#crotak

[crotiasunlawlol]

A 4 year old and a 17 year old hanging out together. Its wild the size difference between is so funny.

[crotiasunlawlol]

Something I did recently with the boyfriend. We had an air clay date I made these little dudes. Also

This is all the things we made it was quite fun.

[crotiasunlawlol]

Northern lights in Illinois through my phone. So pretty!

[crotiasunlawlol]

It is pouring buckets outside and where I live it's like right inside a parking lot for semis. And 2 have pulled into because of the rain. The 1st guy was smart and pulled in before the rain the 2nd driver ? Not so much dude pulled in hazards flashing and all that. So far no others have pulled in though there is room.

[crotiasunlawlol]

Apprantly she decided to pose for the camera

[crotiasunlawlol]

When it's 60 degrees out and you haven't ridden the brat in weeks so you take advantage of it.

[crotiasunlawlol]

I took one of my cats on a walk this afternoon. It was about 50 degrees while also being sunny out so we walked about the yard. He definitely enjoyed it.

[crotiasunlawlol]

I feel like grief is always unexpected. When you know a loved one is going to die, you might not have time to grieve out loud in the months or days coming because you are too busy helping take care of them and as well as surviving yourself. So when the death does happen most of the time, you have a relative who you don't recognize as something other than a burden and/or a responsibility. That is not your parent, grandparent, or sibling they are something to take care of almost like a houseplant. You have no pleasant recent memories, so the grief isn't there, just a gentle sadness. Until maybe days later, maybe weeks, or months later, you go to reach for something that you know they would like to eat or fold your clothes the exact way they liked it done its a habit at this point. And suddenly it hits you they are gone. They've been gone for so long that you are just now remembering the things they liked. you look at the towel you folded in your lap tears, streaming down your face upset at yourself that you're just now feeling this bleakness in your soul when you felt like it should have hit you earlier. But what makes it infintly worse is because the persons humanity that disappeared for you is coming back to you. Gently nudging at the memories of what did for them in their final days. And you can finally grieve out loud. For the lost time you wish you had spent with them, the dignity they lost as they slowly faded with you having a front row seat and the uncomfortable feeling of relief you had in your chest when they died. I feel like grief is always unexpected till it happens.