More Incorrect KISS Quotes (Revenge and Reunion years + Bonus: The Invasion)
Oops very gay except Robert
(Update: Mark is now in pretty blue uwu)
Eric: Anyone d-
Paul: Depressed?
Gene: Drained?
Bruce: Dumb?
Vinnie: Disliked?
Eric: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people ...
Ace: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff. Gene: I witnessed the dumb stuff. Tommy: I recorded the dumb stuff. Peter: I joined in on the dumb stuff. Paul: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!
Eric: Bridge the generation gap by combining old and new slang into one!
Paul: Tubular AF!
Gene: Mood to the max!
Bruce, annoyed: Groovy, I hate it.
Vinnie, just as annoyed: If she breathes, she’s a square.
Ace: Rules are made to be broken. Paul: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken. Gene: Uh, piñatas. Bruce: Glow sticks. Vinnie: Karate boards. Eric: Spaghetti when you have a small pot. Ace: Rules. Paul:
Paul: Eric isn’t answering his phone Bruce: I’ll call Gene: Paul and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi- Eric: Hello?
Eric: Okay, truth or dare? Vinnie: Truth Eric: How many hours have you slept this week? Vinnie: Vinnie: ...Dare Eric: Go to bed. Vinnie: I don’t like this game.
[The band trying to con someone for tax reasons] Eric: Um, Vinnie, why are you pretending I'm this guy's family? Vinnie: We need money! Eric: You're scamming him? Vinnie: I was thinking more like flat-out stealing from him? Eric: What?! No way! Vinnie: Why not? We already stole Eric! Eric: Hey guys Eric: No, we didn't. Kitty can think and talk for himself, he can do whatever he wants! Eric: I wanna steal
Eric: What's a word thats a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'? Vinnie: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated- Eric: Smad.
Vinnie: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold? Eric: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house. Eric: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million. Eric: Good thinking.
Vinnie: How did none of you hear what I just said? Eric: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours. Eric: I got distracted about halfway through. Paul: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.
Gene: Truth or dare? Eric: Dare Gene: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room Eric: Hey Paul Paul, blushing: Yeah? Eric: Could you move? I’m trying to get to Vinnie
Vinnie: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling? Eric: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Kitty? Eric: Probably “road work ahead”. Paul: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.
Vinnie: I just ended a four year relationship. Bruce: Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay? Vinnie: Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship. *Eric and Carrie fighting from across the room*
Vinnie: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends. Eric: ... Your what? Vinnie: My friends. Eric: Is he saying “friends”? Bruce: I think he’s being sarcastic. Gene: No, no, no, this is delirium, he’s cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Vinnie! All of your friends are in this room. Vinnie: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks.
Paul: Screw you!
Vinnie: I'll have to check with my beloved, but I'll get back to you.
Bruce: I feel like doing something stupid.
Eric: I’m stupid, do me.
Bruce: How much you wanna bet Gene got a Lap dance from Vinnie?
Eric: If that happened, Kitty can drink free tonight.
Eric: As much as I love the thought of having free drinks I don't like the idea of Gene receiving a Lap dance from someone other than me.
Bruce: Hey Vinnie, did you give Gene a lap dance?
Vinnie: So what if I did?
Bruce, to Eric: I guess Kitty is drinking free tonight.
Vinnie: Be right back, I'm gonna go cry-
Gene, entering the room: What the f-
Vinnie: *sucking on a popsicle*
Dana: Pfft, you practicing for when Eric gets here?
Vinnie: *takes a huge ass bite out of the popsicle*
Dana: *Concern*
Alternatively:
Vinnie: *sucking on a popsicle*
Dana: Pfft, you practicing for when Paul gets here?
Vinnie: *takes a huge ass bite out of the popsicle*
Dana: *Concern*
Vinnie: You know my motto: carpe diem, carpe noctem, carpe coles. Gene: Seize the day, seize the night, what’s the last one? Vinnie: Seize the dick.
Paul: Go fuck yourself. Vinnie, smugly: Sure, but only if you watch
Mark: Hey, what’s up? Vinnie: The sky. Mark: No, I meant like, what are you doing? Vinnie: Oh, Eric. Eric: *highfives Vinnie* Nice!
