Echo Home
(Not my image. I got this from Google.)
Pairing: Crowley x Reader
Word Count: 2,053
Beta: @seenashwrite Mwah! Thanks soon much hun.
A/N: Crowley fluff, panic attacks. This was written for @mrs-squirrel-chester’s Album Challenge. I chose the Album, “Ash & Ice” by the Kills. This is inspired by the song, “Echo Home” which is the twelfth song on the album. This was also written for @letsgetoutalive’s Mental Health Awareness Challenge with the prompt, panic attack.The reader’s negative thoughts and Crowley’s telepathic conversations are in italics. The reader has a panic attack and Crowley is there to help.
You were wounded. You had barely made it out alive. But you were headed home.
You were driving on auto-pilot, only one thing at the forefront of your mind: your ineptitude. It didn’t matter that you’d saved the kidnapped couple, that you’d rid their tiny town of monsters. You just couldn’t shake it, the thought that Sam and Dean would be handling this so much better. And not just the hunt - these feelings, these doubts mangled your thoughts in the aftermath.
You should’ve remembered that you were just one person, and they were two. You should’ve remembered that they had years and countless experiences on you. You should’ve. But this was a dark day, and on these days, none of that mattered.
“Dean was right. You had no business going off on your own. You fucked up. Yeah, you all researched for this hunt. But you were the one thinking you were ready, that you could do a solo hunt. You’ll never be ready. You’ll always be the little annoying sidekick to the Winchesters. You shouldn’t delude yourself with ideas of grandeur. You should turn back now and go get a real job. Now that you’ve messed up, you’ll have to tell the boys, and how do you think they’ll react? They’ll kick you out. You’re a liability. You’re useless. Yes, you took out three monsters but only by the skin of your teeth. They need people they can trust. They’ll yell at you and be mean like everyone else. They’ll see you like the fragile little eighteen-year-old girl you are.”
Tears were streaming down your cheeks. The negative thoughts in your head were too loud today. You had to pull over and get out of the car. Your body was heating up. You couldn’t drive like this. Your hands were shaking as you opened the door. You gulped in cold air, hoping it would cool you, but still you remained too warm.
“No. No, this cannot be happening now. I just need to focus, get back to the bunker and go straight to bed.
Sweat dripped down your back and your pulse raced. You felt like you were having palpitations. There was a pressure mounting in your head. You tried to move but you were unsteady, dizzy even. The negative thoughts kept coming and coming. One thought stood out above all the rest.
“You are a horrible hunter and you don’t deserve to hunt with the Winchesters.”
Your breathing was labored and with each passing second, it got harder to breathe. It was as if something was blocking your airway. What was it? You couldn’t make yourself breathe. And if you couldn’t breathe, you’d be dead soon.
What a cruel twist of fate, to survive the hunt just to die now, here, on the side of a road. You weren’t getting enough air. You felt faint. Your legs were wobbly and you slumped down onto the pavement, gravel digging into your knees. You started to panic even more as you wracked your brain, trying to figure how to save yourself. Driving back to the bunker was out. The boys coming to you was also out. They were too far away and while they could assuage your fears, afterwards there would be a barrage of questions and guilt and emotional outbursts. You could call an ambulance but being a hunter, insurance was an issue. And it would take them a while to find you on the road. You could be dead by then. You needed help NOW. Your only real options were Crowley and Castiel. If you called Cas, he would just alert the boys and he’d be fussing and hovering over you. Then there was Crowley. He had given you his number after all. You did have a huge crush on him though and were a bit nervous calling him but he was your best option. Taking a deep breath you texted Crowley.
Crowley was listening to demons prattle on when the theme song for Rocky and Bullwinkle went off. He had programmed that as a text message alert for you, Sam and Dean. Curious, he fished out his phone, ignoring the looks from his demons.
