Cup 43
Name: Gabrielle Israelievitch Age: 58 Current Hometown: Toronto, Canada Location at the time: Chautauqua, New York Beverage: None
And now we begin our walk through the Chautauqua Institution ...
Note: I apologize ahead of the time for the photos I took. They were definitely taken at various times on different days. My idea of giving you a snippet of my walk came to me long after this interview had happened.
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Gabrielle Israelievitch has ventured in to a variety of things. In college, she majored in Classics, later moving to London for a couple of years to join an arts commune working in street theatre, in addition to taking music therapy courses, dance classes, teaching blind people how to dance, volunteering at a kids' hospital with mothers and children, and much more. Cup 43 then returned to the States and became a substitute teacher for a good while before deciding that she would go to grad school to study "thinking without language", ultimately becoming a teacher of deaf kids.
"It was while working with deaf children and getting involved with their families that I realized that I should get some background in social work so I'd know what I was talking about," said Gabrielle. So she went back to school to be educated in social work while still teaching. All of this before the family life.
Once the family life started to roll along, she attended grad school again and received her PhD in Psychology, but did not practice for many years.
"It was mostly because the kids were small, and also we changed countries (moved to Canada) ... I began to make art and work in arts organizations."
As her youngest son made his way through high school, Gabrielle began to contemplate the future. Realizing she was going to be without children needing her much, she volunteered at a public children's mental health clinic doing clinical work, was made honorary staff, and ultimately did a two year post-doc fellowship there, thus staying within that clinic for four years.
"Which I adored," Cup 43 added. "I did eventually open my own practice, specializing in 'shuffled kids', i.e. children who didn't necessarily live where they began, due to divorce, foster care, adoption, or some other challenging circumstance."
Gabrielle is the author of Where's Home?, a children's storybook about foster care placement told through the eyes of a kitten named Littleprints. Yes, this book is available for purchase online. Just click on the following Amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/Wheres-Home-Gabrielle-Israelievitch/dp/0937404721
I asked her what her career as a psychologist has taught her (This was before I found out she dabbled in multiple areas.), and she simply said, "I'm just living my life not making a career. I usually do things that involve working with children, language, and solving puzzles, whether it be learning an ancient language, unraveling the mystery of the unorganized mind, making collage art ... I'm more of a project-based person."
How did you meet Jacques, your husband?
I love choral music. I was a choir groupee with the St. Louis Symphony. His (Jacques) green room, because he was concertmaster, was right across the hallway from the choral director's where I hung out, and one evening we wound up at the same party and started talking. And the rest is history. Of course, there's more to the story, but more or less, it was instantaneous from that moment on. This was about 30 years ago.
Chautauqua Lake
Can you tell me what the most interesting case you've had so far is?
I don't think of what I do as 'having cases.' I work with children who are struggling with something. Every single child I've met has fascinated me from one perspective or another -- it's never boring work. Like, sometimes kids don't know how to play and entering into that kind of activity becomes a goal itself ... Issues that arise out of adoption are interesting, in general, and specific because they are about questions of personal identity.
My mission is to speak for children who can't speak for themselves - aiming to help them be comfortable with and proud of their own voices - and help others hear them.
It's amazing that people are willing to trust you. It's an honor that people are inviting you into their life. It's also a responsibility.
It's important for most of us to have a sense of where we come from. Some children adopted from abroad are happy enough to think of their lives as starting at their arrival into their new family. Others feel desperate to discover their roots. (And this is true of plenty of us who weren't adopted.) Every year, an international community of adopted-away Chinese girls get together and find community with each other by comparing and sharing notes and thoughts about their past, even if they never locate their birth families.
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Parenting a hurt/abandoned, betrayed/traumatized child is the hardest thing ever. Suddenly having a family is not a solution to the challenges; it is the beginning of wrestling with them. It requires a toughness of self, a community of supporters, and keeping in mind that it's all about the relationship with the child - not you, the parent.
Being a good parent is hard; it doesn't always come naturally. For example, what 'comes naturally' might be to 'rescue' a child who MIGHT be getting herself or himself into a mess. But kids need to learn that they will survive their messes and develop resources for coping with mistakes.
'The brown house by the lake.' (I'm not really sure why this particular home always stuck out to me. I saw it as a landmark even if it wasn't anything special.)
What consistently surprises, amazes, and/or appalls you the most?
What surprises me ... actually what continuously amazes and delights me is how what's going on inside a child's mind can appear so clearly in her play or drawing. I guess I keep being amazed at the unconscious mind.
It's also amazing how kids who are betrayed can be willing to love again. The saddest thing is when hope dies, and I hold out hope for both the parents and children. When there's no hope, there's no motivation to move forward.
What traits do you value most in a person?
Humility, humor, playfulness - that's a big one - intelligence - which is odd because I do quite like it, actually, but not always - authenticity, and kindness.
There's a great motto I try to live by and that is, 'Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.' That was said by the Dalai Lama. I try to convey this to the parents who are so mean to each other.
The one and only classic Athenaeum Hotel.
What do you hope to accomplish sometime in the next couple of years? Or this year, even?
I don't know! I do feel another creative burst bubbling up to the surface. It could be another book, another art show ... it's OK not to know, but I feel like my next project has been percolating for awhile.