Paul: I spy with my little eye something that begins with the letter “s”. Gene: *looks over at Vinnie and Eric* Gene: Is it “sexual tension”?
[Also applies to Spacecat really]
Eric: What are you in the mood for? Vinnie: World domination. Eric: That's a bit ambitious. Vinnie: You are my world. Eric: Aww... Vinnie: Eric: Vinnie: Eric: OH.
Dana: As top in this relationship, I think we should- Mark: I can't believe you're pulling rank on me.
Gene: Sorry I'm late, I was doing stuff and got distracted. Eric: I'm stuff! Eric: I'm got distracted! Vinnie: We had sex.
Dana: How is the most beautiful person in the world? Mark: *blushing* I— Vinnie, butting into the conversation: Eric is perfect, thanks for asking.
Vinnie: Having two partners is both amazing and complicated. But all our problems are solved with communication. Eric: It’s my turn to cuddle Eric. Vinnie: FIVE MORE MINUTES DAMMIT!
Vinnie: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?
Mark: It was autocorrect.
Vinnie: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."?
Mark: Yes.
Mark: We have a problem.
Vinnie: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.
Dana: Pros and cons of dating me.
Dana: Pros. You'll be the cute one.
Dana: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-
Ace: I think I'm falling for you.
Peter: Then get up.
Vinnie: Just a minute. I need to go take out the trash. Eric: Oh. We're going out? Vinnie: Wh...
Dana: Love is weakness and an evolutionary mistake. Vinnie: You are literally making a Valentine’s day card for Mark. Dana, pointing his hot glue gun towards Vinnie: You’re on thin fucking ice.
Mark: Truth or dare? Dana: Truth! Eric: Do you- Vinnie: I dare you to kiss me. Eric: *kisses Vinnie* Mark, to Paul: He said “truth”, right?
Eric: God, if only someone loved me… Vinnie: *standing behind him with roses* Gene: *holding box of chocolates* Bruce: *has balloons and a card* Paul: *facepalms* This is sad.
Paul: So, what is Eric to you? Tommy: The reason I wake up every morning. Paul: ...That’s adorable. Eric earlier that morning, barging into Tommy’s room, smacking pans together: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!
Mark: I think I just figured something out. I got to go. Gene: Aren't you forgetting something? Mark: Uuh...*hesitantly kisses Gene's forehead before running out.* Gene: No, pay your bill! Damn, who raised you?
Dana: BE A BETTER PERSON! Mark: WHY?! Dana: BECAUSE SOMEONE NEEDS TO HAVE MORALS IN THIS RELATIONSHIP, AND IT SURE AS FUCK AIN'T GONNA BE ME, SWEETHEART!
Bobby: *about Eric and Vinnie* They make a cute couple, huh? Dana: They certainly are standing next to each other.
Gene: Ooh, somebody has a crush Paul: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Tommy I just think he’s cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about him. *Later that night* Paul, very much awake: Uh oh.
*playing twister* Gene: Right hand red. Vinnie: *ends up on top of Paul* Paul: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you? Gene: I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice.
Peter: I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. Someone asked me what the Spanish word for "tortilla" was once, and now I dream of kissing them under the moonlight. Ace: What kind of animal is the Pink Panther? Peter, already taking off his clothes: God, Ace, you’re so fucking stupid.
Eric, with a headache: Advil me up, daddy. Paul: I will short out the language centre of your brain if you say anything like that ever again.
Ace, throwing himself head-first into Peter’s lap: Tell me I'm pretty! Peter, lovingly stroking his hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.
Gene: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes. Vinnie: Wow, I've gotta hear this. Gene: I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share. Vinnie: You forgot pride. Gene: No, I'm pretty proud of this.
Vinnie: *banging a pen on the table out of frustration* Paul: Stop that. How would YOU feel if I banged you on the table? Vinnie: I—
I don’t know the correct answer to that question.
Paul: Did it hurt when you fell- Vinnie: From heaven? Wow, I didn’t think you were such a flirt- Paul: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs. Vinnie: ... Paul: You just laid there for 15 minutes.
Dana: Heh, Vinnie sneezes like a girl. Vinnie: How about I pound you like boy? That didn’t come out right.
