#crosspost ao3

[pawthorn]

Eyes of Nein

Six vignettes of reactions and conversations revolving on the strange connection between Lucien and Caduceus Clay.

Part 1: Beau

Beau didn't like it.

Not one bit.

Yes, traveling with the Tomb Takers was probably the best outcome they could have hoped for, given the scenario. Yes, relations between the two groups had been polite, if tense, as they traveled together. They had dealt with threats together and found some common ground.

But Lucien…

Maybe she could see it more clearly, because she hadn't built Mollymauk up in her head the way the others had. Yeah, he had inspired her to be a better person, but it wasn't because he was perfect. It was because he was an asshole. He was a liar and a show-off and way too sure of himself. And if an asshole like him could make the world a better place, she figured she could probably do the same.

So, when she saw flashes of familiarity in this person- and god, there were so many- it stung, but it didn't disarm her. She was on her guard, suspicious and defensive.

Maybe that's why it bothered her so much.

The way he was with Caduceus.

Lucien had taken to walking with Caduceus as they trekked across the frozen fields. Not all the time, but often. Certainly more than he chose to engage with the rest of them. That wasn't necessarily suspicious in itself, but the way he talked to Caduceus felt… off. He listened too intently, watched too closely. While Caduceus' eyes generally stayed placidly on the horizon during their conversations, Lucien's bore into Caduceus, drinking in his reactions. Something there intrigued and interested him. And yes, Caduceus was an interesting guy with lots of… unique ideas about the world. But zealots like Lucien didn't really care about things like that. He wanted something. Beau could feel it.

A week ago, Beau would've left it to Caduceus. But her friend was clearly pretty vulnerable at the moment. Aeor was really fucking with him; the forest, the City, the whole fucking place seemed out to get him. She didn't expect Caduceus to change allegiance or anything- he was the most committed person she had ever met- but they didn't know the full extent of Lucien's powers. Being singled out at all was cause for concern.

Well, Lucien wasn't the only one with many eyes. She and the rest of the Nein would watch Caduceus' back. And if Lucien tried anything, she at least wouldn't hesitate to put him back in the ground.

Part 2: Yasha

[pawthorn]

Eyes of Nein

Six vignettes of reactions and conversations revolving on the strange connection between Lucien and Caduceus Clay.

Part 2: Yasha

Feelings roiled in Yasha's chest as she watched Moll- no, Lucien slip away from her yet again. She let him walk away, frustrated. He moved to the front of the group as they trekked across the wilderness. His steps were light despite the deep snow, with a quirky little bounce that was painful in its familiarity.

She didn't know what she had expected. He obviously didn't care about his time with her, with the Nein. But she couldn't help trying to talk to him, to make him remember.

She hadn't gotten to say goodbye to Molly. That fact still haunted her. But she had grieved. She thought she had let go. And now, he was here walking and breathing.

And he wanted nothing to do with her.

She fell in step with Zoran, the goliath, who nodded in greeting. She was as comfortable with him as any of the other Tomb Takers. She respected his abilities and strength, if not his chosen path. They walked in silence for a while.

"Your leader," she said at last. "He really doesn't want to acknowledge his time with us, does he? Don't you think that's odd?"

"Not really," said Zoran, after a moment's thought. "Let me ask you, if you had someone highjack your body while you weren't there, do all sorts of things you'd never do, would you want to talk to their friends all about it? Have a laugh at what happened?"

Yasha's stomach dropped. Her hands went numb as she tried to keep her expression neutral.

It wasn't the same thing. It wasn't.

"Anyway," Zoran said over the screaming in her mind. "Maybe it's less that he's avoiding you and more that he wants to talk to someone else."

She looked ahead to where Lucien was walking with Caduceus. A lance of sorrow cut though her spiraling emotions, helping her regain control. She had often pictured Molly and Caduceus meeting, talking, getting to know each other. She always thought they'd get along well.

"Well," she said. "Caduceus is the only one of us who never met Mollymauk. So he doesn't have the same baggage."

"Maybe so," Zoran said. "But Lucien probably would've taken an interest anyway. He's drawn to outsiders, folks who don't fit in. That's what each of us were, before joining him. Alone. Looking for a purpose and a place to belong."

"Caduceus isn't alone," Yasha said, startled. "He's one of us. He's part of the Mighty Nein."

