spent most of my childhood." Sebastian nodded. “That’s… Thank you.” Jesse just wanted to respond something but was interrupted by his phone. He shot a short look at his phone and stopped the car at the right side of the street. "Excuse me, I have to get that.", Jesse explained and left the car. Sebastian stayed inside. He wondered who called the older boy. Never had anyone interrupted the time they spent together. Not even when Jesse had had that girlfriend back then. Maybe something bad happened? After a few minutes Jesse got back. “I’m sorry, that was a friend from California.”, he explained. "California?", Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "Uh… Yeah, I was at university there. But then I noticed business economics wasn’t my cup of tea." "Your parents?" Jesse started the engine again. “Yep.” They drove a while in silence until Jesse started to talk again. “How’s your week been?” "Quite okay. The boys asked things about you.", Sebastian laughed. "Of course I only told them about your flawlessness." "Is there anything about me that’s not flawless?" Sebastian snorted. “What about your week?” Jesse sighed. “Stressing. The Nationals are making my people quite nervous.” "We also have some of those experts.", Sebastian said. "Trent always is stressed when we’re about to have a gig." "Other than that you’re okay?" "Do you think I’m going to tell you about our plans?" "No, my question was dedicated to you, Bas.", Jesse explained and looked at him shortly. "Oh. No, I’m fine.", Sebastian said and shot a questioning look at Jesse. "I don’t know, you look quite… thoughtful.", Jesse explained. Sebastian looked down at his tights. Yes, he had thought about a lot during the last time. Mainly about his… feelings? … for Jesse. “I’m fine.” "That’s good.", Jesse smiled. "We’re almost there." They both didn’t say anything until Jesse stopped the car in front of a rather small lake. "Here we are." "Really?", Sebastian asked but instead of answering, Jesse climbed out of the car. Sebastian got out, too, and walked over to Jesse. "I tried to spend as much time apart from my parents as possible.", Jesse explained. "This place isn’t too far from their home, but they never found me here. Or maybe they didn’t even look." "Don’t say something like that—" "You don’t know my parents.", Jesse reminded the younger boy. "But—" "Come, I’ll show you what I got myself.", Jesse suggested and grabbed Sebastian’s arm. "For years that cottage had been abandoned. And one day I broke in. You’re not the only criminal in this relationship." Sebastian’s heart skipped a beat at the word ‘relationship’. “Jesse St James, I’m shocked.” "I know, I know.", Jesse laughed and pulled Sebastian after himself. He reached into his pocket to take out some keys and opened the door. "After getting the hut, I didn’t want anyone to take it away from me. Though… nobody’s here but us." They entered the small room and Sebastian was awestrucked. Though it didn’t look that great on the outside, the inside was flawless. There was not only a small armchair but some kitchen furniture and even a bookshelf. "Brought the furniture here myself. Somehow my parents never missed it.", Jesse said and sat down on the chair. Apparently he was pretty proud of himself. "You— wait. How far did you live from here?", Sebastian asked. "About 12 miles." "You… carried all that a way of 12 miles?!" "With thousands of breaks but… Uh… Yeah.", Jesse watched the younger boy stand in the room and look around. ”C’est fantastique!”, Sebastian cried out in French. “Really fucking awesome.” "Thank you.", Jesse grinned. "You can sit down, you know?" Sebastian raised an eyebrow, eyes fixed on the armchair. “There’s not much space left.” Jesse patted on his thighs. “Sure?” Sebastian placed his knees next to Jesse’s thighs, face turned to Jesse’s and his arms around the older boy’s neck. “Now that’s comfortable.” "Uh-huh.", Jesse agreed and placed his hands on Sebastian’s hips. "And what are we gonna do now?" "I’d have an idea.", Jesse grinned. Sebastian chuckled and came closer to Jesse’s face. “I think I can read your mind.” "I think so, too.", Jesse bridged the last few centimeters and his lips met Sebastian’s. Sebastian moaned into Jesse’s mouth, breathing in the other boy’s scent. He felt Jesse’s hands grabbing even tighter and leaned a bit forward, so his and Jesse’s bodies were pressed against each other. Jesse’s hands found their way to the front of Sebastian’s pants and opened them easily. They eventually stopped kissing and Sebastian’s hands wandered down Jesse’s body and lifted the shirt. “This was a great idea.” "I know, huh?", Jesse grinned and pulled Sebastian for another kiss. "Will you ever keep off my nipples?!", he said against Sebastian’s lips when Sebastian’s hands finally found the hard pieces of flesh. "Uh… No?" Jesse let one of his hands wander under Sebastian’s shirt and barely touched the warm skin which made Sebastian chuckle. “Hey.”, Sebastian grinned into another kiss. "Sorry I’m not sorry.", Jesse laughed and then creaked. "This could actually get a bit uncomfortable." Sebastian got up from Jesse. “Guess your little mind didn’t include making-out sessions back then.” He kicked his pants off his ankles. "True.", Jesse said and got up, too. "I think we should go and take a bath now." "What?", Sebastian opened his eyes in shock. "You mean— in the lake? No way!" "Don’t worry, it’s clean." "No." "Oh, come on, Bas.", Jesse said and took Sebastian’s hands. "No.", Sebastian did his best to not show any facial expressions. Jesse sighed. “Fine. Then I’ll go alone.” He let off Sebastian’s hands and walked towards the door. "You don’t even have swimming shorts.", Sebastian shook his head and followed him outside. Instead of replying, Jesse stopped walking for a while. Sebastian couldn’t make out what he was doing until his pants fell down onto the ground. Then he ran into the water. Sebastian shook his head at that. He would have loved to be in there with Jesse, to actually have the space to feel every inch of the boy again, but he… couldn’t. Jesse turned around in the water. “Oh, Bas! Come on!” Sebastian shook his head. “I can’t!”, he shouted back. Jesse came out of the water again. He walked towards Sebastian and stopped right in front of him. “What?” "I can’t.", Sebastian repeated and stared into the water. "Why?", Jesse wanted to know. "Hey, Bas, look at me." One hand of Jesse’s turned his head to face the other boy. “I can’t swim.” "What?" "I never learned it. My father wanted to teach me but…" Before he could even finish the sentence, Sebastian was lifted over Jesse’s shoulder. “Then it’s time to learn it.” "No, Jesse! No! You’re not gonna— Jesse St James! Let! Me! Go! Jesse!", Sebastian protested the whole way to the lake, he even tried to hit Jesse with his fists but the older boy didn’t care. Soon they actually arrived at the water and only when Jesse was half covered in water, he let down Sebastian. Well, he tried to but now that he was that near to the water, Sebastian didn’t want to let off Jesse. "Bas, I got you.", Jesse said and loosened Sebastian’s grip on his shoulder. "Nothing’s gonna go wrong." "I fucking hate you." "Love you too.", Jesse laughed. "Bas, get off now, you’re getting heavy." At the word ‘love’, Sebastian actually stopped grabbing that hard and eventually Jesse could let him down slowly. Sebastian immediately hold on to Jesse’s arms and almost stuck his fingernails into Jesse’s skin. "Look, everything’s alright.", Jesse smiled when Sebastian’s feet touched the ground. "We’re not going any further." "That’s okay.", Jesse answered and put his arms around Sebastian’s neck again. "Though it’s funnier to kiss with no ground at all.", he added with puppy eyes. "Jesse, I’m not—" Sebastian was interrupted by Jesse’s soft lips that got pressed on his own. He felt Jesse pushing him backwards and he didn’t have any other choice then actually making a step backwards — at least it looked like that. When he eventually didn’t feel any sand under his feet, Sebastian hold on to Jesse tighter. He pushed himself up and wrapped his legs around Jesse’s body. "You’re still wearing your shirt.", Jesse commented and started to open the buttons of Sebastian’s shirt. "See, it’s way better here." "You’re impossible.", Sebastian shook his head. "I know.", Jesse grinned and started to kiss Sebastian’s revealed collarbone. "This was strategy, wasn’t it?", Sebastian asked when he realized there was no way he could do anything with Jesse’s nipples. "Uhh… Maybe?" Sebastian snorted. “What am I supposed to do now?” "Kissing me, you idiot." "Only your face? That’s gonna be boring.", Sebastian yawned. "You think so?", Jesse breathed and pressed his mouth onto Sebastian’s. The familiar tongues opened the younger boy’s lips and entered his mouth immediately. This in combination with Jesse’s hands wandering down to his ass caused a moan leaving Sebastian’s throat. Sebastian put his own hands into Jesse’s curly hair and combed through it while returning the kiss. "Okay, right. It’s not boring.", Sebastian chuckled. "Told you so.", Jesse replied and