Jean Catherine Pidlaoan

Bachelor of Arts in Communication | dum vita est spes est ✨

[jeanpidlaoan]

”The spoken word is always an extension of thy self. It became a part of being you.” Everything that has been uttered to a sole human will eventually leave vestige on his/her mind. Indeed, words are somewhat like a sword that can be pierced to one’s whole being. We somehow view ourselves as to how others view us. For an instance, when your friend perceives you as a loyal person, unconsciously it’s becoming your part and you will self-proclaim how you find yourself loyal. We often claim the spoken words to us as something that is a part of our beings. Although sometimes it has nothing to do with our real personality, we are just letting ourselves be labelled as to how others think of us. In this case, sometimes, it is quite good when the words spoken to us were visibly positive but if not, then be it. We unconsciously let ourselves be eaten by the words that others believe define us. It is of the mere fact that we allow these labels define who we are when it is becoming a part of us as we grow up. As we interact with people around us, their articulated point of view or impressions to us always shape our identities. These words uttered to us are an extended definition of ourselves. Nevertheless, this will not and will never be a perfect definition to us because after all, what matters the most is how we see ourselves, how we reflect in our lives, and how we define ourselves acquiring a unique identity.

[jeanpidlaoan]

A Roller Coaster Ride: The Phenomenology of Life

Life… Four letters, one word, one syllable, and yet holds numerous meanings. People define this sole word as something that can truly be drastic in nature, at some point of time, like a roller coaster ride heading to several twists of directions. Perhaps, others would think it is a simple thing which one is probably ought to feel hallowed to have and it indeed truly a precious blessing. It may be a happy life or a lonely one, acquires longevity or just short, artificial or natural, fictional or a real one. A single page of a paper is definitely not enough to give such meanings about life as if its implications are undisputable. It is in the state of being indescribable yet it is a pure paradox; however, to have life as something not persistently permanent in this realm of reality.

Life or birth is very profound as a contradicting word for “Death.” A certain Death ultimately presents otherwise with which ceases one’s right to live perpetually. However, life is still considered as how it is, regardless of the presence of death. It is still a river where everything continuously flows. It is moreover a vast word to have no single definition. Its meanings are more of depending upon how people perceive it; making life as eventually an indescribable matter.

Having this existence must be an orthodox part of becoming a “being”. It is probably for the pragmatic reason that when you are a being, you must undoubtedly do exist. However, some human beings choose to just exist for no reason. It is quite different to say that they do have a life when they only just exist. It is certainly acceptable if they live the life they acquire in a moral manner where they don’t just take their lives for granted. To make sense, people should know how life differs from existence. It seemingly sounds to be similar yet in a deep thought, the two are different. Existence might just pertain to a pure presence but life could mean something else--- something better.

People apparently must hold the knowledge that life is turning to an interdependent being. We do not live alone. We cannot live such experiences without each other. We learn simple yet significant things through those. Whether an absurd, sorrowful, or blissful event might happen, that could always be an additional delineation for life’s true definition. After all, we define life as to how we experience and perceive it.

To be very honest, I once believed that life is a laid-back matter where one will just live and the rest will as well follow. It is just like one day, in a story, you were formed to be a character. You have the role to be a person. You have rules to be followed. You won’t do anything but live the life you have. You have everything as a reason to act until the end of the narration. It appeared to be as easy like you would just follow the script and it seemed to be as easy as how I utter its word.

But suddenly, life for me went extremely different…

It was around year 2012 or 2013 when silence of one’s life had to teach me its real definition and although I can’t remember the exact year anymore, an undeniably sorrowful moment that my family have and had to encounter is still lingering in my little mind.

