I’ve been listening to Florence + the Machine’s, Drumming Song. AND thinking about Cullen Stanton Rutherford, inquisition’s token alter boi/catholic cop #2 (Cassandra is catholic cop #1) romancing mage inquisitor.
It’s gotta be a double whammy for the guy honestly. One, they’re a mage and he is just getting out of his anti-mage propaganda stage. But he is obviously still wary about them and still sees them as a persisting threat. So he’s gotta get over that hill of trauma. Secondly, he was raised in the church. Told to love the Maker and praise Andraste yada yada. And devote his life to them and the Chantry. COULDN’T EVEN HAVE WORLDLY POSSESSIONS!! And he does this for like 30 years.
And then bam! Outta the sky, supposedly. The Herald of Andraste. Said to have literally been touched by Andraste, blessed to save the world. And on top of that, they’re a mage. So to Cullen, they're this holy abomination to be. Just walking around, glowing hand, saving the day, and occasionally flirting with him.
My point is when the Inquisitor starts romancing Cullen he has got to be in the grips of catholic guilt/trauma every time he gets this inkling of excitement. And the possibility that this person likes him. (Not to mention how he couldn’t even envision himself being with a person, let alone living beyond war (and the lyrium withdrawals too)). Like he’s just going through it. So naturally, he's apprehensive about it, constantly backpedaling, the most nervous guy ever, can't even get words out.
But I’m just sitting there thinking about how all those emotions collide when he embraces his love for the Inquisitor and tries to figure out how to appropriately physically engage them (pre-desk/pre-battlements scene). Like was he constantly feeling shame, thinking about the inquisitor that way because of the herald thing AND the mage thing? Something to behold and something to abhor all inside this person that he loves and admires. Do you worship them?? Do you try to contain them??
So, Drumming Song playing while I think about this. Because, to me, this song is a great definition of what happens when you have intense feelings for someone. But you describe it as either danger or attraction (or both). I mean come on...
Louder than sirens Louder than bells Sweeter than heaven And hotter than hell
As I move my feet towards your body I can hear this beat it fills my head up And gets louder and louder It fills my head up and gets louder and louder
I'm so desperately in love with you can't you hear my heartbeat??? It's all I hear when I'm near you. Being with you is like heaven but it's just as sinful. Never being able to describe this caution I have with you. But just know you have this awesome power over me.
Anyway, just some daily Cullen thoughts. You wave at this dude and he thinks about it for the next 2 months.