moved his hands a bit. Sebastian moaned at that again. "You love my nipples, I love your ass." "Your ass is not that bad, either.", Sebastian laughed. Jesse just wanted to reply something but was interrupted by something wet hitting his face. Both of them looked up — just to get hit by even more raindrops. "We should go inside.", Jesse suggested and already started to walk back. After all, Sebastian was still wrapped around him. Eventually Sebastian got off when he felt safe and walked next to Jesse. The rain began to actually start falling now and Jesse ran towards his pants that still lay at the shore. Sebastian followed him. "What time is it anyway?", Sebastian asked when they entered the hut. Jesse fished his phone out of his pants’ pocket. “Uff… Almost 10pm.”, He looked out of the small window. “Didn’t even notice how dark it became.” "Me neither, mate." "How about we crash here?" "What?", Sebastian laughed and looked around. "Where?" "On the floor.", Jesse explained casually. "Somewhere here I have blankets and in my car is another one. We can use each other as pillows." "Floor.", Sebastian repeated. "That’s hard!" "You’re spoiled, Sebastian.", Jesse answered and started to look for the blankets. He found them behind the chair. Sebastian watched him extend them on the floor. "There are people who sleep on the floor on a daily basis, I think you’ll manage one night." Sebastian sighed. “Do I even have any other chance?” "No, I kidnapped you." Sebastian chuckled. “Then you’re a pretty nice kidnapper, Mister.” "I know.", Jesse grinned. "Here’s our bed." Sebastian grimaced at that. “Ugh.” Jesse sat down on the blanket. “Come on.”, he said and patted the space next to him. "Fine.", Sebastian sat down next to the older boy, legs crossed. "And what are we gonna do now?" "Uhh…", Jesse thought about it for a moment. "Sleep?" "Considering the fact that I got up early today because of you, that’s another great idea." "I only have great ideas.", Jesse grinned. "But why did you get up early?" "You didn’t tell me that you’d get me at the evening.", Sebastian said. "Sorry.", Jesse said. "Pff… lie down and be my pillow.", Sebastian demanded. "You owe me one." Jesse did as he was told. “Come and cuddle with me!” "Seriously, Jess. Did you take drugs?", Sebastian asked as he lay down, too. "Nope." Sebastian placed his head on Jesse’s chest. “You’re so… weird today.” "Just enjoying the evening.", Jesse said. "My morning hasn’t been that great. We had extra rehearsal." "Oh.", Sebastian made. "Then we actually should better sleep now." They moved nearer to each other and went silent. Sebastian actually tried to sleep, but his mind didn’t want to shut up again. During the last few days he actually had been very confused. He had realized that he probably did feel more for Jesse than friendship — but to be honest, what did he know about that? Lith assumed he had a crush on Jesse and Sebastian remembered the reaction of his sister when she met Jesse. That had been months ago. She had said they’d look like a couple - what would she think now? The morons and Trent also thought Sebastian and Jesse wouldn’t be friends but actually a couple. Another thing was, Jesse’s behaviour changed. Not only had he said he was not completely straight, but used words like “love” and “relationship” in Sebastian’s company. That’s not friendship, is it? Before he could stop himself, Sebastian talked into the darkness. “Jesse, what are we?”, he mumbled; had thought Jesse was already sleeping. "What do you mean?", the other boy asked, he sounded quite awake. "You’re not sleeping.", Sebastian said. "100 points, Sherlock Holmes.", Jesse answered. "Would you be so kind and explain your question?" Sebastian sat up. Now or never. “I— we— we’re not friends, are we? I know we agreed to try and become friends, but I guess we failed. I mean— the kissing, the sexual innuendos— When people ask about you, I don’t just say ‘my friend Jesse’. I hesitate, think of an option to actually describe us with just one word— and don’t know. It’s somehow frustrating to not know what you feel— because— to be honest— I think I’m about to break the first promise I ever gave you. To not fall in love with you. Oh god, I know this sounds weird— I don’t know anything about love— but I feel different about you than any other person— and I— you probably think I’m insane— why should you bother liking me back? Probably you’re just going through a phase, you’re straight— and I’m… me.” Jesse had sat up, too. “Bas— did you even listen to yourself?” "I know— it’s stupid… Let’s forget—" "That’s not what I meant, goddammit. Okay, wait, do you ever listen to me? How often did I tell you how beautiful and clever and perfect I think you are? What kind of phase is that supposed to be? The I-love-Sebastian-Smythe-phase? Sometimes you actually act stupid, Bas. I know that we’re not friends. Something more. And it also drives me crazy to not know how to describe it— I don’t even know how to call that whole thing for myself.”, Jesse responded. A few minutes of silent went by. “I— wait, did you say you—” "Love you?", Jesse responded quietly. "Yes, you idiot." "Wait— let me get this straight.", Sebastian said with an ironic laughter. "I am in love with you, you are in love with me. Why is it so difficult then?" "Because we’re both idiots who don’t talk about their feelings." "Thank you for that brand new information.", Sebastian said and rolled with his eyes. Jesse chuckled but went serious again. “… What are we then? Other than…” "Boyfriends?", Sebastian finished. "But— isn’t that what boyfriends are? In love with each other?" Jesse shrugged. “Would you… like to be my boyfriend?” "Yes! I mean…", Sebastian felt blood rushing into his cheeks. "if you’d want to be mine, too." "Of course.", Jesse responded. "Awesome." "We’re boyfriends…", Jesse repeated quietly. "What does that mean for our rules?" "We made them up for becoming friends.", Sebastian explained casually. "There’s no need for them any more, is there? … Though I’d like to keep the one about honesty." "We’re canceling every other rule?", Jesse asked. "The one about sexuality?" "I think that’d be the best.", Sebastian grinned. "How about we share our first kiss as boyfriends?" "Sounds great.", Jesse sat and bent forward. Sebastian was surprised when Jesse’s kiss was hard and the older boy pressed him onto his back. Jesse didn’t keep kissing Sebastian’s face, he let his lips wander down Sebastian’s neck. When he arrived at Sebastian’s chest, Jesse made a short break. "There’s something I wanted to try for a long time.", he breathed. "Which would be?", Sebastian asked, having goosebumps at the feeling of Jesse’s head only centimeters away from his stomach. Jesse went up to Sebastian’s face again. Where his head had just been, his hand was lying now. “Are you hard for me, Bas?” The question was unnecessary. Sebastian’s cock was twitching at the sound of Jesse’s whisper and the fact that Jesse let his hand wander down the Warbler’s body didn’t make it any better. Before Sebastian could even reply, Jesse’s hand had reached the waistband of his briefs and soon was placed on the middle of them. "Oh yes, you are.", Jesse smiled and kissed Sebastian shortly. Then his face disappeared out of Sebastian’s sight field again. He felt the other boy placing kisses on his body every now and then, taking his hand off the younger boy’s crotch, until he eventually reached the waistband with his lips. Sebastian pushed his hips forward, being as tensed as that. His own hands searched for the waistband and pulled down the briefs a bit. Not being covered by the fabric any more, his cock straightened up. Jesse smiled at that. He bent down and stopped only inches before his lips touched the sensitive skin. “That’s the first blow job I ever give, I hope you’ll remember it for your rating later.” "Jesse.", Sebastian hissed and placed his hands on the back of the older boy’s head. He didn’t even have to press him down, Jesse’s tongue licked over the head of his penis only milliseconds later. "Agh.", Sebastian made, pleasure filling his whole body. "Jess!" He felt the other boy taking his cock deeper inside of him, soon closing his mouth around it. As if the feeling of that wasn’t enough to make Sebastian drive insane, he automatically started rocking his hips back and forward. They easily found a rhythm, combined with Jesse’s sucking, until Sebastian felt a harder billow of euphoria filling his veins. "Jesse, I’m coming—", he warned the other boy who didn’t care. Instead, he continued sucking, maybe even harder than before. Sebastian cried out when he came, the feeling of Jesse actually swallowing his cum teasing him even more. They both were breathing hard when Jesse’s head came up to Sebastian’s again, both their faces turned red. "You—", Sebastian started. "You taste amazing." Sebastian laughed and pulled the older boy for another kiss. “You weren’t that bad. Sure it was your first?” "Pretty sure.", Jesse grinned and put his arm around Sebastian’s middle. "We should have cut that rule earlier." "Hmmh.", Sebastian agreed and closed his eyes.