A sudden thud from the door came out as I heard a familiar voice out of it. I was not in the mood to open the door nor to open my eyes but something made me get up from my bed. Little did I know that it was my dad calling not my name but my cousins’. “Melvin?” … “R-Jay?” I gasped by the sudden call and it was not a sound of an empty shell but an alarming tone. But then after, all I heard was just silence. I was not in my good state of mind that time and I just woke up seeing my cousins almost jumping down the stairs with a peculiar imagery written all over their faces. It was very odd. Was it fear? Was it shock? Or perhaps, annoyed by an immediate call out from their realm of dreams? I was completely clueless. “Uncle, what is happening?” asked by one of them. “Your aunt…” my dad was not able to utter any word after and so then for the second time, I heard silence. However, this time I was completely awake and profoundly drown of my own thoughts. Never in my life had I been through like this. It is as if I was hit by a big truck of reality or been slapped for many times. All I could think of was it was odd; it was horrible enough to make me cry for years. There, I remembered my aunt--- no, scratch that, it was my dying aunt.

That day and certain time, I stepped out of my room with a lot of things in my mind. I was broken. I was in grief, I was… I don’t know any more what I was that time. I just immediately ran to the other house right beside mine and there, I saw a small establishment full of gloom as if light was in the state of absence. Crying, muttering, grievance, and resentment are the feelings that made my eyes blurry, made me choke and stop me from breathing for some seconds. I just found myself already standing in front of my aunt’s room. “She’s still fine, s-still living, s-still breathing,” I unconsciously stuttered as if I was trying to fool myself out of this unfair and cruel world.

Out of my expectation, I then heard a man screaming in grievance. It was my uncle with tears streaming down his face and calling for my aunt’s lifeless body to be back. She was pale, in pain, and barely breathing. My aunt was in a comatose condition because of a brain cancer and when I saw her pale body I almost forgot how to breathe. Her brother; my uncle, shook her arms hoping for a quite impossible response. He was hoping for her to be alive and be back with us again but we were wrong, I was completely wrong. That day, she left the cruel world, she left us, she left everyone, and when she did, that was the same day that I also heard nothing but a pure silence of everything.

That definite moment taught me how life can be easily faded for some reasons. It was like a photo snap that made me define existence as an ephemeral matter. The way I see it, life is more than how people define it. It may sound pleasing to think that with life, people may encounter happiness, art, freedom, unity, dream, delight, satisfaction, and peace. Nonetheless, it is not permanent as we desire it to be. Having an important event which is birth or life as an impermanent one is completely an unfair mere fact. For me, it is a creation like a building that can be established one day and with unfortunate happenings, it might also be destroyed just as easy as how it was also built.

Unfair? Yes. Well, that’s life.

With other things that I witnessed, it is much safe to say that life is indeed indescribable. There were times when it was simple and human kind just finished their mundane tasks. Otherwise, it is considered miserable. One may stroll and observe, for an instance, in entire vicinity. Believe me, there would most probably numerous people scattering around the corner of the street and spending the time of their lives for gibberish things. It may not be my life for me to be concerned with (as one might defend) but then we cannot erase the fact that sometimes we used to be blind and deaf about how life must be well treasured. We often forget how it can be miserable yet valuable for many reasons. Thus, at some point of time, we unconsciously let ourselves be eaten by such problems and depression.

I have even once encountered the feeling of aghast after knowing the things people do in their lives. Probably, we could not blame others if they would think of negative matters about life. It must have been difficult for them to continue living thus; some people tend to end their lives by committing suicide. It is an excruciating system of one’s mind to apparently stop living but we cannot do more aside from inspiring, persuading them to live more and reminding them how well-loved they are. In my case, I didn’t experience to commit such but I was able to read several news articles and stories of people who did or once tried to do it. It is very heart-breaking to scroll in your social media feeds when it shows you this kind of awful deeds. It was as if I had been tangled or chained in a seat where I can do nothing but stare in the sudden news.

