Feb 21, 2020
went to sleep in a mood. woke up in a mood. we're gonna go watch the phantom menace and see if we can lose the crappy mood.
seen from China
seen from China
seen from Poland
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from Australia
seen from Malaysia
seen from China
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Malaysia
seen from Singapore
went to sleep in a mood. woke up in a mood. we're gonna go watch the phantom menace and see if we can lose the crappy mood.
we finally understand what the flux in genderflux means thanks to Sam and D.
the theme tonight is waking up every two hours bc pain.
stupid hips and shoulder and wrists.
stupid rain.
withdrawal sucks. depression sucks. the government sucks. fml.
in other news, we keep finding new system mates (well... subsystem system mates, which feels different bc they're our system but not our system), we continue to test overwhelmingly high probability for adhd and asd (we consider ourselves to be autistic and adhd af despite not being professionally diagnosed because we're black, AFAB, body's 45 and we have a list of other diagnoses which makes the probability of getting a diagnosis for either very low and not having an official diagnosis doesn't make us any less autistic or adhd just like we were aware we were Very multiple before a doctor put the diagnosis on paper), the chaos level for the house just went up, it's fucking December, and we haven't known specifically who's fronting in general for weeks (well except for when it's one of the Wolf Pack).
tomorrow our son is taking us to a store to run some errands. mostly we'd just like our brain back, which likely won't happen till we get our meds straightened out which means getting Medicaid sorted out (why the hell does it have to change from state to state ffs). until then we just have to deal which sucks, especially when some system mates are affected way more than others (Sam is having an especially hard time right now).
god we're tired.
it's a little disturbing to realize we don't have any clue what happened to the like fifteen gerbils we once had. we loved those adorable little buggers. but none of us have any clue what happened to them all. which is sad since we were breeding them. we had some really really pretty ones.
it's like not knowing what happened to Aggie, the hyperactive Schnoodle that ate a hole in a door. we don't know what happened to her. we don't know what happened to Noise, the orange and grey tabby kitten we got for our ex.
memory problems suck.
apparently, Sam and Jackson both like Too Close To Touch and that kinda makes Sam make faces but there it is. Sam doesn’t like having anything in common with Jackson. unfortunately I think it’s gonna happen seeing as they’re from the same system and all.
The Demon, on the other hand, is not at all impressed. we’ll have to go spelunking our playlists and find something more to his liking...
i’m not saying that you don’t sometimes have to bury things to deal with more immediate problems because sometimes you just have to do that. but the way the world lauds how people can go through something horrible and how they just shove it down and keep going without discussing the fact that that shit comes back up to play whack-a-mole with you if you don’t deal with it (and sometimes even when you do) drives me insane. that shit don’t just go away. the longer it stays buried the harder it hits when it comes back up and says ‘surprise, bitch’.
why does everyone miss that step when they’re praising how well some people are ‘digging in to keep going despite the horrors of the world’????
so there’s gonna be people in the house earlier than I thought so i’m trying to decide if i wanna nap now or later. i slept but i kept waking up. and i had an early ass appointment today. 9:30 is too damn early for me. it just is.
Jackson is confused as fuck and has just been sitting on the couch staring off into space with this frown on his face. i don’t think he slept at all.
i’ve had a few system realizations that make me sorta unhappy but i got no control over that crap. it is what it is and I just have to figure out how to handle it
and i have discovered i am still pissed af that I was hurt so badly by a so called friend. it’s been four months. I am tired of being angry about this.
i think we’re gonna go call our texas bestie and talk to her and then nap. that seems to be the best way to handle this.
we’ve lost three more pounds.