[aro-smythe]

The Cracks In The Crystal Ball

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Epilogue

Another two weeks passed by, Sebastian didn’t hear anything from Jesse again. Holidays would take place soon and Sebastian would be on his own in the dorm again.

Since he hadn’t anything better to do, Sebastian headed to the nurse’s room. Lith should’ve been working.

“Hi.”, he said when he entered the room, regret filling his mind. He actually was the worst friend ever, wasn’t he?

Lith looked up from the book she was reading and stared at him for some time. Her eyes didn’t look angry or sad but curious. “Today’s Saturday.”

Sebastian nodded and sat down. “Yep.”

“You’re never here on Saturdays.”, Lith stated and eyed him.

“Thought I should visit my best friend once.”, Sebastian shrugged. “I’m sorry.”

For a while Lith didn’t say anything but stared at him. “Okay, what’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?”, he answered and did his best to seem surprised.

“You look sad. Did you two have a fight?”, Lith asked. When Sebastian didn’t answer she sighed. “C’mon, something’s wrong and it probably is about your boy. I’ve been in love myself once.”

Sebastian’s mouth fell open. “We’re— I’m— I’m not in love with him.”

Lith raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “Yes, you are. You probably didn’t notice but, Sebastian, you fell for that boy. Hard.”, she explained. “You’re the happiest right before and after you meet him. I guess you’d prefer to stay with him.”

Sebastian snorted. But then— “I’m sorry.”

“What for? That you didn’t spend that much time with me because you only feel interested in one person right now?”

“That I never showed actual interest in you.”, Sebastian went on. “I didn’t know you’ve been in love. To be honest, I only know you are a nurse, you are a lesbian and you like to party.”

“There’s not much more.”, Lith laughed. “Really.”

“Then you can tell me. If you want, I mean.”, Sebastian added when he remembered how he felt about telling his story.

“When I came out, my parents sent me away and I had to look how to live by myself. Luckily I had already been off age by then and had actual opportunities.”, Lith said.

“What about.. um, her?”

Lith’s face lid up. “Her name was Frannie. Her hair was as gold as the sun and her eyes were… wow. She also loved books and her body… you wouldn’t know what to do with this information.”, she smiled. “We were together but one day she said I was not the one she was looking for and we broke up. Had a nice time, though.”

“What did it feel like when you were with her?”, Sebastian thought about what Lith had said about him and Jesse earlier.

“Completely different. In the moment we were together it was like… nothing else was in the world. Call that cliché.”, Lith said and actually blushed. “When she wasn’t around, I couldn’t keep her off my mind.”

Sebastian nodded, not sure what to say.

“And since it’s the same with you and Jesse, I guess you like him pretty much.”, Lith said after a while. “I don’t know what happened between you two, but you shouldn’t ruin your luck before it actually got to happen.”

“He’d tried to participate in something that was none of his business.”, Sebastian replied casually.

“I could have said my past was none of your business, too.”, Lith said.

Sebastian cocked an eyebrow. “Do you think I should apologize? Because there’s no way that’s gonna happen.”

Lith shrugged. “Your decision. But don’t make yourself sadder than you need to be.”

“Thanks.”

-

During the next week Sebastian found himself getting more and more interested in other people. Mostly he wanted to know if other people also had such struggles to tell their story like he did.

“Trent, can I ask you something?”, he said one evening.

Both of the boys were lying on their beds. Trent had been listening to some music on his iPod and Sebastian had been reading.

The smaller boy took out his earphones and sat up. “Hmm?”

“What happened to you? That you have this… you know.”, Sebastian made an empty gesture into the room. “You don’t have to tell me, though.”

“I’ve always been bullied, you know. I mean… well, look at me.”, Trent started.

“Trent—”

“No, that’s a fact. Anyway, when I came out things got even worse and I was bullied so much I actually got ill – and then my parents decided I should go to Dalton. That’s it.”, Trent said and shrugged. “Others have had it worse, I guess.”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow.

“You know, Jeff for example.”

“What’s with Jeff?”, Sebastian wanted to know.

“You don’t know? Well, Jeff’s an orphan. He says he was so young he doesn’t know anything about his parents. Still hard, I guess.”, Trent replied.

Again Sebastian tensed at the word ‘died’ but he didn’t get out of control. If that wasn’t a success. “Oh.”

“Nick on the other hand was bored at home and just wanted to experience something new. Not everyone has trouble.”

Something wasn’t right about that. “Did Jeff get adopted or… how does he pay for this… whole everything?”

“Scholarship.”

Sebastian nodded quietly.

Then he saw Trent grin at him. “Is Sebastian Smythe actually getting interested in his friends?”