There was even a time when I cried over an idol when he committed suicide. It is of the reason that he was so depressed. I know how some would possibly judge us; fans and make fun of the reactions we do really felt. Nevertheless, being a human and having the care for your fellow is important as a part of living. To think that life really defines to be this inexpressible and unexpected is terrible. I believe we should always take this kind of situation seriously. I may have not experienced it personally but that dreadful happening over the news made me think about some reflections of life and got me affected. It implies that even artists whom we think to be wealthy, popular, and somehow possess everything with them, still drive in a roller coaster ride of life. After all, life is indeed a conception that does not choose people. It is just always us who have the matter of choices in life. Whether we do perceive it as a simple or complex one, we still have to experience different feelings within.

Not long ago, there was also a man who committed suicide near our residence. He got to be depressed at some point of his life. It was like by just a blink of an eye, the blessed life he got turned to be a miserable death for his relatives. This situation, in fact, makes sense where we can say that life leads to death if it has not been cherished in an utmost manner. It is no wonder that we often have trouble in seeking balance in life because of these negative perspectives. Thus, hope which serves as a pillar and holds our lives is eventually getting shattered.

Apparently, we can still substantially alter such judgements and perceptions about life. People just really have to grow new eyes and improve their life’s vision. It is just a matter of choices, isn’t it? One may choose to see life as a miserable innate matter. Others may choose the otherwise and yet we just continue to live just as how we define it.

After much experience that I encountered in this, so far, 17 years of existence, I think people should just twist those negative discernments to an optimistic kind of view. There are some people who tried to end their lives but when we come to think of it, it could still be a new start for those who surround them. “What appears to be the end may really be a new beginning.” (Poster) Somehow, it would leave such vestige and lessons to other humans to see life as a precious blessing. It is and will always be just a matter of perception about what life truly means. That situation could mean a loss of a person yet for others; it might also be a beginning for self-realization about life.

It may be varied in nature to define what life or an existence signifies at the very first place. One day we would just wake up having the ability to breathe and in the state of presence. Like a cold breeze of the wind, life will suddenly blow. Then in a blink, it would possibly just dwindle. The matter is that people do not easily comprehend how it works. At some point of time, we used to live like how others do. We easily let ourselves be immersed upon the situations we had been through. We tend to be afraid of the changes that we ought to try. Thus, we only stick on our own point of view. We just often outlook the world and life we have as how we want it to be. It seemingly fictional if we do perceive life the way we wanted but reality states that we are used to imagine and that is just how it goes. As soon as we live life, it must signify happiness for us. Well, who wouldn’t dream of a blissful existence, right? Probably, everyone would convince themselves that life is just really as simple as how one gives birth to a person; as artless as you just can imagine.

In the realm of reality, life’s definition is varied--- entirely exchanging to several meanings. Tons of definitions could be shown if you ask, “What is life?” Nonetheless, its essence would always be single and constant. The principle of life would always be about humanely living. It is more of living without reminding yourself that there is a time where death would come. It is just simply living, regardless of any WHAT IFs--- regardless of any thoughts ahead.

Its essence always comes when a being acts to live fully and one could only consider it as a life if there would be such existence. With life, there must also be a being as after all, it serves to be the presence of biological matter. These beings would most probably show growth and response where we can eventually call it a life. How one would possibly view it might be different from the others but life would always acquire existence and beings.

A roller coaster ride of life is what also makes it to be a life. Without odds, absurdity, and obstacles, I don’t think it is possible to even call it as one. These difficulties are somewhat like tools and ingredients of a strong life as it drives people to be better. It just really takes great positivity to view life like that and from what I think; life could be truly something better if we would just insist in banishing such negative perspectives.

With what I have shared here in this work, I have grown to be straightforward in divulging numerous definitions of life. It must be really tragic and drastically defined in some ways. There were some positive outlooks as well. And I had gone through both. Life should be just perceived as our voyage where sometimes we got mistakes in direction but when we went to get fortunately right, it would turn to be a wonderful landscape worth cherishing for.

[jeanpidlaoan]

Random Acts of Kindness: How they make a difference in one’s life?

