#culminatingpaper

[cmeansches]

Lord, thank you for granting me the strength 🙏🙏🙏. After a grueling 9 days of reading and 5 days of writing and 2 days of revising, I’m done! I tried my best, I leave the rest to You, Lord. 🙏🙏🙏 #MAinquarantine #researchproposals #culminatingpaper #capstoneproject (at Mangibin Residence) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_AGiARDbn_LnwlSit8ebD0PjbIjna0MNj_iu40/?igshid=llklrkgo25dm

[understandingpoli-blog]

culminating paper

As a maturing teenager, I was always the type to be very adventurous and I tend to explore everything before establishing what I like and what fits me and all that. This exploring nature may be because I am still trying to search for myself and am still trying to discover who I actually am. I was never completely comfortable with how I present myself because I haven’t fully grasped it yet. Taking this course, Understanding the Self, has helped me dive deeper into the understanding of my own self, as the name itself suggests.

INTRODUCTORY TOPICS

Bioecological Theory

As these were the first few topics discussed in the course, I was very confused as to why everything was so complicated. I expected a simple course that will help me discover myself by discussing my hobbies and whatnot, but turns out it’s full of technicalities; the self is more complicated than I expected. Bronfenbrenner’s Bioecological Theory introduced me to the subsystems that I interact with dynamically and the self produced within different contexts. The PPCT Model was also able to summarize the model; it’s meaning being Process-Person-Context-Time. 

I was able to apply the proximal process of my interactions with others to the identification of myself. Take for example my High School friends who I’ve interacted with regularly for an extended period of time; they were able to help shape who I am today. I was also able to see how others may perceive me and my personality because of the Demand, Resource, and Force characteristics I have. My most prominent demand characteristic would probably be that I am a Filipina. I could place myself in different contexts now as well and see that there is a bigger picture as to the behavior of the people around me and its effects on me, like in the exosystem and macrosystem. The culture I was bred in resulted in me using slang such as ‘deins’ and ‘pare’, and it was interesting to know that some of the things my close loved ones experience may also affect me. Time, though, was very easy to understand knowing time really is an important aspect in the growth of a person.

The Self in the Globalizing World

The Hybrid Identities activity helped me understand myself with regards to this topic. I was able to visualize and differentiate the different global and local characteristics that make up Sophie Policarpio. Though she is a pure Filipino, she is highly influenced by external entities. It really is hard to pinpoint one exact identity, and I was also flustered to see that who I thought I was was actually a hybrid of many, but in the end I accepted that it is a product of my development and the conditions I was raised in. The fact that I am writing this essay in English already gives me a hybrid identity.

MODULE 1

The Thinking Self

The existence of a System 1 and System 2 working in my brain during my thought process was a new concept to me. Their dynamic of how one works faster than the other is fascinating and I guess one is more important than the other depending on the context. One is fast and automatic while one is slow and deliberate. Meanwhile, the cognitive biases are the ones I find very accurate. Now that I think about it, I am actually more victim to the Anchoring and Adjusting one. For example, I am thinking about eating this last bag of chips that was reserved for my sister, but then I get a reference point and say, "Oh it's okay, minsan lang naman eh," when in fact the actual deed is not right at all and I only tried to justify it.

The Feeling Self

I was so glad to know that what I learned in the children's movie Inside Out would actually be helpful in class. The discussion of basic emotions was easy because of this. My biggest takeaway from this, though, would have to be that your emotional condition does not only affect your head, but the entire body as well. This is why I feel too incompetent and too indulgent at times, because I tend to accommodate my lazy and greedy needs as a result of the hormones that are released depending on my mood. Another takeaway would be discovering how we react to a stimulus and identifying what to feel because of it. The emotional experience was presented as a process to understand this with having an ABC acronym: A for activating event which is the stimuli, B for beliefs which is what affects our assessments, and C for consequence of an emotion felt as a result of the evaluation.

MODULE 2

Psychodynamic Theory

Freud’s Psychosexual Theory of Development was the hardest for me to take in, since I personally am disturbed by the fact that this is a theory we are required to study. It does not apply to me at all, especially the oedipus complex and things like electra complex. I am sure about not being attracted to my parents at all, and I have never felt inferior to the male genitalia. I still am not sure as to why and how Freud has come up with this concept, but what I do understand is presence of the Id, Ego, and Superego. I do have internal conflicts and discussions in my head, and I know that this happens when these components are conflicting in my head whenever I try to make decisions. I also find myself relating to the fixations and defense mechanisms as mentioned in this theory. I smoke now and stress eat as well, which is a fixation that may have been fostered ever since the very early oral stage. As for my defense mechanisms, I relate most to sublimation in the form of music and compensation to try and distract myself from my problems. I rely on music and start writing songs to express myself and I always try to look for things to do or keep myself busy so I can avoid my problems.

