#cuspidvented

[cuspidthetooth]

Almost took 40 mg of my meds instead of 20 😘😘😘

Considered just taking the 40 because I'm so tired but my birthday is soon so maybe Imma wait

[cuspidthetooth]

tw S/H / Addictions mentioned

1 week clean yahoo

Uhhmmm I'd like to thank me for being so depressed that I didn't have the motivation to go burn myself

[cuspidthetooth]

"I don't know why my hallucinations won't go away and I'm still paranoid despite being on meds" I say, turning on some more horror media

[cuspidthetooth]

Having a strong want to go live out of a backpack for a little while just to actually live life because I'm stuck in a lame ass town with like 3 friends and a fear of planes and long car rides

It took me up until like last year to figure out I don't hate traveling I just hate the lack of control I have over it ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ

[cuspidthetooth]

"You were so quiet and patient as a kid!"

Thanks I was scared that I would inconvenience anyone by asking for things or for my needs to be met. I would slink into the kitchen and "steal" slices of cheese because I was convinced I'd be in trouble if I grabbed food. I would ask my parents if I was allowed to go to the bathroom in my own home. My bed didn't have my blankets on it yet and only had a pillow and I accepted that I would be sleeping like that because I thought it was rude to ask for blankets.

More ranting below cut (and mentions of s/h and eating struggles and suicide)

"you're so skinny oh my!!"

Thanks I haven't known the difference between hunger and an upset stomach since 3rd grade. And everyone in my life tells me "wow you ate a lot!" Whenever I go back for seconds. And also my stepmom said "I wish I had that problem" when I mentioned my psychiatrist said I lost weight at a concerning rate. But I'm just "lucky" I guess.

"You stay so calm in stressful situations!"

I have silent panic attacks and go mute and cut myself when I get home but sure. Thanks.

"You have such a good pain tolerance!"

Thanks when I get upset over pain my friends and family tell me to shut up and it's not that bad. And I cut myself but yk I'm just chill I guess

"You don't let anyone's words get to you!"

I've been called slurs daily and people regularly tell me I'm in the wrong bathroom or that I'm not a real man but thank you 😍

"we didn't know you'd develop anxiety and depression this badly!"

ಠ⁠,⁠_⁠｣⁠ಠ

I've always been like this. You just started noticing when I starting cutting and you had to hide the meds.

[cuspidthetooth]

Wanting to say that I have vocal stims but afraid of the neurodivergent-lingo police that will hang me in town square for saying I have a stim despite not being diagnosed with any kind of neurodivergency

Random yapping below cut

Anywayyyy I've had weird vocal stims recently and I would like to tell the internet about them

"Big booty latinas" - Idk where it came from but I'm tweaking out trying not to say it 😭

"Pussy tight pussy clean pussy fresh" - self explanatory. Also don't know what started it

"Pineapple upside down ya in the toilet I make a brown ya" - from that one random ass song do yall know it just pretend you do

and more but I have the memory of a fucking sperm cell

Summer break is going to break me I swear to god because the lack of socialization makes me start believing in the shadow man that makes sure I go back to sleep when I wake up at 3 in the morning

If I wasn't a pussy I'd go die so I don't have to deal with this shit smh

Also I somehow have imposter syndrome with my mental health (⁠^⁠^⁠) like I feel like I can't say I'm not well because if I know I'm not in the right mental state then that means I'm conscious of it and also I feel like if I don't cut myself and leave a mark then I'm just not mentally ill so therefore I must be lying to the professionals that are attempting to help me

But I have fomo so it'd be easier if everything vanished all at once

[cuspidthetooth]

School has a fucking bomb threat.

Not scared in the slightest.

Probably shows hoe desensitized CHILDREN are to the idea that they could be killed any day.