A concept of kindness can be defined as to how people perceive it. They apparently tend to delineate it with several actions. One may say that kindness is when a certain someone gives your favor or desire. Others may state that kindness is when a person shows you an abstract affection. Nevertheless, tangible or not is not what matters as still, kindness is present and there is no difference of how it changes one’s life. Random acts of kindness are commonly manifested through giving. By being generous in some ways without the expectation of something in return is where kindness can simply be seen. It is a natural yet deeper and pure deed as giving something, regardless of the thought of being tangible or intangible, is also being kind to a certain person.  These acts pertain not just to a sudden affection nor an act of generosity but perhaps, it is more than that. Generosity is; however, not always the perfect definition for kindness but it could also mean something else. It could refer to a strange care, sympathy or even empathy. Kindness is certainly applied and seen through these said conditions and it is a significant factor that could be an agent to change one’s life. A less fortunate man, for an instance, saved some money to pay for his daughter’s hospital and medication bills. Imagine this poor man unconsciously left his wallet in a bench near the church after praying to God for his daughter’s recovery. He worked for hours regardless of the time limit just to pay for those bills and he could have been considered paid if not only because of that sudden incident.  He must be merely worried and looked so down after this situation. However, if one was able to see the wallet of that man and give it back to him, that is the time where you can say enough that kindness is profoundly visible. That person may acted strangely as it is not his/her property and without the knowledge of to whom he/she can give it back is definitely a difficult thing. Nonetheless, because of the willingness of that person to help, kindness was completely manifested. Perhaps, for others it is seemingly too normal and usual to give the wallet back but we, human beings, are being blind by the thought of little action. Sometimes, one can really never know the impact of that little action not unless otherwise, we are well-informed about the man’s condition and its result to his life.

  Random acts of kindness are, moreover, expressed resulting to a big invisible impact. It is invisible in a sense of not knowing that you have changed one’s life. By simply greeting someone with a smile plastered on your face or giving a seat to a woman in a bus could mean a lot to those people. These compassionate behaviors, in spite of being a small gesture, would lead to a good perception of life. A smile could turn one’s day to a bright outlook. A concern could ease the heavy feeling one is currently having and a simple act of giving could mean something bigger. When applying random acts of kindness in a certain situation, we are not that aware that we are already giving some hope to one’s life. Maybe the person that you have given a smile with was apparently so down and about to commit suicide. You can think that it could really happen most of the time and kindness would be the key venue to take that person away from the negativity and change his/her perception in life. Moreover, according to a Philosophical study, showing kindness could result to happiness. It is said to result an improvement of relationship, it slows aging, and good for the heart. We, human beings, must know that we are always interdependent. We had and are still having various things given by our fellowmen. We do not live alone and by having people around us is what you call kindness. Kindness is present to every little or big action we do for the sake of others and this interdependence makes us some kind of beings who are willing to serve other people on behalf. We must be bound to be kind because after all, as human beings, we must be humane in nature. It is a must to have humanity like kindness attitude in ourselves. We should leave no small room for kindness but instead, we should show these random acts of kindness in the whole world; to every person that passes by in our lives.

[jeanpidlaoan]

Forever Farewell

She was tough upon rigid paths. She had that passion of living but then, life is cruel and the world is unfair. She had to end it all to cut the thread of her life. It was a simple string that made such connections in her dreams but it was short--- not as enough to give such jolt of happiness. To cast off of her sole shadow is nothing but a mere short story’s ending. Please tell her she did well. Please tell her she had her own history. Please send her off peacefully. She hate to say goodbye so it’s best to just say see you next time. She hoped for her to be remembered but sincerely, she wished for nothing else but her loved ones’ embrace. Before the darkness shows and the lightness made its absence, she wanted to erase all pains that the world had. She desired to be that ash which would be dispersed in warmth. She wanted to ask to forget all things and let the sky turns blue as if nothing happened. Sure thing, losing someone is never greeted as a laid-back matter yet she wanted to distort everything; to light up that candle of bliss and not sorrow as she uttered, “But don’t locked up yourself in a room full of grievance.” Now that she can do nothing, she won’t be back again; not anymore… for it is a call of a forever farewell.