Psychosocial Theory

Erikson's Psychosocial Theory, on the other hand, is what I feel is the most realistic. Furthermore, this covers all the stages in life until old age. I was really able to analyze my past and present experiences to each stage that I have already gone through. To cite an example, I consider myself very ambitious so I was able to relate to the Industry vs Inferiority Stage and looking for a sense of accomplishment under the pressures of the industry. I believe my being ambitious has helped me grow into the abilities and hobbies I hone now. I believe, too, that as I grow up, I will be able to look back on these stages and apply them to myself in the future.

MODULE 3

Family

I’ve always had issues with my parents that until today have never been resolved. This is why I relate so much to the Individuation aspect of this topic, specifically the separation and self-assertion components. I do try the mutuality and permeability components and try to understand them but the issue is that they don’t try to understand my side. They always force their ideals on me, then I saw that this behavior falls under psychological control and I never felt so validated. I have always been invalidated for going against my parents but it turns out I was just fighting against their psychological control. I understand that they are the ones who raised me and they have put me where I am today and I am so privileged, but this aspect discussed in class has really given attention to my repressed feelings about them.

Peers

Now that I am in college, I noticed that I tend to spend more time with friends and I find myself trying to create a bigger network of friends; I have met my boyfriend through this as well. I believe that since I spend so much more time with my friends I tend to adapt their mannerisms and this becomes a part of my identity. This is when I am able to apply the crowds as caricature, channel, context. I am now able to identify with others crowds, and one of them would be the musicians. I am always around the AMP Bench with my orgmates, and I am more than happy to be called a musician like them. Although being around crowds also implies not only good influences, but bad ones as well. I turn to vices now at times because of their influence. My Twitter biography says conformity is losing but I guess I lost since I conformed to what was “cool”. 

Sex and Gender

I currently have a transgender (female-to-male) boyfriend, and my relationship with him has helped me understand more about the SOGIE community. Being his girlfriend, I would have to be the one to study about the community to understand him more and so I would know how to treat him with respect, so this topic was nothing new to me; even sparked up a debate with Sir Galvez about transgenders being straight or gay… I eventually understood his point though. I, myself, am a pansexual cisgendered woman, and my sexuality is often accused of regarding the transgenders as a third gender, thus the need to differentiate pansexuals from bisexuals. To rebut this misconception, we do consider transgenders as part of the binary; transmen are men and transwomen are women. The need to call ourselves pansexual as differentiated from bisexual is because we are also attracted to the genderfluid and nonbinary people, who do not consider themselves part of the binary: male or female.

It was fun to discuss this topic in class because I did not expect for Ateneo to be "woke" enough to consider actually including this in the lesson plans in a required course. This topic hits close to home and I felt as if I was in a safe space because I knew we wouldn't be oppressed in this type of environment. The discussion of this topic, if it hasn’t already, will eventually open up discussions between those who are LGBT and those who are not. 

MODULE 4

Habitus

Since habitus is inculcated, structured, durable, and generative and transposable, then my habitus must be something I acquired in childhood that reflects the society I acquired it from, and I must have accumulated a number of practices that have stayed with me until now. To name a few, my habitus would probably be how I pray before eating, how I turn on the aircon every night before I sleep, how I always have a water jug or bottle around me, etc. 

Discovering my habitus by way of identifying my capital and field, has enabled me to place my self in the structures of society as well. I know that how I turn on my aircon every night is something not everyone can do. This is because I have the capital of money that can buy me an aircon and afford to pay for it being turned on every night. This is done inside my house, the field wherein my father is at the top of the hierarchy as he is the one who provides the capital as well. This leads me to recognize my privilege, and connect this topic to the next one—inequality.

Inequality

In this world of injustice, the Five Tenets of Social Inequality is very much prevalent in our governments and work places. This makes the upper class so exclusive and so privileged and if these tenets exists, the richer will only get richer, and the poorer would be even poorer. The oppressed will only remain oppressed because these tenets promote these bad mentalities as something necessary and normal, when in fact humans are capable of understanding and humans can choose not to go down that path of inequality. To attain true social justice, we all must be equally participating as a citizen of society.

Intersectionality

Intersectionalities exist as a product of being a part of multiple social groups. I would be part of the Asian race who are women, both of which being a minority group. I am also a part of the middle working class which is at the border of the matrix of oppression. This helps me understand myself within the context of societal structures. Though these characteristics do not define me, I am still enlightened by knowing my place in society because the way others treat me may depend on this intersectionality that I have.

All in all I know that each and every topic has impacted my way of thinking, and I am now at a much better place in my journey to finding myself. I can now paint a bigger picture of my place in society and I can see how my place in society affects not only myself but others as well. The multiple influences that shape who I am today are easily pinpointed now, too. There are so many things to consider before I can actually identify myself, but I can tell that this course has helped me grow as an individual because of how the topics were actually applicable in everyday life. I am thankful to see how comfortable I am now knowing about myself. The journey is far from done, but I can confidently say that I have moved forward, and these topics, I know, I can and will use for further improvement of myself.