i told you not to follow me.
Thanks for the blessing of Tori's idea over at @cloneficgiftexchange, I have made this lovely gift for my recipient @staycalmandhugaclone. The prompt and request is below:
GN!reader x Crosshair
warnings: my first time trying some whump, reader sure goes through hell. torture, angst crosshair (when is he ever not), self doubt, self depreciation, hopelessness. light at the end of the tunnel kind of ending.
wc: 1.9k
“No matter what happens,” Crosshair whispered into your ear from behind you, “don’t follow me.”
As Crosshair’s fist released the wad of your shirt behind you and stepped away, you fell to your knees with tears streaming down your face. Too stunned to speak or move, you heard him walk away. He didn’t seem to hesitate or pause, just disappeared down the halls. Gone.
Crosshair made it very clear that you meant nothing to him. This entire time was such a chore to put up with you. The man may have been unnecessarily cold and contained but you still thought you were friends. What happened?
You glanced behind you to see if there was any sight of him, any sign that this was a dream. You found nothing. Sniffling and wiping your nose, you stumbled to your feet and got into the escape pod he left you in front of. This is bullshit, you told yourself. He’s such an asshole.
The escape pod ejected from its housing and drifted for a few minutes. The pod managed to spin enough that your viewport gave you the opportunity to look at the Star Destroyer you had just infiltrated. You really thought that Crosshair would come back with you. After Kamino, after Crosshair admitted to having his chip removed, you thought a one-on-one interaction with him was all it would take to get him to come home.
How wrong you were.
You brought your comlink up to your mouth. Hesitation. You couldn’t call the Batch now. You left without a word. You left without a plan.
Unbeknownst to them, you had been monitoring Imperial chatter ever since you all had left Crosshair on that platform on Kamino. You wanted Crosshair to come home so bad. Even if he didn’t want to see you, even if he didn’t give a damn about you, you wanted him to come home to his brothers. You could see how much they missed him. There was a Crosshair-shaped hole in the Bad Batch. There’s no way you could fill it.
You lowered your arm. There’s no way they’d take you back. You stole a shuttle from the shipyard they had docked in. It was originally a quick land to refuel and restock. Instead, you stole. You followed a stupid dream and got stupid results.
You must have taken too long to make any kind of decision. A tie fighter screamed past you and hailed your escape pod.
“Surrender or be destroyed.”
So you surrendered.
—-----
Imperial prisons were no joke. If it wasn’t mind-numbing meaningless and pointless wasting away in a cell, it was awful torture, making you wish you were dead. At least death would be a mercy.
You lost count of how many broken bones you’d been given. How many busted lips or blackened eyes? What did you look like? You’d forgotten. Has it been several years or a week?
Your feelings about the Bad Batch were correct. If they forgave you for leaving, they would have found you by now. They held this against you.
The ray shield door fizzled out and two stormtroopers entered with blasters pointed at you. You were in binders and had swollen eyes and a suspected broken toe. It’s not like you could have fought back. An Imperial officer entered after them.
“Another beautiful day, wouldn’t you agree?”
Attempting to look at him proved pointless. What little you could see was only through the slits of your swollen eyes was just shadows and motion.
“Ah, right. I guess we’ll have to lay off your face for a while so we can get your vision back.”
One of the stormtroopers pulled you to your feet by only pulling on the binders. This caused a hiss to leave your mouth as the metal pulled on your already tender wrists.
“Well then. Let’s see if you’ll talk to us today. I’m sure you have plenty to say.”
The stormtroopers dragged you out of the cell and down various halls. You put no effort into walking. It’s a wonder they bothered to hold you up at all.
Before long you were in an upright interrogation bed again. The feeling of the straps around your wrists, legs, body and head was becoming too commonplace. More familiar than what you would call home.
Footsteps approached you. “Tell me where Clone Force 99 is.”
Nothing. You couldn’t say anything. You had no idea where they were. They don’t care about you, never came for you, but you couldn’t give them up. Loyalty means everything to the clones.
An electric shock shot through your brain from both sides. A scream echoed through the room. Was that my scream? The electricity always hurts the most. It stung, it made the sides of your face numb. When the voltage is cut off, your head fell limp. The strap across your forehead bit into your skin.
Can you believe it, Crosshair?
“How did you board the ship? What were you looking for?”
I don’t even know if I could speak if I tried.
Another electric shock to the brain. Your vision buzzed this time.
You’d be so pissed off that I couldn’t shut up, and now I can’t even find words to say.
“If you were to cooperate, the pain would end.”
Just kill me already.
The electricity this time felt more intense, more powerful than any of the torture you’ve endured this whole time. It felt like it broke something, something in your head snapped. The pain was paralyzing. The shock to your body silenced you.
It was silent for a while. You could hear yourself breathing, the shuffles of a few pairs of feet. No questions. No new pains. You couldn’t see anything.
“Send in the clone,” the Imperial said angrily. “Maybe he can coax her into talking.”