Vinnie: I think we should kiss.
Paul: And I think you should die but we don’t always get what we want.
Mark: Do you think sex without love is a sin? Vinnie: If it is, I’ll see you in hell.
Eric: Come on, I wasn’t that drunk last night. Robert: You were flirting with Vinnie. Eric: So what? He’s my boyfriend. Robert: You asked him if he was single. Eric: Robert: And then you cried when he said he wasn’t.
Ace, setting down a card: Ace of spades Peter, pulling out an Uno card: +4 Gene, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you Paul, trembling: What are we playing
Ace: I’m an idiot. Peter: Paul: Gene: Eric: Ace: Peter: If you’re waiting for us to disagree, this is going to be a long day.
Peter: We just ate. Why are you making pancakes? Vinnie: For the dogs. Peter: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs? Vinnie: They don't know how.
Vinnie: We’re getting married, bitches! Eric: And we're about to make it everybody else's problem.
Vinnie: Norwegia. Is. Not. A. COUNTRY! Ace: Then where are Norwegian people from!? Paul: NORWAY!!
Eric, watching Ace and Peter from afar: Two Bros, Chillin in a hot tub. Five feet apart because they think they’re not gay, BUT THEY REALLY ARE-
Ace, talking about Peter: WHAT THE FUCK I WAS ARGUING WITH HIM AND I SAID “OOH YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD” AND GUESS WHAT? HE DID. HE KISSED ME. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DO I DO.
Eric: Hey, babe, remember how I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up my ADHD meds? Vinnie: Yes? Eric: Well, it turns out they're all out for the next five days. Vinnie: Fuck. Eric: It's gonna be a fun week! Vinnie: I'm going to Gene's house. Eric: Nuh-uh. Through sickness and health, motherfucker.
Vinnie’s ass is getting destroyed
Gene: Wow, they really hate us. Eric: Yes, perhaps they’re homophobic. Gene: But we’re not gay, Eric. Eric: Gene: Eric: We’re not?
Paul : You three, explain right now! Tommy: It was Ace. Eric: It was Ace. Eric: It was Ace. Ace: Ace: …fuck
Eric, on the phone: I better go…kay, call me later… byeeee! Bruce: Friend of Yours? Eric: Nope, wrong number. Bruce: ???
Ace: Peter, what do you have? Peter : A KNIFE! Ace: Okay, have fu- Paul: NO!
Paul: So, Ace is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night. Eric: Why? Paul: Because I've caught him trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row. Ace, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass.
*Gene holding Nick* Bruce: Oh God, I can’t believe one of us actually has one of these. Eric: I know, I still am one of these.
Ace: Hey guys, I’m making french toast sticks in the oven. I’m gonna take a quick nap, so wake me up in 5 minutes to flip them over. *5 minutes later* Bruce: Ace it’s been 5 minutes, time to flip your sticks. Ace: snnnzzzz... Bruce: ACE YOUR STICKS!
Eric: *Stands in trash can.* Gene: Eric, not again! You're not trash, you're at least recycling!
Vinnie: I feel like I have died and gone to heaven. Paul: I have that dream, too, but you go in the other direction.
Eric: So jellyshish- Paul, laughing: JELLYSHISH!? Eric: You know what I meant!
Tommy: Man, they look like a real handful. How do you deal with them? Bruce, watching Peter screaming, Paul trying to set a sleeping Vinnie on fire, and Gene choking on air: I don't know either.
Eric: My favorite thing about big dogs is that when you push them over, they're all like "Oh, I'm lying down now! Someone might scratch my stomach! I might nap! Endless possibilities!" Bruce: ...whereas, when you push little dogs over, they're all like, "Vengeance! Death before dishonor!"
Paul: So what’s for dinner? Eric: I can’t tell you, it’s a soup-prise! Paul: … Paul: Is it soup? Eric: I soup-pose it could be! *winks* Paul: Please, enough with the soup puns! Eric: Wow, you’re soup-per mean. Paul: STOP! *one hour later* Paul: It’s fucking tacos?!?!?!
Peter: What? I'm not aggressive! Paul: Last Tuesday, you wacked me with a pair of crocs and stole my chocolate chips? Peter: Survival of the fittest, bitch.