“I am just collecting basic information. Guess that’s allowed after almost 2 years.”, Sebastian replied casually.

Trent shrugged. “Sure.”

-

The next week (holiday time!) Sebastian found himself in a situation he never thought he’d be in. There he sat, in the small colorful office that was Ms Sumers’s and faced her.

“Sebastian. Everything alright with your classes?”, the woman asked and eyed him.

Sebastian nodded. “That isn’t why I’m here. I actually… kinda lied to you.”

Ms Sumers raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. She wanted him to go on by his own.

“I… um, actually do know why my reaction is certain situations is so… bad.”, Sebastian explained. “It hurts me quite a lot and I don’t like to talk about it but I figured out that it’s not helpful in everyday-life and I guess… I need help.”

“I’m impressed. Not a lot of people figure things like that out by themselves.”, Ms Sumers answered.

“Well, actually it wasn’t me but a… very good friend.”

-

After his meeting with Ms Sumers Sebastian was quite exhausted and had thought of going into his room immediately but then he remembered he had promised Lith to visit her again. He’d thought that she – as his best friend – had a right to know about it aswell but actually telling Ms Sumers already had been very hard. In comparison to today the night he’d told Jesse had been a fluffy dream.

He wouldn’t tell Lith today but he should at least visit and inform her, shouldn’t he?

A sigh left his mouth when he entered the dormitory’s building again. He couldn’t wait to finally lie in his bed. The other boys were gone, there was nothing that could stop him from that.

Well, that’s been his plan until he arrived at Lith’s office. She didn’t sit there alone. Next to hair was a brown-haired boy, his hair coiffed up like it normally was at special occasion.

The moment he saw the other boy, Sebastian’s mouth fell open. “Oh.”

Then: silence. Jesse and Sebastian stared at each other, not saying anything. Their faces didn’t show any expressions – well, at least Jesse’s didn’t and Sebastian tried his best to make his face do the same. But somehow Jesse looked like he was pretty exhausted, like he hadn’t slept for days.

“Ehm… Smythe, you’ve got a visitor.”, Lith laughed awkwardly.

Sebastian didn’t stop staring at Jesse. “Yeah, I can see that.”

Jesse was the first to break off. He shot a short look at Lith. “Lilith told me you had a meeting and that I could wait for you.”

“You did.”, Sebastian stated and crossed his arms in front of his chest. His eyes still were fixed on Jesse. After a month of not talking, he waited for more.

“I wanted to talk to you.”, Jesse said. “… In your room?”

Now Sebastian stopped looking at Jesse, instead he saw Lith giving him an encouraging smile. Eventually he sighed. “Fine.”

He didn’t wait for Jesse, though, he just started walking towards his room and expected the other boy to follow. When he entered his room, he didn’t sit down but turned towards the door, arms crossed again. Jesse had followed him and closed the door behind himself. He stopped in front of Sebastian and didn’t say anything.

“So…?”, Sebastian asked after a while.

“I’m sorry.”, Jesse answered quietly.

“You should be.”, Sebastian replied.

“I should not.”, Jesse’s voice was casual. “I only gave you an advice and did not force you to do something.”

“It was none of your business.”

“Don’t you get it?”, Jesse stepped forward. “You’re part of my business. I care and worry about you. That’s what friends do.”

“You have problems yourself, Mister.”

“I know. But I don’t have a solution for those. If you have an idea, tell me. I’m open for that.”, Jesse answered. “But I had an idea for you and I wanted to help you. As I said, I didn’t force you into something.”

“I did tell someone.”, Sebastian heard himself suddenly say. “My psychologist.”

Jesse’s face lid up. “you did?”

Sebastian nodded. “Eventually… I thought you were right. That doesn’t make it better either way.”

Jesse raised an eyebrow. “You’re acting like you don’t know anything about friendship, Sebastian. If you like someone you can’t actually not be interested in them.”

“I can.”

“I don’t think so.”, Jesse said sternly.

Sebastian snorted. “Anyway, if you wanted a debate, why didn’t you come around earlier?”

Jesse hesitated a moment. “I thought… maybe we could need a break…”

“What exactly do you mean?”

“You have training, you have glee, your university classes, your work at the homeless shelter and your normal school. Your timetable is full. Thought you should have some time for yourself or your friends.”, Jesse elaborated.

“Are you nuts?”, Sebastian asked and put his hands around Jesse’s wrists. “I see Trent on a daily basis. We share a room, he’s in my Spanish class and one of the Warblers. Nick and Jeff are Warblers and Jeff’s also in Lacrosse.” He stopped for a moment. Had he actually just considered the morons his friends? “The only one I actually neglected was Lith but she’s pretty cool with that.”

“We are quite dependent of each other.”, Jesse stated.

Sebastian shrugged. “I’m always looking forward to our meetings. They brighten my week. I don’t know what it’s like in your case but yeah, I guess we are.”

Suddenly Jesse’s face came nearer to Sebastian’s. Their lips met shortly – too short – and then he stepped back again. “I missed you.”, Jesse admitted.

“Didn’t miss you at all.”, Sebastian responded. Then he added: “Well, a bit. Wanna know what I missed the most?”

Jesse nodded and pulled Sebastian closer.

“Well, first of all… your hair.”, Sebastian stated and let a hand off one of Jesse’s wrists. He loosened a a few wisps of Jesse’s from the product and let his hand wander down a bit. It nestled against Jesse’s cheek. “The way your eyebrows move when you’re listening to the nonsense I’m talking about.”

“Not nonsense.”, Jesse commented but was stopped by Sebastian’s fingers that wandered over his face and stopped at his lips.

“I missed the brownish red of your lips and what they feel like.”, Sebastian continued and stroke with his fingertips over the soft flesh. He felt Jesse opening his mouth and licking over Sebastian fingertip. He took his finger from Jesse’s mouth and placed his hand on Jesse’s back. He pulled the other boy closer and pressed his lips onto the other pair. He moaned when both their lips drew apart and he could taste, no, feel Jesse’s smell. It had only been a month, but it had felt like years. Eventually they had to breathe, broke off the kiss. Jesse put his arms around Sebastian’s neck and Sebastian leaned his head against Jesse’s forehead. “And I missed you, yes.”, he finally ended.

Jesse’s lips brushed against Sebastian’s neck and let his hands wander down the taller boy’s body until he reached his waist. “Why are you wearing your uniform, though? It’s a Saturday.”

Sebastian shrugged “I like it.”

“You know what I like better?”

Sebastian chuckled. “If you’re about to say ‘nothing’, I’ll do something I’ll might regret later.”

Jesse huffed at that and let his hands play with Sebastian’s tie. Eventually he opened it.

Sebastian himself started to open the buttons of Jesse’s shirt and smiled at the sight of the other boy’s upper body. “God, I missed your nipples.”

Jesse stopped pampering Sebastian’s neck to put his hands down on his hips. “Sebastian Smythe?”

Sebastian shrugged. “Honesty. It’s your rule.”

“We also said no innuendos.”, Jesse mumbled.

“Did we ever care about that one?”

Instead of answering, Jesse let his hands wander down to Sebastian’s ass and let them rest there. He pressed his lips onto the other boy’s again. Sebastian had his hands going through Jesse’s hair again, completely freeing it from products. He felt Jesse’s hands go off his ass and rushing to his fronts to open the pants now.