Zoran raised an eyebrow before shrugging and moving ahead to talk with Cree.

Yasha trudged on in quiet thought for a long time, feet sinking heavily into the icy snow. Staring at the two colorful figures ahead. Thinking of friendship.

And loss.

Read Part 1

[pawthorn]

Eyes of Nein

Six vignettes of reactions and conversations revolving on the strange connection between Lucien and Caduceus Clay.

Part 3: Caleb

"So, he burst out of the window," Fjord laughed. "Glass everywhere, added to the mess he had made earlier--"

"That whole thing was a real shit show," Veth said, smirking.

"Points for creativity though," Fjord said. "I've never seen a disguise kit used quite that way. Do you remember--"

Caleb rolled his eyes as Fjord continued his story. The Nein and the Tomb Takers had all gathered around a communal fire for a midday rest. Fjord and Veth had decided it was a good time to reminisce. Very loudly. About Mollymauk.

Caleb appreciated what they were trying to do. Lucien's stubborn refusal to acknowledge Molly as a person was infuriating. Painful. So, wanting to rub his face in it was understandable. And it was good to remember, to laugh and smile, filled with warm memories of their friend.

All the same, he didn't think their antics were having the desired effect.

The Tomb Takers seemed decidedly unimpressed by the stories. Lucien himself listened with detached good humor. And his eyes continually slid away from the storytellers.

To Caduceus.

Never one for chatter, their tall friend was especially quiet now, with nothing to share or add. It suddenly occurred to Caleb that they had never told these stories to Caduceus- they were as new to him as they were to Lucien. Caleb recognized the look that had lit on Caduceus face. That quiet, patient smile he got sometimes. Like when there was only meat served at breakfast. Or when Fjord called him Molly by accident.

A man like Lucien would watch for that look.

It was strange to see the eager, calculating expression Lucien now wore on Molly's face. It was a good reminder that they were not dealing with Mollymauk. Not now, at least. Lucien was a different sort of person. Caleb had known people like Lucien. He had been used by people like Lucien.

That would not happen to any member of Caleb's new family. Not if he had anything to say about it.

With a snap of his fingers, Frumpkin appeared in Caduceus' lap, and began stretching and making biscuits on his knee. Caleb watched as surprise replaced the lonesome expression on Caduceus' face. Quiet warmth filled his eyes, as he glanced to Caleb with a grateful nod. Yasha moved closer to him on one side to scritch Frumpkin's chin, and Jester nudged herself under Caduceus' other arm to lean against him.

Caleb was continually astonished at the large impact a small kindness could have. It felt good and right, though still surprising and new, to be the one to bestow such a kindness.

As Veth began a new story (one that seemed designed purely to embarrass Fjord, which Caduceus had plenty of context for,) Caleb looked at Lucien. A flash of something that might have been annoyance passed over his face for the briefest instant. Then, the confident grin was back as he shifted position and locked eyes with Caleb. He gave a nod- of concession?- looking back over the group. But his eyes continually returned to their pink-haired friend.

Try something, Caleb thought. And see what happens.

Warmth of the ever-present fire within surged through him in a wave. No one would hurt or manipulate his friends.

No one.

Read Part 1

Read Part 4

[pawthorn]

Eyes of Nein

Six vignettes of reactions and conversations revolving on the strange connection between Lucien and Caduceus Clay.

Part 5: Jester

Jester rapped her knuckles sharply on Caduceus' door. She and Caleb had agreed that, if Fjord wanted Lucien away from this floor, it probably had something to do with Caduceus. Yasha wasn't even in her room tonight. She was busy with… other things. And besides, Lucien had been spending a LOT of time with Caduceus. So, it only made sense for Jester to check on Caduceus and see how he was doing.

She waited patiently for her friend to answer, watching as Caleb continued his ascent to his room. After a few moments, the door swung open, revealing Caduceus' curious face. His expression shifted to a rueful smile when he saw her.

"Jester," he said. "What can I do for you?"

"Oh, nothing at all, Caduceus,"I just wanted to see how you were doing, that's all. It's been a hard few days."

"That it has," he said, eyes tired. "Well, come in. I'll start brewing another pot of tea."

Jester followed Caduceus inside, closing the door behind her. She watched as Caduceus removed a used tea cup, not his own, from a table by the fire. He set it aside before busying himself with the kettle.