[jeanpidlaoan]

Inception

An implantation of one’s idea to the other or simply an inception is being hardly construed in several manners with which being disputed by many philosophers and even simple human beings. This, specifically, is being applied while dreaming or having such lucid dreams and can be considered possible in the realm of reality. Crafting such concepts inside one’s mind through its conscious state might perhaps pass the validation in reality as it can be done within your conscious mind. This written work, for example, is being red by someone and to make the explanation simple on how can inception be valid in real life, this actual article might apparently influencing your mind right now thus, forming new ideas in your brain. Probably there would be a phase of epistemic obligation while you were reading this, where you would doubt whether this is just my opinion about inception or a mere fact as otherwise. Nonetheless, the point is that in real life, we can implant an idea using our own mind to someone else’s. After all, in our conscious state of mind, we can establish or acquire new thoughts.

Having said that an inception is interpreted in several ways, we can moreover distort the fact that it is possible. Yes it is, in real and conscious life, but not as way illusive like what was shown in the film Inception. It is much possible to embed an idea in real life situation, but another person who can access and control your lucid dream is quite an impossible thing--- let alone the fact of having numerous people who can do it. Clearly, the process of inception is acceptable in real world but in pragmatic reasoning it is not totally an inception in our subconscious state but just a mere dream, desire, imagination, or memory. Thus, with the use of subconscious mind, dreams and inception would not pass the process of validation of truth or reality. One may use dreams as basis for distinguishing truth from imagination and vice versa but it would not be acceptable as pure valid and real. We can dream within our dream but no one can possibly control it and declare that it is the reality as I, myself, can be an engineer of my own dream and form an escape of reality.

The claim of a dream as basis for knowledge and truth is however apparently empirical. Other than evaluating this claim considering formal knowledge, it is more appropriate to analyze the statement for being an empirical claim. After all, it would not lead to absurdity if we state the otherwise. We can analyze this claim by simply presenting possible experiences. A certain dreamer, for an instance, was able to wake up and remember his/her dream. In this case, that dreamer would be able to distinguish what is an imagination from the reality thus, making a dream possible to be the basis of truth. Knowing that he/she just dreamt of something he/she desires in imaginary world only implies that dream can be the basis of knowledge and truth or reality. The ability to distinguish what is real and fictional based on the experience of dreaming makes the claim acceptable.

[jeanpidlaoan]

Reality of Philippine Democracy

The flag was raised up above all

Supposed it means we wouldn’t fall

Yet never thought it’d be this way

There, fantasy flips to thy dismay.

By the Americans, we were chained

By the Spaniards, we were claimed

And when heroes fought for liberty

Can we, Filipinos, freely flee?

Enslaved by our innocence

Puppet of those who had omnipotence

We thought we found “independence”

Yet our fellow Filipino made its absence.

It wasn’t just those with different nationality

But also, those who lived in our own country

Are the ones that broke our liberty

For, perhaps, an amount of money.

What is worse than the conquerors,

Are those considered manipulators

Not of with dissimilar face

But, to thy dismay, with similar race.

Though free from Americans, Spaniards, and all,

Still oligarchs came to make us fall.

They hold us by the neck,

Thus, barely breathing and wrecked.

As thy thought we are already free,

I deny our democracy.

Yes, we have it, as you can feel,

But it ain’t ever been that real.

- Jean Catherine Pidlaoan

[jeanpidlaoan]

Unfortunate?

“He-help me…” a pale skinny man whispered before everything went black and his lifeless bloody figure met the cold cement floor. He was barely breathing, he was completely devastated, he was hopeless, he was… “Unfortunate”

People said one should be a doctor, earn a lot; be a millionaire. They said you should learn to be an Engineer, build a house; be a millionaire. They said you must be a lawyer, defend justice; be a millionaire. At the age of 9, Nathan was forced to sell candies with some hidden pack of cigarettes and white crystal drugs under the heavy wooden case he used to carry. He has neither mother nor father so he was forced to uplift his miserable life by just himself, alone. By the time he stepped out from his abandoned house, all that was lingering in his mind was to work hard. With a bare foot and a dishevelled hair, he was able to work. “That was work, wasn’t it?” Nathan shrugged off his thought and just heaved a long sigh after this common day.

