the devil's after both of us. (Vax to Percy)
" mhm. it's part of our charm, don't you think? " his words dance off his tongue with a post-drunken sarcasm. it's nearly funny, that Vax is the one who knows, who see's. That Percy has the opportunity to see him as well. Out of anyone, Vax is the only one willing to face the darkness that nipped at Percy's heels. Perhaps it was because it followed Vax too, casting a shadow over past & present alike. It drives them to fight & survive & do whatever it takes to do so... regardless of any ugliness it took to do so. There were things they needed to do, and ideas to protect.
What macabre common ground to find, illuminated by the fading light of the tavern they had holed up in. It was always a bit odd, to spend time alone with Vax'ildan. Percy mused was like walking a tightrope, deciding which way Percy may want to fall.
Something was thrilling about being challenged. It always made Percy feel too alive, his heart hammering inside of his chest as it threatened to leap out at Vax. It made it hard to breathe, hard to think, hard to distance himself from the heated moments they shared. But just as intoxicating, were moments like this. Familiarity, understanding, it was all hard to come by.
tonight has been entirely too genuine, likely fueled by the drinks Percy kept ordering one after another. it was easier to fuel the momentum when he took the edge off his mind when he didn't want to think twice ( or three times, as he was prone to. ) They had spent to evening trading quips & allusions to the men they were. Infuriating, dangerous & often flawed it was magnificent to observe & be seen. The night was simmering to an end as was the haze that brought on such honesty, but other, clearer feelings still lingered. It was a mess of emotions he couldn't quite place, a draw he felt when he settled too naturally at Vax's side.
" When you know the devil is at your heels, you always want to look at him. see what he's up to. doesn't leave a lot of room to look forward. " the sarcasm slides away as he meets Vax's gaze, looking for the understanding he craves but struggles to ask for. it feels strange, like he's confessing to Vax in a moment separate from the rest of time. it feels like he has to pluck the words from his ribcage, presenting them to harvest. At least Vax knew they may make him sick if he indulges. Perhaps this is why his expression now falls, resenting how easy they were to reach under Vax's presence. Percy lets out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding, " But you know that, don't you? "
It was too real. Percy felt just as alive as he did when he & Vax caught one another's frustrated glances from across a room. Maybe more. Sharing sentiments, finding common ground that often feels out of reach when balancing the dynamics around them. True, there was always something worth keeping to their chests but unfortunately, there was just as much worth sharing. Percy liked scanning the metaphorical emotional passages Vax was willing to lay before him, enjoying the opportunity to peer over his carefully constructed walls to see what lies beyond.
But, Percy would be a liar if he claimed he didn't enjoy being nestled in the back of this tavern, shoulder to shoulder, flipping through the pages of one another's life. he's not sure when he leans so close. a breath away, he sees vax - he sees the details of a face tired as his, lovely in its survival. a surge of something close to boldness, maybe the desire, washes over him & he closes the space between them too quickly. a kiss, more eager than he means to be, though he doubts he could define what he means to begin with.
he wants to be closer, closer, closer yet & it is maddening. But this moment removes him from the past and catapults him into the moment. Percy recoils just as quickly as he pushes, reluctantly tearing his lips away before there is a moment to think. ( that was stupid, incredibly stupid ) He clears his throat, casting his gaze to the table in front of them. Percy wishes he was drunk enough to blame it on the alcohol but even he knows better. Even now he feels like he's caught in a sort of spell, drawing him back in. So he does something difficult for him: he tells the truth, " I'm not sorry. "