More footsteps, an opening door, and then silence.
You blinked your eyes several times. You couldn’t get them to focus. You tried to struggle against your restraints, but as always, you couldn’t escape. Your mind kept begging for relief. Why won’t they just kill me already?
The door opened and slid closed. This time only one person entered, based on the step patterns. You waited for a question. You waited for some new pain.
The footsteps stopped right before you. You still couldn’t focus your vision. Tears started falling in a silent plea.
A sigh. “I told you not to follow me.”
Crosshair?
“Why didn’t the others come for you?”
You choked out a sob. “Cross… hair?” Your voice was raspy. The only sounds it made anymore were screams, so your words sounded foreign to you.
He undid the strap that pinned your head in place. His hand grabbed your chin and tilted your head to look right at him. He looked into your eyes, so dead and void. Your pupils were blown wide and searching for something to lock onto. “Say something!”
“Cross, I can’t…”
“You can’t what?”
The sobs were heavy and shook your whole body. “I can’t… I can’t see.”
Crosshair stared at you with his jaw slightly dropped. “Quit bluffing. You’re fine.”
You moved your head as much as you could. “I can’t see.” Saying it again made it sink in. The thing that broke, the thing that severed… it was your optic nerves.
“Look at me!” Crosshair barked.
You knew what direction his voice was coming from, and even though you moved your eyes to point at him, there was nothing.
Crosshair’s hand slipped away from your chin and he stumbled back a few steps in disbelief.
The sound of your crying was the only thing you could hear. Crosshair was silent. Still. You don’t know how much time has passed, but the feeling of your restraints being undone jolted you. You fell into Crosshair’s arms.
Having not been touched for so long added to the shock factor. Crosshair held you against him tightly. His hand propped up the back of your head against his chest. You heard his breath stutter.
“I told you… I told you not to follow me for a reason. I didn’t think you’d be so unbelievably stupid. You stupid, stupid girl.”
“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry Cross. I didn’t mean to.”
He scoffed and leaned back. He brushed hair out of your face and stared at you, still unable to connect with your eyes.
“Let’s get out of here.”
Crosshair hoisted you onto his back and drew his blaster from his hip. You held on tight. There was nothing you could do or say. You trusted him to get you out of there or you would die trying. Hope was slowly seeping into your veins. It was slowly reviving your faith. It was reminding you of what it felt like to be alive.
Although you couldn’t see, you could hear the opposition. Having you on his back didn’t seem to slow him down. You remembered what Crosshair looked like when he was focused and determined. Fighting separatist droids, cleaning his rifle, arguing with his brothers…
“Hanging in there?” Crosshair threw over his shoulder at you.
A small sound came from your throat. It was the best you could do.
Before long you could feel the atmosphere open up into a large room. Is this the hanger? Blaster bullets shot through the air, some even close to you. Crosshair didn’t let anything touch you. He fought his way through the hanger and onto some kind of ship. He set you down in a crash seat and secured you with a harness. You could hear bullets hit the outside of the ship, some heavier artillery occasionally blasting into it.
The ship was starting up. Being unable to see made you hear and feel things a little more differently. Right now you were trying to imagine what Crosshair looks like trying to pilot a ship. It’s always been Tech. You’d never get to see it. You’d never get to see him.
It was rough flying. However far away Crosshair was, he was working hard on getting the both of you free. The ship eventually entered hyperspace.
You still hadn’t moved. Your hands were gripped onto the safety harness. Your body felt frail in the seat.
Crosshair’s presence announced itself with his walk.
“Can you hear me?” he asked.
You nodded. “Yeah.”
He sneered. “Why did you come back?”
For a moment, you didn’t say anything. “I never left.”
Crosshair was angry. He worked so hard to get you a clean getaway from the Star Destroyer. And your dumb ass didn’t listen?
He unlocked the harness and lifted it over you. Your hands reached for some kind of stability and found it on Crosshair’s shoulders. He was kneeling before you.
“Can you… can you see anything?”
You tried moving your eyes around to hopefully, beggingfully see something. … Nothing. “No,” you whispered.
Crosshair sighed out a breath that sounded like it fully deflated him. “Come here.”
You moved your head in a way that asked him what he meant. He then grabbed your hands and led you to the ground to sit. He maneuvered you to then sit between his legs. He hugged your back to his chest and held you tightly. You brought your knees up. One of his hands rested on your knee now. He adjusted himself just right to get comfortable and to also be able to hold you together the best he can.
“What are you doing, Crosshair?” you asked him with a little of a defeated tone.
He didn’t answer.
“Did you save me because you felt obligated to?”
Again, he didn’t answer.
Your head drifted around a bit. “Why–”
“Just shut up,” he said.
You held your breath for a moment, then finally relaxed your tensed up body into him. For once, you listened to him and shut up.
He let out a heavy sigh, and briefly increased his grip as a hug. “Let’s go home.”