When he noticed it was you, he happily clicked ‘read’ but was confused and slightly nervous when he saw the only word written was “help.” He didn’t waste any more time, and appearing in front of you in a second. He looked you up and down, noting a large gash on your side and lacerations to your back. You were clearly in distress, and gasping for air, but he had no idea what was going on. He entered your mind and picked up on two phrases you kept repeating over and over again, “I’m dying! Help!”
“Stay here, Pet. Getting help.”
Crowley had never experienced panic attacks when he was human, and his demons would be of no help. He wasn’t likely to ask the Winchesters for help, so he did the next best thing, possessing a doctor from a nearby hospital. He rifled through the doctor’s brain until he found information on panic attacks, then left promptly.
Crowley materialized in front of you. He slowly crouched down to your level. Then looked at you, keeping his gaze soft and his tone gentle and reassuring.
“Okay, love. The first thing you need to do is relax. I know that seems impossible right now, but I’m here. The King of Hell is here and there is no way I am letting you die. You just feel like you’re dying. You hear me? I assure you that you are, and you will be okay. Now you trust me, right?”
You nodded.
“Then let’s take a breath of that cool night air. You must be so hot. Let’s get some air in your lungs. Breathe in as slowly and deeply as you can. Concentrate on each breath, imagine the air going into your mouth, traveling down your throat and going into your lungs. Imagine your lungs expanding with the air. See the air going into your lungs. Now try that again. Keep imagining the air going inside your body.”
Crowley reached out and held your hand squeezing it to remind you that you weren’t alone in this.
“Close your eyes and think about nothing else but my voice. The voice of someone who cares about you deeply. I don’t give my number to just any girl. Now I want you to count back from 102 by threes. I know it seems a strange thing to ask, but you’ll just have to trust me. And we’ll do it together.”
You nodded again.
“102.99.96.93.90.87.84.81.78.75.72.69.66.63.60.57.54.51.48.45.42.39.36.33.30.27.24.21.18.15.12.9.6.3.”
By the time you got to three, your breathing was already starting to improve. You were beginning to understand the purpose of the counting. Your mind had no time to focus on what was freaking you out. Counting backwards took all your concentration. Your heart was still beating fast and your breathing was still a bit labored, but better.
“Good work dove. Now let’s talk about why you had a panic attack in the first place.”
“I went on a hunt. Shouldn’t have been anything out of the ordinary. And it turned out there was a couple that needed help. But instead of one monster, there were three. I didn’t notice it until I was already in the building. I snuck in, weapon in hand like the guys taught me, and I thought everything was fine - til I turned around, and saw I was surrounded. I made it out alive. I saved the couple. But I nearly got myself killed.”
“It was three to one, and you won?”
“Yeah.”
“I’d say that was a good hunt, no? Most hunters can’t take on three of anything by themselves. They’d call for backup and if they couldn’t, they’d be dead. But you, darling, you survived! That’s very impressive, love. You should be happy about that.”
Your cheeks started to flush at his praise. It was impressive, actually.
“Is there more?”
“Yes. It was my first hunt. Sam and Dean were hesitant about letting me go but said yes because they thought I could protect myself. And then I almost died! I make a horrible hunter. I’m just a liability to them. I don’t deserve to hunt. Next time I might actually die. I’m useless.”
“I’m going to stop you right there. You’re not useless, Pet. This was your first hunt, and you didn’t die - that’s the takeaway message. You saved the couple. You can’t compare yourself to Sam and Dean. They’ve been hunting since childhood! Look, you have only being hunting for one year and you are doing a great job. It’s their fault for not at least waiting in the car. This was your first solo hunt and you didn’t have backup. That’s on them.”
He gave you a few moments to think about what he’d said before speaking again.
“What would you tell a friend to do if she was feeling this way?”
You sat there and thought for a bit. You imagined your bestie in your old life coming to you with this.
“I’d tell her what you said. That she made it out alive and that it was only her first hunt. That she’ll get better as time goes on.”
