#crowdanxiety

[universityanxietyclub]

Crowds

(Photography by me)

Welcoming Celebrations in University can be a big wave of anxiety for some people. The sheer number of your fellow peers and possible classmates, along with a sense of being alone is overwhelming. You see people already making friends and talking while you’re sitting there, trying your best to just take it all in. You’re scared, the people here don’t look intimidating, but there’s hundreds of you, maybe even over the thousands. That number is enough to send chills down your spine. Here you are, in a new place, meeting new people. It doesn’t seem that bad until you’re up and moving, getting trapped in the crowd. Everyone is talking around you, strangers touching you accidentally. It’s enough to make you want to burst into tears or just go home, somewhere you know is safe. I just want you to know. You are not alone in this world. You will never be alone. Your crowd anxiety is something a lot of people feel. It’s something I felt myself. Just being shoved into a crowd of people you don’t know, forced to take pictures. I was close to tears after realizing I lost my roommate in the crowd. I nearly cried right then and there. Was I ready to be alone? I thought so, but I wasn’t. It’s okay to have these feelings. I know it sounds bad or irrational to some people. Being scared of being in a crowd of people, how bad can it really be? However, I also know I’m not alone with this feeling. I know it’s okay to be scared. You hate the crowd anxiety, so do I. It’s something extremely difficult to even push to the side of your head. It’s constantly moving around, but you know what?

You are a strong person; you just have to believe it. You will get through this feeling.

[borrowingdreams-blog]

Accommodating my feelings?

My obsession with being accommodating really is beginning to wear on me. It used to be second nature to just say yes to things, and then feel beholden and grudgingly attend things that I’d not planned to. Or to flake at the last minute and find any excuse to stay home. Any excuse would do really, but since having children “Child (insert A or B here) is feeling really under the weather, I think it’s best we keep our germs to ourselves” is a real winner. Most people want you to keep your tiny germ factories to yourself and are more than happy to reschedule if possible. 

I don’t know though. It’s hard to say no to people, especially when you’d really like to see them, but really don’t want to go anywhere to do it. 

I’m comfortable in my cave. It’s all the right temperatures in all the right places, and even if they drive me crazy on a regular basis, it’s got the right number of people. (Always under 10, you know what, just fuck crowds, I hate them. I hate crowds so much. Over 10 is a crowd. Parties and family functions make me want to drown. Usually I survive by drinking, but you can’t really do that in an all ages, open-air event. They don’t like it. They think you’re being a dick. So there’s that.)