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I was busking the other day in Bestor Plaza (Below, though I was actually busking by the Amphitheater, which is just beyond the library you see on the other end of the Plaza.), and
there was this mom and daughter watching me play Moses Variations by Paganini, and I made eye contact with and silly smiles at this curious-looking little girl several times while performing. So finally I finished, and they were all like, 'Yayyy!', and then I turned to the girl and said,
'Hmm...what should I play for you?'
I thought for a moment, and then started playing Twinkle, Twinkle, and her face lit up! Then she squatted, thrusting her hands down into the pockets of her dress, and beamed up at me. The cutest grin ever.
I've never experienced anything quite so satisfying from making such a simple gesture, especially because I don't feel I'm all that great with children.
See, you just discovered the value of recognition! You were connecting with her. She knew what that song was, and then it was just contagious delight from there. I think ... building self-esteem in children is about having somebody enjoy them, the mirroring of good feelings, to be understood ... we are in the 'Good Job Era' right now, but that's not the way to build someone's self-esteem. Good self-feeling gets experienced, not told, e.g. when someone enjoys you or your accomplishment. People who hear 'Good job' or 'You're so smart' all the time often think to themselves, 'Man, they have no idea ....' Mirroring of delight in one is something you can feel. It's real.
The Hall of Philosophy
If you could switch places with anyone for a week, and this person can be famous/not famous, dead/alive, fictional/real, young/old, who would you choose?
A well-loved 3-year-old. I have this one patient, she's the cutest thing ever. Very young but very articulate. But she's stuck in between two fighting parents, and so when she came into my office, I saw that if her mom or dad told her to do something, she wouldn't listen. If they gave her something, she would throw it across the room. You get the idea. But then she discovered play among the possibilities in my office, which is the point of 'therapy' -- the discovery. Opportunities are available and the child creates. It was an activity where she was taking care of her stuffed animals and toys, kissing their boo-boo's ... just showing them a lot of love, and then could you see this relationship between her hurting and being comforted.
Or I'd like to be a puppy. No age required.
I think the point of both these choices is the idea of playing un-self consciously, in complete freedom of the moment. I still love dancing in the kitchen ...
The Amphitheater
What was your childhood like?
From the outside, it looked perfect. But it was personally difficult and involved lots of sorting through things. But I'm pleased that I came through to the other side.
Where are you originally from?
I grew up in northern Florida, but was born in California. My family is very much Californian.
San Francisco?
Yes.
I had a feeling so.
A Doll's House
Vanity Fair (You can just barely make out the blue letters.)
McKnight Recital Hall
What's your favorite book?
Depends on the minute.
How about now?
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver. It's about a family who takes their kids to Africa, acting as missionaries. Her writing is very reflective.
-Tangent that I'm not really sure how we reached-
What's the craziest thing you've ever done?
When I was 16, I rode shirtless once on a horse. It was the most liberating feeling. I don't know what it is, but there is real liberation in being clothesless.
Your most amazing experiences.
My most amazing experiences: Sitting in the corner of the room where the Hungarian String Quartet was practicing for two weeks one summer. They just let me be there.
Having a baby; breastfeeding; feeling safe, independent, and free in a city for the first time (I was in Tokyo.); getting up on a two-wheel bike and realizing I was riding on my own ... fun to reflect about these things.
Favorite movie?
The one I just finished watching, which happened to be Witness for the Prosecution. I also like Rivers and Tides, a documentary by Andy Goldsworthy. It's very zen ... it's kind of where my head is.
Favorite music?
Shostakovich String Quartet No. 8 in C minor. String quartets, I just LOVE them! I was just listening to an amazing quartet of musicians playing Brahms G minor Piano Quartet. OMG!
Favorite food?
Food that is prepared with love, whether it is food that I made or is served to me. Generally, plants. But I do love sushi. And love. Love tastes good.
What are your hobbies?
Visiting artists' studios, no matter their art form. Celebrating creativity. You could call it a hobby, but it's also a lifestyle. I don't separate the two.
You asked me earlier what astonishes me - I'd like to add to it. What also astonishes me are the marvels of human invention. It could be a dish, a pot, a painting, home design, the way they dress, when they tell a story.
I use art a lot in my practice. Beads, clay, paper, drawing, old magazines, I practically use anything to tell a story. It's all about the stories for me.
Any hidden talents or odd party tricks?
I can curl my tongue! No, that's genetic. And left-handed! Also, not an answer.
I don't really have any ... I guess what surprises people sometimes is that I can be shy at first, but then be suddenly social. I'm a very open person. I don't have a lot of defenses.
Please describe yourself in 6 words.
Open to experience, full of joy.
What was the most pivotal moment in your life? It could be career-wise, emotionally, spiritually, etc.
The realization/revelation that one's children may be one's most significant teachers.
I also think of the enormous pride in observing one of our sons becoming an adoring and capable parent, another of the sons coming into his own musically, and one of them bringing wisdom home -- and all of them getting up on two-wheelers and feeling their pride and exhilaration.
What motto(s) do you tend to exercise most in your day-to-day life?
'No problems, only situations.' (It's a Jamaican expression.)
&
Be kind.
Don't judge.
Let go.
What has your career taught you?
Everything is always in a state of change.
What did having a child teach you?
It teaches you love and humility, and at best, letting go so they can fly.
-HK