Slowly Sebastian was getting impatient. As soon as Jesse had managed to open his pants Sebastian put them off somehow and led the other boy backwards to his bed. Jesse’s back hadn’t touched the bed sheets for too long when Sebastian was all over him, trying to kiss every inch of the body he’d missed for so long. He stopped at one nipple, kissed it, licked it, bit it. He loved the thought of that flesh harden up for him. Of course he knew that some other part of Jesse was probably reacting similar, but he tried not to think of it. After all, they had rules.

The beloved sound of Jesse’s moans, Jesse’s hands combing through his hair – all that should have kept him from stopping but after some time (Seconds? Minutes? Hours?) Sebastian crawled up to Jesse and placed another kiss on his lips, The arms that were placed around his waist immediately stopped him from rolling down form Jesse.

“Do you know how fucking proud I am of you?”, Jesse smiled after a while. “For telling your story.”

Sebastian narrowed his eyebrows. “Let’s not talk about that.”

“What shall we do then?”, Jesse asked.

Sebastian shrugged as good as it was possible in his position. “We could… watch a movie?”

“Sounds great.”, Jesse grinned and let off Sebastian so he could turn on the film.

-

The first thing Sebastian saw when he woke up the next morning was Jesse’s face watching him. He nuzzled his head back into his pillow – which turned out to be Jesse’s arm.

The older boy chuckled. “Morning.”

“Hi.”, Sebastian mumbled, eyes barely opened and the red of blood filling his cheeks. “How long have you been awake?”

“Dunno. Probably a few hours.”

Sebastian’s eyes widened in shock. “What? What time is it?”

“Dunno.”, Jesse grinned. “Wasn’t able to move.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.”, Jesse laughed. “Did I ever mention you look cute when you sleep?”

Sebastian felt blood rushing into his cheeks while he sat up. “Um… no?” He took a look at his phone. 11am. “Oh god dammit.”

Jesse sat up now, too, and looked at him in a worried way. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah. Just… the boys come back today. That have been my holidays, woohoo.”, Sebastian answered with a monotone voice. “Also I think you should put on some clothes. Trent wouldn’t be pleased if he gets to know another boy slept here.”

Jesse raised an eyebrow. “I’m gonna meet your pals?”

“Let’s breakfast first.”

Jesse watched Sebastian walk over to his cupboard. “Hey, I know that jacket!”

Immediately Sebastian felt Jesse’s body behind his own, both their eyes at the grey vintage jacket that hadhung there for… how long? Nearly a year? “Uh, yeah… Forgot to give it back.”, Sebastian said with an awkward laughter.

Jesse huffed at that. “I don’t even think that looks good on you.”

Sebastian’s mouth fell open. “Excuse me? Maybe a bit displaced but everything is flawless on me.”

“Of course, if you say so.”, Jesse grinned. “So, can I borrow a shirt of yours?”

Sebastian shrugged. “Sure. You can also take that jacket.”

“Do you think that still fits me?”

“Dunno. I mean, you got bigger muscles but…”, realizing what he’d just said, Sebastian blushed.

“Aw, you’re cute.”, Jesse laughed and turned towards Sebastian’s clothes. “So… anything I’m not allowed to look at?”

“For god’s sake, Jess, just choose something.”, Sebastian rolled his eyes.

“Alright, alright.”

After a while Jesse finally chose Sebastian’s Lacrosse shirt from his old school that certainly would be too big for him, but Sebastian didn’t mind. While he chose something for himself, Jesse changed and Sebastian caught himself staring at the older boy every now and then. When he’d put on new clothes as well, he led Jesse into the dorm’s kitchen.

“So… We have”, Sebastian started and opened a cupboard. “Not much.”

In fact, inside of the cupboard stood a few groceries, bread and… tea.

“I forgot to tell Mr Sullington that we need new stuff.”, Sebastian said.

”Oops?”, Jesse made and shoved his shoulder against Sebastian’s. “I’m completely fine with marmalade by the way.”

Sebastian took the things out and put them onto the countertop. “There you go. I’m not gonna make a sandwich for you.”

“Not?”, Jesse pouted his lips.

“You’re in an oddly good mood, Mister St James.”, Sebastian reproved him.

“It’s relief to know that we’re okay again.”, Jesse admitted and took our some bread.

Sebastian didn’t answer anything. ‘Okay’. What did ‘okay’ mean? Because Sebastian did not feel okay. Since his conversation about Jesse with Lith, Sebastian had this odd feeling every time he thought about Jesse. Did he actually… develop a crush on the older boy?

When both of them had had their meal, Jesse asked what they were going to do now.

Sebastian shrugged. “Watch another movie, play something on the dorm’s Wii…”

“Yeah, let’s play something!”

They walked into the salon and when Sebastian turned on the Wii, he asked “What do we even play? Mario Kart, Just Dance, Super Smash Bro—”

“Just Dance? Pretty please?”

Sebastian grinned. He didn’t mind seeing Jesse’s hips in action at all. “Okay.”

They didn’t come that far, had just finished the first round of playing, when someone appeared in the doorway. Nick and Jeff.

“Uh, hello, Sebbo, and…”, Jeff started.

“… boy we don’t know.”, Nick ended.

“That’s… uh…”

“Jesse. Friend of Sebastian’s.”, Jesse introduced himself and went to shake the boys’s hands.

“I’m Nick.”

“Jeff.”

“Cute, Sebastian, you missed us so much, you got yourself a substitute!”, Nick grinned at which Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Go and bring your stuff into your room, morons.”

“We will.”, Jeff said. “But not because you told us to.”

When they left, Jesse grinned at Sebastian. “They seem nice.”

“You have no idea.”

“Ah, let’s see about that.”, Jesse replied. “Maybe they wanna join us?”

“Jess, no—”

“We’d love to.”, Nick, who’d just appeared in the doorway again, said.

“Yup, we would.”, Jeff agreed.

Jesse laughed. “Outvoted, Bas.”

Jeff won the next round, followed by Sebastian. Nick was the last place.

“I need something to drink.”, Jeff announced. “Anyone else?”

“We could play a drinking game.”, Nick suggested.

“On a Sunday.”, Sebastian said.

“With juice or something.”

“That’s not even remotely funny.”

“Sebastian, you don’t have to act like you hate us because your ‘friend’ is here.”, Jeff said. “Who’s pretty cool by the way.”

“I don’t just act like that, I actually dislike you.”

“You don’t.”, Nick gasped.

Jesse laughed. “You actually don’t. But… we could play truth or dare?”

“No.”

“Oh, come on, Sebbo.”

“I’ll keep them from doing some crap.”, Jesse whispered into Sebastian’s ear. “If I think something’s not okay, I’ll just say ‘stop’, okay?”

“I—”

“Sebbo!”

“Okay, fine!”, Sebastian sighed.

They sat down in a circle and the boys decided Jesse should start with asking. “Okay, um… Jeff. Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

Jesse hesitated a bit. “Have you ever had sexual thoughts that included another boy?”

Jeff thought about it for a while. “Uh… yeah, I guess.”

Sebastian and Jesse whistled through their teeth.

