My Delusional Arrogance
Have you ever felt you’re important to someone but finally it turns out that actually you’re not? It’s called delusion. For my experience, my delusion used to be nurtured by arrogance. And it’s still been haunting me until this day even though it happened 5 years ago.
I have known a naughty, adorable guy in Facebook. The first time we met was just a coincidence. The relation started with my curiosity continued with his interest and was nurtured by our bond. The topic that we talked about kept getting more interesting and more fun each day. We took photos of what we had seen and captured screens of what we had read, then shared them to each other. We discussed seriously about Salem Witch in Harry Potter. I even used to ask him to talk about the shape of the cloud the day we had nothing to talk. We talked to each other all night every night. It was winter nights in December, temperatures dropped into the single digits. But, with him, I discovered that December can be summer.
One day, it’s Loy Krathong Day. With the help of my friend’s surveillance eyes, I found a picture on Instagram of him and a girl floating Krathong together. I was furious and sorrowful at the same time. I blocked him to test my importance.
The test worked, he made a new Facebook account to add me, send messages to me, and call me. When I answered the call, all I heard were his crying and whining. I knew immediately that his heart were broken. I couldn't count on how many times he said sorry. However, my feeling at that time is one of the most disgusting moods I've ever felt. The feeling was pleasure. The more he moaned, the more I felt that I was the most important thing he couldn’t lack. My arrogance was so high someone could commit suicide jumping off it. After the day, we got back to normal conversation, at first. Then, the talking was getting blander. Perhaps, it's all about growing. He was growing and had learned to step forward, not going back to the old pricking thorns. And I grow colder in emotions, submerged in the ocean of memories. They have made me realize how much I used to be delusional. Arrogance gradually dies while obsession gradually grows. I wonder in the future what emotion will come next when my heart happens to crash with some emotional trucks.
