#cumplaint

[sunderwight]

Shen Yuan, realizing he doesn't have the faintest idea what Airplane's real name is/was: hey so what were you called back in our "hometown"?

Shang Qinghua, abruptly nervous: uh, well, I mean does it matter? You know my handle anyway so why is it important?

Shen Yuan: I don't know. aren't you curious about my name?

Shang Qinghua, profusely sweating: nah not really bro, the past is the past, it's probably better to just leave it where it is

Shen Yuan: I guess that makes sense... how philosophical of you.

Shang Qinghua, still hoping he can take the fact that his name was "Luo Binghe" to the grave: yeah man I mean it was a whole other life. I'm not even sure I remember anymore.

[cumplanecrash]

shen yuan would be the one to bring the spray bottle to the hear me out recording party and spray anyone who tried to put a conventionally attractive tiger on the cake

xiang fei would be the one who starts off with the batmobile

there would be a whole second video where they argue about escalation, with shen yuan taking the stance that the batmobile can't talk or express a personality in any way, so it's definitely the finale/hardest to hear out, and xiang fei taking the stance that its a conventionally attractive car actually, ask any car guy. this is cut from a good half an hour of discussion where neither can convince the other.

[sunderwight]

Shang Qinghua deciding like five minutes after he's been made head disciple of An Ding that he's gotta do something about these insane ancient-y fashion standards. He is NOT spending hours getting ready every morning he has shit to do that isn't arranging his hair and robes, okay?

So he just starts unabashedly experimenting with anything he thinks might work. Xianxia velcro. Hair elastics. Zippers. Outfits that have been stitched together to look like they have layers when they actually don't. He shares these secret techniques with An Ding Peak only because they need all the advantages they can get. That's two more hours for emergency bullshit management and/or sleep than the other peaks can feasibly expect them to have, you better believe not a single disciple on that peak is even tempted to break the gag order about their wardrobe protocols.

It gets to be so standard that Shang Qinghua completely forgets about it until one day when Shen Qingqiu hears him undo a zipper pocket and immediately recognizes the sound, and two seconds later is beating Airplane to a pulp for leaving him out of the loop.

[sunderwight]

Shang Qinghua: no offense Shen-shixiong but you have the worst self-awareness of anyone who's ever lived.

Shen Qingqiu: I do not!

Shang Qinghua: oh yeah? what color are your eyes?

Shen Qingqiu: ...they're... gre--*sees Luo Binghe subtly shaking his head 'no' behind Shang Qinghua*...uh brown...ish... grey... black...?

Shang Qinghua: bro.

[sunderwight]

Peerless Cucumber sighted at the convention.

Target approaching the PIDW Author Q&A. Target confirmed to be carrying printed excerpts from the novel. Repeat, Target is armed with verbatim quotations.

Distraction team successful, Target has been waylaid at the fanartist booth selling merch.

Airplane extraction is go, prep runway for take off.

Bingpup stickers purchased. Zheng Yang phone charm purchased. Peak Lords of Cang Qiong calendar purchased. Target is inquiring about commissions, extraction route is all clear, go go go.

Target is on the move again... Airplane is on the runway... we've lost sight of him, repeat, no eyes on Target...

Oh shit, he anticipated our extraction route! Abort extraction, abort extraction!

He's right on your ass! Run for your life, man!!!

[sunderwight]

Shang Qinghua: I can't have kids! I'm too young to have babies!

Shen Qingqiu: aren't you in your seventies by now...?

Shang Qinghua: I can't have kids! I'm too old to have babies!

[cumplanecrash]

shang qinghua and shen qingqiu knew each other for ten years before they ever told each other their real names and only bc they were in the hospital and people were using their government names and THAT is a normal and healthy online friendship that we should be emulating

[cumplanecrash]

wait wait wait wait did i miss that cumplane also went to the same school?

so they WERE in the same city

AND around the same age

switched at birth theory getting crumbs for no fucking reason?????????? i'm living?????