“Okay, my turn.”, Jeff said. “Sebastian..”

“Fucking surprise.”

“Truth or dare?”

“Let’s start with… Truth.”

“Hmm… when did your first kiss take place?”

“Really? You go for that?”, Nick wanted to know.

“Couple of months ago.”, Sebastian answered.

Both the mouths of Jeff and Nick fell open. “What?”

Sebastian shrugged. “True story. Nick, truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“I dare you to kiss Jeff.”, Sebastian grinned.

“I don’t—”, Jesse started but cut himself off.

“Sorry to do that, Jeff, but I’m gonna smack my lips into your face now.”, Nick took Jeff’s face into his hands.

Jeff rolled his eyes, pulled Nick closer and shortly touched Nick’s lips with his own. “Tadaa.”

“Nice one.”, Nick commented mockingly. “New lipstick?”

“And you actually protested when I said you were a couple.”, Sebastian said.

“Jesse, truth or dare?”, Nick wanted to know.

“Truth.”

Nick didn’t have to think about his question for too long. “What Jeff and I have been thinking about the whole time… Jesse, are you straight?”

“Uff…”, Jesse made. He didn’t reply at once. “Uh… No, I guess not.”, he replied after a while which made a warm feeling spread out inside Sebastian’s chest. “Truth or dare, Nick?”

“Truth.”

“Your favourite sport?”

“Really?”, Sebastian commented. “You choose that question?”

“You try and think of a better one.”, Jesse replied.

“Basketball.”, Nick answered. “Sebastian—”

“Truth.”

“Awesome!”, Nick grinned. “Sebastian, why did you have to transfer to Dalton?”

Sebastian’s face went blank.

“Stop.”, Jesse said.

“What ‘stop’?”, Jeff repeated.

“Sebastian doesn’t want to answer that question and I’d say he doesn’t have to.”

“Maybe I didn’t want to kiss Jeff.”

“Sorry, boys.”, Jesse got up. “Let’s go into your room, Bas.”

When they entered his room, Sebastian smiled at Jesse. “Thank you.”

“Ah, I told you I’d stop them.”, Jesse grinned.

Sebastian pulled Jesse closer and placed a short kiss on his lips.

“How come I didn’t get one of those earlier?”, Jesse asked.

Sebastian chuckled. “Maybe you hadn’t deserved one.”

Jesse went for another kiss, this time a longer one. Their tongues fought with each other until one of them eventually had to breathe.

“Also I missed your tongue.”, Sebastian commented.

“How about you miss it for another week?”, Jesse snorted.

Sebastian cocked an eyebrow in question.

“Gotta go.”, Jesse explained. “Still have to finish some reviews.”

“Can’t you write them—”

“Have to be sent this evening.”, Jesse replied and let one hand comb through Sebastian’s messy hair.

Sebastian sighed. “Pity.”

“I’m coming and get you next week by the way. Wanna show you something.”

“Oh?”, Sebastian asked. “What?”

“Be patient.”

“My third name is patience.”, Sebastian responded casually.

“Ah, then it’s gonna be good.”, Jesse smiled and kissed the younger boy again. “Would you like to accompany me outside?”

On their way outside, Jesse wanted to say goodbye to Nick and Jeff. To their surprise, Trent sat there, too.

“Uh, Jesse, this is my roommate Trent. Trent – Jesse.”, Sebastian introduced them. “How come you didn’t bring your things into our room?”

“Uh—”

“We told him to better stay out if he didn’t want to be disgusted for the rest of his life.”, Nick explained.

Instead of answering anything, Sebastian grabbed Jesse’s sleeve and pulled him outside. On their way, Jesse said goodbye to Lith aswell.

Outside, Jesse got into his car, closed the door and let down the window. Sebastian leaned against the car, face turned to Jesse’s. “See you on Saturday then?”

“Yep.”, Jesse answered. “But I don’t know when exactly. Have stuff to do.”

“Alright. See you then.”

“Bye and… thanks for the clothes.”, apparently Jesse’d had to overthink his answer. Then he closed his window and started the engine.

Sebastian stepped back and watched the older boy drive away. Then he headed inside again.

“Smythe!”, he heard Lith bark when he was about to pass her office.

“Hi?”

“He didn’t leave last night.”, Lith said.

“Uh… no, he didn’t.”, Sebastian shrugged.

“And?”

“What and?”

“Sex, love, Rock’n’Roll?”, Lith asked.

Sebastian laughed awkwardly. “None of that. We… watched a movie.”

“Tell that your grandma, Smythe.”

“No, really we just… watched a movie and…”, Sebastian started. “Kissed.”

“You kissed?”

“That’s… normal. We always do.”, Sebastian answered awkwardly.

“You always kiss? Didn’t you say you just were friends?”, Lith raised an eyebrow.

“We are!”

“You’re anything but.”, Lith shook her head. “Oh, Smythe.”

[aro-smythe]

The Cracks In The Crystal Ball

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Epilogue

Sebastian and The Warblers: In The Air Tonight Nick and The Warblers: Lady Gaga Medley Eric and The Warblers: Gone In The Morning

They eventually arrived at Jesse’s flat, directly went into the bedroom. They sat down onto the bed, backs against the cold wall.

Jesse looked at the younger boy expectingly and waited for him to start. He didn’t say anything, for which Sebastian was very thankful. He needed some time to sort out his thoughts.

“I-I don’t really know where to start— I don’t want to annoy you, so maybe—”

“Bas.”, Jesse ran his hand through Sebastian’s hair. “You’re not annoying me. But as I said, you don’t have to tell me.”

Sebastian nodded. “I guess— yeah. When I was 14… my father left our family. Just like this. One day he suddenly disappeared.” He interrupted himself to let out a sarcastic laughter. “Left a letter. Wrote something about being in love with another woman. Hah— I bet she left him already, I hope so.”

“Bas—”

“Anyway, my mum was pretty… broken after that. I didn’t know how exactly she’s tried to deal with the whole thing – I had to manage that somehow for myself, the whole new situation – and my own struggles. I was just about to understand I was not like most boys, you know? I found myself interested in other men.” He hesitated a while before continuing, he even thought of stopping, but Jesse put his arm around him and it felt encouraging. “I know that I should have cared more about my mum, but I was – I am selfish. Nel on the other hand had dealt with it pretty good. She visits our father every now and then – had already done that before. I didn’t. I thought – no, I think if he wanted to have me around, he wouldn’t have left.”, Sebastian cleared his throat.

While thinking of the next part of his story, Sebastian stopped again. He closed his eyes, pulled his legs up against his chest and started to actually quiver.

Jesse stroke his hair again. “Shh.. it’s okay, Bas.”

Sebastian shook his head. “No, it’s not – I should have been less selfish— I should have notice – I— but, no. Sebastian Pascal Smythe does not worry about others, the biggest asshole in existence.”