“Who knows, maybe the first hunt Dean was on, he messed up and had to have daddy dearest clean it up for him. No one is perfect when to comes to hunting. Hunting is a skill you learn and acquire over years. No one is born being able to hunt other creatures. There is always a learning curve, dove. The Winchesters taught you well, though. You survived, after all. But if you’d like, I can try and find you a martial arts trainer or a combat trainer. I can even arrange a meeting so you can speak with my surveillance team. They are very best at tracking, better than human hunter. My demons won’t be happy but I’m the King so they’ll just have to accept it.”
The truth of his words struck you. It was like a cloud was lifted in your mind and the truth was coming out like sun after a rainstorm. It hunting was a skill, you simply needed more practice.
You were beyond touched and a bit shocked that Crowley was offering his assistance, his resources to you. You had to admit - it just might be a good idea. You could learn surveillance and combat skills from demons, directly from the enemy. You could learn how they think. That could be more beneficial than Crowley might even realize.
Crowley could see the wheels turning in your mind. Your breathing was close to normal now. He’d actually helped you. He was ecstatic that he could help you. That you trusted him enough to believe the words he was saying to you.
The demon was beginning to realize how deeply he cared for you, and it was killing him to see you broken like that on the ground. He desperately wanted to hold you. But he had one last question to ask.
“What do you want to do now?
“I don’t want to go back to the bunker just yet.”
Crowley tried to hide his smirk. You wanted to be with him. He would keep you safe from everything. This was his chance to take care of you and show you just what being with him could mean.
“I don’t think I’m ready to face the Winchesters and their questions. I think I want to take a little break from hunting. Be around people I care about. And maybe pick up a few skills from your demons, gain some confidence before I go back.”
“People you care about like whom?”
“Like the man who, I’m guessing, dropped an important meeting to attend to his human. Thank you, by the way.”
“You’re my human?”
“If you’ll have me.”
Crowley didn’t wait another second to grab your face and plant his lips on yours. His kiss was deep and insistent. With a flourish, he snapped his fingers, teleporting you both to Hell. He held you close in his arms as you drifted off to sleep, exhausted but relieved. This was going to be one hell of a break from hunting.
Tagging
Forevers: @atc74, @purgatoan @killerofthesouth, @charliebradbury1104, @chaos-and-the-calm67, @chelsea072498, @everyday-supernatural-af, @kalliravenne @toogardenenthusiast, @winchesterprincessbride, @one-shots-supernatural, @take-me-tonirvana, @hellsmother, @ellen-reincarnated1967@, @faegal04 @deals-with-demons, @mamaredd123, @hamartiamacguffin
Crowley Folks: @jesspfly, @raspberrymama, @earinafae. @singingflames. @wayward-mirage, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @vintagevalentinexx, @thinkwritexpress, @mysupernaturalfics, @itsemmyb, @crzcorgi, @thebunkerismyhome, @feelmyroarrrr, @not-so-natural-spn, @skybinx-blog, @notnaturalanahi, @babypieandwhiskey, @whispersandwhiskerburn, @impala-dreamer, @deathtonormalcy56, @captain-princess-rose, @ilovedean-spn2, @memariana91, @ohwritever, @winchester-writes , @maraisabellegrey, @supermoonpanda, @sis-tafics, @deerlululucy, @manawhaat, @growleytria, @thegleegeneration, @samtomydeanwinchester, @i-never-said-a-pilot, @kreborn17, @for-the-love-of-dean, @gadreelsforbiddenfruit, @howmanytuesdaysdidyouhave, @maraficrecs, @klaineaholic, @whywhydoyouwantmetosaymyname, @wi-deangirl77, @sinceriouslyamellpadalecki, @fandommaniacx, @mysaintsasinner, @jencharlan, @curliesallovertheplace, @chrisatplay, @lilyoflothlorien, @ferferelli, @winchesters-princess, @beachy2014, @jotink78, @cici507, @katnharper, @impossible-box, @deansleather, @sunriserose1023, @jelly-beans-and-gstrings