"Why do you need love so badly? Bet it's bΠ΅cause of her daddy. Bet shΠ΅ was brutal and bratty. Bet that she'll never be happy. I bet that you're right and I'll show you in time(...)" - Whispers - Halsey
I've spent most of my writing time working on chapter 3 of Now We're at the Starting Line (I Did My Time) this month. The good news is that the chapter will be out on the 15th as planned! The bad news is that I didn't write anything for Crystal week.
Luckily, this chapter has a Crystal-and-Edwin scene in it that I'm extremely proud of! I'm posting it independently a few days before the chapter for @crystal-week, because I love our little psychic so much and want to post something for her.
Starting Line spoilers under the cut!
CONTEXT: After getting home from an awful meeting with her mother, Crystal finds herself crying on the stairway of the Agency building. Edwin, after a rather emotional moment with Charles, ascends the stairs and sees her there.
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Crystal should go home. SheΒ knewΒ that she should β her bed would be a great distraction right now, and the promise of a night sleeping beside Nikoβs ghostly form was a comfort. But she didnβt want to go home to Niko a crying mess, so she sat on the stairs between the parking lot and the Agency above with her knees pulled to her chest.
Her mom really didnβt care about her. She didnβt give two shits what happened to her daughter. It had never been clearer to Crystal than it was today, and it had already been pretty fucking clear.
You have twelve minutes, she had said.
This conversation has been a perfect waste of time.
Crystal, Iβve let you have your little delusion for long enough.
She should be beyond sadness. She shouldnβt be such a baby. She was Crystal Palace Surname Von-Hoverkraft, and sheβd always been a force to be reckoned with. Not just psychic, not just magical, butΒ strong.Β Emotionally sturdy. Reliable.
Even if her memories didnβt feel like her own, she recalled feeling that way. Powerful.
And, apparently, she couldnβt catch a break. Not even to have a good long humiliating cry on her own. Because the last voice she wanted to hear sounded behind her, echoing through the rickety stairwell louder than sheβd ever wanted it to. βCrystal?β Edwin sounded weirdly worried. βAre youβ¦ crying?β
βNo,β she said. βSomeoneβs fucking chopping onions.β
Edwin sat down beside Crystal gingerly, lowering himself with his hands awkwardly. He cocked his head to the side and hummed. βI can in fact recognize when you are being sarcastic,β he said. βYou are not particularly subtle.β
Crystal snorted. βDid you think I was trying to be?β
βI do sometimes,β Edwin said lightly. βPerhaps notΒ now,Β though, as you seem ratherβ¦ tense.β He paused. When he finally spoke, his voice was oddly stiff. βWould you like toβ¦ discuss your particular malady?β
Crystal touched the buns in her hair, one after the next. She was already crying, and Edwin knew it. She might as well talk to him. What was the worst he could do?
And, as much as she hated admitting it, somewhere deep inside her she knew that she and Edwin were birds of a feather. Crystal might as well talk to him, right? Besides, she didnβt really care what he thought about her. Heβd see her, and heβd beΒ honest.Β Maybe that was all she needed right now. So she took a breath and said, with absolutely no prelude, βit was my mother.β
Edwinβs response was short, and his voice was light. βOh?β
βYeah,β Crystal said, grateful for his brevity. It made her feel like sheΒ couldΒ go on. βWhen Charles and I met up with her today, she wasβ¦ I donβt know. A real asshole, honestly. But I hate saying that. Sheβs myΒ mom,Β even if she was super clear that she didnβt want to see me.β She paused. βDid you know that she only gave me aΒ fifteen-minute appointment?Β Iβm her daughter, and she gave me aΒ fifteen-minute scheduling block.β
βThat isβ¦ less than positive,β Edwin agreed in an oddly sympathetic voice.