“Sebastian, you are not—”

“My mum tried to kill herself, Jesse.” He directly looked at the older boy and saw his eyes widen in shock. “Guess she thought we all didn’t need her anymore – I mean, we kinda acted like that— I did. I spent most time in my room, I didn’t want to see anyone. I thought maybe I could infect them, haha. I wasn’t homophobic, no way, but being gay yourself is… different. I thought it was an illness, I didn’t want anyone to judge me. Oh, I’ve been stupid, haven’t I? That was rhetorical. I was.”, Sebastian continued. “I don’t know if Nel noticed but our mum didn’t get better like we expected. Instead, she was getting depressed. More and more until…”

Jesse stroke with his hand Sebastian’s arm up and down. “Hey, Bas— I’m sorry to hear that. I—”

“When Nel and I came back from school one day – I went into my room and Nel— obviously not. Into the bath. I was just about to put my headphones on when I… heard her scream. I wanted— but ‘No, Basti! Stay out!” she screamed – but I saw the arm, covered in blood. I—”, Sebastian cleared his throat. Was he crying? It felt like that. “Nel called an ambulance – that’s the last thing I ever heard her say. And they-they came and brought my mum into the— hospital and they— took us too. I don’t even remember what went through my head. I got a syringe.”

He cleared his throat again and Jesse’s hand went into Sebastian’s hair. For a moment neither of them said anything, Jesse leaned his head against Sebastian’s. People actually said talking about stuff helps? Liars.

“They wanted to take me away from my mum.”, Sebastian stated. “Going to the man who’d caused all this? Who left me like a penny on the street? Think you can imagine my reaction. I refused to go to him. My mum needed me.”

With every word he said Sebastian felt himself getting weaker. Apparently Jesse noticed too, he kissed the younger boy’s temple shortly.

“Nel decided to stay, too. The doctors told us it would probably be better to get a fresh start. My mum actually is a French, did I ever tell you? We went back into her home state, France. Right into goddamn Paris.”, Sebastian smiled mournfully. “We all got therapists. I didn’t talk to mine. Thought they should deal with their own crap. Nel generally didn’t talk anymore. And mum? She didn’t have to say much.”

Now that he reached the part of France his story, he felt better again. Of course there were not only good things about it, but he had enjoyed his time there.

“Fresh start. I was gay and eventually accepted that. Is there a better place to come out than Paris? Well, San Francisco maybe. Anyway, I outed myself. And then… I became the asshole you know today. Like, completely.”

“Bas—”

“I am one.”, Sebastian said with a rough laughter. “But that’s okay. People in school got to know me as Sebastian Smythe, the gay kid with confidence. None of them knew my story. It was good. And one day someone actually hit on me.”

He felt Jesse sitting up straighter next to him, but continued.

“He invited me into a bar. Tom. Was my first. It was the same night. And I actually enjoyed it. ‘Yep, sex is awesome.’, I thought. And I started to sleep with the most random people. There were only three rules. First, never the same guy twice. Didn’t want to get feelings. My mum showed me how feelings would ruin you eventually. Second, condoms of course. And third… no kissing. Never.”, he blushed.

A silence developed, Sebastian wasn’t sure if it really was that awkward, but he decided to break it off anyway. “We all learned sign language for Nel. And my mum… she got a new job. Met a new man. Frederic. Awesome guy.”, he smiled. “They even are engaged now.”

“That’s nice.”

“As soon as she was sure mum was alright again, Nel started her trips. First only short ones. Germany, Spain, Netherlands. But eventually she disappeared even longer. Soon I was left with my mum. But not for too long. We moved in with Frederic.”, Sebastian continued. “Don’t get me wrong, I like Frederic, but I felt… like I didn’t belong there. Like I disturbed them or something. I don’t know— I decided to go back into the US. … Wow, that sounds a lot like Bella Swan, doesn’t it? But unlike her, I didn’t go to my father. That’s how I came to Dalton.”

He stopped again until Jesse said: “There’s more, isn’t it?”

Sebastian nodded slowly. “Dalton’s star had just stopped shining. The infamous Blaine Anderson transferred to another school. For love. Isn’t that cute?”, he asked sarcastically. “You know his boyfriend. Kurt Hummel.”

Jesse laughed. “You’re not being serious.”

“Well, I joined glee club soon and everyone – really fucking everyone – talked about him. I thought I deserved to get to know him. And lucky me, he appeared one day.”, Sebastian said. “Wasn’t as hot as they all said.”

“Wait – don’t tell me it’s that guy with the helmet of hair. Saw him dance with Hummel at Nationals.”

“He is.”, Sebastian shrugged. “Either way, I thought he’d still look good in my collection. Did my best to impress him. I even became Head Warbler.”

Jesse looked at his in confusion. “I thought you had 3 Heads?”

“Well… I can be quite manipulative.”, Sebastian answered. “I got pretty angry at Kurt, though. He was quite… sassy to me. So I decided he should get what he deserved. Actually I didn’t care about Blaine at all any more. None of New Direction’s members had respect for me. I couldn’t accept that. I did some… things.”

“Things?”, Jesse repeated.

“I blacklisted Rachel – well, actually it was about her fiance but anyway— and I wanted to ruin Kurt’s beloved clothes. Rock salt slushie. Blaine got in the way. He needed a surgery. I noticed after that that I might went a bit too far.”

Jesse shook his head. “You blacklisted Rachel. Rachel Berry.”

“Yep, your ex. I blacklisted her.”, Sebastian rolled with his eyes.

“You’re impossible.”

“I know.”, Sebastian nodded. “After that, Kurt’s dad appeared at my school and told them what I did. Dunno why it wasn’t Blaine’s, but it doesn’t matter. The Warbler’s had already decided that I’d been a crappy Head. And the teachers decided I should never even get the opportunity of being a leader again. Also, I was banned from Lacrosse for the rest of the year. Also I react… violently every time someone talks about death or killing and— I got a psychologist from Dalton.” Sebastian hesitated for a moment before continuing. “Not too long after that… someone tried to kill himself. He’d been at McKinley before and I met him at Scandals. Was still in the closet and I said… unfine things.”, Sebastian said and swallowed hardly. “It was quite a shock. I mean I already felt bad after the things with Blaine but…”

“I don’t think it was your fault.”, Jesse replied quietly.

“I met him at my trial. His dad was my lawyer. He told me so, too.”, Sebastian said. “Anyway, I’d say I changed a bit after that. And you know the rest of the story.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, shortly after that I was at The Lima Bean and some idiot who tried reading there caught my interest.”, Sebastian smirked.

“Idiot, huh?”

Sebastian didn’t concentrate on the question. Another thing crossed his mind. “Jess, can you promise me one thing?”

“Hm?”

“Please don’t… act different around me now.”, Sebastian said and watched the other boy patiently.

“I never would. And… thanks.”

“What for?”

“For telling me.”, Jesse answered. “I can only halfway imagine how hard this was for you.”

“… Let’s sleep now, it’s getting way too cheesy here.”

-

The next morning began rather quiet. When Sebastian got up, Jesse was already sitting in the kitchen, eating breakfast. A bowl full of buns stood on the table in front of him, next to the things to put on those. Jesse was reading the newspaper and ate something.

“Morning.”, Sebastian smiled and sat down across from the older boy.

Jesse smiled at him shortly just to look back at his newspaper again, which seemed quite odd to Sebastian. Normally Jesse paid attention on Sebastian, no matter how late it was. “Jesse.”

The older boy looked up from the newspaper and cocked an eyebrow. “Hmm?”

“I had asked you for something.”

