December 17
There’s a big Christmas party tomorrow at work that ~300 people are going to be at & I’ve been dreading going, but my manager told me today that I had to stay up front & answer the phones. I happened to walk by when she & the director were talking later & he was apparently trying to argue with her that I should be allowed to come to the party & I interrupted & told him I’d really rather not go the whole time. I like going back for maybe 15 minutes at a time, but I can’t handle 3 straight hours of being around that many people. He said that was fine & just to turn the phones off when I wanted to come back & eat or help out or whatever. YAY.
One of the direct care staff called me to the back saying her computer wasn’t working & then I got back there & they all gave me a mug that says Pet Rescuer & a Visa gift card, I was super touched because they didn’t get anything for any of the other administrative staff, just me. They gave me a really sweet card that said all these nice things & I almost started crying but I refrained.
I got home, sat on the couch feeling lost for a while. Hoping I snap out of this funk soon. I know realistically that I am going to be okay & it’s not the end of the world & there are millions of people without cars, but the idea of not having a car is very...jarring...to me & I am having a lot of trouble coping with it. It’s not that I feel anxious or depressed, it’s that I feel very confused, like the world’s been turned upside down? And I realize saying that sounds like I’m being incredibly over dramatic but I kinda have always viewed having a car as something very basic that I just took for granted. I’ll always have a computer & I’ll always have a car, but now I don’t & it feels very weird in a way I can’t really explain.
Called the vet to make a double euthanasia appointment tomorrow. Crawfisha has been showing signs of some sort of brain or neurological tumor over the last few days, it was obvious she was dying but I was really hoping she could go peacefully at home. I don’t think she’s suffering, her motor functions seem to have shut down, but I don’t want her to linger, so I will go ahead & have her put to sleep tomorrow. Viola has had respiratory issues off & on throughout her life, she started getting a little sniffly & dropping weight last week, but over the last couple of days it’s gotten pretty severe & she has not responded to antibiotics. They both have lived long, happy lives (I’ve had Crawfy since she was born & she’s almost 2.5, Viola is only a little younger). I really like both of them, they were some of the first girl rats I ever had, so it’s going to be tough to see them gone, especially Crawfy since she has been with me her entire life.