Nathan woke up as early as the sun was in state of absence yet. He didn’t care; he was used to it after all. He went straight to the corner of the room and hurriedly searched for something… something that was expensive, something that should be hidden from the society, and a crystal thing that must be sold. After a long search, he stared at it for a minute. “It’s 2 in the morning, I just have to give it to them and leave, no need to worry, there’ll be no cops or anything,” He uttered to no one and a long silence was heard before he continued.  “I-I’m just hungry and in need of money right? There’s no-nothing wrong about it,” Nathan muttered to himself again as if trying to fool himself out of the risk he’s heading to. He was stuttering, it’s not the first time he’s doing this but the feeling of how deceitful he seems to be is just enough to say he’s not totally okay. Nathan just walked and walked until he couldn’t feel his feet anymore. He found himself in a dark alley with an unpleasant smell of the garbage and a suffocating air. He squinted his eyes to clearly see if that was the gang he was looking for or some uniformed men he should be hiding from. Steps were clearly heard as 3 men closed their distance to Nathan. Old, stout, and terrifying, Nathan thought. He shivered upon the uneasiness surrounding and chills sent through down his spine. When the men were in front of him already, Nathan didn’t hesitate and quickly handed the drugs to them not forgetting to look at the sides and back so as to assure no one’s around. “I-I’ve given what you wanted, I-I think… I think it’s time for y-you to give m-me the m-money,” Nathan mumbled yet clear enough to hear by those guys. He eyed down the cement floor trembling because of the fear. Finally, he had the courage to look up. As soon as he met their eyes, a gunshot was heard breaking the deafening silence around the alley. “He-help me…” a pale skinny man whispered before everything went black and his lifeless bloody figure met the cold cement floor. He was barely breathing, he was completely devastated, he was hopeless, he was… “Unfortunate”

Waking up with some tubes and needles around his body was indeed a total mess. Nathan couldn’t help but a thin line on his face tugged upwards; he formed a smile. “At least I’m alive,” Nathan thought. After that incident, an old man saw him lying from the ground. That old man took him and sent him to the hospital. Nathan looked around just to see the room with a white ceiling paired to its white wall and with some machines that monitor his life. He wasn’t unfortunate after all. God gave him another chance to choose; to live or to die again. Of course his mind was now certain of what to choose. He wouldn’t want to waste this second chance after all. Years passed by and Nathan is now at the legal age of 22. Living from the past is surely not that easy but by thinking how his life went through, he can say that he’s now able to survive on every coming sole day. Nathan from the past is completely different from now. He’s not the fragile Nathan who lives life between deaths anymore. He’s now working in a small company of steel and machines owned by the same old man who helped him. Nathan left the past and is now living in his future. He may neither be a doctor nor an engineer, he’s neither a lawyer nor a millionaire, he’s not what people wanted him to be but most importantly, now, he’s not what he used to be.

[jeanpidlaoan]

What if without Him

There were times that You see me cry,

When all I do is turn around and sobbed

For hope is nothing but an endless lie

Whilst You uttered don't worry­­, I am loved.

 Sins with which dig our own grave,

Thou God, our Lord, do not deserved

But never failed to let one's saved,

Oh Lord, my grace for You won't ever be swerved.

 I had wandered some point of time aimlessly,

I had to walk around within nothing,

Yet Thou always light my path brightly

For me to lean not on my own understanding.

 Lord, I am a sinner; I am lost and bound in darkness

But realizing the realm of piety I am nothing without Your graciousness.

[jeanpidlaoan]

Our Shield

Though our tears poured like a rain,

Our Lord is the cure for pain,

He's the shield for our villain.

[jeanpidlaoan]

Never LESS

His lights within our darkness

Of fears that we'd be helpless

Our Lord always shows goodness

For He'd never show us 'less'.