Sebastian had thought he’d probably have to explain what he meant a bit further, but apparently Jesse knew him better than he’d expected. “I’m not acting differently.”, Jesse said. “I was… interested in this article about—”

“’Jesse, the rules.”, Sebastian said when he noticed the break in Jesse’s answer.

Jesse sighed. ”I’ve been thinking.”

Sebastian sat up a bit more at this. He had been thinking? About what? He probably didn’t want to have Sebastian around him any more, now that he knew the younger boy wasn’t quite normal. Who would want to deal with a crazy person on a weekly basis?

“I think you should probably… get some help.”, Jesse continued.

Sebastian couldn’t stop himself from laughing. “I should what?”

Jesse didn’t join his laughter. He looked at Sebastian is a stern way. “I mean it. You need help, Bas.”

“Are you actually telling me that I am crazy?”, Sebastian asked. He had thought that to himself before, but actually hearing Jesse utter these thoughts…

“No, Bas, I don’t— can’t you just— look, we live in a society where people talk about dying or killing because of fun.”

Sebastian tensed up at those words and hissed. “They shouldn’t.”

“I know. But they do. And you can’t attack everybody who does that. Remember what you got last time.”, Jesse replied. He went to grab Sebastian’s hand but the other boy refused that.

“And now you think – because humans are stupid – I should share my – everything that makes me me – my privacy with random people, yeah?”, Sebastian said and got up.

“You told me.”, Jesse stood up aswell.

“Yes.”, Sebastian said and turned around. “You’re special.”

He hurried out of Jesse’s flat. He didn’t know if Jesse followed him, though, he ran until he was completely out of breath. Then he called a taxi.

-

Jesse didn’t call during the next week, which actually depressed Sebastian. He didn’t bother to do it himself, though. Jesse had been the one who had been wrong. There was no reason for Sebastian to address him, was there? This time he wouldn’t give in. Jesse should apologize.

Truth been told, it wasn’t as easy as it sounds. Though they normally always spend a week apart from each other, it was something different when it happened in a fight.

It was Saturday soon and Sebastian found himself behind a stage, together with the Warblers. It was Regionals time for them.

“Okay, Seb, show time.”, Jeff smiled at him.

Sebastian nodded slowly. He was not feeling ready at all.

Their group’s name was announced and he went outside, standing in front of the curtain on his own. He was supposed to start singing, but somehow no sound wanted to leave his mouth. Eventually he managed to sing, after all, Sebastian wasn’t a layman.

I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord

Trent walked up to him, they had to sing together now.

And I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord

Both of them starting clapping on themselves, creating an actual rhythm while the other boys got on stage.The boys started singing the background music and Sebastian restarted the song, just like he was supposed to. He was way more confident now.

I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord And I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord

Trent joined him again.

Can you feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord

They clapped for a while again. Then the others started the background vocals again.

Well if you told me you were drowning, I would not lend a hand I’ve seen your face before my friend, but I don’t know if you know who I am Well I was there and I saw what you did, I saw it with my own two eyes So you can wipe off that grin, I know where you’ve been It’s all been a pack of lies

I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord And I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord Can you feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord

Then it was Sebastian on his own again.

Well I remember, I remember, don’t worry, how could I ever forget It’s the first time, the last time we ever met But I know the reason why you keep your silence UP, oh no you don’t fool me Well the hurt doesn’t show, but the pain still grows It’s no stranger to you and me

He was joined by the others now, who sang the same text just a bit displaced.

I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord Well been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord I can feel it in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh lord Well I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord And I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord I can feel it in the air tonight, oh lord, oh lord, oh lord Well I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh lord, oh lord

Then all of them stomped with their feet onto the ground and were in total sync again.

I can feel it coming

Silence. Then: cheers. As loud as possible. Louder than any applause they’d ever gotten before.

All of the boys stood there, next to each other and started singing the melody of Lady Gaga’s ‘Just Dance’ now. Nick had the lead voice now.

I’ve had a little bit too much, oh oh ooh All of the people start to rush, start to rush by A dizzy twisted dance, can’t find my drink, oh man Where are my keys? I lost my phone, phone

What’s going on on the floor? I love this record baby but I can’t see straight anymore Keep it cool, what’s the name of this club? I can’t remember but it’s alright, a-alright

Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm Just dance, spin that record babe, da da doo-doo-mmm Just dance, gonna be okay, d-d-d-dance Dance, dance, just, j-j-just dance

They changed their melody.

I’m your biggest fan

I’ll follow you until you love me

Papa-paparazzi

Baby, there’s no other superstar

You know that I’ll be

Papa-paparazzi

Promise I’ll be kind

But I won’t stop

Until that girl is mine

Baby, you’ll be famous

Chase you down until you love me

Papa-paparazzi

All them continued singing a long “Whoah-oohh-aaah-oh-oh”. Another song change.

Want your bad romance

Oh, caught in a bad romance

Want your bad romance

I want your love, and I want your revenge

You and me could write a bad romance

I want your love, and all your love is revenge

You and me could write a bad romance

Want your bad romance

(Oh, caught in a bad romance)

Want your bad romance

Can’t read my, can’t read my No he can’t read my poker face (She’s got to love nobody) Can’t read my, can’t read my No he can’t read my poker face (She’s got to love nobody)

Rah, rah, ah, ah, ah

Roma, roma, ma

Gaga, ooh, la, la

Want your bad romance

Rah, rah, ah, ah, ah

Roma, roma, ma

Gaga, ooh la la

Want your bad romance

Again everyone feel into a cheering and while the Warblers formed themselves new, Eric in their middle now, they all were breathing heavily.

Bam Bam Badada Dam bam

Off to the land of sleepy time I go I’m gonna take my shoes off at the door I’m gonna go where dreams like rivers flow, whoa When the alarm goes off i just won’t go

Wont you, Come with me, Wont you, Before they’re gone in the morning I wanna know why they’re gone in the morning I feel alone when they’re gone in the morning I wanna know why they’re gone in the morning I’m gonna master all kinds of kung-foo I’m gonna live inside a tiny zoo I’m gonna grow myself a giant afro (incredible) whoa When the alarm goes off i just won’t go

Wont you, Come with me, Wont you, Before they’re gone in the morning I wanna know why they’re gone in the morning I feel alone when they’re gone in the morning I wanna know why they’re gone in the morning Oh oh, I don’t mind what’s in store I’ll make it in my own sweet time When I go, I don’t wanna go

Wont you, Come with me, Wont you, Before they’re gone in the morning I wanna know why they’re gone in the morning I feel alone when they’re gone in the morning I wanna know why they’re gone in the morning oh They’re gone in the morning I wanna know why they’re gone in the morning I feel alone when they’re gone in the morning I wanna know why they’re gone in the morning oh whoa

They all were breathing heavily when they got off stage, Eric breathing the heaviest.

Trent came up to Sebastian. “First I though you wouldn’t sing at all, man, what was wrong? But we kicked ass!”

Sebastian chuckled. “I was a bit… I don’t know. And for the ass-kicking part: we were the first, Trent.”

“Anyway, we were good.”, Nick cheered.

And in fact, Nick had been right. The judges also agreed. The Warblers won again. But there was no sight of Jesse at all.