"Did you already have company?" She asked, plopping into one of the soft sofas.

"I did," Caduceus answered as he measured out dried leaves into his teapot. "Your friend. From before. He asked to join me in here for some conversation, not too long ago."

Well, that would explain why Fjord was upset. It was hard to trust Lucien, given the damage he had caused, and what he was planning to do. Even so, Jester hoped there was still some shadow of Molly within him. She sensed that Fjord wasn't quite so optimistic. Maybe he was right.

"He's not really our friend, Caduceus," she said. "Not anymore. You should be careful around him. Remember what he did to Vess Derogna."

"I'm aware," Caduceus said, bringing over a fully laden tea tray and setting it on the table before them. "I didn't get the sense that he would try anything like that tonight. And I can't imagine how hurting me would further his goals. He's gone through a lot of effort not to pick a fight, so far."

"That's true," said Jester. She swung her feet up onto the couch beside her, but left room for Caduceus as he settled. "So, what did he want?"

"What does anyone want?" Caduceus sighed. "To be heard. To be understood. To share a different perspective."

"About the Eyes of Nine?"

"That, and other things," Caduceus said. "I'll admit, he does have... a way with words."

"Yeah," said Jester. "So did Molly. He was a lot like you in that way. He really knew what he thought about the world, you know? And he knew how he wanted to live, what kind of mark he wanted to leave behind."

Caduceus' ears fell slightly. His brow furrowed as he met her statement with silence.

"I think the tea's done," he said after a moment, and began pouring, not meeting her eyes.

"Caduceus," she prodded. "Is everything alright?"

He sighed, setting the teapot aside and carefully handing her a cup. She waited for him to gather his thoughts, savoring the warmth and smell of the tea. It was a soothing, spiced blend of Caduceus', with licorice root, cardamom, cinnamon, about a dozen other flavors she couldn't identify, and just a hint of sweetness. Caduceus tended to brew it when the Nein were stressed or overtired.

"I've been… struggling a bit," he said. She put a hand on his arm and waited for him to continue. "I've always been aware of my purpose. Since I was born, or at least, since I was old enough to understand such things. It's changed over the years. And sometimes it gets cloudy."

"Like when we accidentally became pirates?" She asked, with a gentle grin.

"Exactly," he said, smiling back. "And sometimes it takes help from somebody like you to see the path again. But this time…"

Caduceus paused, looking into his cup. Steam swirled around his face.

"I thought I knew the next steps," he said. "Help you all achieve whatever your next goals are. Keep everybody alive, encourage some self-examination, keep anybody from unleashing anything terrible on the world."

Jester laughed a little. That sounded about right.

"But now," he continued. "I really hate that City. It needs to be stopped. I want to stop it."

"Me too," Jester whispered.

"It seems like your old friend wants to bring it over from the Astral Sea. That cannot be allowed to happen."

He looked up at her, eyes grave.

"But you all know a different side of this person," he said. "Someone you cared for. Someone you want to save. If stopping him meant killing him, could you do it? Even if you could, is that a burden you need to bear?"

Silence fell between them as Jester absorbed his words. And their implications.

"We couldn't bear it, but you could?" She asked. But it wasn't really a question. She understood his meaning, though it chilled her to hear Caduceus say it so plainly.

"That's my thought," he nodded. "I hope it doesn't come to that. That's why I've been so open to his conversation. Maybe we can find some common ground, stop all this nonsense before it goes any further. At the very least, I can get a little more insight into his plans, his motivation. But if it comes to it… I'm the one who's known from the beginning that this City is a threat. I'm the one with no prior connection to the man trying to bring it here. That feels like direction. Like purpose."

"Maybe," Jester agreed, gripping his arm gently. "But you don't need to carry all of that yourself, Caduceus. We're with you. Maybe your purpose is just being with us. Doing whatever seems right in the moment, you know?"

Caduceus looked at her within wide eyes, surprised and almost stricken. Then, his expression shifted to a gentle fondness.

"You're very clever, do you know that Ms. Lavorre?" He said, shifting his position until his shoulder touched hers. "Very wise."

She smiled bashfully, taking a prim sip of tea as she felt Caduceus relax beside her.

"Just remember," she said. "We're here for you. You've helped each of us so much. Let us return the favor."

"I'll try," Caduceus said, leaning his cheek on the top of her head. "Thank you."