[jeanpidlaoan]

Our Savior

Sins we've committed

Vanished when God's crucified

For He's our Savior.

[jeanpidlaoan]

Before I see the darkness

Lightness is the absence of darkness. Darkness is an absence of lightness. Either you see light or dark, there is nothing that differs within.

It is, perhaps, an unorthodox situation when you are in that point of seeing nothing but a complete absence of everything. It is as if there is this very odd feeling every time you stroll around, asking yourself, "Am I walking to the right direction?” Every person accompanied by darkness, from what I see, is a very strong sole. I believe their main factor is their trust. Trust not just for any other persons who surround them but more of trust within themselves.

If the next following days I wouldn’t be able to see anymore but given a chance to see things, I will firstly head to church. I will ask for His guidance when the time comes everything will go black. I will treat darkness as lightness. After all, Lightness is the absence of darkness. Darkness is an absence of lightness. Either you see light or dark, there is nothing that differs within. I will live my life with pure happiness and love with God, my loved ones, and with the things I will eternally treasure.

The first day of my travel with light is where I will travel with God. The second day is where I will be with my loved ones, my family and friends, in particular. I will memorize their facial features, I will promise not to forget every little thing in their being, and I ought to do that even when the day comes where I see completely nothing. The third or the very last day of where I can see is when I will work hard and somehow achieve my greatest dreams in life like travelling the world and be mesmerized by its nature. Perhaps, others will think I am using my eyes to perceive simple things. It may sound too simple for them but the way I see it, church and my relationship with God, my family and the time I have with them and the nature of the world are the things that will save me from darkness. Those are the things that even though I am living in the realism of darkness, I can still imagine the meaning of life within their lights. Those are the things that made and will still make me stronger even if in my eyes I am alone. Those are the things that I will never forget for in my life, light and dark are just the same, and those things will always be the same even before I see my darkness.

[jeanpidlaoan]

Behind my cave

Cold breeze of the wind blew touching my pale skin as I stare on a white ceiling; I shivered, heaved a long sigh, and let myself be immersed upon my own little world. I can hear nothing but just a mere silence and a faint noise as I breathe. Silence is my only companion, I guess. I’m tired, tired of being on my own, tired of always being alone, and tired of hearing just silence. But, how can silence be so deafening?

Chirp of birds and an annoying sound of my alarm clock, that’s how I wake up from my deep slumber. I stood up, went straight to the bathroom, and get myself ready. “Sofia, eat your breakfast before you leave”, my mom said. As if I heard nothing, I walked straight out from our house and head to school, not even giving a glance back from where the sound came from. Why? Is there any reason for me to eat with her today when all she can do is leave me early in our home and just come back whenever I’m sick? I sighed, consciously found myself already standing at the front door of my first class. I entered the room feeling the nausea in its atmosphere neither because I ate nothing this morning nor because my first class is Mathematics. This is an unorthodox situation where I just sit at the corner of the room staring out from the window, waiting for my favorite rainy season to come, while on the latter part, all of my classmates are playing around and talking as if it is the first day of school. “E-excuse me, Sofia right? I’m Chloe”; I was startled by the sudden call. Oh great, someone knows I exist, I thought, mocking my own presence. “Let’s be friends”, she uttered while smiling brightly. I smirked and I saw in my peripheral vision on how she flinched and silently gasped upon my reaction. “I don’t make friends”, I muttered looking out from the window with the usual pessimism written all over my face. She straightened and smiled, “Sometimes you have to try living outside of your cave”, she bluntly said before leaving me dumbfounded.