βThatβs very British of you,β Crystal told him, and he smirked. She did, too, but felt her face fall again after a few seconds. βJustβ¦ and, like, I donβt want to bitch and moan about it, even if Iβm speaking to the world record holder for bitching and moaning.β
βNow you are just needlessly instigating,β Edwin said, but there was an undercurrent of laughter in his voice. βA well-known facet of your personality, to be sure, but unnecessary right now.β
Crystal rolled her eyes. βWell, like I was saying, I donβt want to gripe too much, but likeβ¦ sheΒ didnβt care that I was missing.Β She didnβt even fuckingΒ notice,Β and neither did my dad. What kind of parent doesnβt evenΒ noticeΒ when their child is missing? What kind of parent doesnβt even give it a second thought when they learned that their kid wasΒ a literal missing person?β
She was angry. She was indignant. But Edwin was looking off into the distance, his expression calm and contemplative. He looked like he wanted toΒ say something,Β but was holding back for some reason.
Which sucked, because one of the reasons that she liked Edwin β though,Β ugh,Β why would sheΒ thinkΒ that β was that he never bit his tongue. But his face was careful now, even if his eyes shone with some unidentifiable emotion.
βWhat is it?β
Edwin turned his head toward her, his shoulders rolling. He assessed her with an almost practiced nonchalance before speaking. His voice was kind, but there was an undercurrent of anger in it that Crystal didnβt understand.
Not yet, anyway.
βI do actually know something of that,β Edwin said. βBelieve it or not.β
Crystal blinked. βWhat does that mean?β
Edwin paused. He opened his mouth once, shut it, and shook his head quickly. βWhen I went to Hell - β
βGod, Edwin,β Crystal said. βIΒ knowΒ that whatβs happened to me isnβt as bad asΒ literal Hell.Β You donβt always have to compare.β
βIβm not,β Edwin said. His fists clenched and pressed together on his lap. βI am very sorry that I have given you reason to believe that I am.β
All the fight went out of Crystal then. βItβs fine,β she said.
βMight I go on now?β
βFine.β
βWhen I went to Hell,β Edwin continued, βmy disappearance was labeled an Act of God. I believe I have told you that, butβ¦ well, I have had decades to contemplate the implications of that, and to research precisely what the declaration entailed.β He paused. βOne facet of such a statement is that I was not looked for. Not by anyone. Society at large, to be sure, but I do not care much for the opinions of that lot. IΒ do,Β however, care that my family abandoned my search.β
βJesus,β Crystal said.
βYes, I do believe that is a likely reason that no one searched for me.β Edwinβs voice was saucy, but Crystal sensed an undertone of real hurt. βThey did not evenΒ start,Β in fact. I was an Act of God from the day I went missing. To this day, my death is what Charles calls a βcold case.β I remain unburied, and my mother and father could not even be bothered to purchase an empty casket for me despite their abundance of money.β
βThat sucks,β Crystal said sympathetically.
βYes,β Edwin agreed. βIt is not an ideal outcome. And I know that you think me unemotional, or cold. But remembering that no one around me cared to search for me β it is the only time that I remember that I was once a person.β He cocked his head. βBut this is not about me. It is about the truth that you are far from alone in your sentiments, and-β Edwin made a vibrating sound with his lips, his eyes wide. βWell. That is rather enough emotion for one sitting. I daresay that I hadΒ farΒ too many feelings afterβ¦ well. I shall have to find a way to cleanse myself of it.β
Crystal snorted, and in that moment, she felt a bit herself again.
Then, to bring the mood back to something adjacent to normal, she turned toward Edwin. βDid you know that when I was born my mom signed my forehead?β
Edwin gave her an odd look. βWith one of thoseβ¦ magical markers? Whyever would she do that?β
Crystal laughed slightly. βNo, it was aΒ temporary tattooΒ of her signature. It was like I was an art piece they were curating. They wanted to make some weird statement online.β
βYour internet is indeed an odd place. A wealth of knowledge, but also a wealth of independent publications waiting to be ridiculed.β
Edwin sidled off the stair next to her wordlessly and walked away, up the stairs and toward the comfort of his books and notes. Crystal watched him go, and he never turned back.
And she knew what she had to do.
She couldnβt give up, not for herself. Not just for her own sake, though that would have been a pretty damn good reason in itself. She had to understand her powers for Charles, for Edwinβ¦ and for Niko, who had been lighting her up inside in a weirdass way lately that she didnβt even understand. She had toΒ know who she was,Β even beyond her memories, and if Maddy Surname wasnβt going to help herβ¦