They sat together, in silence, enjoying the warmth.

Read Part 1

Part 6

[pawthorn]

Cutting Words

Honesty is a double-edged sword. Caleb worries that, if he doesn't temper his tongue, Caduceus could end up with a blade in his back.

"Herr Clay."

Caduceus turned from where he had been settling into his new space.

"Caleb," he said with a welcoming grin. "I just have to say again, this is all really impressive. You obviously put a lot of thought and care into this place, and I want you to know that it hasn't gone unnoticed."

"Ja, I have been working on this for some time," Caleb said, distractedly. "I know you have a home out there that you love, but it can't hurt to have a pleasant place to rest your head until you decide to return."

"That's very true," said Caduceus, "I've actually been thinking about that a lot recently. What a home is. What it means."

"Well," Caleb said, looking around. "Everything I've ever known home to mean, I've found with you all. With the Nein. This place... it's a manifestation of that, but it's just a temporary shelter. The real refuge is among you. It’s frightening to admit as much, but there it is. I trust in you. I believe you'll be there for me, as I am there for you. And... that's why I needed to talk to you."

Caleb shifted, brow furrowed, hand moving restlessly through his hair.

"What you did tonight," he said, grimacing. "The way you spoke to Ickithon. You must not do it again. These are dangerous people, Caduceus. The man quite literally trains the realm's assassins."

"I'm confused," Caduceus said, still relaxed and unaffected. "As I recall, you yourself told him you want to murder him. Several times."

"That's different," said Caleb, positively vibrating with nervous energy. “He expected that. He wanted it. And he needs me. In his own twisted way, he's named me his successor. But you? You are nothing to him."

"The feeling is mutual."

"Please take this seriously," Caleb said. "This is Rexxentrum. If you speak out of turn, offend the wrong person, they could easily have you arrested, or worse. They wouldn't even need to invent a crime. You are covered in the symbols of a forbidden goddess.”

“That hasn’t been a problem so far-”

“Because you haven’t been a problem so far,” Caleb said. “The moment that changes, the moment you become a hindrance rather than a help, they will turn on you. They will use whatever they can against you. And breaking you out of prison and becoming fugitives is going to put a serious damper on our plans. And Ickithon…”

Caleb swallowed.

“You would be gone, Caduceus. If he sets his sights on you… one day you might walk out of sight to meditate, or gather ingredients, or talk to the local flora... and never come back. No trace, no clues. And we would not know if you were dead, captured, imprisoned. We might guess. He might even hint at it. Taunt us. But we might never know. What do you think that would do to us? To your family?”

Caduceus was silent, finally looking thoughtful. Caleb relaxed a little.

“Consider caution, please,” he said. “If not for yourself, then for the rest of us.”

Caleb turned to go, but stopped as Caduceus spoke.

"It wouldn't be your fault," Caduceus said. "If that happened. If anything happens to any of us during all of this. That isn't on you."

Caleb wanted to agree, to placate his friend. To push it aside, because that really wasn't the point of this conversation.

He couldn't find his voice.

"We all want to help you on your way," Caduceus said, gentle and steady as ever. "You're family, and you've been hurt by this man in ways I can't fully understand. But even outside of that. What he's doing, what the Assembly and the leaders here are doing… that cannot stand. I would want to end it even if I'd never met you.”

Caduceus shifted, casting his eyes downward.

“I admit, you know this world, these people better than I do,” he said. “I don’t want to ruin our chance of doing good here. I don't regret saying what I said to Ickithon. I’m glad I did, and I’d do it again. But… I'll try to be more careful about where I direct my honesty in the future."

Caleb nodded.

"That is all I ask," he said. He hesitated for a moment. A small smile forced its way through his defenses. "I won't pretend I did not feel some… satisfaction, at seeing him on the receiving end of your... wisdom. Beneath the sheer terror that he would turn you into a pile of ash on the spot, of course."

"Lucky me," said Caduceus. "I have some friends who are good at countering that kind of thing."

Caleb sighed.

"Sometimes," he said. "I think you have too much faith."

"No more than you," Caduceus said with an easy smile.

"Ja," Caleb admitted, thinking of each of his friends. The things that they had done. The things they had yet to do. "Ja, I suppose that's true."

He smiled, warm and soft, and received an answering grin in return.

"Goodnight, Herr Clay."

"Rest well, Caleb."