Life is cruel, society is unfair, and all I have is nothing but a pure absence of everything. I have neither brother nor sister, I am an only child. I have no one to call ‘dad’ since he died because of an accident. I have no family. I only have my mom but still perhaps none. She only knows the word ‘work’ and completely blank about her own daughter. I don’t see a mother who’s been trying to comfort me or a mom who’s always there when you needed her the most. That’s why I don’t even try to make friends for I know it won’t work at all. I am afraid that when the time comes they will just also leave me behind. This whole life got me into a cave where no one seems to get out. A cave where all I can grasp into is myself and all I can see is my resentment and abhorrence towards the people around me. All I can see is me getting envious of those who can enjoy their lives without any hesitation of someday, someone will leave them behind. The bliss on their faces that made me jealous is visible enough for me to say that this is a perfect illustration of suffocating with air and drowning without water.

As soon as I close my eyes trying to get rid of my cruel life, I heard a knock. “S-sofia..”, my mom stuttered. No one dared to speak and it makes me insane on how silence can be so ear-splitting at all times. Tears are discernable on the verge of her sparkling eyes and there, I see the reflection of gloom. “I’m sorry for the things I’ve done but I felt more sorry for I’ve done nothing.. nothing for you Sofia.” She fainted that made me shocked, “Mom!” I shouted.

I waited outside the hospital room trying to calm myself down, unconsciously leaning on the wall and realized tears stream down through my face. I silently prayed for me to get out of this cruel cave but it has nothing to do with me, it’s all about the woman who gave life to me. “Doc, what happened to my mom?” I asked feeling a lump in my throat when the doctor came out from my mom’s room. “She’s fine, she just felt over fatigue. Look after her, tell her to eat on time, and rest as well,” he replied. “I will, thank you Doc.” I slowly then went in the room and tightly held mom’s hand as if my life depends on it. All this time, I’ve been selfish thinking just about myself and didn’t realize how my mom worked hard for me. “Sofia,” mom called. “Mom, how are you feeling?” she just smiled at me as if saying she’s fine. “From now on, I’ll take care of you, I love you mom,” I expressed. We hugged each other while tears pour down in our faces.

I’ve been blinded by her absence but the truth is her love for me is always present. What Chloe said to me makes sense now, indeed, I have to leave out from my cave, out from my selfish world, and out from the thoughts of how cruel life is. There is something more behind all of these negative matters. There is something better waiting for me outside. There will always be someone who is willing to help me out. That made me realize that I don’t have to worry about my future but take the risk. Either they’ll leave me or not, what matters is the experience and happiness I’ll surely treasure in my life forever. There, I will feel the bliss, see the river flows, hear no silence, and live behind my cave.

[jeanpidlaoan]

Dare to DREAM

Simple way to reach success is daring to dream. It’s more of dreaming when seeking for the pinnacle of your greatest wish. The way I see it, when it comes to life, probably there are various ways to reach your dreams, nevertheless, in terms of education, you just simply need to dream. They said, dreaming for what you want, regardless of anything, is free. No one can hinder you from dreaming. If you want to graduate, get a high-paying job, a classic life, then you just have to dare of dreaming.

Success is said to be not a destination, but a journey of dreaming. Success is linked with dreams. Dream first and so succeed. Basically, a student like me or even a simple person has his or her dreams in life. We, all humankind, wish to have and reach for something we probably do not have. If we succeed on dreaming, then we succeed at living. For a student like me, it’s more of learning and be knowledgeable for us to use it in the near future. Students want to learn and to finish their studies, thus, we have to dream of it. However, after reaching those dreams, after succeeding, that will be the time for us to apply the learning, moral deeds, and essential knowledge we had as a student for us to really consider as a successful person.

Moreover, it’s not only about you who succeed, but more about how you do succeed. After all, it’s about the number of things you tried to reach your dreams and the times you stood after stumbling because of difficult situations. Booker Washington once said that it’s not to be measured more of a position one has reached, but instead by the obstacle one has overcome while trying to succeed.

As a student, let’s dare to dream, dare to be successful, keep aiming high and so we can reach the great triumph in life. Let us not be bothered by the grades we had, but we must look after the knowledge we need to have. If you failed, then still seek for your goals, we all do have a chance to be successful. You don’t have to be afraid and be discouraged by failing; you just have to trust yourself and dare to dream.